(no subject)
today i had alotta trouble waking up, i finally got up took a shower and then went back to bed... my throat fucking killed so bad .. and i can't swallow AGAIN... it hurt so bad i just wanted to sleep it away.. i fell back asleep didn't go to school and i didn't wake up till 4 pm... yeah... that's alotta sleep... but it was the first real enjoyable sleep ive had in forever..it was raining out so i was relaxed and slept well.. anyway .. how i woke up was kinda weird.. i woke up from a dream.. that had her in it... it was kinda sick but hott at the same time.. god i miss her.. i just woke up thinking why? it hurts, i dont know what to do, there ae little clues and hints that give my impressions that nothings gonnna happen but im still waiting and i still have hopes of something...im at a state where i put it out of my head but it always comes back, when i see pictures or in dreams, i can't blame some girls for not liking me though.. cause im a piece of shit.. i know that and i accept that.. i wish theyd just tell me it would hurt less anyway..and i could go on.. i keep geting sick over and over again like its recyrcling to me over and over again.. my body hates me, and so does god, but when i swallow spit or water of food my left ear fucking aches so bad... it's in allot pain too.. and just great cause my ears are gonna hurt alot tomorrow cause it's gonna be fucking loud cause im going with jordan to that green day concert.. no im not really a green day fan.. some of the older stuff is good once and a while.. but im just going with him cause it's his first concert and he will be with me.. hopefully i feel better before then and my ear doesn't ache too bad. uh i don't know what to do anymore.. my lifes on a totall downhill right now.. i wish something would come along and make it all better...