(no subject)
I don't care anymore if it is strange to go through a serious personality revision/tweaking at 26. This is who I am becoming, and I could not become this woman before.
I am (a / an):
crazy-creative - painting, baking, sculpting and sewing
amazing-baker - of bread, or cakes or biscuits...
fabulous-friend - I care, I REALLY care, not just pretend to, and I'm fun, and crazy-honest, and a little bit wise... and I don't disappear and forget about people. and I don't ignore people.
gorgeous - even with 1/4 inch hair!
compassionate
determined
vulnerable... I get hurt. I care enough to get hurt. and it's not pretty, or easy, but it's also not the end of the world.
loving, a lot. I love lots of folks and I wish I could say it
kind
honest
brilliant (or at least very smart)
respectful - I refuse to walk all over folks' boundaries... and I work to see boundaries with more subtlety
twitchy-fidgety-but-cute-about-it (usually)
Committed to God - the God of liberation and justice and love
And I like me - I like the me that is going to work for justice, and the me that loves to paint, and the me that gets hurts easily ‘cause I refuse to not-care, and the me that engages in therapy so strongly that it’s overwhelming but I can still pass my classes, and the me that refuses to take the easy local church route because I know I have something to offer somewhere else, and the me that (you said this first) is afraid to dive into the deep end, because it’s damn scary but I will do it anyway, because who really wants to sit on the pool deck dry and bored? Not me. I’m made to engage intensely in life. and it’s ok if that hurts. I’m OK if I’m not strong enough, I’m OK even if I fail.
and why did I want to share this on Livejournal? because this is MY livejournal, and because I am OK if I put myself out into this odd-semi-virtual (is that redundant to say semi-virtual?) community and someone reads this and thinks I am self-centered, or that I'm strange, or that I'm something else negative. Why am I OK with your judgment? because it doesn't actually affect my worth as a person.
because regardless of if you think I'm too open and my honestly and vulnerability scares you... God loves me - a conscious-perfect-infinite-existence-whose-primary-characteristic-is-goodness LOVES me. And I love me. I love the parts of me that make sense, and I love the parts of me that are useful, and I love the parts of me that are chaotic and the parts of me that mean I am not always functional because I'm overwhelmed with passion or love or sadness. and I'm going to remain open, crazy open, and this is your invitation to come with me - in whatever way you are comfortable, email me, call me, come visit... but my life is amazing and full of joy and peace and pain and reality. and I want to share it with you - you my friends - the one's in St. Louis and in Atlanta and in Evanston and Chicago, and the Ones in D.C. and maybe, perhaps, I'm still deciding on this one, but even my friends who live in New Jersey... come along - 'cause this is going to be a wide, crazy, messy, beautiful ride. Oh but I'm warning you - boundaries are not my best gift - so If I'm over step yours - please tell me, and I won't do it again. But be patient with me when I do, because that is one of my weaknesses, I have many - we all do. But know I don't mean to hurt you, and tell me how to fix it, 'cause I promise to try. But even with my weaknesses (boundaries, volume control, lack of focus sometimes, food issues, need to exercise more, um... I'm sure I could come up with more - ask me about it) I am lovable anyway.
:-)
I am (a / an):
crazy-creative - painting, baking, sculpting and sewing
amazing-baker - of bread, or cakes or biscuits...
fabulous-friend - I care, I REALLY care, not just pretend to, and I'm fun, and crazy-honest, and a little bit wise... and I don't disappear and forget about people. and I don't ignore people.
gorgeous - even with 1/4 inch hair!
compassionate
determined
vulnerable... I get hurt. I care enough to get hurt. and it's not pretty, or easy, but it's also not the end of the world.
loving, a lot. I love lots of folks and I wish I could say it
kind
honest
brilliant (or at least very smart)
respectful - I refuse to walk all over folks' boundaries... and I work to see boundaries with more subtlety
twitchy-fidgety-but-cute-about-it (usually)
Committed to God - the God of liberation and justice and love
And I like me - I like the me that is going to work for justice, and the me that loves to paint, and the me that gets hurts easily ‘cause I refuse to not-care, and the me that engages in therapy so strongly that it’s overwhelming but I can still pass my classes, and the me that refuses to take the easy local church route because I know I have something to offer somewhere else, and the me that (you said this first) is afraid to dive into the deep end, because it’s damn scary but I will do it anyway, because who really wants to sit on the pool deck dry and bored? Not me. I’m made to engage intensely in life. and it’s ok if that hurts. I’m OK if I’m not strong enough, I’m OK even if I fail.
and why did I want to share this on Livejournal? because this is MY livejournal, and because I am OK if I put myself out into this odd-semi-virtual (is that redundant to say semi-virtual?) community and someone reads this and thinks I am self-centered, or that I'm strange, or that I'm something else negative. Why am I OK with your judgment? because it doesn't actually affect my worth as a person.
because regardless of if you think I'm too open and my honestly and vulnerability scares you... God loves me - a conscious-perfect-infinite-existence-whose-primary-characteristic-is-goodness LOVES me. And I love me. I love the parts of me that make sense, and I love the parts of me that are useful, and I love the parts of me that are chaotic and the parts of me that mean I am not always functional because I'm overwhelmed with passion or love or sadness. and I'm going to remain open, crazy open, and this is your invitation to come with me - in whatever way you are comfortable, email me, call me, come visit... but my life is amazing and full of joy and peace and pain and reality. and I want to share it with you - you my friends - the one's in St. Louis and in Atlanta and in Evanston and Chicago, and the Ones in D.C. and maybe, perhaps, I'm still deciding on this one, but even my friends who live in New Jersey... come along - 'cause this is going to be a wide, crazy, messy, beautiful ride. Oh but I'm warning you - boundaries are not my best gift - so If I'm over step yours - please tell me, and I won't do it again. But be patient with me when I do, because that is one of my weaknesses, I have many - we all do. But know I don't mean to hurt you, and tell me how to fix it, 'cause I promise to try. But even with my weaknesses (boundaries, volume control, lack of focus sometimes, food issues, need to exercise more, um... I'm sure I could come up with more - ask me about it) I am lovable anyway.
:-)