Asses and Elbows
(Below is the first Blog written by Courtney about our trip to Aruba)
In the tradition of my lovely parents, Amber and I have decided to keep a blog of our trip to Aruba. So, here goes:
4:52am. This is when Amber woke up to find that her roommate (Hudson's babysitter) was M.I.A. In true Amber style, she feared the worst...ya know, death. After about an hour and a half of her fretting alone I managed to rise from a benadryl induced coma and the two of us spent the first moments of daylight deciding whether or not it would be appropriate to call at 6:00am. Seeing as my parents spent a small fortune on this vacation and we were leaving at 8:00am we decided a phone call was warranted. NO ANSWER (!!!). After 2 more calls we finally received a text message from a probably annoyed Karrie. Luckily she was safe...just spending the night at a friends. A sigh of relief. Amber decided she needed to finish her beauty rest and sent me out for bagels. When I returned, bagels in hand, I found Amber dead to the world in a heap on her bed. I ate my bagel alone in the living room and the next thing I know Amber comes marching out in her underwear to tell me that I better get off my ass and into the shower because we're going to miss our car ( I had gotten sucked into the TV). Amber went back to bed. Yet somehow we made it out the door by our scheduled 8:00am.
Everything went quite smoothly until we reached baggage check (ok so we didn't make it that far before the fun started.) As we approached the counter the attendent was dunking her nose in a small bottle of perfume (?!?!?) perhaps it was the look of concern on our faces but she decided to confide in us that it was the people ahead of us that stunk. (?!?!?) Of what, we're not sure.
As we approached the metal detector and carry on bag scanner Amber ran past as quick as she could to get away from me since I had never yet failed to set off a metal detector in an airport. But I showed her :o) I let them frisk me for fun ;o)
After a calm 2 hours of sitting at our gate we boarded the plane. *DING* Round 2.
We must have gotten the special tickets because we had front row seats to some of the best dramatic theatre we've ever seen. To begin with as the opening act nobody wanted their assigned seats and everyone was trying to switch. This created a massive snowball effect in the middle of the cabin and the climax was 2 rows ahead. The Sanchez family ( Mama, Papa, little fernandina, and their dog jesus) took row 10. Somehow in the massive game of musical chairs, Papa Sanchez slipped stealthily off the plane (?!?!?) In the confusion, nobody noticed until we were about to depart for the runway. It was only then that the Gate Attendant approached Mama Sanchez..."Excuse me ma'am but your husband is refusing to board the plane" (?!?!) Mama stormed off the plane and stormed back on even faster. (Honestly folks we don't make this shit up) The anger quickly faded as Mama burst into tears (The flight attendent promptly brought tissues) and little fernandina asked "Will the plane fall?" At this point Amber began analyzing the situation into my ear, "Do you think he got back on? Do you think he was a psychic and thinks we're going to crash?" I however was well on my way towards a dramamine induced coma and didn't hear a word she said. (I prefer to travel in a coma.) After being yanked back to conciousness by the G-forces of take off, Amber told me they were insisting he was on board just sitting up front so "Mommy and Daddy could have some time to cool off". More than likely "Mommy and Daddy" were taking this time to draw up their divorce papers. The rest of the flight went smoothly minus the small incident with our customs paperwork. Turns out liquid filled pens don't fare well in the pressurized cabin. Amber has blue hands to prove it. (The resourceful flight attendent from Indiana whose first flight was alone at age 5 going from Chicago to Dallas brought wet napkins and a sick bag for us to dump the mess into). Poor John Oliver who had to sit next to us just sat there in scilence and fear.
After circling the beautiful island of Aruba and then landing in the furthest most deserted corner we deplaned the aircraft and Amber raced to find out if the Sanchez family had been reunited at customs. However Mama, little Fernandina, and jesus were still abandoned...papa-less. By this time I was bored of the drama and insisted to Amber that we move along. She pouted.
We easily grabbed a taxi outside the airport and away we went speeding recklessly throught the ghetto (?!?!) Somehow my parents had failed to mention that in order to get to paradise you must first pass through the seventh layer of hell...56 tenaments, 4 mange ridden dogs, a complete disregard on the part of the natives for emission standards, and one jumped median later we arrive at our destination, The Marriott Ocean Club (!!!)
A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. (Papa Sanchez was such a fool)
The shell of a city we passed through was quickly forgotten as we checked into our room on the top floor with ocean views (!!!) It's so much better than we could have ever imagined. Easily larger than Amber's New York apartment...with a full size kitchen, and a two seater jacuzzi tub! After unpacking we went to Champions the sports bar in our hotel for dinner where we proceeded to inhale entire hamburgers. Tired as we were, we went for a quick dip in the ocean, 3 pools, and lazy river (guess we weren't that tired)
Now we're tired. Goodnight from Aruba. (thanks mom and dad!!!)
:D
Addendum: Please pray for little Jesus who may be facing a 30 day international pet quarantine (?!?!) This family needs our help.
In the tradition of my lovely parents, Amber and I have decided to keep a blog of our trip to Aruba. So, here goes:
4:52am. This is when Amber woke up to find that her roommate (Hudson's babysitter) was M.I.A. In true Amber style, she feared the worst...ya know, death. After about an hour and a half of her fretting alone I managed to rise from a benadryl induced coma and the two of us spent the first moments of daylight deciding whether or not it would be appropriate to call at 6:00am. Seeing as my parents spent a small fortune on this vacation and we were leaving at 8:00am we decided a phone call was warranted. NO ANSWER (!!!). After 2 more calls we finally received a text message from a probably annoyed Karrie. Luckily she was safe...just spending the night at a friends. A sigh of relief. Amber decided she needed to finish her beauty rest and sent me out for bagels. When I returned, bagels in hand, I found Amber dead to the world in a heap on her bed. I ate my bagel alone in the living room and the next thing I know Amber comes marching out in her underwear to tell me that I better get off my ass and into the shower because we're going to miss our car ( I had gotten sucked into the TV). Amber went back to bed. Yet somehow we made it out the door by our scheduled 8:00am.
Everything went quite smoothly until we reached baggage check (ok so we didn't make it that far before the fun started.) As we approached the counter the attendent was dunking her nose in a small bottle of perfume (?!?!?) perhaps it was the look of concern on our faces but she decided to confide in us that it was the people ahead of us that stunk. (?!?!?) Of what, we're not sure.
As we approached the metal detector and carry on bag scanner Amber ran past as quick as she could to get away from me since I had never yet failed to set off a metal detector in an airport. But I showed her :o) I let them frisk me for fun ;o)
After a calm 2 hours of sitting at our gate we boarded the plane. *DING* Round 2.
We must have gotten the special tickets because we had front row seats to some of the best dramatic theatre we've ever seen. To begin with as the opening act nobody wanted their assigned seats and everyone was trying to switch. This created a massive snowball effect in the middle of the cabin and the climax was 2 rows ahead. The Sanchez family ( Mama, Papa, little fernandina, and their dog jesus) took row 10. Somehow in the massive game of musical chairs, Papa Sanchez slipped stealthily off the plane (?!?!?) In the confusion, nobody noticed until we were about to depart for the runway. It was only then that the Gate Attendant approached Mama Sanchez..."Excuse me ma'am but your husband is refusing to board the plane" (?!?!) Mama stormed off the plane and stormed back on even faster. (Honestly folks we don't make this shit up) The anger quickly faded as Mama burst into tears (The flight attendent promptly brought tissues) and little fernandina asked "Will the plane fall?" At this point Amber began analyzing the situation into my ear, "Do you think he got back on? Do you think he was a psychic and thinks we're going to crash?" I however was well on my way towards a dramamine induced coma and didn't hear a word she said. (I prefer to travel in a coma.) After being yanked back to conciousness by the G-forces of take off, Amber told me they were insisting he was on board just sitting up front so "Mommy and Daddy could have some time to cool off". More than likely "Mommy and Daddy" were taking this time to draw up their divorce papers. The rest of the flight went smoothly minus the small incident with our customs paperwork. Turns out liquid filled pens don't fare well in the pressurized cabin. Amber has blue hands to prove it. (The resourceful flight attendent from Indiana whose first flight was alone at age 5 going from Chicago to Dallas brought wet napkins and a sick bag for us to dump the mess into). Poor John Oliver who had to sit next to us just sat there in scilence and fear.
After circling the beautiful island of Aruba and then landing in the furthest most deserted corner we deplaned the aircraft and Amber raced to find out if the Sanchez family had been reunited at customs. However Mama, little Fernandina, and jesus were still abandoned...papa-less. By this time I was bored of the drama and insisted to Amber that we move along. She pouted.
We easily grabbed a taxi outside the airport and away we went speeding recklessly throught the ghetto (?!?!) Somehow my parents had failed to mention that in order to get to paradise you must first pass through the seventh layer of hell...56 tenaments, 4 mange ridden dogs, a complete disregard on the part of the natives for emission standards, and one jumped median later we arrive at our destination, The Marriott Ocean Club (!!!)
A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. (Papa Sanchez was such a fool)
The shell of a city we passed through was quickly forgotten as we checked into our room on the top floor with ocean views (!!!) It's so much better than we could have ever imagined. Easily larger than Amber's New York apartment...with a full size kitchen, and a two seater jacuzzi tub! After unpacking we went to Champions the sports bar in our hotel for dinner where we proceeded to inhale entire hamburgers. Tired as we were, we went for a quick dip in the ocean, 3 pools, and lazy river (guess we weren't that tired)
Now we're tired. Goodnight from Aruba. (thanks mom and dad!!!)
:D
Addendum: Please pray for little Jesus who may be facing a 30 day international pet quarantine (?!?!) This family needs our help.