[fic] Better Together
Lucky McKenna stepped onto his family's back porch and pulled the door shut behind himself. It was cold enough out for him to wear his brown leather jacket, which curled around his neck. His hair hung loose against his shoulders. He was wearing his nice corduroy pants with a dark blue, button down shirt. It was Christmas, after all, and if he didn't dress well his mother would have his hide.
He leaned against the frame of the door and watched as Tyler Ross, his somewhat surrogate little brother, swung quietly on the porch swing. The young man was clearly lost in his own thoughts and he had been for most of the evening. Lucky rubbed the back of his hand against his fuzzy chin, careful not to spill the bottle of beer he held, and waited a moment longer before stepping forward.
“You drinkin'?” He asked. His voice came softly, but it made Tyler jump nonetheless.
Tyler looked up at Lucky and squinted his eyes. He too was dressed for the evening. He wore black dress pants with a simple gray sweater, cheap and easily pulled off. It took him a moment to register the words, and then he looked down at the bottle of beer in his own hand. He gave a half shrug. “Guess so.” He hardly expected Lucky of all people to bust his chops for it. Lucky, who was his big brother's best friend, and trouble-maker extraordinaire. Hell, Lucky had given Tyler his first shot at the ripe young age of fourteen.
“You don't drink,” Lucky pointed out. He moved over and hoisted himself onto the porch ledge, leaning against one of the wooden poles.
“Felt like it,” Tyler said quietly. He lifted the bottle to his lips and took a long pull, as if to prove his point. He didn't meet Lucky's eyes though. He was grateful to have somewhere to be on Christmas, but he really didn't want to talk at the moment.
“Kyl's lookin' for you.”
Tyler's entire demeanor softened at the mention of his best friend and girlfriend. That was nothing new though, she'd had that effect on him for years. She was the one thing in the world that made everything feel better, and that was part of his problem. “I'll find her in a bit.”
Lucky nodded and went quiet, just watching Tyler. Tyler didn't know what Lucky expected of him, but he wasn't going to speak up. His day had chewed him up and spit him out, and the last person he wanted to open up to was Lucky. Lucky was a good guy, and Tyler loved him like a brother, but Lucky couldn't possibly understand what Tyler was feeling. Especially not when part of it was a matter of his baby sister. Tyler knew how fiercely protective Lucky was of his sisters, and he knew any opinion the older guy had would just reflect that.
But the silence grew to be too much for Tyler, and after awhile he sighed and leaned his head back against the back of the swing. “I hafta get out of here,” he finally confessed.
Lucky's brows went up. “Door's open,” he replied. “No one's makin' you stay.”
“No. No I mean...this town. I...” He sat up and rubbed his hand over his face. God he hated Christmas. He hated that he was once again with the McKenna's on Christmas and not his own damn family. He felt like a Lost Boy. “I can't do this anymore.”
“Do what exactly?” Lucky's head tilted a bit.
“This. This place, this town...my parents.” So much for not opening up. Once he started, it all began to spill out. Though Lucky had that way about him. Tyler's face fell and he tried so hard to hold himself together. “I can't be here without her anymore. It's....too much.”
“Without Kylie?” Lucky slipped from the porch and moved over to sit beside Tyler on the swing. Tyler made room and nodded slowly. “Where do you wanna be? I thought you hated New York.”
“I do,” Tyler nodded. He had visited Kylie countless times since she moved to New York City almost two years before, but he had never warmed up to it. At his heart he was always going to be a small town boy, and the city was just too big for him. But his heart was also with Kylie. It had been since he was six years old. She had come into his life like a lightening bug, zipping around and sparking his world up all over the place. She had become his escape, and his happiness. Tyler looked down at his feet as he planted them on the porch floor. “I don't know how to live here without her anymore.”
“Is this about your mom?” Lucky was careful with the question, because he had always known the things that went on with Holly Ross. He hadn't been Josh's best friend for nothing. Tyler knew when they were all young that whenever Josh would get upset he and Lucky would go out partying. Which always left Tyler home alone with their parents, or just himself depending on where their mother was. Tyler couldn't resent Lucky for that though. He nodded at the question. Lucky sighed. “I know it's hard, Ty, but-”
“No. You don't know.” Tyler's head shook slowly, and his voice was low as he snapped at Lucky. He brought his eyes up and stared darkly at the other man. “You don't fuckin' know.” No one did. No one understood what it felt like for Tyler to watch his mother's sickness. No one got how lonely it was when Josh, the person that was supposed to be his ally and confidante, disappeared constantly. No one knew by heart the look in Tyler's father's eyes when he looked at Tyler. Empty and lost. Like the only reason he had to live was Tyler's mother, and Tyler himself wasn't enough to fill that.
For Davey Ross, the world paused when his wife had an episode, and nothing else mattered. Not even his boys.
”Daddy, I don't wanna go,” Tyler whined.
Davey didn't even meet the nine year old boy's eyes. He just pushed his youngest son from his leg and shook his head. “Just go with Kylie's ma, Tyler.”
Tyler stumbled back and looked over his shoulder at his mother in the bed. Her eyes were locked on a spot on the ceiling, but she wasn't seeing anything. She was pumped too full of drugs. He frowned and looked to his father again. “But...it Christmas. Aren't you coming home?”
“Damnit boy, I said go!”
“C'mon, Ty.” Josh stepped up and placed a hand on his little brother's shoulder. “We'll have Christmas with Kylie and Lucky.”
“Can we stay here? We'll have our own Christmas. With Daddy and Mommy.” His eyes went to his father again, but Davey had already shut the boys out. He didn't even see them there. Tyler turned to his brother. “Please Joshie?”
“Don't you know when you're not wanted?” Josh huffed and yanked his brother by the arm. “Let's go.”
Tyler could hardly remember a Christmas that was spent with his real family. He was always with the McKenna's. As much as he loved his surrogate family, he just wanted his parents. And Josh.
“Tyler,” Lucky's voice came loud, breaking Tyler's memories.
“What?”
“I said, don't talk to me like that.” He elbowed Tyler sharply. “Tell me what's goin' on.”
“She was talking today...” Tyler said slowly, his voice distant.
“'bout what?”
Tyler licked his lips and shook his head. He brought his beer up and sipped on it. His eyes dropped shut as he recalled the conversation with his mother earlier. The way she had yelled at him, pushed him away, and told him he wasn't her son. No, because her babies were kids, not grown men.
He heard her voice shrill in his ears as he sat there in the quiet of evening. He knew he shouldn't take her words to heart, but he couldn't not. He was far too used to the things she said to him when she didn't mean them.
She had yelled and screamed and slapped him, and his father hadn't done a thing. His father had just wrapped his arms around his wife, because she actually recognized him for once, and he told Tyler to stop upsetting her. As if Tyler was the one creating it.
Lucky's hand fell on Tyler's shoulder and Tyler shook him off. “He told me to get lost,” Tyler's voice cracked as he said the words out loud. “I just...I wanted to be there, and he...”
“Don't.” Lucky sighed and moved his arm around Tyler, pulling the boy close. “Forget about him. Forget about your Ma.” He leaned his head in close. “I know, okay? I know what it feels like to want someone who's supposed to be your parent to just....love you like they should. I know, Ty.”
Tyler wiped his arm across his face and nodded. “And Josh wouldn't come home.”
“I know...it's....it's hard on him, too.”
“She's the only one.” Tyler pulled back to look up at Lucky. His face was red and blotched as he tried to hold in hot tears. “She's the only one that wants to be with me. All the time.”
Lucky nodded and set his hand on Tyler's back. “Then you gotta do what you gotta do. Screw your parents. If they don't...” He sighed. “Dude, your dad's gonna be too busy with your Ma to even notice if you leave. I hate to say it, but-”
“It's true,” Tyler whispered.
“But we will. I'll know you're gone, and my mom will...she'll miss you, Ty. You know....you know we love you, right?”
“Yeah....I know,” Tyler nodded, his face falling.
“And Josh loves you. I know he's....crap at showing it, but he does. If gettin' the hell outta here is gonna make you happy, then do it. I know it'll make my sister happy.”
“You think?”
“Yeah, man. I know,” Lucky nodded. He sat with Tyler as Tyler fell at a loss for words. Tyler really didn't know what else to say. The last thing he had ever wanted was to break down and cry like a kid in front of Lucky, but it felt good. It felt good that Lucky did get it, and that Lucky supported him.
He wiped his face again after awhile and sat up, leaning back against the swing. “You think....my dad will ever...” He trailed off, unsure how to even word it.
Lucky sighed, already understanding what Tyler hoped for. Lucky didn't have his father around at all, so he knew. “I don't know, Ty.”
Tyler nodded and set his beer down. “Fuck them, right?”
“Yeah, right,” Lucky nodded. He took the beer from Tyler and elbowed him lightly. “Just....go find my sister, okay? This is the only time I'm gonna suggest that.” His eyes lightened playfully and Tyler smirked a bit.
“Okay.” Tyler got to his feet and brushed himself off, going over his face once more. “...thanks.”
“It's what family's for,” Lucky shrugged.
Tyler nodded and headed for the door, but paused to look back. “Don't tell anyone, okay?”
“Between us.” Lucky nodded and watched Tyler go inside, then leaned back with a long sigh. “Merry fuckin' Christmas,” he muttered softly.
1895
He leaned against the frame of the door and watched as Tyler Ross, his somewhat surrogate little brother, swung quietly on the porch swing. The young man was clearly lost in his own thoughts and he had been for most of the evening. Lucky rubbed the back of his hand against his fuzzy chin, careful not to spill the bottle of beer he held, and waited a moment longer before stepping forward.
“You drinkin'?” He asked. His voice came softly, but it made Tyler jump nonetheless.
Tyler looked up at Lucky and squinted his eyes. He too was dressed for the evening. He wore black dress pants with a simple gray sweater, cheap and easily pulled off. It took him a moment to register the words, and then he looked down at the bottle of beer in his own hand. He gave a half shrug. “Guess so.” He hardly expected Lucky of all people to bust his chops for it. Lucky, who was his big brother's best friend, and trouble-maker extraordinaire. Hell, Lucky had given Tyler his first shot at the ripe young age of fourteen.
“You don't drink,” Lucky pointed out. He moved over and hoisted himself onto the porch ledge, leaning against one of the wooden poles.
“Felt like it,” Tyler said quietly. He lifted the bottle to his lips and took a long pull, as if to prove his point. He didn't meet Lucky's eyes though. He was grateful to have somewhere to be on Christmas, but he really didn't want to talk at the moment.
“Kyl's lookin' for you.”
Tyler's entire demeanor softened at the mention of his best friend and girlfriend. That was nothing new though, she'd had that effect on him for years. She was the one thing in the world that made everything feel better, and that was part of his problem. “I'll find her in a bit.”
Lucky nodded and went quiet, just watching Tyler. Tyler didn't know what Lucky expected of him, but he wasn't going to speak up. His day had chewed him up and spit him out, and the last person he wanted to open up to was Lucky. Lucky was a good guy, and Tyler loved him like a brother, but Lucky couldn't possibly understand what Tyler was feeling. Especially not when part of it was a matter of his baby sister. Tyler knew how fiercely protective Lucky was of his sisters, and he knew any opinion the older guy had would just reflect that.
But the silence grew to be too much for Tyler, and after awhile he sighed and leaned his head back against the back of the swing. “I hafta get out of here,” he finally confessed.
Lucky's brows went up. “Door's open,” he replied. “No one's makin' you stay.”
“No. No I mean...this town. I...” He sat up and rubbed his hand over his face. God he hated Christmas. He hated that he was once again with the McKenna's on Christmas and not his own damn family. He felt like a Lost Boy. “I can't do this anymore.”
“Do what exactly?” Lucky's head tilted a bit.
“This. This place, this town...my parents.” So much for not opening up. Once he started, it all began to spill out. Though Lucky had that way about him. Tyler's face fell and he tried so hard to hold himself together. “I can't be here without her anymore. It's....too much.”
“Without Kylie?” Lucky slipped from the porch and moved over to sit beside Tyler on the swing. Tyler made room and nodded slowly. “Where do you wanna be? I thought you hated New York.”
“I do,” Tyler nodded. He had visited Kylie countless times since she moved to New York City almost two years before, but he had never warmed up to it. At his heart he was always going to be a small town boy, and the city was just too big for him. But his heart was also with Kylie. It had been since he was six years old. She had come into his life like a lightening bug, zipping around and sparking his world up all over the place. She had become his escape, and his happiness. Tyler looked down at his feet as he planted them on the porch floor. “I don't know how to live here without her anymore.”
“Is this about your mom?” Lucky was careful with the question, because he had always known the things that went on with Holly Ross. He hadn't been Josh's best friend for nothing. Tyler knew when they were all young that whenever Josh would get upset he and Lucky would go out partying. Which always left Tyler home alone with their parents, or just himself depending on where their mother was. Tyler couldn't resent Lucky for that though. He nodded at the question. Lucky sighed. “I know it's hard, Ty, but-”
“No. You don't know.” Tyler's head shook slowly, and his voice was low as he snapped at Lucky. He brought his eyes up and stared darkly at the other man. “You don't fuckin' know.” No one did. No one understood what it felt like for Tyler to watch his mother's sickness. No one got how lonely it was when Josh, the person that was supposed to be his ally and confidante, disappeared constantly. No one knew by heart the look in Tyler's father's eyes when he looked at Tyler. Empty and lost. Like the only reason he had to live was Tyler's mother, and Tyler himself wasn't enough to fill that.
For Davey Ross, the world paused when his wife had an episode, and nothing else mattered. Not even his boys.
”Daddy, I don't wanna go,” Tyler whined.
Davey didn't even meet the nine year old boy's eyes. He just pushed his youngest son from his leg and shook his head. “Just go with Kylie's ma, Tyler.”
Tyler stumbled back and looked over his shoulder at his mother in the bed. Her eyes were locked on a spot on the ceiling, but she wasn't seeing anything. She was pumped too full of drugs. He frowned and looked to his father again. “But...it Christmas. Aren't you coming home?”
“Damnit boy, I said go!”
“C'mon, Ty.” Josh stepped up and placed a hand on his little brother's shoulder. “We'll have Christmas with Kylie and Lucky.”
“Can we stay here? We'll have our own Christmas. With Daddy and Mommy.” His eyes went to his father again, but Davey had already shut the boys out. He didn't even see them there. Tyler turned to his brother. “Please Joshie?”
“Don't you know when you're not wanted?” Josh huffed and yanked his brother by the arm. “Let's go.”
Tyler could hardly remember a Christmas that was spent with his real family. He was always with the McKenna's. As much as he loved his surrogate family, he just wanted his parents. And Josh.
“Tyler,” Lucky's voice came loud, breaking Tyler's memories.
“What?”
“I said, don't talk to me like that.” He elbowed Tyler sharply. “Tell me what's goin' on.”
“She was talking today...” Tyler said slowly, his voice distant.
“'bout what?”
Tyler licked his lips and shook his head. He brought his beer up and sipped on it. His eyes dropped shut as he recalled the conversation with his mother earlier. The way she had yelled at him, pushed him away, and told him he wasn't her son. No, because her babies were kids, not grown men.
He heard her voice shrill in his ears as he sat there in the quiet of evening. He knew he shouldn't take her words to heart, but he couldn't not. He was far too used to the things she said to him when she didn't mean them.
She had yelled and screamed and slapped him, and his father hadn't done a thing. His father had just wrapped his arms around his wife, because she actually recognized him for once, and he told Tyler to stop upsetting her. As if Tyler was the one creating it.
Lucky's hand fell on Tyler's shoulder and Tyler shook him off. “He told me to get lost,” Tyler's voice cracked as he said the words out loud. “I just...I wanted to be there, and he...”
“Don't.” Lucky sighed and moved his arm around Tyler, pulling the boy close. “Forget about him. Forget about your Ma.” He leaned his head in close. “I know, okay? I know what it feels like to want someone who's supposed to be your parent to just....love you like they should. I know, Ty.”
Tyler wiped his arm across his face and nodded. “And Josh wouldn't come home.”
“I know...it's....it's hard on him, too.”
“She's the only one.” Tyler pulled back to look up at Lucky. His face was red and blotched as he tried to hold in hot tears. “She's the only one that wants to be with me. All the time.”
Lucky nodded and set his hand on Tyler's back. “Then you gotta do what you gotta do. Screw your parents. If they don't...” He sighed. “Dude, your dad's gonna be too busy with your Ma to even notice if you leave. I hate to say it, but-”
“It's true,” Tyler whispered.
“But we will. I'll know you're gone, and my mom will...she'll miss you, Ty. You know....you know we love you, right?”
“Yeah....I know,” Tyler nodded, his face falling.
“And Josh loves you. I know he's....crap at showing it, but he does. If gettin' the hell outta here is gonna make you happy, then do it. I know it'll make my sister happy.”
“You think?”
“Yeah, man. I know,” Lucky nodded. He sat with Tyler as Tyler fell at a loss for words. Tyler really didn't know what else to say. The last thing he had ever wanted was to break down and cry like a kid in front of Lucky, but it felt good. It felt good that Lucky did get it, and that Lucky supported him.
He wiped his face again after awhile and sat up, leaning back against the swing. “You think....my dad will ever...” He trailed off, unsure how to even word it.
Lucky sighed, already understanding what Tyler hoped for. Lucky didn't have his father around at all, so he knew. “I don't know, Ty.”
Tyler nodded and set his beer down. “Fuck them, right?”
“Yeah, right,” Lucky nodded. He took the beer from Tyler and elbowed him lightly. “Just....go find my sister, okay? This is the only time I'm gonna suggest that.” His eyes lightened playfully and Tyler smirked a bit.
“Okay.” Tyler got to his feet and brushed himself off, going over his face once more. “...thanks.”
“It's what family's for,” Lucky shrugged.
Tyler nodded and headed for the door, but paused to look back. “Don't tell anyone, okay?”
“Between us.” Lucky nodded and watched Tyler go inside, then leaned back with a long sigh. “Merry fuckin' Christmas,” he muttered softly.
1895