Coming around.
So it's been a while since I've even thought about writing in any kind of a journal or posting any kind of a blog. Lately, though, I've been feeling the need to just vent my feelings. I talked to Melissa today. I haven't talked to her in close to 6 years. I just can't believe that it's actually been that long since I've talked to her. So much has happened in that time. I apologized to her. It was my fault we fell apart. I don't know what it was exactly that made my mom so pissed as to not let me speak to her (I know it sounds a bit ridiculous but when you're 14/15 your parents can really have an effect on what you do..) I really wish I hadn't done that though. It's hard to explain. All of those feelings and emotions that I felt talking to her so long ago are still here. I felt the way I used to when I was chatting with her tonight. It was nice. Like nothing ever happened. Like we just picked up right where we left off. I mean, sure things are a little different because I'm 6 years older and wiser, but it was kind of nice, especially with the way I've been feeling lately, to be able to have that feeling back again. I think we're going to hang out Tuesday or Wednesday this week. I'm very excited to do so. I miss having friends. I really do. I don't talk to anyone but those I live with anymore. It's kind of pathetic actually. But whatever. I've always been the type of person who would just rather hide from something than to admit to it and deal with it and move on. So I feel really good that I talked about that with her, even if it was only for a few minutes. This kinda sounds like I'm in love with her. lol.
Anywho.
Things are going ok, I guess. I've got my apartment now. And I"m trying to catch up with old friends and fix the things in my life that have gone wrong. Still dating Cameron. Things are rough at times, not necessarily with Cam, just life in general. It's like I'm really living. Like I wanted to when I was a kid. I always knew having your own place and a job and a car and a life would be a lot of work and that I would struggle with it. But when I was younger I thought that would be nice. I didn't mind the thought of being poor all the time and barely making it by. But now it sucks. Just plain and simply, my life has become mundane. I love Cameron to death. But I can't help but feeling like he would rather spend his time with Daniel than with me. Even though I've always put up such a hard exterior on the outside, being so independent and resourceful, there's a part of me that just wants to be taken care of. I really am selfish when it comes down to it. I want the attention. I want the glory, I want the most.
Anywho.
Things are going ok, I guess. I've got my apartment now. And I"m trying to catch up with old friends and fix the things in my life that have gone wrong. Still dating Cameron. Things are rough at times, not necessarily with Cam, just life in general. It's like I'm really living. Like I wanted to when I was a kid. I always knew having your own place and a job and a car and a life would be a lot of work and that I would struggle with it. But when I was younger I thought that would be nice. I didn't mind the thought of being poor all the time and barely making it by. But now it sucks. Just plain and simply, my life has become mundane. I love Cameron to death. But I can't help but feeling like he would rather spend his time with Daniel than with me. Even though I've always put up such a hard exterior on the outside, being so independent and resourceful, there's a part of me that just wants to be taken care of. I really am selfish when it comes down to it. I want the attention. I want the glory, I want the most.