disc 01• TEAR ME APART
under my skin • under these scars
take me again • tear me apart
01. RUNNING OUT OF TIME | poets of the fall
Here's my confession
'Cause I can't keep it in me
And you know I'm breathless as I come undone
Undone before you
Loving every heartache
Revel in every twist and turn
I can feel your wisdom burning me
Like a second sun
Why's it feel like it kills when you're leaving me?
Am I still hanging on to the ends of yesterday in me
When I was crying for my fears, bitter tears
But you made me see we're crazy running
Crazy running like we're running out of time
02. GUNNING DOWN ROMANCE | savage garden
Zane's theme.
Love and other socially acceptable emotions are morphine
They're morphine
Cleverly concealing primal urges often felt but rarely seen
Rarely seen
I'm gunning down romance
It never did a thing for me
But heartache and misery
Ain't nothing but a tragedy
03. BAD COMPANY | five finger death punch
Ty's theme.
I was born a shotgun in my hands
Behind the gun I'll make my final stand
And that's why they call me
Bad company I can't deny
Bad, bad company till the day I die
Until the day I die
Until the day I die
04. PATTERNS | simon and garfunkel
Partly a nod to Zane's mind and the way he sees the world, and partly just coloring the atmosphere of tension and uncertainty involved in chasing an uncertain killer.
From the moment of my birth
To the instant of my death,
There are patterns I must follow
Just as I must breathe each breath.
Like a rat in a maze
The path before me lies,
And the pattern never alters
Until the rat dies.
05. CHEAP SHOTS | the classic crime
Fight song! ...It's also just generally how Ty and Zane interact, especially at this point - before they're actually together.
I have a demon in me
It shows its teeth and escapes
When I impatiently speak
That's when I make my mistakes
It seems I'm prone to abuse
I'm just like you, I'm just like you
I keep my mouth shut around
the fools and liars of this town
Starting fast from their lips
They burned it all to the ground
You know if you want the truth
You'll just end up getting burned too
06. INSIDE OF YOU | hoobastank
I think this one is self-explanatory.
For now I'll play the game
And I'm waiting for your move
But I've got to say
That I never lose
What do I have to do
To get inside of you?
To get inside of you?
07. DANGEROUS AND SWEET | hoobastank
This song is for how deeply Ty and Zane affect each other - with their softer words as well as the harsh ones. There's also the image of the cut and bleed, of someone being under your skin, in your blood, a recurring theme of the mix.
All these words we speak
Casually
Oh maybe I'm just weak
But it hurts me
Everything you said
Everything you said
Everything you said
Well it cuts
Like a knife it hurts me deep inside
08. A NEW HOPE | broken iris
This one's for Zane and Becky - particularly, the scene at the graveyard, when he's thrown into flashback territory. And take note of the mention of a new hope - that'll come back later.
To your grave I spoke
Holding a red, red rose
Gust of freezing cold air
Whispers to me you're gone
Spent a lifetime of holding on
Just to let go
I guess I'll spend another lifetime
Searching for a new hope
09. BLOODSTREAM | stateless
This could be for either of them but I particularly think of Zane, what with his addictions and how deeply he feels things. Ty gets into his blood, under his skin, affects him like a drug.
The spaces in between
Two minds and all the places they have been
The spaces in between
I try to put my finger on it
I try to put my finger on it
I think I might have inhaled you
I can feel you behind my eyes
You?ve gotten into my bloodstream
I can feel you flowing in me
10. OUT OF TOUCH | versant
And then they're separated.
Standing on the things that you lost
In the place where the final symphony plays
Keep away
Keep your fingers crossed
You know that they could leave any day
Things that we find
Into the zone
Scared to rewind
Or leave you alone
This is no way to fall out of touch
11. GOD AND DRUGS | the classic crime
Zane, throwing himself into substance abuse and deep cover as he tries to forget Ty Grady.
I scrape the glass for crumbs and ask the mirror for some truth.
I loaded my body with chemicals, it was no use.
Cause retribution's coming for the years of this abuse,
And I can't get away and still I can't get close enough to you.
You won't go away,
But every hit is just a taste.
Something scares me in this place.
I self destruct for days.
You won't go away,
But every hit is just a taste
Of all the things I need to face.
But it's all so fake.
"It's okay," a voice says, "We all look elsewhere."
It's true, that I look elsewhere, for you.
You won't go away.
12. R&R | the classic crime
Ty, sitting out on his porch with a cigar, trying to sort through everything that happened and when, exactly, everything in his life had changed.
Sick with regret you sputter out
Your flame swallowed in doubt
Light the cigarette and take a breath,
The smoke inflates your chest and thins your blood
So you bleed less inside
Left with the mess that came about
When you chose to live without out
On foreign shores you fight or die
Life's thrown before your eyes and leaves its toll
On your calloused empty soul
How long, how long will we be desperately alone,
How long, how long?
How long, how long will we have to pay for what we've done,
How long, how long?
13. HELLO IT'S ME | sister hazel
This song is a little bit perfect. The desperate longing and wondering, the under-the-skin itch, and of course - the coat.
I've got your face in my head
A little piece of you I have until we meet again
You left your sweat on my skin
Reminding me relentlessly how time just slips away with you
Hello it's me
Can I come over
You see I've got your favorite coat
It could be cold and rain tomorrow
I couldn't stand to see you soaked
Hello it's me
And it's no problem
I was already in my car
It would be nice if I could see you
I'll take it anywhere you are
14. FALLING APART | wakey!wakey!
That first line is just - Ty and Zane, at the core.
It's not blood so you think it's not love.
My lover said I swear, you're a lunatic.
It's not enough til you think it's too much.
You know it's no good when you hesitate.
Understood, yes you should feel understood.
And I should feel a bit less featherweight.
Maybe be good, just this once, just be good
And I will be a bit less delicate.
It's not love through the sight of a gun
It's not love through the sight of a gun
It's not love through the sight of a gun
It's not love but it reeks of it.
15. STAY | poets of the fall
When they finally do see each other again...
Flow with life down the drain
Memories and force of will sustain
Where will I be tomorrow
What will be left to show
From my life
Stay
I need you here for a new day to break
Stay
I want you near like a shadow in my wake.
16. UNDER MY SKIN | trading yesterday
This is the title song, because this chorus is so powerfully them, especially in the course of this book. They want each other to dig in, tear up, get down under skin and scars to their blood and the heart of them, rip them open and lay the pieces of each other in at every seam.
This is life every second here
Gripping tighter
Empty praise to all the things I fear inside
But I know that you will rise up from these ashes
Tomorrow will be the light that guides me
Under my skin
Under these scars
Take me again
Tear me apart
Cause I wanna see
Everything you are
'Til all that's left
Is not myself
17. CHEMISTRY OF A CAR CRASH | shiny toy guns
From the title, yes, this is the car crash song. But it's also about the emotions involved, at this point in their lives, clinging to each other after having been apart and not sure if that's even okay.
You hold the rights I'll never own
And I've never felt
So alien
Don't tear us apart again
What is the use of it
We're OK, it's nothing
It's all chemistry of a car crash
And I won't try so you'll stay
This time
I won't try
And I won't change
This time I won't try
To stop you
18. MIDNIGHT | the birthday massacre
Oh god this song. This song is the tension and the fear, it's the beautiful, terrifying, heart-stopping gripping moment when everything seems lost and nothing is certain - both from Ty and Zane's point of view, and from the reader's.
I can't decide which one of us will leave here alive
Your fingers breaking as I place them over mine
The only thing I need is time
To change your mind, I said
I can't decide which one of us is dreaming tonight
I'm just a shadow in the light you leave behind
The only thing I need is time
To change your mind, I said
When all that you know
Has fallen behind you
It's not the past that you're afraid to see
There's nobody here and no one to find you
Tonight is forever
19. I PROMISE YOU WALLS | shiny toy guns
And now, the song that titles the entire four-disc mix. I have a lot of feelings about this song, how it relates to Ty and Zane, and the image that it presents - walls, but walls of grace, walls of protection and love. The idea that a wall is something you build, stone by stone. Ty's fear of being enclosed, and Zane's fear of anything that lasts. The thought they both have, that meeting each other gives them something to live for.
Loneliness
Is more than we'll ever feel
Blind as you are
Watching everything
When we die
Faith is lost
Once again
Taking hold of all we are
Who says we die
Before we live?
I promise you walls of grace
To carry on
When we're lost
We'll find a way
20. BREAK ME OUT | the rescues
We'll stare at our feet
Sleep in the street
Some kind of secret race
They'll carry on
Won't notice we're gone
So easily replaced
The walls are caving in with no warning
This ship is sinking, I gotta swim for it
I'm running out of air
Break me out tonight
I wanna see the sun rising anywhere but here
Come with me
Oh, this could be
The only chance we get
We gotta take it
We don't do it now we'll never make it
Lose this crowd
Oh break me out
00. DOWNLOAD | ♥ igrab