Leaving 99 - [that title has nothing to do with what I learned from Bible Study.]
It's Monday night, and I just got back from Bible Study. Pastor Paul says: We're not here to judge cause God doesn't say "Oh those were beautiful words, oh, those weren't." So I prayed. I prayed hard as I could in my heart for a soul friend, her sister, and a new journey-friend who was sitting next to me, and the one next to her as well. But I only said one name aloud. All these names screaming from my heart to God. Usually I can say a sentence, words, something, ANYTHING, but nope. Out came "I pray for *name*" and that was IT. Stone. The buck stops there. It was at that point when I acknowledged what I've already known. It's in God's hands. No matter how much I pray that, no matter how much I hope, He's in her life and got her covered. Dear friend whose name I said aloud. I think it's amazing that you can sit in the pastures. I find it inspiring your thirst for quiet contemplation, since I find Joy in others. Honestly, it hit me like an ever-famous spiritual 2x4. I need to work on finding the Joy, the Peace, the Mercy... RIGHT FROM GOD. I am more than Yearning for the human connections and to feel God THROUGH those. To some extent, that's an amazing gift, but I do not want to lose from whence the gift comes.
In the contemplation, I pray that you may be held. I pray God's Will be done, because that's all I CAN do. Most of all, I pray that I can remember that.
Paul also said : "We put our walls up, the gates go up, once we feel we're not worthy. But, when the Holy Spirit is inside those gates, he's like a spy [and he already knows everything we're trying to hide?]." That's incredibly scary and incredibly comforting all at once, for my own personal reasons, and when thinking about the journey of a friend. I'm absolutely and totally perplexed as to why I'd contemplate some of the things I do on a seriously daily basis. Why two people on this earth, I sometimes feel like are the only people I really and truly would ever need in my life, when I know it's so far from true it's not funny. Sometimes I think about how hard it is to have friends in my life who don't get "it" and never have gotten "it". But then, then I have to stop and think about what shallow thinking that is. Who says I "get it" either, I don't even know what it is! I just feel like Christianity bonds on a deeper spiritual level, but if I never talked to people who don't believe what I do, I'd be pretty stuck in a rut huh? It's interesting what we are called to do. To Seek. To Serve. To Love.
Know what else is an intense thought?
WE WILL NEVER BE WORTHY.
I'm no theologian, so bear with me here. It's possible to get absolutely lost in that concept.
1. We can wallow in that- always trying to "live up to" something or;
2. We can rejoice in that - this doesn't mean we multiply Sin in an attempt to multiply Grace however.
They say there is no fence to sit on with faith. No "I believe in God, but...."s
Ever try to sit on a barbed wire fence?!
Also, I'm going to stop reading horoscopes. Ask me about it.
In the contemplation, I pray that you may be held. I pray God's Will be done, because that's all I CAN do. Most of all, I pray that I can remember that.
Paul also said : "We put our walls up, the gates go up, once we feel we're not worthy. But, when the Holy Spirit is inside those gates, he's like a spy [and he already knows everything we're trying to hide?]." That's incredibly scary and incredibly comforting all at once, for my own personal reasons, and when thinking about the journey of a friend. I'm absolutely and totally perplexed as to why I'd contemplate some of the things I do on a seriously daily basis. Why two people on this earth, I sometimes feel like are the only people I really and truly would ever need in my life, when I know it's so far from true it's not funny. Sometimes I think about how hard it is to have friends in my life who don't get "it" and never have gotten "it". But then, then I have to stop and think about what shallow thinking that is. Who says I "get it" either, I don't even know what it is! I just feel like Christianity bonds on a deeper spiritual level, but if I never talked to people who don't believe what I do, I'd be pretty stuck in a rut huh? It's interesting what we are called to do. To Seek. To Serve. To Love.
Know what else is an intense thought?
WE WILL NEVER BE WORTHY.
I'm no theologian, so bear with me here. It's possible to get absolutely lost in that concept.
1. We can wallow in that- always trying to "live up to" something or;
2. We can rejoice in that - this doesn't mean we multiply Sin in an attempt to multiply Grace however.
They say there is no fence to sit on with faith. No "I believe in God, but...."s
Ever try to sit on a barbed wire fence?!
Also, I'm going to stop reading horoscopes. Ask me about it.