(no subject)
I don't know if any of you know what I'm feeling, but I'm feeling it. I've never missed anyone this much before in my life. I'm not sure how I'd handle it if it happened again. Thinking about it sometimes is the worst, especially at night in my dark room. It makes you realize how all the stuff that our world cares about it just worthless. High school drama are so pointless, dumb relationships are pointless, money, fame, etc is just pointless! Most of the things that all of us on here talk about is just... so... pointless it makes me so utterly sick, and I'm serious. I don't know why I care about over half the stuff I do care about. None of it will matter. Though, that is probably the reason it's so hard to get me angry, especially at my friends.
So basically... seeing death and watching it happen over a span on 15 months has taught me so much. It has also made me so sad. A lot of people don't believe there is a God. It makes me so sad, actually. What do they think will happen when they die? There are nice thoughts about just going to a better place, being born again as something or someone else, but what really makes people believe that those things will just happen, especially if there is no god. But I suppose, if they want to put off looking at the evidence and giving it a fair shot then it'll be their fault in the end. Really, that's all that has point on earth. It's all that is going to matter because eternity is way longer than 80 years on earth.
It also sucks how I get memories and flash backs of the whole deal. Thinking about scenes that had happened and things that were said. The last goodbye, seeing the last kiss, walking down the isle to the back of the funeral home, looking at people's faces as they watched our family walk out.. trying to hold in tears.. listening to the prayer in the room and just.. trying to cry quietly, and of course, the walk back and seeing it now shut. I remember walking past my friend Julie's row.. I didn't want to look at her. I just.. looked at the ground.
It is finished.
So basically... seeing death and watching it happen over a span on 15 months has taught me so much. It has also made me so sad. A lot of people don't believe there is a God. It makes me so sad, actually. What do they think will happen when they die? There are nice thoughts about just going to a better place, being born again as something or someone else, but what really makes people believe that those things will just happen, especially if there is no god. But I suppose, if they want to put off looking at the evidence and giving it a fair shot then it'll be their fault in the end. Really, that's all that has point on earth. It's all that is going to matter because eternity is way longer than 80 years on earth.
It also sucks how I get memories and flash backs of the whole deal. Thinking about scenes that had happened and things that were said. The last goodbye, seeing the last kiss, walking down the isle to the back of the funeral home, looking at people's faces as they watched our family walk out.. trying to hold in tears.. listening to the prayer in the room and just.. trying to cry quietly, and of course, the walk back and seeing it now shut. I remember walking past my friend Julie's row.. I didn't want to look at her. I just.. looked at the ground.
It is finished.