A Friends Wake
Last night Dave and I went to Goodies wake at the John (J GRIZZ) and Don (WEBAX) house. The atmosphere was reminiscent of the Tool Box days. A bunch of good memories of Goody were shared between all who came. One of my favorites was shared when we were standing out front on the porch. Someone mentioned that their is a home for abused women directly across the street from the house. I then remembered the old joke Goody would tell about the place. Goody called it "Tempura House, home for lightly battered women".
I try to keep upbeat about last night, but the truth is I never grieved until I saw his stuff arranged in a sort of shrine and the pictures of him in his room. I remember that every time we would visit Goody he would always try to give me some of his stuff. Once he even offered his rubber overalls to me. He was always so giving and always honest. He was quick witted, smart, and yes sometimes even a bit hard to get along with, but that didn't matter because he would be making you laugh again soon. Looking back at his generosity I wonder now why I didn't put 2 and 2 together. Thus I sobbed unlike I have in recent memory.
I tend to internalize feelings of guilt and fault and shame. This has been one of my big life hurdles. last night I caught myself asking why this happened and wishing I could just go back in time and help him. I should have visited him more and spent more time with all of my Toronto family. I have neglected my friends in Toronto and this is so wrong. My friends in Toronto are some of the best guys in the world and I'm lucky to know them, I will endeavor to spent more time with those who care about me in the big TO. You just never know if you might never see them again and honestly I don't want to feel like this about another friend
These kind of events have to be more for the living in the future. All of us have a reason to live and we should express that every day we draw breath. The lesson I learned last night is that even with the porn job and all my problems I still have a LOT to be thankful for in my life. I have a love of my own who Is a one in a million and I feel lucky to have David as my husband, I have the best friends any man could ask for, I have a job, I live in a wonderful country, I am healthy, I can forgive, I can solve problems and grow from learning about them, I can help others to be happy, I can give love and I get it in return, I can be happy, and I AM worth it.
I try to keep upbeat about last night, but the truth is I never grieved until I saw his stuff arranged in a sort of shrine and the pictures of him in his room. I remember that every time we would visit Goody he would always try to give me some of his stuff. Once he even offered his rubber overalls to me. He was always so giving and always honest. He was quick witted, smart, and yes sometimes even a bit hard to get along with, but that didn't matter because he would be making you laugh again soon. Looking back at his generosity I wonder now why I didn't put 2 and 2 together. Thus I sobbed unlike I have in recent memory.
I tend to internalize feelings of guilt and fault and shame. This has been one of my big life hurdles. last night I caught myself asking why this happened and wishing I could just go back in time and help him. I should have visited him more and spent more time with all of my Toronto family. I have neglected my friends in Toronto and this is so wrong. My friends in Toronto are some of the best guys in the world and I'm lucky to know them, I will endeavor to spent more time with those who care about me in the big TO. You just never know if you might never see them again and honestly I don't want to feel like this about another friend
These kind of events have to be more for the living in the future. All of us have a reason to live and we should express that every day we draw breath. The lesson I learned last night is that even with the porn job and all my problems I still have a LOT to be thankful for in my life. I have a love of my own who Is a one in a million and I feel lucky to have David as my husband, I have the best friends any man could ask for, I have a job, I live in a wonderful country, I am healthy, I can forgive, I can solve problems and grow from learning about them, I can help others to be happy, I can give love and I get it in return, I can be happy, and I AM worth it.