Life Worship Journal (Last week Part 3)
(continued from previous...)
So Monday rolled around again, and I was expecting MNW to be some sort of big breakthrough. But it wasn’t, at least not according to my expectations. God did some neat things, I believe, but it wasn’t according to how I thought it should look (that’s a good thing). I’m realizing how often I can easily turn to worshiping the experience instead of what the experience should foster and point to, the creation instead of the Creator. And it’s humbling to think this is only the beginning. I believe I was obedient in sharing some of my heart last night, and I have to learn - oh it’s hard - to leave the results up to God. “Trust and obey, for there’s no other way…” Once I do what God asks, I leave it at that. Basically I shared some of my journey and struggles and strived to be vulnerable.
When my faith isn’t neatly packaged and organized and presented to me on a platter, can I still trust God? When the devil tosses those flaming arrows, am I holding up the shield of faith (Ephesians 6) to take my stand? Do I really believe that “greater is he who is in [me] than he who is in the world?” In my cloudiness and spiritual roaming, I’ve come to realize more the importance of fixing my eyes on Jesus. At MNW I read Ezekiel 37, about the valley of dry bones. For years that has been my prayer - that God would awaken the deadness and revive the “fakeness” of his church. But that is not the point. Notice the chapter before, Ezekiel 36 -
“This is what the Sovereign LORD says: It is not for your sake, O house of Israel, that I am going to do these things, but for the sake of my holy name, which you have profaned among the nations where you have gone. I will show the holiness of my great name, which has been profaned among the nations, the name you have profaned among them...I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh...I want you to know that I am not doing this for your sake, declares the Sovereign LORD. Be ashamed and disgraced for your conduct, O house of Israel!”
Worship is not for my sake. God’s cleansing me, sanctifying me, teaching me, molding me, using me, growing me, changing me, forgiving me, speaking to me...none of it is for me. My sister challenged me with that. Why do I want my worship to be acceptable to God? There is nothing that my worship can add to God, nothing that he can gain from it. So why do I do it? Is it to go through some emotional experience that we call a “move of the Holy Spirit”? That is authentic. That isn’t the “in spirit and in truth” that characterize the kind of worshipers the Father seeks.
The Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday since last MNW have been interesting. God is up to something incredible, and while it’s frustrating to not fully understand what’s going on or know what the next step is, I can trust him because he’s unchanging. Everything the Bible says about who he is, everything I’ve experienced him to be in the past, everything he’s revealed to others about who he is...he’s the same today and in my situation now! This week I’ve had almost a dozen conversations with people who have felt like quitting school.
I believe God is shaking us in order for us to find out what our roots are really in. Because this isn’t really a harsh trial. In chapel on Wednesday we had a couple of men who work with the Church in China come speak. What a challenge! There are young kids who spend literally hours praying every morning and night, and skip meals during the day in order to study the Bible. And in the midst of this they’re hiding out in caves and wandering through forests at night so they won’t get found out by Communist officials. And we complain about going to church!! These, our brothers and sisters, commit entire books of the Bible to memory, not in case they get imprisoned, but for when they get imprisoned. People are dying, being tortured, having their houses and churches burned, everything taken away...and all because they love Jesus Christ with everything that is in them. That is true worship! I hesitate to ask God to send persecution to North America, but in a sense I think we need it. But anyway, I think that the “shaking” that seems to be happening in so many lives right now is meant to develop perseverance in us - that we would not grow weary of doing good. It’s so that our roots can grow down deep, so that we abide in Christ and he can produce fruit in our lives to feed a hungry world. And we won’t be able to hold much fruit unless our roots are deep! So while it’s challenging and the pruning process is painful, it’s worth it.
Thursday in Impact Group was neat. We were all in this place of not fully understanding what God’s up to in our lives, but wanting him to have his way. So we were able to cry together and pray for each other, and just reaffirm our trust in God and surrender to his Spirit.
I wish I had a conclusion. Part of me wants to know the end result! Lord, what are you doing? This journey of worship has been different than I ever expected. Trying to write about it all now seems so petty, and words are really insufficient.
But I come back to knowing that God is good. All the time. He is faithful, even when we are faithless. And he is absolutely worthy of me loving him with all of my heart, all of my soul, and all of my strength. To HIM be the glory!
So Monday rolled around again, and I was expecting MNW to be some sort of big breakthrough. But it wasn’t, at least not according to my expectations. God did some neat things, I believe, but it wasn’t according to how I thought it should look (that’s a good thing). I’m realizing how often I can easily turn to worshiping the experience instead of what the experience should foster and point to, the creation instead of the Creator. And it’s humbling to think this is only the beginning. I believe I was obedient in sharing some of my heart last night, and I have to learn - oh it’s hard - to leave the results up to God. “Trust and obey, for there’s no other way…” Once I do what God asks, I leave it at that. Basically I shared some of my journey and struggles and strived to be vulnerable.
When my faith isn’t neatly packaged and organized and presented to me on a platter, can I still trust God? When the devil tosses those flaming arrows, am I holding up the shield of faith (Ephesians 6) to take my stand? Do I really believe that “greater is he who is in [me] than he who is in the world?” In my cloudiness and spiritual roaming, I’ve come to realize more the importance of fixing my eyes on Jesus. At MNW I read Ezekiel 37, about the valley of dry bones. For years that has been my prayer - that God would awaken the deadness and revive the “fakeness” of his church. But that is not the point. Notice the chapter before, Ezekiel 36 -
“This is what the Sovereign LORD says: It is not for your sake, O house of Israel, that I am going to do these things, but for the sake of my holy name, which you have profaned among the nations where you have gone. I will show the holiness of my great name, which has been profaned among the nations, the name you have profaned among them...I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh...I want you to know that I am not doing this for your sake, declares the Sovereign LORD. Be ashamed and disgraced for your conduct, O house of Israel!”
Worship is not for my sake. God’s cleansing me, sanctifying me, teaching me, molding me, using me, growing me, changing me, forgiving me, speaking to me...none of it is for me. My sister challenged me with that. Why do I want my worship to be acceptable to God? There is nothing that my worship can add to God, nothing that he can gain from it. So why do I do it? Is it to go through some emotional experience that we call a “move of the Holy Spirit”? That is authentic. That isn’t the “in spirit and in truth” that characterize the kind of worshipers the Father seeks.
The Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday since last MNW have been interesting. God is up to something incredible, and while it’s frustrating to not fully understand what’s going on or know what the next step is, I can trust him because he’s unchanging. Everything the Bible says about who he is, everything I’ve experienced him to be in the past, everything he’s revealed to others about who he is...he’s the same today and in my situation now! This week I’ve had almost a dozen conversations with people who have felt like quitting school.
I believe God is shaking us in order for us to find out what our roots are really in. Because this isn’t really a harsh trial. In chapel on Wednesday we had a couple of men who work with the Church in China come speak. What a challenge! There are young kids who spend literally hours praying every morning and night, and skip meals during the day in order to study the Bible. And in the midst of this they’re hiding out in caves and wandering through forests at night so they won’t get found out by Communist officials. And we complain about going to church!! These, our brothers and sisters, commit entire books of the Bible to memory, not in case they get imprisoned, but for when they get imprisoned. People are dying, being tortured, having their houses and churches burned, everything taken away...and all because they love Jesus Christ with everything that is in them. That is true worship! I hesitate to ask God to send persecution to North America, but in a sense I think we need it. But anyway, I think that the “shaking” that seems to be happening in so many lives right now is meant to develop perseverance in us - that we would not grow weary of doing good. It’s so that our roots can grow down deep, so that we abide in Christ and he can produce fruit in our lives to feed a hungry world. And we won’t be able to hold much fruit unless our roots are deep! So while it’s challenging and the pruning process is painful, it’s worth it.
Thursday in Impact Group was neat. We were all in this place of not fully understanding what God’s up to in our lives, but wanting him to have his way. So we were able to cry together and pray for each other, and just reaffirm our trust in God and surrender to his Spirit.
I wish I had a conclusion. Part of me wants to know the end result! Lord, what are you doing? This journey of worship has been different than I ever expected. Trying to write about it all now seems so petty, and words are really insufficient.
But I come back to knowing that God is good. All the time. He is faithful, even when we are faithless. And he is absolutely worthy of me loving him with all of my heart, all of my soul, and all of my strength. To HIM be the glory!