First days here
Figured I'd add this baby to my routine, seeing how I could do with some creative writing practice and this emotions landfill seems a good enough place to flex my digits.
Just thinking about having a routine is fucking bizaaaaaarre. I haven't had more than "wake up, don't die" as a routine my entire life, outside the military (a routine of which I was notoriously bad at maintaining). I'm just gonna go fucking ham and try to set it all up while I have the marbles to do it, and if things get fucky, I'll just take it a day at a time. I realized today that I can't just paint models all day every day until they're all done, that wouldn't really be all that helpful, even if it is incredibly satisfying to do now. I tried playing a game the other day to little success, just put a movie on instead, which is both relieving and a little sad. Video games allowed me to make it this far by offering that outlet to dump my failing attention, and I feel bad I just don't have the need to immerse myself to feel ok. Poor video game baby. I'm sure I'll have need of them in my future, I don't expect I'm out of the woods yet.
So, I've been taking 10mg 3-4 times a day, every 4 hours, depending on how long I'm up, but I think after today thats a bit too much. I had to stay up for work today and I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, and after my first morning dose the second 10mg made me feel like toooooo good. I laid in bed and felt like waves and waves of like happy and satisfied. Not that I'm complaining, but I don't
Need to be fucking floating through life I just need it to not be constant torture. Waited 6 hours between the last 10mg and then a 5mg. I think that's the most ideal dosage at this point. I don't feel floating and nauseated and I can feel my hunger but I also feel content and in control. Gotta test how long it lasts though, because I have a feeling it will diminish sooner. Might be best to just obtain small dose time release so it's constantly at a low dose.
Alright, wrapping up for now. Work is still exhausting even when I'm not miserable hah