(no subject)
So I went to Gibson Ranch today because D.N. wanted me to. We hung out on the docks and talked and joked around. Then I held him while he cried (long story). Then we were just sitting there kidding around. I was holding his hands because he was squeezing them shut really tight. Then he was just laying back against me and I was holding him and he grabbed my hands and held onto them. Then he was playing with them and rubbing his thumb up and down the back of my hand (something he hasn't did since we were dating). Then he sat up and he turned to where he was facing me and I looked away and he grabbed my face and gently turned it to look at him. Well I could tell by the look in his eyes that he wanted to kiss me so I turned away and started talking. Let's just say that I wanted to kiss him but he has a girl friend. I just can't get over him. He was the only guy that ever really treated me right. He took care of me when I was sick, was there for me when my nephew was in the hospital, he was everything for me. I guess somethings just aren't meant to be. As much as I may want it to be the right thing, it's not. I would be here for him when he gets back from boot camp. I would be here for him no matter what. When I cheated on F.P. with him, he told me to think about us. He told me to think about the fact that next year he wouldn't be here when I needed him. He told me that F.P. would but he wouldn't. He wouldn't be here when I needed that bf comfort. The thing is I don't care. I love him. I have friends I can come to when I need to talk to someone. I just want him to be mine no matter what. That will never happen though. As much as I may love him, I just need to get over him. I don't think I will ever be able to do that though.