o33 :: like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand
Gai's in a sand cocoon again, if anyone wonders where he is.
[Nothing to say here. Bell will still be going to work as usual, but he'll be spending more time around the house during his off hours, since this is the first dream-dusting Spring's had to deal with and he's a little upset.]
[Nothing to say here. Bell will still be going to work as usual, but he'll be spending more time around the house during his off hours, since this is the first dream-dusting Spring's had to deal with and he's a little upset.]
He took the proffered sandwich from Bell and muttered a soft "thank you" without looking up. He still had no appetite, but pushing away the other man's kindness would not be polite. Even for all his aloof mannerisms, Spring could see this was an effort that was made by Bell for his sake. It wouldn't do to step on this small act, even if he didn't really want it.
Taking a bite, all Spring's fears were realized in a manner of moments. It was only tasteless mush in his mouth. He swallowed. He didn't know if he would be able to eat it all, but he would try.
It struck him then that he was technically alone in the house with Bell for however long it took for his father to break out of the sand glass. Of course, they had the dogs and Turtle, but they didn't really count much beyond being cute pets. Now that it was just himself and Bell, he wondered if perhaps he should take advantage of the moment. Spring had a few questions growing inside his mind since coming to Edensphere. They were questions specifically for Bell, but usually when Spring was home with Bell his father was also present.
He did need a distraction. Perhaps now was the time to ask.]
Hey... Bell-san?
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[Watching Spring take a bite, he had a feeling the sandwich wasn't any good. Maybe he should have added the peppers to it after all, to make it work for the kid. Sorry, Gai.]
[He would never get used to these cocoon-coffin-things. Bell wanted to reach out and touch the smooth glass surface, stroke it with his fingertips and try to imagine Gai could somehow feel that he was there. But not in front of someone else, and certainly not in front of Gai's son. Watching would have to be enough.]
[His answer to Spring's question was automatic. Bell expected a question about how long it would be, or could he get Spring a glass of water.]
Hm?
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[For a moment, Spring just looked at his father. Youth. The person whose real name he couldn't hear from some reason or another. There were so many things Spring wanted to know about him, and there was also some doubts that had begun to gnaw at him in the past weeks as he had gotten to know both Youth and Bell.]
[One thing in particular was almost painful to think about, so he pushed that aside for an easier topic. Though this one was perhaps just as painful, but in a different way.]
Um... [Spring swallowed the dryness in his mouth and glanced back down at his sandwich, cheeks heating just a little.] When did you... that is, how did you... f-fall in love with my father?
[The last part came out a bit rushed, but Spring was proud he had managed to ask at last. Truth be told, now was probably the best time to ask. For once, he had Bell's attention to himself, and no one was likely to walk in on them unexpectedly and make this any more awkward than it was already destined to be.]
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[If he wanted to, Bell could just deny the idea that he had fallen in love with Gai at all. Keeping Gai around for the sex would be a convenient, if also untruthful and troublesome, in the long run, response. Spring would probably strangle him for that, actually. Maybe it wasn't so convenient.]
[He could distract Spring, but the kid might take that as a no, too, and be offended and tell his dad and then Bell would be sleeping outside.]
[Bell did all he could do. He shrugged.]
Huh? Are you asking how we first kissed? Or slept together? Or met ...or what? [Surely the kid didn't want details. Bell hoped not, at least. Some of those details were enough to get Bell strangled too. ...Gai and his prudishness would be so much better with a question like this.]
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[Questions, especially of that nature, were not what he expected or wanted in return, however. Feeling a bit frustrated with the onslaught of awkward questions that really were no answer at all, Spring rubbed at his face a bit with his free hand, thick brows drawing together in irritation.]
It is not a hard question! I do not need to know the... physical details.
[That was just... no. No, no, NO! Spring shook his head, trying to get the images out of his mind before he passed out from all the blood rushing to his cheeks in embarrassment.]
Just... [Taking a deep breath, Spring lifted his face from his hand and gave Bell his most serious look.] I know there is emotion there. And that is what I want to know. When did you start really caring for my father?
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Ah ha. In the face of that serious of a look, who could deny the kid anything? Bell looked back down at Gai and shrugged again.]
I don't know. Somewhere between the teasing and everything, I guess. [He looked back up at Spring and struggled for the words. Everything he played over in his head was too telling for Bell to admit. Too sappy. And Bell didn't know when it was either. Maybe latent memories had contributed to it. Maybe that was just how these things happened, gradually and without a single moment to look back on and go 'there, that was when the tides changed.']
There wasn't a moment, it just...you know. These things happen and he's not exactly difficult to care about.
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[It still wasn't much of an answer. No real specifics were given, but maybe expecting one day for love to just happen was too idealistic. Romance wasn't really Spring's forte either, but he had kind of hoped for something more solid. As it was, he supposed the answer wasn't bad. And an honest answer was better than a beautiful lie.]
[Bell's last words on the matter caused Spring to smile.] That is very true.
[So far, except for a few remarks made supposedly in teasing on the journals, Spring had no reason to think Bell didn't care deeply for his father. And honestly, even Spring had grown to like Bell. He didn't hate him before now and was actually very comforted by his presence. His words were few, but they were heartfelt. This time, at least. So, perhaps Spring did approve.]
[Lately, Spring had had begun to wonder, however, if he truly had the right to give his approval or not. And not just because children should not talk back to their parents. There was something deeper that troubled him.]
Um, I was also wondering, do you know... how old Youth-san is?
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[He didn't want to want Spring's approval, but Bell worried about it anyway. A kid should be able to respect and approve of his father figure's choices in life. He should not feel that Gai had chosen Bell over Spring or chosen badly or anything like that.]
[Not that Bell was the best Gai could do. Bell had a mental list of people Gai would be far better off with.]
Uh. About my age, I guess. Twenties, early thirties. [Not exactly Youthful, but not old either. It was difficult to get an exact fix on age without memories, but Bell could guess somewhat based on the condition their bodies were in.] ...Why?
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[And now that he knew the guestimated age, he really couldn't back out of this. There may never be a better time to say what he needed to say. He just had to buck up and do it.]
I have been thinking since my strange memory that he is... Youth-san is a little too young to have a son of my age... [He averted his eyes and heaved a weary sigh.]. Isn't he?
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[And the idea of future memories didn't make sense unless Bell and Gai both aged very, very well.]
[They couldn't tell Gai; even their doubts would break his heart.]
Probably. [What was he supposed to say to Spring? Reassure him?] Though I don't think that would change how he feels about you.
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It would possibly not change things... [He tone quite plainly expressed his uncertainty on the issue.] Perhaps everything would be fine. He is a very kind person, someone I respect very much. And love. As a father, I do not think I could ask for anyone better. Still... What am I really to Youth-san, then? A nephew? A little brother?
[He moved one bandaged hand to his forehead, fingers threading through his bangs. His closed his eyes, brows knit together in concentration.] And make no mistake, I realized this means I have even less of a right to try and come between you two than ever. I do not think I want to anyway.
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It wouldn't. [Bell's tone, in contrast, was somewhat confident. There were a lot of uncertainties in this world, in any world, but Bell felt in his gut that, son or not, Spring would always be the same level of importance to Gai. Maybe it was less about believing it, though, and more that Bell couldn't really imagine life any other way now. Or he didn't want to. Lotus, Spring...whatever the kid's name was...was an important fixture.] Maybe. [Cousin or brother had come to mind once and been dismissed, but it was possible.] What does he feel like he should be?
[Bell smiled, just ever so slightly at the 'I do not think I want to anyway.' He wouldn't flatter himself to think Spring liked him, or even liked him for Gai, but the words still felt oddly good to hear. Somewhere in the back of Bell's mind he still felt Spring had a right to say 'no' and that Gai would listen, and so to hear Spring wouldn't was almost comforting.] Okay.
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I... honestly, father does seem the most accurate, if I go by my feelings. [It wasn't the truth, he was certain. But that didn't mean it couldn't still feel right.] Perhaps he is just someone I looked upon as a father figure. Or maybe I am adopted. [That felt closer, but not exactly right.]
[Spring nodded. Okay, that step was out of the way. Now there was only one more big question, or more a request, that Spring needed to put out there while the had the chance. Spring steeled himself.]
I suppose this also means I am living here under false pretenses! That is not a good thing but... I would rather Youth-san not find out. Ever, if possible. And... [He took a deep breath, his volume lowering as he wound down.]... if you would not ask me to leave, I would be very grateful.
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