disc 03• WHEN WE CAME ALIVE
the way we were before • when we came alive
at the moment we met • this is still worth fighting for
01. THE COMPANY WE KEEP | envy and other sins
This song is the theme of F&C for a number of reasons - not the least being the Jekyll and Hyde reference, and the British accent.
I'll face the consequences of my wicked ways
As long as you will face them with me
And if our sands run out,
We'll leave no room for doubt
Come on, it's a simple thing I ask
We can be greater than the sum of our parts
You and I, we're like Jekyll and Hyde
More than Bonnie and Clyde
But I promise you we'll get by
Just don't expect me to lay down and die
For your wandering eyes
Just make a choice and let it lie
02. OCEANO | josh groban
Italian, ocean waves, and the feeling of loving someone without them knowing.
Remo, tremo, sento
Profondi e oscuri abissi
E' per l'amore che ti do
E' per l'amore che non sai
Che mi fai naufragare
E' per l'amore che non ho
E' per l'amore che vorrei
E' per questo dolore
E' questo amore che ho per te
Che mi fa superare queste vere tempeste
[translation:]
I row, I tremble, I feel
Deep and dark abysses
It's for the love I'd give you
It's for the love that you don't know
You make me feel shipwrecked
It's for the love that I have
It's for the love that I want
It's for this suffering
And this love I have for you
What makes me overcome these real storms
03. GUESS IT MAY | rosie thomas
A look into Ty's head, in that place that's trying to figure out what's going to happen now.
I'm still learning what love is
Everyday I wake up in your arms
I'm still trying to figure out what works
How to set off all your alarms
I'm still learning what love is
When I'm walking close to you
The best way to hold your hand in mine
The best way to comfort you.
04. FAKE EMPIRE | the national
The image of the fake empire just makes me think of their undercover mission, what they're allowed to pretend to be.
Turn the light out say goodnight, no thinking for a little while
Let's not try to figure out everything at once
It's hard to keep track of you falling through the sky
We're half awake in a fake empire
We're half awake in a fake empire
05. UNSAID | jakalope
A callback to the blood imagery of the first disc, more swim/water imagery which is the centerpiece of F&C, and of course - the one word left unsaid hanging heavy between them.
Here goes the same thing around again
No I'll never learn
You're in the deep end
I don't know how to swim
But I'm jumping in
This is the same old blood flow
My hearts beats like this before
But you feel so brand new to me
I've been washed ashore
You've got my voice in your hands
I've got your voice in my head
One word is all that's left
Unsaid
06. OVERBOARD | poets of the fall
It's not quite enough just yet.
Have a little more of not enough
More of what is less but isn't love
Little of the same you're dreaming of
That's enough, that's enough
When the deal that you made with love is now a one way street
A one way street
And you'll feel you'll go overboard
Cos you're incomplete, incomplete.
07. I CAN'T MAKE YOU LOVE ME | elequen
Did I tell you you needed tissues? Well, you do now. Because Ty still believes that Zane doesn't and couldn't love him, not yet.
I'll close my eyes
Then I won't see
The love you don't feel
When you're holding me
Morning will come
And I'll do what's right
Just give me until then
To give up this fight
And I will give up this fight.
08. YOU ARE MINE | mutemath
One of the big themes of this book is possession, physical and emotional, with Zane learning that he wants Ty to be his and his alone, and Ty willing to be that for him.
There are objects of affection
That can mesmerize the soul
There is always one addiction
That just can not be controlled
You are mine.
09. THE GIFT | angels and airwaves
Ty can turn Zane inside out with just a look, let alone what he says when he gives the gift of... well, exclusivity.
If you ask I will do what you say
All we have is this night to get through
With a twist of your smile your own way
You left me all up in arms and confused
Oh God I feel like I'm in for it now
And how this kiss will be wonderfully vain
I swear I'll melt if you touch me at all,
But then I'll ask you to do it again and again
And suddenly,
you've done it all.
You've won me over,
In no time at all.
10. YOU ARE THE ONE | shiny toy guns
More than in my head, you're more.
You so believe your own lies
On my skin your fingers
Run away until the last time
We're gonna lose forever
When you try - don't try to say you won't
Try to crawl into my head
When you cry - cause it's all built up inside
Your tears already said - already said
You are the one
You'll never be alone again
You're more than in my head - you're more.
11. SWAN DIVE | sister hazel
So much in this song. This is Ty to Zane, this is the cliff diving scene, this is a song about how throwing yourself into the unknown is thrilling and wonderful.
Oh yeah I might be crazy - but that's not the same as insane
And I'm scared - but that's not the same as being afraid
If I throw myself over the edge
If I find myself in over my head
If I shatter from the fall and I lose
I'd still want to swan dive - into you.
12. YOU'RE MAKING IT ALL COME ALIVE | my favorite highway
This isn't actually the title song.
If your life is so damn comfortable then why do you complain?
A reflection in the alcohol you're pouring down the drain
Just because you paint a picture doesn't mean it fits the frame
This is my West Coast intervention and I'm getting on that plane
When all of your mistakes are keeping you awake
You can't disguise a heart while it's breaking
You hide behind the smile you're faking
It's all about the the chance you're taking
Oh, and you know that you're making it all come alive.
13. WATERCOLOUR | pendulum
This is Ty getting nearly killed because Zane wouldn't listen, this is the case going way too many shades of fucked up.
When I'm falling down
Will you pick me up again?
When I'm too far gone
Dead in the eyes of my friends
Will you take me out of here when I'm staring down the barrel
When I'm blinded by your light
When I cannot see your face?
Take me out of here
Take me out of here
Take me out of here
Take me out of here
14. BREAKING THE HABIT | linkin park
One drink is already one drink too many.
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream.
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean.
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright.
So I'm breaking the habit,
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
15. GOD REST YE MERRY GENTLEMEN | mannheim steamroller
Merry fucking Christmas.
(instrumental)
16. WITHOUT YOU | my darkest days
My heart breaks with every beat,
I can't explain what you do to me
So just say you'll promise me,
Please, take me if you ever leave
But the thought of you gone
Makes everything wrong in my life
So stay right here, right now
'Cause without you I'm a disaster
And you're my ever after
'Cause I need to know your answer
I want you to say you're gonna stay with me
I die every day that you're away from me.
17. TRIANGLE TANGO | cirque du soleil
This mix would be incomplete without a tango, and a dark, sexy one at that.
(instrumental)
18. ALL THE WAY / 4U | poets of the fall
This is Ty and Zane, standing at that railing, "I love you" falling from Ty's lips. The theme of falling, in love and in life, come back again and again in this book and this song is one of the most beautiful pieces of desperate selfless love.
Seems to matter what I say, so I'll hold my tongue at bay
I'd rather use my mouth to kiss your frown away
So your doubts no longer darken your day
So you can hold your head up high, come what may
So please remember that I'm gonna follow through all the way
Oh my love, if it's all I can do, I'll take the fall for you
'Cause I will soar when I lay down with you and give my all for you.
19. STILL WORTH FIGHTING FOR | my darkest days
This song, at any other time, would mean something very different. This could be a breakup song, it could be any number of things - but here, right after that confession, it's Zane with his world turned upside down and sideways, realizing that this thing they have together is worth fighting for - worth fighting himself, his addictions, the world, all of it. This is the actual title song, because the moment they met changed everything for both of them, and what they have together is finally out there and real enough to fight for, no matter what.
So hard to let go
And I still hear the sound
Of your voice singin’ in my head
I can’t surrender
‘Cause the rope’s slowly coming apart
But hangin’ by a thread
It’s gone on
For too long
And this is it
So take a look into my eyes one last time
So we never forget
The way we were before
When we came alive at the moment we met
This is still worth fighting
Still worth fighting for
20. ALL THIS TIME | onerepublic
Right, so. This song. I don't usually talk about the ending song, but this one is particular in that, when I was re-reading F&C, I got to this part in the book and could not read it without this song threading through my head. It's Zane walking between those tables, coming to meet Ty, coming to admit that he's taken a step in the right direction for himself, because he has something to live for now. It's a song that says 'this isn't perfect and I owe you so much but here I am, trying.'
Six on the second hand to new year's resolutions
There's just no question what this man should do.
Take all the time lost, all the days that I cost
Take what I took and give it back to you.
All this time we were waiting for each other
All this time I was waiting for you
We got all these words, can't waste them on another
So I'm straight in a straight line running back to you.
00. DOWNLOAD | ♥ igrab