alone
So there I was, alone in my bed last night. Of course... I'm always alone in my bed. Not saying that's a bad thing, but I'm trying to set the scene. I cried for 3 hours... it was horrible. I think I have no more snot left in my nose (thought I'd share that). I talked to God... and I have been miserable for a while now... and He keeps leading me to this one scripture. I have read it and re-read it... prayed it and sang it... it helped me finally go to sleep.. but I woke up again.. miserable. Like my world was crashing down, and it's really not. I'm not sure what is wrong with me... I'm not sure what's wrong with my family. I'm not sure about very much right now. I hate Sundays... is that bad? Any other day that I have to go to church, I'm ok with it. I may even actually enjoy them.. but not Sundays. I talked to Pastor Crystal today... and Tommy a little, but not much. It's about the band... but I have not made a decision yet. I'm trying not to fall backwards, but it's so hard. I feel like I'm in a war and I'm just getting really tired. And I feel like I'm fighting ALL ALONE. I almost feel rejected. I'm not really afraid of it, it just hurts really bad. But maybe this is God's way of telling me I shouldn't stay here. That I should go somewhere else... or maybe... I have no idea... I've got nothing.
LINZ
Your Five Variable Love Profile
Propensity for Monogamy:
Your propensity for monogamy is medium.
In general, you prefer to have only one love interest.
But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long!
There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering.
Experience Level:
Your experience level is high.
You've loved, lost, and loved again.
You have had a wide range of love experiences.
And when the real thing comes along, you know it!
Dominance:
Your dominance is medium.
You tend to be the one with more power.
You aren't a total control freak in relationships..
But of course you don't mind getting you way!
Cynicism:
Your cynicism is medium.
You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...
But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.
You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist.
Independence:
Your independence is high.
You don't need to be in love, and sometimes you don't even want love.
Having your own life is very important for you...
Even more important than having a relationship.
The Five Variable Love Test
LINZ
Your Five Variable Love Profile
Propensity for Monogamy:
Your propensity for monogamy is medium.
In general, you prefer to have only one love interest.
But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long!
There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering.
Experience Level:
Your experience level is high.
You've loved, lost, and loved again.
You have had a wide range of love experiences.
And when the real thing comes along, you know it!
Dominance:
Your dominance is medium.
You tend to be the one with more power.
You aren't a total control freak in relationships..
But of course you don't mind getting you way!
Cynicism:
Your cynicism is medium.
You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...
But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.
You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist.
Independence:
Your independence is high.
You don't need to be in love, and sometimes you don't even want love.
Having your own life is very important for you...
Even more important than having a relationship.
The Five Variable Love Test