Fic: A Day in the Life of a Porn Script Writer
Title: A Day in the Life of a Porn Script Writer
Author: JYA/Ghost
Pairing(s): McKay/Sheppard, Parrish/Lorne, Cameron/Daniel, Daniel/Jack, Jonas/Cameron, Ronon/various are heard about but not seen.
Rating: PG
Beta’ed By : bethynyc
Vetted By : tesserae_
Warnings: None. If you find something you think I should warn for, give me a yell and I’ll change this.
Author's Notes: Thanks to my lady for inspiration and Mt. Dew. Thanks to my beta and vetter for beating the kinks out of this. Hope somebody gets bunny bit in the best way. Hope I get the tags right, if not, somebody smack me.
Summary: Teyla’s being creative.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teyla Emmagen leaned back in her chair and stretched, doing her best to order her thoughts before giving up. Once again, Marcus was coming off as too threatening for the end of the film to work. Damian was supposed to fall back in love with him, not be terrorized into taking him back. She sighed; there were other scripts that could be written, and it wasn’t like she’d already promised “Miami Triangle” to Elizabeth. There was plenty of time to figure out where she was going wrong.
Easing out of the stretch, her gaze wandered around her office, looking for something else to work on.
“The Colonel and the Physicist : Hunter/Hunted” wouldn’t begin filming for another two weeks since Kate was having a hard time coaching the newest member of the GPFG staff with his character. Ronon Dex had given up years ago on the idea of real acting, and he wasn’t as easy to sell on the concept of ’Porn with a Plot’ as John and Rodney had been.
Thinking of the pair, Teyla idly wondered how Rodney’s trio of orphaned kittens were doing. Last time they’d been in to work, the Physicist half of their star team had had bags under his eyes from being up every four hours for the feedings.
Inspiration struck seconds later. The plot was perfect; a lonely man finds a litter abandoned behind a dumpster. He rushes them to a vet, determined to save them. The vet takes a personal interest…helping with the kittens becoming an excuse to see their foster parent…
Teyla closed down the “Miami Triangle” file and popped open another screen, typing furiously for several minutes before reaching out to snag the phone. John answered on the third ring, not surprised at all to hear her asking about the woman Rodney had taken the cats to. With a laugh in his voice, he grumbled about wearing scrubs, but joked about ‘the little furballs paying their own way.’
After a few minutes conversation (during which she’d promised to sit with the Trio for a couple hours so Rodney and John could have a nap) Teyla hung up and made an appointment to see Dr. Janet Frasier VMD later that evening.
All she had to do was fill in some medical and technical information, perhaps add a bit more background to John’s new character, and the script would be finished in no time at all.
It might take a bit of effort to sell the extended shooting time, but continuity would be a big bonus in the end. A half an hour a day every few days for a montage, then film the final scenes sometime after Evan and David’s set of Internet shorts wrapped up. The kittens would be ready for new homes by then, both on and off-screen. Perfect time for the vet to confess his feelings and for the ‘daydream sex’ to trade places with the real thing. The work would also help John with Rodney’s sure-to-happen grieving process.
Pleased with herself, Teyla saved “Caring Hearts” and reopened “Miami.” She was muttering ten minutes later…chewing a pen an hour later…and thoroughly disgusted as she grabbed her purse and notebooks some time after that for her appointment with Frasier. John could pull Marcus off without a problem; likewise Rodney with Damian, but the script was meant for Evan and David, and Evan did not have the dark streak in him that Marcus was insisting on showing. Or if he did, it was so far buried it would take a backhoe to dig…
As she crossed the sidewalk to her car, The Muse leapt up and sang a happy tune, gleefully presenting her with a plotline for another movie. A heartless land developer, digging out wetlands to build a shopping mall. The environmental activist who is the bane of his life finally converting him into conservation. She started up the engine, wrote down the idea and made a quick side note to call David. He’d love doing something with a wilderness preservation theme. Although, if Elizabeth was reluctant to use him and Evan again, Cameron and Daniel would do equally as well, maybe with a little tweaking since Daniel’s passion was old pots and arrowheads, not plants.
Driving down the highway, Teyla spotted the sign for the vet’s office and turned into the parking lot, grabbing her notebook to scribble down a new scenario as soon as she parked. Road crew. Poor, wet, shivering civil worker standing in the pouring rain directing traffic away from a small, flooded bridge. Good citizen comes down from the neighborhood in a really big SUV and offers shelter. That he also offers himself is what made movie fantasy so much better than reality, where the poor flagman she’d just passed wasn’t even wearing a raincoat.
Wondering if it would be too presumptuous of her to go scouting locations for “A Civil Service,“ it took a few minutes before the peeling paint, sagging steps and the altogether rundown condition of the building in front of her registered. Even then, her first thought was what Laura persisted in calling a ‘plot bunny.’
A storm damaged house. A young, inexperienced, bookish man who doesn’t want to leave it. The sexy owner of the construction company he hires …It was possible they could even shoot one of the opening scenes from “Caring Hearts” inside, while using the outside of the veterinarian’s converted house for “To be Announced.” Maybe, if Dr. Frasier was as nice as she’d sounded on the phone and as good as Rodney and John insisted she was, the set crew could do actual repairs in exchange for the location. She’d have to check with Kate’s old friend Robert about a possible charitable tax write-off before she made her pitch to Elizabeth. Fans of the movie might even start using the good doctor as their veterinarian, just because her offices appeared in something. Stranger things had happened.
Several hours later, she got back to the car, lost in her research and scheming for “Caring Hearts” as well as in the new ideas that hit her at random while she wrote her notes. Frasier didn’t just take care of dogs and cats, she also took care of exotics…Ronon’s pet boa constrictor was going to find its way onscreen as soon as the danger of it hurting Rodney’s cats was past. The idea of the snake slowly gliding up Ronon’s arms and over his naked chest wouldn’t leave her mind, even if the whole thing was just a little on the creepy side.
With the pirate craze going on thanks to Johnny Depp and his pretty friend Orlando, it should be easy to get “Voodoo Moon” (and she was definitely going to have to think of another title, or she’d never hear the end of it from Daniel) filmed.
A shipwreck survivor. The tribal shaman who nurses him back to health with jungle herbs and magic. Oooh...a sequel. The survivor was the first mate, his captain-lover believes him dead. Years have passed, the first mate has his shaman, the captain has tried to move on and can’t. Finding his love alive and with someone else ...hmm.
John and Cameron would work for small teaser kisses while the First Mate heals in “To Be Named Something Other than Voodoo,” but it would be wrong to try and get them to have sex for the sequel‘s flashbacks. Maybe Rodney could stand them doing some serious making out? Sam was talented enough to work the camera angles and turn petting into a major sex fest. It was worth a try.
Of course, Carson wasn’t in a relationship any more than Cameron was, and he looked fabulous with Ronon, but he was being a pain in the butt about appearing in “Hunter/Hunted” and she didn’t want to try bullying him into doing anything else. Teyla shook her head at the thought as she buckled her seatbelt. If his mother watched pornography, she’d eat her pens. With seven siblings though, she supposed it was possible that one of them would find out he wasn’t working in Hollywood and go tattle. Still, he wasn’t being asked to actually *do porn* in “Hunter/Hunted” just be a doctor…
Putting her head on the steering wheel, Teyla turned off her engine and reached for the notebook again. If Carson wouldn’t cooperate, Daniel would do. He looked better with dirt on him than with blood, but he could do compassion as well as anyone.
Ronon’s Alien Warrior character from “Hunter/Hunted” (provided the fans liked him of course) gets hurt saving Stone’s…no. He gets hurt saving Major Adept’s life. Eric and Devon hadn’t had their angst session yet, and the Warrior’s unrequited love for Doctor Black would keep that tone going. Adept recovers from his own injuries, of course there’s heavy ‘so glad you’re alive’ sex between him and Perilla, but end the ‘B’ plot with a daydream. She’d have to rewrite some of the dialogue for “Hunter/Hunted” since she’d been taking advantage of Carson being onscreen to fake some of the medical details, but the plot was too good to toss out. Teyla reminded herself that with the invention of the new storyline, Alien Warrior actually needed a name, and she resolved to figure one out before filming began. Maybe it would help Ronon literally get his act together too.
She started on the road to home, only to pull over a few blocks later when metaphorical lightning struck at the sight of two police officers on foot patrol around the park. Oh that would hurt.
A detective loses his partner-lover. Years later, he’s training a rookie that reminds him of the man he lost. Maybe a slight supernatural theme, since they’d be filming close to Halloween? Reincarnation?
No. Casting would be an enormous hassle, even with that Razor guy from Stud Studios being all but John‘s younger twin. Maybe the partner is a ghost, watching over the new pair, giving his blessing?
Or maybe the dead partner isn’t so happy about things. This was one to bounce off Laura. She was the horror movie fan.
Although. Reincarnation…Cameron and John had similar personalities. An Old West theme? Ooh. No. Firemen, during the big one in Chicago. Secret lovers who died together as heroes...two modern day men dreaming of fire …now how do they find...John’s a fireman again. Or a paramedic. Rodney’s a witness to a car accident? No. His therapist brings him to a fire house to get over his pathological pyrophobia. There was a theory Kate had been talking about; the way someone died in a past life made them afraid of the strangest things in their present lives. Even if it was a crackpot idea, it would work for the movie.
Who to play Rodney’s past self? Maybe Jonas, if they could get him away from the camera he’d been hiding behind the last few years.
Two closeted men wouldn’t risk much more than a hand or blow job all that often, so they could save the heavy stuff for the guys still in the game. If Jonas was up for more that that, maybe they could get Jack out of retirement too. He and Daniel could do the past life, while Cameron and Jonas took care of the present. Downgrade the phobia a little, and leave John and Rodney out of it entirely. It’s not like those two weren’t up to John’s pointy ears…Oh no. Teyla killed that train of thought immediately. No elves. No ‘Porn in the Ring’ stuff. John would run screaming for plastic surgery before he played anything resembling an elf. Just getting him to wear the color green was a battle sometimes.
That Old West idea could play here though; the brave, wounded bounty hunter and the competent doctor who finds him out in the middle of the prairie. A nice change from John’s usual riding-to-the-rescue storylines.
Riding…didn’t David say something about spending a couple of summers riding horses when he was a kid? Be interesting to see if he could pull off the wary bronc buster to Evan’s horse whisperer.
Then again, the bronc buster could work for Jack too, if they could get him. Or Ronon…ooh. Ronon’s the quiet one, working with the horse’s spirit, not breaking it. He could work his ‘magic’ on the owner too.
Dotting the last ‘I’ and crossing the last ‘t’, Teyla tossed the notebook back into the passenger seat and started home a second time as her stomach growled.
Maybe Laura would be interested in grabbing some Italian...help with the ghost plot…or she might even be about to figure out how to salvage “Miami Triangle.” Knowing her though, she’d suggest Damian shoot Marcus in the head for stalking him…but what if that wouldn’t work? What if Marcus were stalking Damian from beyond the grave?
Glad she’d pulled into a parking lot, Teyla sighed, wished for her laptop’s battery to have come in already, and grabbed her book yet again, flipping to a blank page.
Marcus is dead, but he can’t rest. He can’t let go of Damian. He starts to haunt him, invading his dreams, arranging for ’accidents’ that are meant to kill Damian, to bring him over to the Other Side so that they can be together again. Damian goes to a parapsychologist, and as they work to banish Marcus...they fall in love. Finally, finally they succeed in convincing Marcus to let Damian go, to rest in peace, and at last, they can be together without fear.
It might be tough to sell this one. The theme was a little darker than anything they’d tried before. Still, it was something to consider.
Her stomach growled again, reminding her it had been over twelve hours since the last time she’d eaten. Food, yes, and preferably something she didn’t have to prepare…could they get away with doing another cooking themed movie? Mm. Ronon with knives would be hot. Sweeping aside the bowls and utensils of his craft, picking up the sexy waiter who’d been smart-mouthing him all night, laying him out on the counter…
Not Jonas. The man was more of a menace in the kitchen than she was. Daniel most likely, since Evan and David would be shot down immediately. Kate would have to work with him on the attitude but when he wanted to, Daniel could move like a dancer, so balancing a tray would be…
Dancer. Huhn. Evan and David came from a strip club, but there were other types of dancing out there. Laura did tap, Elizabeth had a ballet class or three when she was young. Teyla marked it down as something to think on later, and resolutely set the notebook aside. No matter what The Muse put into her head, she wasn’t stopping again just to write. Dinner, then home. Once she had her laptop booted up, the little monster could run rampant until morning.
~~The End~~
Author: JYA/Ghost
Pairing(s): McKay/Sheppard, Parrish/Lorne, Cameron/Daniel, Daniel/Jack, Jonas/Cameron, Ronon/various are heard about but not seen.
Rating: PG
Beta’ed By : bethynyc
Vetted By : tesserae_
Warnings: None. If you find something you think I should warn for, give me a yell and I’ll change this.
Author's Notes: Thanks to my lady for inspiration and Mt. Dew. Thanks to my beta and vetter for beating the kinks out of this. Hope somebody gets bunny bit in the best way. Hope I get the tags right, if not, somebody smack me.
Summary: Teyla’s being creative.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teyla Emmagen leaned back in her chair and stretched, doing her best to order her thoughts before giving up. Once again, Marcus was coming off as too threatening for the end of the film to work. Damian was supposed to fall back in love with him, not be terrorized into taking him back. She sighed; there were other scripts that could be written, and it wasn’t like she’d already promised “Miami Triangle” to Elizabeth. There was plenty of time to figure out where she was going wrong.
Easing out of the stretch, her gaze wandered around her office, looking for something else to work on.
“The Colonel and the Physicist : Hunter/Hunted” wouldn’t begin filming for another two weeks since Kate was having a hard time coaching the newest member of the GPFG staff with his character. Ronon Dex had given up years ago on the idea of real acting, and he wasn’t as easy to sell on the concept of ’Porn with a Plot’ as John and Rodney had been.
Thinking of the pair, Teyla idly wondered how Rodney’s trio of orphaned kittens were doing. Last time they’d been in to work, the Physicist half of their star team had had bags under his eyes from being up every four hours for the feedings.
Inspiration struck seconds later. The plot was perfect; a lonely man finds a litter abandoned behind a dumpster. He rushes them to a vet, determined to save them. The vet takes a personal interest…helping with the kittens becoming an excuse to see their foster parent…
Teyla closed down the “Miami Triangle” file and popped open another screen, typing furiously for several minutes before reaching out to snag the phone. John answered on the third ring, not surprised at all to hear her asking about the woman Rodney had taken the cats to. With a laugh in his voice, he grumbled about wearing scrubs, but joked about ‘the little furballs paying their own way.’
After a few minutes conversation (during which she’d promised to sit with the Trio for a couple hours so Rodney and John could have a nap) Teyla hung up and made an appointment to see Dr. Janet Frasier VMD later that evening.
All she had to do was fill in some medical and technical information, perhaps add a bit more background to John’s new character, and the script would be finished in no time at all.
It might take a bit of effort to sell the extended shooting time, but continuity would be a big bonus in the end. A half an hour a day every few days for a montage, then film the final scenes sometime after Evan and David’s set of Internet shorts wrapped up. The kittens would be ready for new homes by then, both on and off-screen. Perfect time for the vet to confess his feelings and for the ‘daydream sex’ to trade places with the real thing. The work would also help John with Rodney’s sure-to-happen grieving process.
Pleased with herself, Teyla saved “Caring Hearts” and reopened “Miami.” She was muttering ten minutes later…chewing a pen an hour later…and thoroughly disgusted as she grabbed her purse and notebooks some time after that for her appointment with Frasier. John could pull Marcus off without a problem; likewise Rodney with Damian, but the script was meant for Evan and David, and Evan did not have the dark streak in him that Marcus was insisting on showing. Or if he did, it was so far buried it would take a backhoe to dig…
As she crossed the sidewalk to her car, The Muse leapt up and sang a happy tune, gleefully presenting her with a plotline for another movie. A heartless land developer, digging out wetlands to build a shopping mall. The environmental activist who is the bane of his life finally converting him into conservation. She started up the engine, wrote down the idea and made a quick side note to call David. He’d love doing something with a wilderness preservation theme. Although, if Elizabeth was reluctant to use him and Evan again, Cameron and Daniel would do equally as well, maybe with a little tweaking since Daniel’s passion was old pots and arrowheads, not plants.
Driving down the highway, Teyla spotted the sign for the vet’s office and turned into the parking lot, grabbing her notebook to scribble down a new scenario as soon as she parked. Road crew. Poor, wet, shivering civil worker standing in the pouring rain directing traffic away from a small, flooded bridge. Good citizen comes down from the neighborhood in a really big SUV and offers shelter. That he also offers himself is what made movie fantasy so much better than reality, where the poor flagman she’d just passed wasn’t even wearing a raincoat.
Wondering if it would be too presumptuous of her to go scouting locations for “A Civil Service,“ it took a few minutes before the peeling paint, sagging steps and the altogether rundown condition of the building in front of her registered. Even then, her first thought was what Laura persisted in calling a ‘plot bunny.’
A storm damaged house. A young, inexperienced, bookish man who doesn’t want to leave it. The sexy owner of the construction company he hires …It was possible they could even shoot one of the opening scenes from “Caring Hearts” inside, while using the outside of the veterinarian’s converted house for “To be Announced.” Maybe, if Dr. Frasier was as nice as she’d sounded on the phone and as good as Rodney and John insisted she was, the set crew could do actual repairs in exchange for the location. She’d have to check with Kate’s old friend Robert about a possible charitable tax write-off before she made her pitch to Elizabeth. Fans of the movie might even start using the good doctor as their veterinarian, just because her offices appeared in something. Stranger things had happened.
Several hours later, she got back to the car, lost in her research and scheming for “Caring Hearts” as well as in the new ideas that hit her at random while she wrote her notes. Frasier didn’t just take care of dogs and cats, she also took care of exotics…Ronon’s pet boa constrictor was going to find its way onscreen as soon as the danger of it hurting Rodney’s cats was past. The idea of the snake slowly gliding up Ronon’s arms and over his naked chest wouldn’t leave her mind, even if the whole thing was just a little on the creepy side.
With the pirate craze going on thanks to Johnny Depp and his pretty friend Orlando, it should be easy to get “Voodoo Moon” (and she was definitely going to have to think of another title, or she’d never hear the end of it from Daniel) filmed.
A shipwreck survivor. The tribal shaman who nurses him back to health with jungle herbs and magic. Oooh...a sequel. The survivor was the first mate, his captain-lover believes him dead. Years have passed, the first mate has his shaman, the captain has tried to move on and can’t. Finding his love alive and with someone else ...hmm.
John and Cameron would work for small teaser kisses while the First Mate heals in “To Be Named Something Other than Voodoo,” but it would be wrong to try and get them to have sex for the sequel‘s flashbacks. Maybe Rodney could stand them doing some serious making out? Sam was talented enough to work the camera angles and turn petting into a major sex fest. It was worth a try.
Of course, Carson wasn’t in a relationship any more than Cameron was, and he looked fabulous with Ronon, but he was being a pain in the butt about appearing in “Hunter/Hunted” and she didn’t want to try bullying him into doing anything else. Teyla shook her head at the thought as she buckled her seatbelt. If his mother watched pornography, she’d eat her pens. With seven siblings though, she supposed it was possible that one of them would find out he wasn’t working in Hollywood and go tattle. Still, he wasn’t being asked to actually *do porn* in “Hunter/Hunted” just be a doctor…
Putting her head on the steering wheel, Teyla turned off her engine and reached for the notebook again. If Carson wouldn’t cooperate, Daniel would do. He looked better with dirt on him than with blood, but he could do compassion as well as anyone.
Ronon’s Alien Warrior character from “Hunter/Hunted” (provided the fans liked him of course) gets hurt saving Stone’s…no. He gets hurt saving Major Adept’s life. Eric and Devon hadn’t had their angst session yet, and the Warrior’s unrequited love for Doctor Black would keep that tone going. Adept recovers from his own injuries, of course there’s heavy ‘so glad you’re alive’ sex between him and Perilla, but end the ‘B’ plot with a daydream. She’d have to rewrite some of the dialogue for “Hunter/Hunted” since she’d been taking advantage of Carson being onscreen to fake some of the medical details, but the plot was too good to toss out. Teyla reminded herself that with the invention of the new storyline, Alien Warrior actually needed a name, and she resolved to figure one out before filming began. Maybe it would help Ronon literally get his act together too.
She started on the road to home, only to pull over a few blocks later when metaphorical lightning struck at the sight of two police officers on foot patrol around the park. Oh that would hurt.
A detective loses his partner-lover. Years later, he’s training a rookie that reminds him of the man he lost. Maybe a slight supernatural theme, since they’d be filming close to Halloween? Reincarnation?
No. Casting would be an enormous hassle, even with that Razor guy from Stud Studios being all but John‘s younger twin. Maybe the partner is a ghost, watching over the new pair, giving his blessing?
Or maybe the dead partner isn’t so happy about things. This was one to bounce off Laura. She was the horror movie fan.
Although. Reincarnation…Cameron and John had similar personalities. An Old West theme? Ooh. No. Firemen, during the big one in Chicago. Secret lovers who died together as heroes...two modern day men dreaming of fire …now how do they find...John’s a fireman again. Or a paramedic. Rodney’s a witness to a car accident? No. His therapist brings him to a fire house to get over his pathological pyrophobia. There was a theory Kate had been talking about; the way someone died in a past life made them afraid of the strangest things in their present lives. Even if it was a crackpot idea, it would work for the movie.
Who to play Rodney’s past self? Maybe Jonas, if they could get him away from the camera he’d been hiding behind the last few years.
Two closeted men wouldn’t risk much more than a hand or blow job all that often, so they could save the heavy stuff for the guys still in the game. If Jonas was up for more that that, maybe they could get Jack out of retirement too. He and Daniel could do the past life, while Cameron and Jonas took care of the present. Downgrade the phobia a little, and leave John and Rodney out of it entirely. It’s not like those two weren’t up to John’s pointy ears…Oh no. Teyla killed that train of thought immediately. No elves. No ‘Porn in the Ring’ stuff. John would run screaming for plastic surgery before he played anything resembling an elf. Just getting him to wear the color green was a battle sometimes.
That Old West idea could play here though; the brave, wounded bounty hunter and the competent doctor who finds him out in the middle of the prairie. A nice change from John’s usual riding-to-the-rescue storylines.
Riding…didn’t David say something about spending a couple of summers riding horses when he was a kid? Be interesting to see if he could pull off the wary bronc buster to Evan’s horse whisperer.
Then again, the bronc buster could work for Jack too, if they could get him. Or Ronon…ooh. Ronon’s the quiet one, working with the horse’s spirit, not breaking it. He could work his ‘magic’ on the owner too.
Dotting the last ‘I’ and crossing the last ‘t’, Teyla tossed the notebook back into the passenger seat and started home a second time as her stomach growled.
Maybe Laura would be interested in grabbing some Italian...help with the ghost plot…or she might even be about to figure out how to salvage “Miami Triangle.” Knowing her though, she’d suggest Damian shoot Marcus in the head for stalking him…but what if that wouldn’t work? What if Marcus were stalking Damian from beyond the grave?
Glad she’d pulled into a parking lot, Teyla sighed, wished for her laptop’s battery to have come in already, and grabbed her book yet again, flipping to a blank page.
Marcus is dead, but he can’t rest. He can’t let go of Damian. He starts to haunt him, invading his dreams, arranging for ’accidents’ that are meant to kill Damian, to bring him over to the Other Side so that they can be together again. Damian goes to a parapsychologist, and as they work to banish Marcus...they fall in love. Finally, finally they succeed in convincing Marcus to let Damian go, to rest in peace, and at last, they can be together without fear.
It might be tough to sell this one. The theme was a little darker than anything they’d tried before. Still, it was something to consider.
Her stomach growled again, reminding her it had been over twelve hours since the last time she’d eaten. Food, yes, and preferably something she didn’t have to prepare…could they get away with doing another cooking themed movie? Mm. Ronon with knives would be hot. Sweeping aside the bowls and utensils of his craft, picking up the sexy waiter who’d been smart-mouthing him all night, laying him out on the counter…
Not Jonas. The man was more of a menace in the kitchen than she was. Daniel most likely, since Evan and David would be shot down immediately. Kate would have to work with him on the attitude but when he wanted to, Daniel could move like a dancer, so balancing a tray would be…
Dancer. Huhn. Evan and David came from a strip club, but there were other types of dancing out there. Laura did tap, Elizabeth had a ballet class or three when she was young. Teyla marked it down as something to think on later, and resolutely set the notebook aside. No matter what The Muse put into her head, she wasn’t stopping again just to write. Dinner, then home. Once she had her laptop booted up, the little monster could run rampant until morning.
~~The End~~