The Way of Shadows - Brent Weeks
......
She smiled softly. "And you still don't understand?"
Do girl's ever make sense? He shook his head.
"When we were children, you were the one who protected me, who looked out for me. You were the one who put me with a real family. I wanted to be with you forever. Then when i was growing up, you were my benefactor that made me special. You were my secret young lord whom i loved so desperately and so foolishly. You were my Kylar, my poor nobleman that the Drake girls told me stories about. Then you were the one who came to same me in gaol."
He paused and paused. "You say it's a bad thing."
"Oh, Kylar. What happens to that silly girl when it turns out I'm good enough for the man I've loved for my whole life?"
"You, not good enough?"
"It's a fairy tale, Kylar. I don't deserve it. Something will happen. You'll find somebody prettier or you'll get tired of me, and then you'll leave me, and I'll never recover, because the only kind of love I have to offer is stupid and blind and so deep and powerful that I feel like i'm cracking just to hold it in. I can't just swoon and fall into bed with you, because you'll hop right out and get on with your life, and I never will."
"I'm not asking you to make love with me."
........
"Elene," he said quietly. "I'm sorry I yelled. I'm sorry I hit you--even if it was to save you. I've thought i was dying twice in the last few days--maybe I did die, I don't know. What I do know is that when I thought I was dying, you were my regret. No! Not your scars," He said as she touched her face. "I regretted that I hadn't turned myself into the kind of man that you could be with. That wanted me. Or lives started in the same shit hole, Elene, but somehow you've turned into you, and I've turned into this. I don't like what I've done. I don't like who I've become. You don't deserve a fairy tale? I don't deserve another chance, but I'm asking you for one. You're afraid that love is too risky? I've seen what happens when you don't risk it. Momma K and my master loved each other, but they were too afraid to risk it and that destroyed them. We risk everything either way.
"I'm willing to risk it to see the world through your eyes, Elene. I want to know you. I want to be worthy of you. I wat to look in the mirror and like who I see. I don't know what's next, but I know I want to face it with you. Elene, I'm not asking you to fuck. But maybe some day, I'll earn the right to ask you for something more permanent." He turned, and facing her was harder than facing thirty highlanders. He extended his hand. "Please, Elene. Will you come with me?"
She scowled fiercely at him, then looked away. Her eyes were shiny with tears, but it could have been from all the ash in the air. She blinked quickly before looking back up at him. She searched his face for along moment. He met her big brown eyes. He had turned away from them so many times, afraid she would see what he really was. He had turned away, afraid that she couldn't bear the sight of his filth. Now he met that gaze. He opened himself to it. He didn't hide his darkness. he didn't hide his love. He let her gaze go all the way through him.
To his wonder, her eyes filled with something softer than justice, something warmer than mercy.
"I'm so scared, Kylar.'
"Me too," He said.
She took his hand.
She smiled softly. "And you still don't understand?"
Do girl's ever make sense? He shook his head.
"When we were children, you were the one who protected me, who looked out for me. You were the one who put me with a real family. I wanted to be with you forever. Then when i was growing up, you were my benefactor that made me special. You were my secret young lord whom i loved so desperately and so foolishly. You were my Kylar, my poor nobleman that the Drake girls told me stories about. Then you were the one who came to same me in gaol."
He paused and paused. "You say it's a bad thing."
"Oh, Kylar. What happens to that silly girl when it turns out I'm good enough for the man I've loved for my whole life?"
"You, not good enough?"
"It's a fairy tale, Kylar. I don't deserve it. Something will happen. You'll find somebody prettier or you'll get tired of me, and then you'll leave me, and I'll never recover, because the only kind of love I have to offer is stupid and blind and so deep and powerful that I feel like i'm cracking just to hold it in. I can't just swoon and fall into bed with you, because you'll hop right out and get on with your life, and I never will."
"I'm not asking you to make love with me."
........
"Elene," he said quietly. "I'm sorry I yelled. I'm sorry I hit you--even if it was to save you. I've thought i was dying twice in the last few days--maybe I did die, I don't know. What I do know is that when I thought I was dying, you were my regret. No! Not your scars," He said as she touched her face. "I regretted that I hadn't turned myself into the kind of man that you could be with. That wanted me. Or lives started in the same shit hole, Elene, but somehow you've turned into you, and I've turned into this. I don't like what I've done. I don't like who I've become. You don't deserve a fairy tale? I don't deserve another chance, but I'm asking you for one. You're afraid that love is too risky? I've seen what happens when you don't risk it. Momma K and my master loved each other, but they were too afraid to risk it and that destroyed them. We risk everything either way.
"I'm willing to risk it to see the world through your eyes, Elene. I want to know you. I want to be worthy of you. I wat to look in the mirror and like who I see. I don't know what's next, but I know I want to face it with you. Elene, I'm not asking you to fuck. But maybe some day, I'll earn the right to ask you for something more permanent." He turned, and facing her was harder than facing thirty highlanders. He extended his hand. "Please, Elene. Will you come with me?"
She scowled fiercely at him, then looked away. Her eyes were shiny with tears, but it could have been from all the ash in the air. She blinked quickly before looking back up at him. She searched his face for along moment. He met her big brown eyes. He had turned away from them so many times, afraid she would see what he really was. He had turned away, afraid that she couldn't bear the sight of his filth. Now he met that gaze. He opened himself to it. He didn't hide his darkness. he didn't hide his love. He let her gaze go all the way through him.
To his wonder, her eyes filled with something softer than justice, something warmer than mercy.
"I'm so scared, Kylar.'
"Me too," He said.
She took his hand.