welcome to my out-of-control spring madness.
before my GI tract turned into a juice box, i was totally having the awesomest life. i eagerly await its return.
+ work.
i turn into a completely different person when i have two jobs. when i have a lot of free time, "later" becomes my mantra. i will clean up, go shopping, have that awesome weekend, go for a brew with the ladies later. now, with so much of my time taken, i am so purpose-driven in my free moments. i.e., i have no choice but to get this done NOW. which has actually improved the overall quality of my life.
NO MORE, AM I LYING IN BED FOR EIGHT-TO-TEN-HOURS A DAY WATCHING DOCUMENTARIES ON NETFLIX. ----
----screeeeeeeeeeech time out for a massive rec list of documentaries GO:
this film is not yet rated
the september issue
world's most dangerous drug
frontline: the medicated child
jesus camp
collapse
what are dreams? nova
american experience: jonestown
the future of food
food matters
the science of evil
the high price of low cost
solitary confinement
dogs decoded: nova
food inc
tupac: the lost prison tapes
lxd: the uprising begins [not a documentary but a dance homage that IS SO MINDBLOWING]
planet b-boy [thanks for the tip, karabou]
the spy factory: nova
joan baez: how sweet the sound
loose change 9/11: the american coup
inside the US secret service
frontline: storm over everest
----------aaaaaand wow that's a lot. BUT THEY'RE ALL PRETTY AWESOME. i can highlight the ones of dubious science/source material if you want. COUGH-FOODMATTERS. awesome concept, but what up crazy people. anyway.
+ into thin air.
speaking of everest [kind of], i read all of jon krakuer's into thin air in one day and fuck me what an incredible book. i was obsessed with everest for a few weeks, and like, talking about it to other people in my life as if it were something wildly relevant and a tragedy that happened in 1996 should still be at the forefront of peoples' minds. thoughts directly after reading:
psychologically, a gold mine:
1) effects of high-altitude, oxygen-depleted air, a sedative effect that makes mountain men dumb and unaware, literally dying of exhaustion and sitting there in a snowstorm for hours, with no real reason and no feelings about it;
2) the religious duties the native sherpas put on themselves during the climbs -- their self-imposed roles to ensure everyone's safety, to be responsible for every single life;
3) the hallucinogenic effects of sucking oxygen from a canister, and the drastically altered perception of events that results;
4) the bizarre experience of being part of a (guided) team and yet, having no need to rely on one another due to guided ropes, ladders, and your own supplies -- the powerful sensation of loneliness that strikes in a person;
5) the guide-client dynamic, where it doesn't occur to the client that the two can be equals, that your guide could be in mortal peril while you pass him, thinking, huh, looks like he's tired. but he's the expert, so he must be fine. and afterward, when the worst happens, what level of spiritual responsibility do you assume?
6) the political hierarchy of guides -- the need for a strict order and a controlled environment where the lead guide must have the final word, never to be broken, lest it cost someone's life -- which leaves massive reluctance to step up and fill a role even when something is going wrong, even when those above you -- including your guide -- may never return;
7) dissension and tension in the ranks themselves, the rat race and popularity contest and money pit these climbs have become, wherein clients become side party and extra baggage to guides who are competing each other to win the most recognition, and the most sponsors, to be able to continue getting paid for doing what they are most passionate about, which is climbing.
seriously. incredible book. if you've read it, spill. if you haven't, PICK IT IT UP IMMEDIATELY.
+ the christmas cottage.
also speaking of netflix instant, i caved, overcame my embarrassment squick, and watched it. GUYS WHY DIDN'T YOU PREPARE ME FOR TEARS LIKE THREE OR FOUR TIMES. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED. and tom's massive breakdown was like, homfg. incredible. although i will say that most of the time it felt like sam winchester playing another role. wasn't sure what to make of that! but overall i mostly enjoyed it.
+ work.
so yeah, work is good. HAHA REMEMBER, that's where i started this dvd diatribe? my full-time days are still mental health counseling 7-3pm, but four nights a week i work as a courier for umass medical which turns out to be great, because i've been doing it about a month and the last time i spoke to my boss was my training, LOL. i do my routes, she sends me money. it is great. i spend my nights driving, earning a gold card through pikes blends at starbucks, listening to CDs and podfic and audiobooks, reading magazines, making scrap cookbooks, and SHOPPING. oh yeah and sometimes i have to pick up lab samples. lol guys.
if you are looking for a job, go to craigslist and check the transport listings for courier positions. lol guys, for real. the money is stupid for what i do.
+ audiobooks > THE HUNGER GAMES.
thanks to that lovely cat maerhys i was able to inhale the hunger games trilogy on audiobook, and MY FEELINGS ARE MIXED. i both loved and hated. there was a whole lot of omg-WHATing. i won't spoil too badly for those who haven't read but if you want to squeal in comments let's squeal! brief summary of some feelings: THUMBS DOWN TO 1st person present, introducing the wrong male lead first, katniss (LOL i suck i know), the ending (LOL LOL); THUMBS UP TO pretty much all peripheral characters, the games themselves, FINNICK, PEETA, PEETA, PEETA, and finally TRUE LOVE.
+ i was getting healthy!
as a result of watching tons and tons of documentaries about food/health, and some intensive diabetes/nutrition training at work the last few weeks, i became obsessed with my diet. and not like, being on a diet. but my diet, as in the food i eat on a daily basis. and because i am in a swing where i am taking control of things again i was all about taking the tips i have been trying to teach one of our diabetic clients.
basically what i decided to do was just write down what i eat. nothing special about it, no notations or anything, just, here is the date, and this is what i ate and how much. YOU HAVE NO IDEA, if you have never done it, and i never had, the power of influence that a food diary will have over you. holy fucking shit i am stunnnnned. i straight up eat differently now, because my diet is so not about what i want anymore, but about making my book look awesome. like, now when i decide whether to eat things, it's about whether i want to write it down and take responsibility for that. and sometimes i'm like, I DON'T HAVE ANY BERRIES ON THIS DAY. I'M GOING TO THE FARM STAND ON MY WAY TO LAB X. and that is a nerdy way to be hip-to-good-eating, but whatever. i am enjoying it. I AM GOING TO HAVE THE BEST FOOD DIARY EVER. it's going to look so good.
i have a tiny notebook and if i fill it i promised myself i would buy a fancy moleskine wellness journal. which, GUESS WHAT I WANT THAT REALLY BAD. so, yeah!
+ sleep.
based on my stupid life, there are three days a week i now wake up at 5am and get back home at 11pm. and i am A SNOOZER, TO THE MAX! like, i sleep alllll morning. dozing is my favorite drug; hit after hit after hit. nothing feels better. so, to break it, i have been trying to time my sleep cycles. which, sometimes you wake up and you're like, READY TO GO, right? which is because you wake up at the end of a cycle, not get terrorized by your alarm while in the middle of one.
SO i just plan what time i am going to fall asleep (11:30pm) and count out 90min intervals of time, which is about how long a sleep cycle lasts. so if i have to get up at five, i count -- 1am, 2:30am, 4am, 5:30am -- and try to set my alarm as close to 5:30 as i can stand without being late for work. GUYS THIS WORKS. I DO NOT SNOOZE ANYMORE. I AM UP ON THE FIRST BUZZ, greeting the morning like a champ. a couple of times i woke up on my own without the alarm, what! HEY BODY, YOU ARE AWESOME, KEEP DOING AN AWESOME JOB!
so yeah, if you are dead weight in the morning, or need two alarms like me, try that! see if it works!
+ hair.
another thing i started obsessing over is my hair. it started with whether i wanted to chop it off, or keep growing it. the two arguments are: i love short hair, but when my hair is long i feel very close to my mother. in the midst of the latest edition of this internal battle, longhair popped up on lj spotlight and answered the question for me. the faq is an insanely informative read, if you are into natural hair care.
WHICH I NOW AM. people in my life think i am nuts, and along with my diet changes and sudden desire to live on a farm are calling me a hippie. BUT! once i learn things about certain ingredients in products and what they do to the hair and skin -- hi, two semi-permeable barriers designed to secrete and absorb shit into the body -- my cancer-terror kicks in [ps, i have cancer-terror, shut up, microwaves are the scariest, also deoderant, which i use, but it scares me, because of breast cancer, i know i am crazy shut up] and i have to immediately alter my behavior to keep the cancer from being in me.
so now i can't use any products including sodium lauryl sulfate or its derivatives, any parabens ingredients, or any ingredients with -cone at the end. LOOK AT YOUR PRODUCTS. THEY ALL HAVE THEM. i was crying tears of panic over what to use for a while!! but i settled on burts bees and giovanni.
also i only shampoo my hair twice a week. guess what. it looks and feels incredible. i cannot even believe it, but it is true.
recently this has spiraled into an insane paranoia of our culture and how people are driven to love products, and are convinced we need them when we totally DO NOT, in fact products often become the source of our hair/skin trouble, but omg products are so fun!!1 and like, buying them is awesome! and trying out new stuff! and feeling luxurious! i have always been all about that. but wow. i stopped cold. seriously. different person, here. IF YOU WANT A CLIFF NOTES I WILL TELL YOU MORE IN COMMENTS. but i've rambled enough here.
+ hair!
guys my roommate and i [are back on again and] going to see my favorite broadway musical ever tomorrow! in boston! IN THE SECOND ROW. do you understand 1) how happy i will be for the rest of the year because of this, and 2) HOW COMPLETELY BALLISTIC MY ROOMMATE AND I GO WHEN WE ARE HAPPY!! ajaklsfldgj i am so thrilled and excited. more on that another day. i'm sure i will lose my shit and maybe write some claude/berger. but this post is long enough already.
+ help_nz stories.
bidders, i want you all to know that every single one of your stories is started! my apologies that i am a disgustingly slow writer but i want you to know i am working, and i love each and every one of the stories that is growing, and i will get them up as quickly as i can, and i hope you will be patient with me! thank you so much for your donations, and i hope i do you justice. <3
+ HERE IS A PICTURE OF ME SHOVELING SNOW THIS WINTER. i am happy always! for real!
+ I HAVE MORE TO SAY. I'M TOTALLY GOING TO WRITE ANOTHER POST. LOL SEE YOU IN A MINUTE.
+ TELL ME ALL THE THINGS.
+ work.
i turn into a completely different person when i have two jobs. when i have a lot of free time, "later" becomes my mantra. i will clean up, go shopping, have that awesome weekend, go for a brew with the ladies later. now, with so much of my time taken, i am so purpose-driven in my free moments. i.e., i have no choice but to get this done NOW. which has actually improved the overall quality of my life.
NO MORE, AM I LYING IN BED FOR EIGHT-TO-TEN-HOURS A DAY WATCHING DOCUMENTARIES ON NETFLIX. ----
----screeeeeeeeeeech time out for a massive rec list of documentaries GO:
this film is not yet rated
the september issue
world's most dangerous drug
frontline: the medicated child
jesus camp
collapse
what are dreams? nova
american experience: jonestown
the future of food
food matters
the science of evil
the high price of low cost
solitary confinement
dogs decoded: nova
food inc
tupac: the lost prison tapes
lxd: the uprising begins [not a documentary but a dance homage that IS SO MINDBLOWING]
planet b-boy [thanks for the tip, karabou]
the spy factory: nova
joan baez: how sweet the sound
loose change 9/11: the american coup
inside the US secret service
frontline: storm over everest
----------aaaaaand wow that's a lot. BUT THEY'RE ALL PRETTY AWESOME. i can highlight the ones of dubious science/source material if you want. COUGH-FOODMATTERS. awesome concept, but what up crazy people. anyway.
+ into thin air.
speaking of everest [kind of], i read all of jon krakuer's into thin air in one day and fuck me what an incredible book. i was obsessed with everest for a few weeks, and like, talking about it to other people in my life as if it were something wildly relevant and a tragedy that happened in 1996 should still be at the forefront of peoples' minds. thoughts directly after reading:
psychologically, a gold mine:
1) effects of high-altitude, oxygen-depleted air, a sedative effect that makes mountain men dumb and unaware, literally dying of exhaustion and sitting there in a snowstorm for hours, with no real reason and no feelings about it;
2) the religious duties the native sherpas put on themselves during the climbs -- their self-imposed roles to ensure everyone's safety, to be responsible for every single life;
3) the hallucinogenic effects of sucking oxygen from a canister, and the drastically altered perception of events that results;
4) the bizarre experience of being part of a (guided) team and yet, having no need to rely on one another due to guided ropes, ladders, and your own supplies -- the powerful sensation of loneliness that strikes in a person;
5) the guide-client dynamic, where it doesn't occur to the client that the two can be equals, that your guide could be in mortal peril while you pass him, thinking, huh, looks like he's tired. but he's the expert, so he must be fine. and afterward, when the worst happens, what level of spiritual responsibility do you assume?
6) the political hierarchy of guides -- the need for a strict order and a controlled environment where the lead guide must have the final word, never to be broken, lest it cost someone's life -- which leaves massive reluctance to step up and fill a role even when something is going wrong, even when those above you -- including your guide -- may never return;
7) dissension and tension in the ranks themselves, the rat race and popularity contest and money pit these climbs have become, wherein clients become side party and extra baggage to guides who are competing each other to win the most recognition, and the most sponsors, to be able to continue getting paid for doing what they are most passionate about, which is climbing.
seriously. incredible book. if you've read it, spill. if you haven't, PICK IT IT UP IMMEDIATELY.
+ the christmas cottage.
also speaking of netflix instant, i caved, overcame my embarrassment squick, and watched it. GUYS WHY DIDN'T YOU PREPARE ME FOR TEARS LIKE THREE OR FOUR TIMES. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED. and tom's massive breakdown was like, homfg. incredible. although i will say that most of the time it felt like sam winchester playing another role. wasn't sure what to make of that! but overall i mostly enjoyed it.
+ work.
so yeah, work is good. HAHA REMEMBER, that's where i started this dvd diatribe? my full-time days are still mental health counseling 7-3pm, but four nights a week i work as a courier for umass medical which turns out to be great, because i've been doing it about a month and the last time i spoke to my boss was my training, LOL. i do my routes, she sends me money. it is great. i spend my nights driving, earning a gold card through pikes blends at starbucks, listening to CDs and podfic and audiobooks, reading magazines, making scrap cookbooks, and SHOPPING. oh yeah and sometimes i have to pick up lab samples. lol guys.
if you are looking for a job, go to craigslist and check the transport listings for courier positions. lol guys, for real. the money is stupid for what i do.
+ audiobooks > THE HUNGER GAMES.
thanks to that lovely cat maerhys i was able to inhale the hunger games trilogy on audiobook, and MY FEELINGS ARE MIXED. i both loved and hated. there was a whole lot of omg-WHATing. i won't spoil too badly for those who haven't read but if you want to squeal in comments let's squeal! brief summary of some feelings: THUMBS DOWN TO 1st person present, introducing the wrong male lead first, katniss (LOL i suck i know), the ending (LOL LOL); THUMBS UP TO pretty much all peripheral characters, the games themselves, FINNICK, PEETA, PEETA, PEETA, and finally TRUE LOVE.
+ i was getting healthy!
as a result of watching tons and tons of documentaries about food/health, and some intensive diabetes/nutrition training at work the last few weeks, i became obsessed with my diet. and not like, being on a diet. but my diet, as in the food i eat on a daily basis. and because i am in a swing where i am taking control of things again i was all about taking the tips i have been trying to teach one of our diabetic clients.
basically what i decided to do was just write down what i eat. nothing special about it, no notations or anything, just, here is the date, and this is what i ate and how much. YOU HAVE NO IDEA, if you have never done it, and i never had, the power of influence that a food diary will have over you. holy fucking shit i am stunnnnned. i straight up eat differently now, because my diet is so not about what i want anymore, but about making my book look awesome. like, now when i decide whether to eat things, it's about whether i want to write it down and take responsibility for that. and sometimes i'm like, I DON'T HAVE ANY BERRIES ON THIS DAY. I'M GOING TO THE FARM STAND ON MY WAY TO LAB X. and that is a nerdy way to be hip-to-good-eating, but whatever. i am enjoying it. I AM GOING TO HAVE THE BEST FOOD DIARY EVER. it's going to look so good.
i have a tiny notebook and if i fill it i promised myself i would buy a fancy moleskine wellness journal. which, GUESS WHAT I WANT THAT REALLY BAD. so, yeah!
+ sleep.
based on my stupid life, there are three days a week i now wake up at 5am and get back home at 11pm. and i am A SNOOZER, TO THE MAX! like, i sleep alllll morning. dozing is my favorite drug; hit after hit after hit. nothing feels better. so, to break it, i have been trying to time my sleep cycles. which, sometimes you wake up and you're like, READY TO GO, right? which is because you wake up at the end of a cycle, not get terrorized by your alarm while in the middle of one.
SO i just plan what time i am going to fall asleep (11:30pm) and count out 90min intervals of time, which is about how long a sleep cycle lasts. so if i have to get up at five, i count -- 1am, 2:30am, 4am, 5:30am -- and try to set my alarm as close to 5:30 as i can stand without being late for work. GUYS THIS WORKS. I DO NOT SNOOZE ANYMORE. I AM UP ON THE FIRST BUZZ, greeting the morning like a champ. a couple of times i woke up on my own without the alarm, what! HEY BODY, YOU ARE AWESOME, KEEP DOING AN AWESOME JOB!
so yeah, if you are dead weight in the morning, or need two alarms like me, try that! see if it works!
+ hair.
another thing i started obsessing over is my hair. it started with whether i wanted to chop it off, or keep growing it. the two arguments are: i love short hair, but when my hair is long i feel very close to my mother. in the midst of the latest edition of this internal battle, longhair popped up on lj spotlight and answered the question for me. the faq is an insanely informative read, if you are into natural hair care.
WHICH I NOW AM. people in my life think i am nuts, and along with my diet changes and sudden desire to live on a farm are calling me a hippie. BUT! once i learn things about certain ingredients in products and what they do to the hair and skin -- hi, two semi-permeable barriers designed to secrete and absorb shit into the body -- my cancer-terror kicks in [ps, i have cancer-terror, shut up, microwaves are the scariest, also deoderant, which i use, but it scares me, because of breast cancer, i know i am crazy shut up] and i have to immediately alter my behavior to keep the cancer from being in me.
so now i can't use any products including sodium lauryl sulfate or its derivatives, any parabens ingredients, or any ingredients with -cone at the end. LOOK AT YOUR PRODUCTS. THEY ALL HAVE THEM. i was crying tears of panic over what to use for a while!! but i settled on burts bees and giovanni.
also i only shampoo my hair twice a week. guess what. it looks and feels incredible. i cannot even believe it, but it is true.
recently this has spiraled into an insane paranoia of our culture and how people are driven to love products, and are convinced we need them when we totally DO NOT, in fact products often become the source of our hair/skin trouble, but omg products are so fun!!1 and like, buying them is awesome! and trying out new stuff! and feeling luxurious! i have always been all about that. but wow. i stopped cold. seriously. different person, here. IF YOU WANT A CLIFF NOTES I WILL TELL YOU MORE IN COMMENTS. but i've rambled enough here.
+ hair!
guys my roommate and i [are back on again and] going to see my favorite broadway musical ever tomorrow! in boston! IN THE SECOND ROW. do you understand 1) how happy i will be for the rest of the year because of this, and 2) HOW COMPLETELY BALLISTIC MY ROOMMATE AND I GO WHEN WE ARE HAPPY!! ajaklsfldgj i am so thrilled and excited. more on that another day. i'm sure i will lose my shit and maybe write some claude/berger. but this post is long enough already.
+ help_nz stories.
bidders, i want you all to know that every single one of your stories is started! my apologies that i am a disgustingly slow writer but i want you to know i am working, and i love each and every one of the stories that is growing, and i will get them up as quickly as i can, and i hope you will be patient with me! thank you so much for your donations, and i hope i do you justice. <3
+ HERE IS A PICTURE OF ME SHOVELING SNOW THIS WINTER. i am happy always! for real!
+ I HAVE MORE TO SAY. I'M TOTALLY GOING TO WRITE ANOTHER POST. LOL SEE YOU IN A MINUTE.
+ TELL ME ALL THE THINGS.