it's happening - ch5
f.t Island: "It's happening";Seunghyun/ Minhwan; pg-13
i am expermenting with this fanfic. one part of me is begging to make it a long one, but the latter is dreading the fear of me stopping this unfinished like all of my other chaptered work.:P
Being loved hinders the heart
Minhwan couldn't stop his feet from rushing over. He just needed to talk to someone and no matter how badly he treats his brother; Jonghun would never reject him now.
He paused the moment his he sets foot before the door of Jonghun's club, the music composing club for seniors. He is probably there hunched over his piano and scrubbing notes in his musical book. One hand had reached for the knob but the noises coming from inside stopped him midway from knocking with the other free hand. It sounded very much as if someone smashed the piano's keyboard aimlessly. It sounded nothing like his brother. Worried someone might have been damaging the goods, Minhwan barged in without worrying about knocking.
The sight inside stopped Minhwan and his heart barely jumped.
Jonghun had Hongki pinned to the piano by one hand, his upper half hoisted on the large instrument as they ate off each other's faces. Jonghun's free hand was doing a great job in unbuttoning Hongki's shirt as his jacket was thrown on the floor next to the neglected bench.
"What the hell are you two doing?" without any thought, he muttered. All he could do was slam the door behind him and rush over and break this awkward situation.
"Minhwan, what are you doing here?" Jonghun got off Hongki but their bodies were almost glued together awkwardly. Hongki half buried his face in Jonghun's chest since he practically sat on top of the keyboards.
"I am here to talk to some grownups but who are you two?" he began to harshly talk but that isn't enough to explain how insanely confused he is. "What the hell is this? So you two are kissing? Since when were you together?" he had so many questions but the boys gave so little answers. He prompted them to get their act together as he crossed his arms to his chest.
"Listen Minhwan, I have so much to explain." Jonghun gave Hongki real space to stand up on his own and get his shirt buttoned up again.
"Well! Come on, try to marvel me." Minhwan took a seat on a close couch. It was for the members of the club whenever they rested. He tried to cool off his sudden rage. His brother made such a big deal about him being gay and now after couple of year he comes and sees him eating his best friend's face?
The two got their clothes together, Hongki got too embarrassed to look into neither Jonghun nor Minhwan's faces so he just stood there like a statue staring into his foot.
"After last night, I talked to Hongki and I tried to come to a conclusion with my idiocy. I had judged you wrongly when I found out about your sexuality. And I am sorry." Jonghun's sincerity was obvious in his eyes as he sat across Minhwan.
The latter's hurt face crumbled into sadness by Jonghun's apology. He had such a fragile spot for his brother. "Damn you." He cursed before hiding his tearful eyes behind a shaky arm.
"I am sorry I never tried to understand. But last night, when I finally found out that having feelings for another human being - male or female didn't matter - is magical. One thing I have to say is that I can genuinely understand your feelings. You didn't like Wonbin because you were sexually frustrated or confused, you liked him because he was a safety blanket, and he was a best friend. I made a big mistake by calling you names. I was stupid. Please forgive me."
Jonghun stood up and flopped next to Minhwan, his eyes eager for a reply. Hongki finally took his eyes off his shoes and placed them on Jonghun. The guy is sincerely changing for his brother, how touching.
"You're so stupid, hyung." Minhwan called him by the title he yearned to spell out of his lips for too long. Jonghun only saw it appropriate to smother Minhwan in a brotherly hug.
"But seriously, just talking to Hongki made you realize my feelings?" Minhwan gave Hongki a look that spoke of wonder. "You've been around this fatty since middle school. Was he naked?" Minhwan looked back to Jonghun and fought the urge to loud aloud at Jonghun's wide eyes at the naked comment. Obviously, that was his goal before Minhwan waltzed into here and broke the horny boys off each other.
"No. Hongki and I tried to find a way to know if you had feelings for which you got kissed by. You see… this jackass thought that seeing my reaction would be best. So he kissed me. I was angry to I got my payback and kissed him again. One thing led to another and we were making out-" Jonghun stopped when Minhwan's eyes widened.
"You did it?" He asked in a whisper. Hongki's face fell in shock.
"No! We didn't do a thing! We stopped there after minutes. It progressed to nothing." He explains as he sat across the two brothers.
"But you two ate breakfast together this morning, wasn't that awkward or weird? It seemed normal to me." Minhwan's eyes went from Jonghun to Hongki. Both had an unreadable expression. Were they sure of what they were in?
"You realize you two just endangered your friendship by fooling around, right?" he asked cautiously. It seems like he had a long way till he could ask for help himself from his clueless brother.
"But it doesn't feel weird, or wrong. It felt right and like-" Hongki began, his eyes glued to his hand instantly as the two siblings' attention turned to him.
"Why haven't we been doing this all along?" Jonghun finished Hongki's sentence. Their eyes gazed into each other lovingly. Something more significant and subconsciously happened the other night. Something they didn't need to deny.
"Are you two in love?" Minhwan barely kept it inside his thoughts. His blank mind was suddenly filled with Hongki's loud panicking thoughts.
Yes, both of them thought at the same time the question was mouthed. Minhwan turned to his brother and could see confidence exceeding normal rates in that single word.
"Wow… Just when I thought I had issues." Minhwan took a long breath. It's a bit too much to enclose. His brother regained his trust in such a way as turning gay for his only best friend.
"You have issues?" Jonghun inquired. The boy didn't talk about why he came barging in yet.
"Yeah, Jaejin loves me and I love Seunghyun, who found out I am gay. Seunghyun thinks I'm dating Jaejin. He saw us kissing."
Jonghun jumped at the end of that little 'issue'. Hongki eyed Jonghun but the latter didn't seem to ask any question. As if Jonghun was looking deep into Minhwan's thoughts, but the youngest Choi member blocked him excellently.
"Never mind me, don't you find it strange to fall in love so easily?" Minhwan ignored their questioning orbs. He knows what goes in their minds - they are wondering how he get entangled in this messy situation.
"I mean, what is love?" he stood up and buried his hands in his pockets. The two thought it over.
"I don't know. But I feel it growing by the second. The sudden realization that the comfort I had with Hongki all this long, the little bits of me that always yearned for him in ways deeper than friends do, and all confusion perished the moment he got into this room only fifteen minute before you did. I had no idea what drove me to him, I just wanted to see if my heart would leap at the act of kissing him. I've thought about it all day long. It's hard to keep this urge inside." Jonghun hid his face away, too embarrassed by the aloud confession of his desperate want for Hongki.
The boy standing next to him trailed a finger on his arm, his cheeks burning with a proud blush.
"But didn't you think than jumping him would ruin everything?" he didn't stop himself from confessing his fear. It seemed like Jonghun can give him advice after all.
"That part didn't stop me, because what I had bigger than fear was love. I cherished him yes, but never as a friend only. Hongki is… closer to my soul than myself." Their hands found each other. This day seemed very long for the two newly lovers.
"You're saying if I am confident in my love, then fear should not hold me back?" Minhwan seemed to be asking himself more than interviewing the two boys.
"I need to talk to Jaejin." He concluded through his long pause with his thoughts. Jonghun stepped to stop him but Hongki whispered into his ear, "Let him discover it himself."
"Do you think he will realize it easily?" Jonghun worriedly followed Minhwan out in the corridor with his eyes.
"It's not going to be easy, not everyone's as smart as we are." Hongki had smugness drop from his words. He was proud he spent less time looking for his real love; it had been by his side for the past precious years of his life all along.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Frantically, Minhwan searched through the library shelves. He knew Jaejin stays once weekly to help around. Stupid goat had to seem so fucking nice around his peers. Minhwan angrily thought while he ran out of breath. He ran for too long too quickly and he barely fought the pain jabbing in his side.
"Jaejin you big ugly black goat, come out now!" He yelled. He expected people shushing him but no one was there. He found the doors open so he knew only the black goat was there.
Jaejin showed up few seconds away. He had a pile of books in his hand and bewildered by the sudden outburst in his quiet 'sanctuary.
"What are you doing here?" He spoke as if Minhwan would be the last person coming to look for him. Not after today. Minhwan didn't answer him and stood there, breath fast and knees hurting.
"Did you not get enough today?" Jaejin teased as he left the pile on the cart by his left. Minhwan didn't even flinch at the mention of earlier. Jaejin began to worry. The boy is dangerously quiet, except for the broken breaths.
"You love me." Minhwan spoke slowly, pointedly glaring into Jaejin. As if that single statement made more sense than second grade mathematics.
"You chose me as the one to give this love to." He explained it to himself more than to Jaejin. Jaejin eyed him warily. Is Minhwan sick somewhere?
"Are you okay?" he mouthed his worries. He came closer, and Minhwan didn't move an inch as if welcoming him to invade his personal space.
The glow of the four o'clock sun shone brightly on Minhwan's brown locks, it shadowed his blurry eyes. He felt awful for making Minhwan tear up. He enclosed the secret of the boy's tears in his palms. The moment his hands touched Minhwan's face, Minhwan bawled with tears streaming thick to his cheeks.
This lasted for seconds before Minhwan opened red eyes and demanded, "Tell me how much you love me."
Instead of words, Jaejin leaned in and took Minhwan's lower lip between his pair of light lips. He suckled lightly on the flesh. The noise Minhwan made turned him on. It sounded like muffled purrs. He pulled back, and examined Minhwan's stained face. It was bright red, his eyes glaring but good thing was he stopped crying.
"You love me." He sighed. It hurts him to say it aloud but Minhwan can't stay in the dark that long. Jaejin is not someone who wanted to hurt him. Jaejin loved him. He's confidant his love is real, that's why not even my anger stopped him.
He found comfort in Jaejin's frail arms. They hugged him tightly. His heart didn't calm but his breath came normally now. They stood there, basking on the conclusion of this day. Jaejin couldn't think straight. Minhwan acknowledged him, but did he chose him?
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
They walked together but Minhwan kept a fair distance that didn't say a couple but not enemies. He feared being that close to Jaejin would wash over his emotions and convince him to throw everything behind and live this dream.
Blessed with love, Minhwan was grateful now but he had a big decision to make. To follow his heart and break Jaejin's heart, he must choose Seunghyun. Ignore the first emotions of love he ever felt when he met Seunghyun; he must chose Jaejin's unchanging love.
Love is varying by time. If he chose Jaejin over Seunghyun, he would live wondering how it would feel. Will it be magical with Seunghyun? That if he ever get the boy to like him back. But raising Jaejin's hope and killing them would be the cruelest thing to do.
They arrived shortly pass four thirty. They have not spoken a word since Minhwan's breakthrough in the library. To be honest, Jaejin was nervous. He was an organized confidant boy, but studies were his thing, he knew of science and rules, not love and feelings. He might be in love, but that is the only emotion that would mask the yearning, the wait, the anger, the jealousy, and everything else that perked in him at the thought of Choi Minhwan.
They stopped before the gates of Minhwan's house. "Today had been very heavy on me. I will talk to you later." Minhwan uttered. He was confused with his actions; his thoughts were blurry and pushed together. Seunghyun or Jaejin? Jaejin or Seunghyun?
"Good night." Jaejin didn't argue since he too had to sort things out. A part of him wanted to part away with Minhwan with a reminder of today.
"Wait." He called Minhwan and stopped him from closing the gate behind him. Jaejin leaned over and laid a small peak on Minhwan's forehead. "It's real."
Minhwan stood there, questioning his actions. "I was afraid today might have been a dream of mine." Jaejin smiled and for the first time since weeks, Minhwan could smile genuinely back at the boy. Jaejin retrieved back and waved bye-bye.
'I'm sorry Jaejin for the harsh things I've said before. I was inconsiderate and selfish. I thought you would steal Seunghyun from my grasp. I didn't realize you did those things to attract my attention to you instead of him.'
Minhwan thought as he watched Jaejin enter his house, a smile still brightened his face.
Today had been long, Minhwan could not go to work on top of that and meet Seunghyun again. He resorted to text messages to bail out of work. Seunghyun sent him a reply, understanding and giving him lots of time to rest.
to be continued
i am expermenting with this fanfic. one part of me is begging to make it a long one, but the latter is dreading the fear of me stopping this unfinished like all of my other chaptered work.:P
Being loved hinders the heart
Minhwan couldn't stop his feet from rushing over. He just needed to talk to someone and no matter how badly he treats his brother; Jonghun would never reject him now.
He paused the moment his he sets foot before the door of Jonghun's club, the music composing club for seniors. He is probably there hunched over his piano and scrubbing notes in his musical book. One hand had reached for the knob but the noises coming from inside stopped him midway from knocking with the other free hand. It sounded very much as if someone smashed the piano's keyboard aimlessly. It sounded nothing like his brother. Worried someone might have been damaging the goods, Minhwan barged in without worrying about knocking.
The sight inside stopped Minhwan and his heart barely jumped.
Jonghun had Hongki pinned to the piano by one hand, his upper half hoisted on the large instrument as they ate off each other's faces. Jonghun's free hand was doing a great job in unbuttoning Hongki's shirt as his jacket was thrown on the floor next to the neglected bench.
"What the hell are you two doing?" without any thought, he muttered. All he could do was slam the door behind him and rush over and break this awkward situation.
"Minhwan, what are you doing here?" Jonghun got off Hongki but their bodies were almost glued together awkwardly. Hongki half buried his face in Jonghun's chest since he practically sat on top of the keyboards.
"I am here to talk to some grownups but who are you two?" he began to harshly talk but that isn't enough to explain how insanely confused he is. "What the hell is this? So you two are kissing? Since when were you together?" he had so many questions but the boys gave so little answers. He prompted them to get their act together as he crossed his arms to his chest.
"Listen Minhwan, I have so much to explain." Jonghun gave Hongki real space to stand up on his own and get his shirt buttoned up again.
"Well! Come on, try to marvel me." Minhwan took a seat on a close couch. It was for the members of the club whenever they rested. He tried to cool off his sudden rage. His brother made such a big deal about him being gay and now after couple of year he comes and sees him eating his best friend's face?
The two got their clothes together, Hongki got too embarrassed to look into neither Jonghun nor Minhwan's faces so he just stood there like a statue staring into his foot.
"After last night, I talked to Hongki and I tried to come to a conclusion with my idiocy. I had judged you wrongly when I found out about your sexuality. And I am sorry." Jonghun's sincerity was obvious in his eyes as he sat across Minhwan.
The latter's hurt face crumbled into sadness by Jonghun's apology. He had such a fragile spot for his brother. "Damn you." He cursed before hiding his tearful eyes behind a shaky arm.
"I am sorry I never tried to understand. But last night, when I finally found out that having feelings for another human being - male or female didn't matter - is magical. One thing I have to say is that I can genuinely understand your feelings. You didn't like Wonbin because you were sexually frustrated or confused, you liked him because he was a safety blanket, and he was a best friend. I made a big mistake by calling you names. I was stupid. Please forgive me."
Jonghun stood up and flopped next to Minhwan, his eyes eager for a reply. Hongki finally took his eyes off his shoes and placed them on Jonghun. The guy is sincerely changing for his brother, how touching.
"You're so stupid, hyung." Minhwan called him by the title he yearned to spell out of his lips for too long. Jonghun only saw it appropriate to smother Minhwan in a brotherly hug.
"But seriously, just talking to Hongki made you realize my feelings?" Minhwan gave Hongki a look that spoke of wonder. "You've been around this fatty since middle school. Was he naked?" Minhwan looked back to Jonghun and fought the urge to loud aloud at Jonghun's wide eyes at the naked comment. Obviously, that was his goal before Minhwan waltzed into here and broke the horny boys off each other.
"No. Hongki and I tried to find a way to know if you had feelings for which you got kissed by. You see… this jackass thought that seeing my reaction would be best. So he kissed me. I was angry to I got my payback and kissed him again. One thing led to another and we were making out-" Jonghun stopped when Minhwan's eyes widened.
"You did it?" He asked in a whisper. Hongki's face fell in shock.
"No! We didn't do a thing! We stopped there after minutes. It progressed to nothing." He explains as he sat across the two brothers.
"But you two ate breakfast together this morning, wasn't that awkward or weird? It seemed normal to me." Minhwan's eyes went from Jonghun to Hongki. Both had an unreadable expression. Were they sure of what they were in?
"You realize you two just endangered your friendship by fooling around, right?" he asked cautiously. It seems like he had a long way till he could ask for help himself from his clueless brother.
"But it doesn't feel weird, or wrong. It felt right and like-" Hongki began, his eyes glued to his hand instantly as the two siblings' attention turned to him.
"Why haven't we been doing this all along?" Jonghun finished Hongki's sentence. Their eyes gazed into each other lovingly. Something more significant and subconsciously happened the other night. Something they didn't need to deny.
"Are you two in love?" Minhwan barely kept it inside his thoughts. His blank mind was suddenly filled with Hongki's loud panicking thoughts.
Yes, both of them thought at the same time the question was mouthed. Minhwan turned to his brother and could see confidence exceeding normal rates in that single word.
"Wow… Just when I thought I had issues." Minhwan took a long breath. It's a bit too much to enclose. His brother regained his trust in such a way as turning gay for his only best friend.
"You have issues?" Jonghun inquired. The boy didn't talk about why he came barging in yet.
"Yeah, Jaejin loves me and I love Seunghyun, who found out I am gay. Seunghyun thinks I'm dating Jaejin. He saw us kissing."
Jonghun jumped at the end of that little 'issue'. Hongki eyed Jonghun but the latter didn't seem to ask any question. As if Jonghun was looking deep into Minhwan's thoughts, but the youngest Choi member blocked him excellently.
"Never mind me, don't you find it strange to fall in love so easily?" Minhwan ignored their questioning orbs. He knows what goes in their minds - they are wondering how he get entangled in this messy situation.
"I mean, what is love?" he stood up and buried his hands in his pockets. The two thought it over.
"I don't know. But I feel it growing by the second. The sudden realization that the comfort I had with Hongki all this long, the little bits of me that always yearned for him in ways deeper than friends do, and all confusion perished the moment he got into this room only fifteen minute before you did. I had no idea what drove me to him, I just wanted to see if my heart would leap at the act of kissing him. I've thought about it all day long. It's hard to keep this urge inside." Jonghun hid his face away, too embarrassed by the aloud confession of his desperate want for Hongki.
The boy standing next to him trailed a finger on his arm, his cheeks burning with a proud blush.
"But didn't you think than jumping him would ruin everything?" he didn't stop himself from confessing his fear. It seemed like Jonghun can give him advice after all.
"That part didn't stop me, because what I had bigger than fear was love. I cherished him yes, but never as a friend only. Hongki is… closer to my soul than myself." Their hands found each other. This day seemed very long for the two newly lovers.
"You're saying if I am confident in my love, then fear should not hold me back?" Minhwan seemed to be asking himself more than interviewing the two boys.
"I need to talk to Jaejin." He concluded through his long pause with his thoughts. Jonghun stepped to stop him but Hongki whispered into his ear, "Let him discover it himself."
"Do you think he will realize it easily?" Jonghun worriedly followed Minhwan out in the corridor with his eyes.
"It's not going to be easy, not everyone's as smart as we are." Hongki had smugness drop from his words. He was proud he spent less time looking for his real love; it had been by his side for the past precious years of his life all along.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Frantically, Minhwan searched through the library shelves. He knew Jaejin stays once weekly to help around. Stupid goat had to seem so fucking nice around his peers. Minhwan angrily thought while he ran out of breath. He ran for too long too quickly and he barely fought the pain jabbing in his side.
"Jaejin you big ugly black goat, come out now!" He yelled. He expected people shushing him but no one was there. He found the doors open so he knew only the black goat was there.
Jaejin showed up few seconds away. He had a pile of books in his hand and bewildered by the sudden outburst in his quiet 'sanctuary.
"What are you doing here?" He spoke as if Minhwan would be the last person coming to look for him. Not after today. Minhwan didn't answer him and stood there, breath fast and knees hurting.
"Did you not get enough today?" Jaejin teased as he left the pile on the cart by his left. Minhwan didn't even flinch at the mention of earlier. Jaejin began to worry. The boy is dangerously quiet, except for the broken breaths.
"You love me." Minhwan spoke slowly, pointedly glaring into Jaejin. As if that single statement made more sense than second grade mathematics.
"You chose me as the one to give this love to." He explained it to himself more than to Jaejin. Jaejin eyed him warily. Is Minhwan sick somewhere?
"Are you okay?" he mouthed his worries. He came closer, and Minhwan didn't move an inch as if welcoming him to invade his personal space.
The glow of the four o'clock sun shone brightly on Minhwan's brown locks, it shadowed his blurry eyes. He felt awful for making Minhwan tear up. He enclosed the secret of the boy's tears in his palms. The moment his hands touched Minhwan's face, Minhwan bawled with tears streaming thick to his cheeks.
This lasted for seconds before Minhwan opened red eyes and demanded, "Tell me how much you love me."
Instead of words, Jaejin leaned in and took Minhwan's lower lip between his pair of light lips. He suckled lightly on the flesh. The noise Minhwan made turned him on. It sounded like muffled purrs. He pulled back, and examined Minhwan's stained face. It was bright red, his eyes glaring but good thing was he stopped crying.
"You love me." He sighed. It hurts him to say it aloud but Minhwan can't stay in the dark that long. Jaejin is not someone who wanted to hurt him. Jaejin loved him. He's confidant his love is real, that's why not even my anger stopped him.
He found comfort in Jaejin's frail arms. They hugged him tightly. His heart didn't calm but his breath came normally now. They stood there, basking on the conclusion of this day. Jaejin couldn't think straight. Minhwan acknowledged him, but did he chose him?
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
They walked together but Minhwan kept a fair distance that didn't say a couple but not enemies. He feared being that close to Jaejin would wash over his emotions and convince him to throw everything behind and live this dream.
Blessed with love, Minhwan was grateful now but he had a big decision to make. To follow his heart and break Jaejin's heart, he must choose Seunghyun. Ignore the first emotions of love he ever felt when he met Seunghyun; he must chose Jaejin's unchanging love.
Love is varying by time. If he chose Jaejin over Seunghyun, he would live wondering how it would feel. Will it be magical with Seunghyun? That if he ever get the boy to like him back. But raising Jaejin's hope and killing them would be the cruelest thing to do.
They arrived shortly pass four thirty. They have not spoken a word since Minhwan's breakthrough in the library. To be honest, Jaejin was nervous. He was an organized confidant boy, but studies were his thing, he knew of science and rules, not love and feelings. He might be in love, but that is the only emotion that would mask the yearning, the wait, the anger, the jealousy, and everything else that perked in him at the thought of Choi Minhwan.
They stopped before the gates of Minhwan's house. "Today had been very heavy on me. I will talk to you later." Minhwan uttered. He was confused with his actions; his thoughts were blurry and pushed together. Seunghyun or Jaejin? Jaejin or Seunghyun?
"Good night." Jaejin didn't argue since he too had to sort things out. A part of him wanted to part away with Minhwan with a reminder of today.
"Wait." He called Minhwan and stopped him from closing the gate behind him. Jaejin leaned over and laid a small peak on Minhwan's forehead. "It's real."
Minhwan stood there, questioning his actions. "I was afraid today might have been a dream of mine." Jaejin smiled and for the first time since weeks, Minhwan could smile genuinely back at the boy. Jaejin retrieved back and waved bye-bye.
'I'm sorry Jaejin for the harsh things I've said before. I was inconsiderate and selfish. I thought you would steal Seunghyun from my grasp. I didn't realize you did those things to attract my attention to you instead of him.'
Minhwan thought as he watched Jaejin enter his house, a smile still brightened his face.
Today had been long, Minhwan could not go to work on top of that and meet Seunghyun again. He resorted to text messages to bail out of work. Seunghyun sent him a reply, understanding and giving him lots of time to rest.
to be continued