Fic: Have Your Cake (And Eat it Too)

[jya_bd_cp_ttgb]

Title: Have Your Cake (And Eat it Too)

Author: JYA/Ghost

Pairing(s): Parrish/Lorne, Lorne/Ronon, Parrish/Lorne/Ronon, Parrish/Ronon with a side order of Teyla/Laura and Sam/Janet Frasier.

Rating: PG-13

Beta’ed By : Tesserae_

Vetted By : Auburnnothenna

Warnings: Bad language? Uhm...eavesdropping? Three-way? Chocolate cake abuse?

Author's Notes: Don't know where it came from. Set somewhere/sometime after "A Day in the Life of a Porn Script Writer." Maybe a year?

Summary: GPFG has a script that sends three of its actors into unfamiliar territory.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Laura Cadman never meant to overhear it. Really. She just sat down in the corner of the room closest to the patio, in case she wanted to step outside for a quick smoke. That she had an unobstructed view of the TV, currently running an ice-dancing competition, had nothing to do with it.

But once Evan went past her to join Ronon, and the conversation got started, she was riveted.

"Hey."

"Hey. Where's David?"

"His turn to get food for us. I get drinks and seats.” With that, Evan dropped onto the wicker bench across from Ronon.

Their voices were easy, almost normal, but Laura could still hear some tension between the pair as they talked. She knew Elizabeth, Teyla and Sam had had a meeting with David Parrish and them yesterday concerning a new script.

Ever since their first introduction in “The Colonel and the Physicist: Hunter/Hunted,” Major Eric Adept of El Dorado and Taskleader Raiden Jax of Sedaera had been throwing sparks at each other. Though nothing was going on, David’s character, Dr. Devon Perilla, was beginning to fear that Adept was returning to his old man chasing ways, and would soon leave him for a relationship with Jax.

During the filming of Wanton Academy - the first movie featuring the Adept and Perilla characters - GPFG had used clever camera angles and script fake-outs to disguise the fact that the *only* hardcore sex being shown was between the actors David Parrish and Evan Lorne. In that film, Evan had spent a lot of time walking out of rooms looking well-fucked. This time, the audience wasn’t going to settle for that. They knew anything between Adept and Jax would be so hot, the entire City of El Dorado would want a cigarette. And they were demanding to see it.

Which left a problem. Fans of Adept and Perilla’s relationship were not going to be happy over the newest development. So Teyla pitched the idea that the sex was all a fantasy. Adept and Perilla would have their love story, while Adept/Jax fans could watch the raw, sweating passions of their favorite couple.

Except that Evan and Ronon weren’t a couple, and Evan was not someone who could just randomly fuck people who were not David.

"You read the script?" Laura’s ears perked up at the sound of Ronon’s wary question. Here we go, she thought.

Evan sighed. "Yeah. I did."

Ronon took a drink from his beer, slowly spinning it around and around in his hands. "What do you think?" Laura could see his shoulders were tense.

"I have no idea, honestly."

They were quiet for a little while. Her attention back on the muted TV, Laura saw David wander onto the patio out of the corner of her eye, and turned her head to watch him instead. "Hey," Ronon curled his legs up to let David pass.

"Hey. You're not drinking that on an empty stomach, are you?"

"Nah. I ate earlier, cook's privilege. Sheppard asked me to baby-sit the ribs while he and McKay...He said grocery store…I say…I don't want to think about it."

All three men snickered, then Laura heard nothing but the clatter of forks against plates as David and Evan attacked their food. She shifted a bit to be able to watch them more comfortably through the thin curtains.

"You read the script?" David asked at last, scooping potato salad up on his fork.

"Yeah," Ronon nodded, taking another swallow of beer.

"What'd you think?"

Evan was playing with his food more than he was eating it, Laura saw, and she wondered briefly if he’d had any kind of an appetite at all since the meeting.

Ronon snorted and shook his head. His next words sounded like someone was dragging them out of him. "They told me come in for a screen test. Some redhead said ’Hi, I’m so and so, the casting director.’ I just called her "The Bossy Redhead." I didn't bother learning names, because one film, maybe two, I was gone, you know?"

Laura drummed her fingers on her thigh. Bossy Redhead? How rude!

All pretense of eating gone, Evan was playing now with his soda bottle. David nodded encouragingly for Ronon to continue. "Bossy goes...there's one of your co-stars." Ronon gestured to Evan. " And I thought 'Great ass. I won't mind getting some of that." He gave an unapologetic shrug. "That was before I knew how things worked, and before you all got names. I don't do other people's lovers. It's..." His long, beautiful braids slithered over his shoulders as Ronon shook his head again. "Together is together."

Laura could feel the silence drop over them, and gritted her teeth to keep from filling it herself. Did Ronon mean he was…?

Then David asked the question trying to force its way from between her teeth. "You're turning down the movie?"

"If they can't find a cheat, then yeah."

It’s amazing they didn’t hear the thump as Laura let her head drop against the wall. Who knew that Ronon Dex, the last ’old school’ porn actor they had hired, would be the one to keep to GPFG’s morals?

Evan looked up from peeling the label off his Pepsi. "A cheat?"

Ronon nodded. "Tommy Prince looks like you a little bit. Keep his face off-screen, cover that tattoo on his shoulders; no one’ll know the difference."

Yes they will, Laura thought darkly. He fucks like his batteries are running out.

"He's five inches shorter," David answered calmly. "They tossed that idea before they came to us."

Teyla came up to her, but Laura didn't risk speaking. She simply caught the other woman's wrist and pulled her down onto her lap, a finger to her lips for quiet. Teyla blinked at her, shifted off her lap and sat on the floor, close to Laura's legs.

"I can't see Adept cheating," Evan finally said.

"Me either," Ronon answered.

"He's not. Devon just thinks he is," David told them. "Maybe it wasn't that clear in your copies, but it's all in Perilla's head."

"That almost makes it worse," Ronon muttered.

Evan got a puzzled look on his face. "How so?"

"Because we'd be fucking for no reason. Just stupid daydreams, or nightmares, or - whatever." He made a disgusted noise, finished his beer and set the bottle down. "They're asking you two to - to compromise your relationship for something that's not even a good plot twist."

Laura quickly clapped her hand over Teyla's mouth, even though she doubted very much that her lover had anything to say at the moment.

When Sam Carter wandered over, Laura waved her free hand and put her finger over her lips before pointing to the patio. Sam took a quick look, blinked, and made herself comfortable on the carpet next to Teyla, passing over small slices of cake.

But the sweets were forgotten as David asked, "How do you think it should happen?"

"What? Raiden and Adept?" Ronon reached down and pulled up another beer from the small bucket by his feet, popping the cap off.

"Yeah."

"You know the scene in the gym? When Perilla sees them sparring?"

"Yep." David drank his water, watching interestedly. Evan was deep in meditation over the weave pattern of his sleeves.

"They're matched. When they fight, there's not really a winner or a loser. They find a place to come to a draw, and just...stop. It's like - Okay, I've got my knife to your throat, and I know you're about to sweep my feet out from under me, but you know, I got a meeting I need to shower before, so let's pick this up tomorrow, okay?"

The other two men chuckled, and David reached for Evan's hand to tangle their fingers together.

Ronon continued, his voice sounding thoughtful. "If they drew down on each other for real, you know, kill or be killed - I still don't think they could do it. I think they'd fight, and they'd fuck, and in the morning, they'd go their separate ways until the next round."

"Beloved enemies," Evan murmured.

"Yep."

"Huhn," David took a swig of soda. "You don't think anything else could get them together?"

"I'm not a writer," Ronon answered, sounding defensive to Laura’s ears.

"That's not an answer," David challenged immediately. "You have something here."

"Siege on the city, they get taken prisoner…the Gakii turn Raiden back into a Harbinger. If whatever made them do that was something in Raiden’s mind instead of his body…they’d do Adept too. Either way, they can't get the tracers out; maybe the newest technology is too small, like a grain of rice. All they can do is run, stay alive. If they think the City's been destroyed...then all they've got now is each other." Ronon was staring at the floor, and Laura listened, fascinated as his voice shifted into Raiden's deeper growl.

"Three months, six - who knows how long it would take before Stone could find them. Maybe it's just an accident they get rescued."

Teyla's head was tilted to the side, a sign she was listening intently. Sam had leaned forward over her knees to hear better.

"They might've just become lovers. They might've been doing it for a while by then. Just to remind themselves...they're not alone. They're not dead yet."

A picture formed in Laura’s mind as Ronon spoke. Adept and Raiden; their clothes filthy and torn, huddled in a cave…maybe the very one where they’d first met. One of them is bleeding…a scuffle with a Gakii scout that almost ended badly. The other plays doctor, tenderly washing and bandaging the wound. Their eyes lock, the loss of everything they had crashing down on them… Raiden mourning the new life he’d almost had…Adept mourning Devon and the golden mountain city they’d all called home…

Evan’s voice broke her out of her daydream. "But they do get rescued," he breathed out. "They get back to the city because Stone doesn't leave his people behind. Not ever. He'd come back from the dead to bring his people home."

"Yeah." Ronon swallowed. "But they're not the same anymore."

"Chains forged in blood and tears." Evan looked away.

"Pretty much," Ronon nodded, not moving his eyes off the pale face across from him.

"Perilla might not even want a partner stripped down to whatever was needed to survive," Evan said shakily, licking his lips. "Adept’s a bastard, and a fighter, but...he’s not an animal.”

"I disagree," David answered. "Perilla knows Eric could go savage. That's why he can let him walk through the Gate everyday, knowing that Hell itself couldn't keep him from coming home. It might be awhile, but Eric would come back.” David paused for a moment. “Devon’d take Raiden too, if Eric couldn't live without him anymore."

Sam’s quiet gasp meant she got it before Laura did, which pissed Laura off just a little. But at least she caught on before Teyla did.

"You mean - a three-way?" Evan's voice actually cracked while he said that. Sam’s cake slid off her plate as she moved for a better look.

David nodded slightly. Ronon cocked his head in an unknowing imitation of Teyla. "That...would be the other way."

"Other way?" Evan blinked, reaching out and snagging Ronon's beer, and downing the entire thing in one go.

Ronon flexed his now empty hand before taking Evan's Pepsi. "I wish we could reshoot that last scene in Silent Enemy - Raiden teasing Perilla would set it up pretty good."

"You always pull the pigtails of the girl you like." David grinned cheekily

"Pretty much, yeah.” Ronon took a quick swallow from the soda. “Adept's like a mirror image, it's not hard for Raiden to see why he's with Perilla, and be attracted himself. And Perilla doesn't need to choose between them because Raiden being with Adept is only a matter of time anyway. Shit happens between soldiers, you know?"

"All that adrenaline," David nodded. "It's gotta go somewhere."

"Exactly."

"Just giving a buddy a hand. It doesn’t mean anything," Evan muttered faintly.

"It means something when it's Eric and Jax," Ronon replied. "Just not..." he shook his head. "I don't have the words."

"It means balance," David said thoughtfully, after a short silence. "They've got each other for the dark parts of themselves, and they've got Devon for the light parts."

"Triangle is the most stable construct," Ronon nodded.

"I thought it was a star, but that would make people's heads explode." Ronon and Evan both snorted at David, who blinked innocently. Laura had to grin…he did that so well.

"It's all academic anyway," Ronon finally commented, standing and stretching a little. "The script is the script, and I'm not doing it if they can't cheat."

"What if…it doesn't bother me that much?"

The beer bottle slipped out of Evan's hands and bounced on the floor, miraculously not breaking into a zillion pieces. Meanwhile, Ronon went down into his chair like a puppet whose strings had been cut. Laura felt her eyes widen comically, mirroring Sam's shocked look. It's always the quiet ones, she thought dazedly.

David was red to the roots of his light brown hair and looking determinedly at nothing.

"You've lost your mind," Evan said flatly, sounding a few steps short of pissed as he stared at David. "Gone completely around the bend...what the deuce do you mean, what if it didn't bother you?"

"I mean...the idea of you two...it flips a switch, okay?" David answered defensively, squirming a little in his seat. "I don't know why, and sometimes I think I do need a chat with Heightmeyer, but...as long as I knew you were coming home to me, I'd...I'd want to watch."

Ronon's head went into his hands. Evan kept staring at David like he had a second and a third head.

Two slices of chocolate cake were staining Rodney's precious blue rug, and Laura was absently glad she'd stuck hers on the end table. Teyla blinked rapidly, her eyes starting to glaze over with her familiar 'I am writing, leave me alone' look. Sam’s jaw still hung slightly open.

"You'd want to watch me with another guy," Evan paraphrased slowly, his tone that of a very patient, very confused parent.

"Not another guy. Ronon," David answered, shooting his partner an aggrieved look.

"I don't have tits. I'm a guy." Ronon’s words were muffled by his hands.

"You're you.” David retorted, face flushing again as he stared at the top of Ronon’s head. “Another guy sounds like...oh, let's have Cameron over for beer and rimming or Daniel for blowjobs."

"Strangely, that's a comfort. If you suddenly wanted Rodney and body shots, we're getting a divorce." David rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything.

"What about you?" Ronon asked into the quiet, lifting his head. "Would you want in on things?"

Evan very slowly turned towards Ronon, reminding Laura bizarrely of the creepy little doll in the Chucky movies.

"You and me?" David...didn't quite squeak.

"Yeah. Me and him 'flip a switch' for you. What about you and me?"

"I am home, in bed, with food poisoning," Evan commented to no one in particular. "I had one too many tuna rolls, and this is a very strange dream." David and Ronon stared at each other while the metaphorical temperature on the patio kept going up and up.

Laura wet her lips with a quick swipe of her tongue. Sam was nearly lying in her lap, trying to peek through the door. It was a miracle they hadn't been spotted or made a noise that would disturb the vibe going on out on the patio.

"You two *cannot* be serious!" Evan burst out, getting up and going for the door.

Ronon rose to his feet to block him, and like a flash of lightning, Laura could see Eric Adept's fight or flight instincts warring for control of Evan Lorne. "Get out of my way," he growled, his blue eyes suddenly cold.

Teyla was on her knees, digging her fingers into Laura's jeans and Sam's shirt as she watched. Laura could almost feel the bite of her nails through the thin denim. Good god - she’d sell her soul to have a camera right now…

Ronon reached out, and Raiden was there too, stroking gentle fingers down Adept's face. A half-step forward, and Raiden tilted his head down, brushing a tender kiss over Eric’s parted lips.

For a split-second, Laura was sure that Evan was going to bite Ronon's lip. He might have if David hadn't come up behind him, laying light-but-restraining hands on Evan's elbows. She admired David’s courage…Ronon’s too, really. John had been teaching Evan lots of self-defense moves lately and in the state of mind Evan was in, he might use them.

The second kiss was almost as risky, but the third was slow and deep, as Evan gave in at last to the insistent press of Ronon's mouth. Ronon took another half-step forward, drawing Evan against his body and bringing David with him, one hand on each. David kissed his way down the side of Evan's throat, moving with them easily.

Breaking the kiss, Evan turned his head away from Ronon, only to have David capture his mouth, their familiarity obvious in the deft twist of tongues and syncing of lips. Ronon seemed content to watch, occasionally nuzzling just a little at Evan's hair.

When they broke the kiss apart, David was as calm as he was at the start, but Evan was breathing like a marathon runner. David kissed Evan's forehead lightly and nuzzled their noses together before meeting Ronon's dark gaze and leaning forward to accept the kiss being offered.

Evan had front row seats to watch them, still trapped in the circle of their arms, and Laura could almost hate him for that. From Sam's small wriggles and the press of Teyla's fingernails into her jeans again, she was pretty sure the other two agreed.

David skimmed his nose over Ronon's beard as they parted, then they both turned their attention to Evan. In concert, they kissed their way up his throat to his jaw, then Ronon took his lips again. To the chagrin of their little audience, David's actions were hidden behind the other men's bodies. Whatever he was doing, it caused Evan’s fists to clench in Ronon’s shirt.

If someone's damn cell phone hadn't gone off loudly enough to wake the dead, the whole party might've had one hell of a show to watch, but it did, and the trio broke completely apart.

"Ronon?" John hollered from somewhere near the kitchen. "Ronon!"

"Outside, I'll get him," Carson answered from the dining room.

Sam scrambled off Laura's lap, levered herself up from the floor and disappeared at warp speed. Teyla rose and vanished. Laura hastily grabbed some napkins from her pocket and knelt down, like she'd just dropped the cakes and hadn't been sitting there the whole time. "Yo, Dex," she called, working hard to make her voice sound innocent. "You're being summoned."

There was a sound that could have been a Creole curse, then the curtains flew out and he stormed past her. She peeked out to see Evan running a hand through his hair and David speaking softly to him.

“You’re not jealous?” Evan interrupted, his voice quiet and shaky.

“No,” David answered, just as soft. “Well, that‘s not totally true… maybe two percent of me is, but that’s mainly because Raiden and Adept get more searches done than Adept and Perilla on the ordering forms…”

Evan snickered, then broke into relieved laughter, cuddling close to David. “I love you, you know that?”

“I love you, too.”

Somehow, the idea that she was watching their tender kiss was more embarrassing than watching anything else had been, and Laura focused on what she was doing.

She'd just gotten almost everything cleaned up and was heading to the kitchen for some Resolve when Ronon went past her again, stepping onto the patio. "I've got to go," he said quietly, but with an underlying note of anger that wasn't directed at either of the men in front of him.

Evan stepped away from David, reaching out to stroke a calming hand down Ronon‘s arm. “Be careful." He said simply.

David echoed the sentiment with a silent nod and a smile. Ronon nodded and grabbed his keys before turning and going for the front door.

Laura made her way to the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of cleaner, giving John a guilty grin as he passed her a wad of paper towels. He shrugged easily and proceeded to distract Rodney from seeing what she was carrying out. I owe you one John, she thought, making her escape.

Sora came over to help scrub and they spent a few minutes chatting about some of the costumes they’d need for “Place on Earth while the Resolve worked its magic on the chocolate icing in the carpet. Out on the patio, Evan and David were curled up together on the wicker bench, Evan’s head against David’s shoulder as they watched the birds.

Chuck wandered over to talk to Sora as they balled up the paper towels for the trashcan, so Laura excused herself from the conversation to scoot into the kitchen again.

She tossed the Resolve back where she'd found it and grabbed a soda. At least a half hour had gone by since she'd last seen Teyla and Sam, and she wondered where they'd gone off to, especially since Sam's girlfriend Janet was around here somewhere. After ten more minutes of searching, she heard the clicking of laptop keys coming from the guest bedroom. She rolled her eyes fondly. I should have known, she thought. Teyla's probably covered in plot bunnies by now.

Laura stuck her head in the doorway and looked around. Teyla was on the floor, her computer sitting on top of an overturned trash can in front of her. Sam was lying on her stomach on the bed, reading over Teyla’s shoulder.

“Have we got enough carrots?” Laura asked teasingly.

Teyla didn’t look up. “Before Raiden had a name, there was a plan to put him with Doctor Black. I am - revamping it.”

Sam moved over on the mattress to make room. “I remember that. The Florence Nightingale type…thingy.”

“Yes.” Teyla’s slender fingers continued to dance over the keys.

Laura took the silently offered seat on the bed, swinging her legs up to lie flat. “Okay, so what is it now?”

“Right now, I am rewriting the final scene in Silent Enemy. Our test audience did not seem to like it much.”

“Those women in Make-up are tough customers.” Sam offered, with a perfectly straight face.

“Yes they are.” Teyla agreed, without batting an eye. “After I am finished with that, there are several changes to be made to Quake as well.”

“That’s the Special Double Edition right?” Laura asked.

“Mmhm.” Sam nodded.

Laura folded her arms over each other and laid her head down on them, staring absently at the computer screen. Martin Lloyd from Marketing was an annoying little pain in the ass, but no one could ever argue that he didn’t know his stuff. When Teyla’d begun to add more detailed stories to The Colonel and the Physicist, Martin had suggested running those plotlines through to another series called The Chain of Command.

To keep the peace, The Colonel and the Physicist would be purely Stone and Mensa; while The Chain of Command would vary from pairing to pairing. Adept and Perilla would be the focus of one CoC picture, while the next would feature Dr. Deborah Stanz and Dr. Carol Hightower - GPFG’s first venture into lesbian porn. Characters might run back and forth, but you’d never see Stone and Mensa fucking in CoC or one of “The Chains” pairings tangling together in The Colonel and the Physicist.

Special Double Editions were the exception to the Rule. The first half might be Stanz and Hightower, the second might be Stone and Mensa, and there could be a dream sequence of Adept and Perilla thrown in for good measure. Martin compared them to anthology novels - you bought the book for the author you liked, and if you got bored enough, you read the rest of it. Whatever you called it, it was money in GPFG’s account, and that was what mattered.

Sam shifting on the bed roused Laura out of her thoughts, and she lifted her head from her arms. “Did I miss something?” She asked.

“No, but the snoring was getting to me,” Sam joked, earning herself a whap on the butt.

“I don’t snore.” Laura grouched, tucking her hand back under the other.

“No, you merely breathe heavily,” Teyla commented absently, chewing her thumbnail.

“I’ll show you heavy breathing.” Laura threatened playfully. “What’re you up to now?”

Teyla turned to face them. “A Scout crashes into a mountainous region on a planet, too far from the Gate to walk. Eric and Raiden are badly injured. They’re able to patch together the communications system and contact El Dorado, but the City is unable to pinpoint precisely where the ship went down due to the unique composition of the mountain‘s ore deposits.” She paused.

“Well, don’t stop there!” Sam exclaimed after a few moments.

“Sorry. I was…gathering my thoughts.”

“Herding bunnies.” Laura smirked, sliding off the bed for a snuggle.

“Something like that.“ Teyla smiled, shifting so Laura could lay her head down on her lap.

“So Raiden and Eric can’t be found…” Laura prompted, looking up into Teyla’s brown eyes.

“Devon has heard about the accident. He’s in the control room, listening to the searchers…listening to Eric’s and Raiden’s voices growing weaker.”

“That’s going to be murder to shoot.” Sam murmured.

Teyla arched an eyebrow. “You love a challenge.”

Sam looked thoughtful for a moment. “You’re right. I do. Please, continue.”

“Just before the Scout’s auxiliary power supply is depleted, Eric tries to say goodbye to Devon. Devon stops him, tells him not to speak that way.”

“Yikes honey, we’re going to need to slap an angst warning on this puppy.” Laura declared softly.

“I was thinking of making it the next Double after Quake. Teyla replied. “That way, I would have more time to develop things between the three of them.”

“Hmm. Should we keep stringing the audience along?” Sam asked.

“Well, if the boys get themselves together, we might still be able to do the fantasizing idea. Just have all three of them do it at one point or another.” Laura shrugged.

“Maybe. How’s it end?”

“Well, with the power off, there is no heat. Raiden holds Eric close to him to share warmth. They are too hurt to do anything. Eric looks up at Raiden at one point…and Raiden kisses him, saying that he had to know.” Teyla’s voice was soft. “Eric says that part of him needed to know as well. They lose consciousness shortly after. When the search teams reach them, they are curled so closely together that they cannot be separated. Devon sees them that way when they arrive in the Infirmary.”

“Blow to the gut.” Laura winced.

“On the contrary, he’s so happy they’re both alive that he would not have cared if they were found naked and still joined. He’s as much by Raiden’s bedside as Eric’s.” Teyla tilted her head thoughtfully. “I am not sure who will help Devon find the courage to approach them both. Perhaps Carter…his own love woes would make him an expert.”

"I'll give you a hundred bucks if you manage to get Carson onscreen again," Sam stretched, sat up and rolled to her feet. “But right now, I need to find Janet and get home. She’s got a seven-thirty surgery scheduled, and I’ve got a meeting with Halling and Caldwell about the sets for Place on Earth. "

Once goodbyes were said, and Sam wandered out the door, Laura turned over in Teyla’s lap and reached for the computer, managing to put it on standby without sitting up.

Teyla looked over her shoulder as the screen went dark, then looked down at Laura. "What are you doing?"

"Getting rid of distractions." Laura answered with a smirk, reaching up to draw Teyla's mouth down to her.

"We are guests..." Teyla protested.

"John and Rodney won't mind." Laura coaxed.

"I mind." Teyla's voice was firm.

"Okay. You pack up, I'll do the bye-byes, and maybe I can pounce you in the garage at my place?" Let the puppy dog eyes work this time, Laura thought.

"My car this time. Yours does not have a large enough backseat."

~~The End~~