Where I'm at and how I feel
First, I would like to say that I am really sorry about being gone so long. Many of you sent us great Christmas cards and they were really nice, thanks. They made me feel like someone remembered me and cared, for that I want you to know that I am grateful. I have been quiet here because I have been going through a time in my life of big changes, some good and some not so good. Some of you already know that I have gained two wonderful men in my life that add more than my fair share of happiness I already have with David. I was not looking for love from my friends but when this kind of love presented itself any man who lets it go is a fool. Their names are Mark and Jeff and I love them more than my self. To be honest, I had always thought that poly-partnerships seemed kinda like a lot of trouble. I had always admired the strength it took to keep them together for some people I know, but did not believe I had the strength to be able to love more than one person like I do David, time will tell as well as test what I have in me.
Other than my pride in my new partners I am on the cusp of moving back into higher paying jobs like I had in Dallas. I wont reveal any details yet but the money is good. In the meantime, I have taken a sales position at Rogers wireless just until the right amount of money is offered and the right amount of comfort is felt about the company that offers that perfect technical job I want. The Job at Rogers will be fun though. It is a simple job working around younger people, I also have a great manager who totally adores me. I am going to give it my all, just as I have any job I've had and since I have been in Canada. My problem is sometimes I'm too honest and tend to make my supervisors feel stupid and inadequate. The silly thing is I did it to my teachers in high school too. Most teachers in southeastern oklahoma would make a fantastic waitresses here. Cronyism works as well in the classroom as it does in southern presidential politics my friends. I feel like I need more tact and flexibility to be able to avoid bad job politics. Anyway, I'm here and they are still there, and I'm moving on.
Some of the bad stuff is centered around my mother. I feel sorry for her. We have not always been close, but she has come to see me as an adult in recent years. I have simply forgiven her for mistakes all people can make, even with their kids. She did the best she could. The problem is, I miss her. I think about her welfare constantly. My stepfather "Robert" is a good man but he is very sick. I don't want to see my mother lonely again and having to say goodbye to another man she loves like she did with my father and my last stepfather. My mothers misery is in having had to to bury 2 husbands and divorce one for nearly killing me in my sleep when I was a teenager. I witnessed all of this and her face breaks my heart when she is sad. I hear it in her voice sometimes when she calls. I picture it in my mind as I lay in bed at night. I ask myself, what can I do to help her. I feel like in furthering my life, I have abandoned her. I feel like she needs my help. I used to send her money when I lived in Dallas. I never put my address on it though. Sometimes when I was off work I would drive the 5 hours back home and watch her from a distance and make sure she was okay. This would solve the worry I felt back then and I could continue my life. needless to say, I don't have that ability any more. maybe I'm just crazy.
On a more upbeat note a friend of mine who I consider a member of my family told me last night that he has a love interest. This friend has been alone for too long and admitted to me last night of feeling lonely whenever he saw me or others in our little group of bears who were partnered. He has met someone from the states (like most of my friends do) LOL. I think bears from Canada and bears from the states seems to be a theme not only for my own relationships, but for many of my friends. I am glad he has someone to love now, even if it is a bit early to be assuming much, just to hear his excitement made me happy for him. If you are reading this "B" I wish you and "K" the best, I love you like a brother and if the day comes when you need a helping hand navigating immigration ill be here with free advice.
I also want to think a good man from Buffalo for giving me a nudge to get out here and make a posting, THANKS JEFF!
Other than my pride in my new partners I am on the cusp of moving back into higher paying jobs like I had in Dallas. I wont reveal any details yet but the money is good. In the meantime, I have taken a sales position at Rogers wireless just until the right amount of money is offered and the right amount of comfort is felt about the company that offers that perfect technical job I want. The Job at Rogers will be fun though. It is a simple job working around younger people, I also have a great manager who totally adores me. I am going to give it my all, just as I have any job I've had and since I have been in Canada. My problem is sometimes I'm too honest and tend to make my supervisors feel stupid and inadequate. The silly thing is I did it to my teachers in high school too. Most teachers in southeastern oklahoma would make a fantastic waitresses here. Cronyism works as well in the classroom as it does in southern presidential politics my friends. I feel like I need more tact and flexibility to be able to avoid bad job politics. Anyway, I'm here and they are still there, and I'm moving on.
Some of the bad stuff is centered around my mother. I feel sorry for her. We have not always been close, but she has come to see me as an adult in recent years. I have simply forgiven her for mistakes all people can make, even with their kids. She did the best she could. The problem is, I miss her. I think about her welfare constantly. My stepfather "Robert" is a good man but he is very sick. I don't want to see my mother lonely again and having to say goodbye to another man she loves like she did with my father and my last stepfather. My mothers misery is in having had to to bury 2 husbands and divorce one for nearly killing me in my sleep when I was a teenager. I witnessed all of this and her face breaks my heart when she is sad. I hear it in her voice sometimes when she calls. I picture it in my mind as I lay in bed at night. I ask myself, what can I do to help her. I feel like in furthering my life, I have abandoned her. I feel like she needs my help. I used to send her money when I lived in Dallas. I never put my address on it though. Sometimes when I was off work I would drive the 5 hours back home and watch her from a distance and make sure she was okay. This would solve the worry I felt back then and I could continue my life. needless to say, I don't have that ability any more. maybe I'm just crazy.
On a more upbeat note a friend of mine who I consider a member of my family told me last night that he has a love interest. This friend has been alone for too long and admitted to me last night of feeling lonely whenever he saw me or others in our little group of bears who were partnered. He has met someone from the states (like most of my friends do) LOL. I think bears from Canada and bears from the states seems to be a theme not only for my own relationships, but for many of my friends. I am glad he has someone to love now, even if it is a bit early to be assuming much, just to hear his excitement made me happy for him. If you are reading this "B" I wish you and "K" the best, I love you like a brother and if the day comes when you need a helping hand navigating immigration ill be here with free advice.
I also want to think a good man from Buffalo for giving me a nudge to get out here and make a posting, THANKS JEFF!