(no subject)
I wonder if God gets mad at me for missing my mom. I've never asked Him. I guess I'm just too afraid of what the answer may be. If He says yes... then I don't know how I would react.
If she were still alive, I would have been able to spend my awesome bonus check on her birthday present. But now, all I can do is put flowers on her grave.
I asked God if He would let me talk to her the other night. I didn't hear a dial tone or anything, but I hope she heard what I said. It wasn't anything deep, I just told her about what all has happened in my life for the past ten years. I talked for a long time, I'm surprised no one came in to yell at me for "talking on the phone" so long. Then I sang her one of the songs I wrote, I tried to imagine her smiling... but I couldn't even remember what her smile really looked like so I gave up.
You know, it doesn't really hurt as bad anymore. I have been allowing myself to cry when I think about her. It helps.
Her birthday's tomorrow. Im pretty sure she'd be 47.
So, I'm really sad right now... not really sure why. I tried to talk to my dad today about it, but he was standoffish. I took him to eat at Shoney's, and I paid the tab. Then I cleaned my room. I washed some clothes too... but now I'm running out of things to occupy myself. I suppose I could get in my Highlanderette uniform and go to the comedy barn and show everyone what it looks like. Then I could go to Gatlinburg and hand around for a while. I'm pretty sure I'd get bored. But I'm not doing anything that productive here. Yeah... I guess that's what I'll do. I hope my dad goes.... he said he may not be able to make it, but he'd try. It'd be nice if he actually saw me sing in Highlanderettes before I graduate.
Well, I'm going to go now.
LINZ
If she were still alive, I would have been able to spend my awesome bonus check on her birthday present. But now, all I can do is put flowers on her grave.
I asked God if He would let me talk to her the other night. I didn't hear a dial tone or anything, but I hope she heard what I said. It wasn't anything deep, I just told her about what all has happened in my life for the past ten years. I talked for a long time, I'm surprised no one came in to yell at me for "talking on the phone" so long. Then I sang her one of the songs I wrote, I tried to imagine her smiling... but I couldn't even remember what her smile really looked like so I gave up.
You know, it doesn't really hurt as bad anymore. I have been allowing myself to cry when I think about her. It helps.
Her birthday's tomorrow. Im pretty sure she'd be 47.
So, I'm really sad right now... not really sure why. I tried to talk to my dad today about it, but he was standoffish. I took him to eat at Shoney's, and I paid the tab. Then I cleaned my room. I washed some clothes too... but now I'm running out of things to occupy myself. I suppose I could get in my Highlanderette uniform and go to the comedy barn and show everyone what it looks like. Then I could go to Gatlinburg and hand around for a while. I'm pretty sure I'd get bored. But I'm not doing anything that productive here. Yeah... I guess that's what I'll do. I hope my dad goes.... he said he may not be able to make it, but he'd try. It'd be nice if he actually saw me sing in Highlanderettes before I graduate.
Well, I'm going to go now.
LINZ