Thank you for this. What you say about lording over others is correct, I go out of my way to engage people and get them to talk about themselves, and to learn about them, not to impose myself on them. I suppose I would like reciprocity?
Maybe a lot of people don't have an inner life. I'm not even sure I can imagine that, because it seems like so much of my life is lived inside my own head, with the "'outside stuff" being almost just a back drop.
Sometimes the things I post about what I learned come from a deliberate search online for interesting facts, since I enjoy learning things like that. I spend a lot of time online these days, but I like to think that a fair bit of it is interesting content and sometimes I learn something. Sometimes it comes from watching a movie, and later I go research a bit about it to find out more, or how much of the movie was true or made up. Sometimes what I learn comes from a real life moment, though I've noticed that those are not as common, or it's hard for me to relate a new thing I learned with River or pottery or painting.
I don't know why my family doesn't call me more. I don't even know if they all talk to each other much, either. Yet, we do try to get together, and when we do it seems like everyone really enjoys getting together, even when we have some pretty different views on the world. You'd think that would translate into better connections the rest of the time.
I am also not sure why I am so "clingy", except I know I have abandonment issues. My dad died pretty much right as I was being born, and my Mom probably had nothing to give to me as a newborn. I apparently spent a couple of months right after I was born with another family (and I know them) who might actually have been preparing to adopt me. My Mom did take me back, but I wonder what that does to a baby, to first go to one family and likely bond with them, then go back to a Mother who was probably very stressed and emotionally distant and likely didn't bond with that baby. Who would I have imprinted on?
It was also strange to be a young child, with tons of siblings who were already adults.
Maybe a lot of people don't have an inner life. I'm not even sure I can imagine that, because it seems like so much of my life is lived inside my own head, with the "'outside stuff" being almost just a back drop.
Sometimes the things I post about what I learned come from a deliberate search online for interesting facts, since I enjoy learning things like that. I spend a lot of time online these days, but I like to think that a fair bit of it is interesting content and sometimes I learn something. Sometimes it comes from watching a movie, and later I go research a bit about it to find out more, or how much of the movie was true or made up. Sometimes what I learn comes from a real life moment, though I've noticed that those are not as common, or it's hard for me to relate a new thing I learned with River or pottery or painting.
I don't know why my family doesn't call me more. I don't even know if they all talk to each other much, either. Yet, we do try to get together, and when we do it seems like everyone really enjoys getting together, even when we have some pretty different views on the world. You'd think that would translate into better connections the rest of the time.
I am also not sure why I am so "clingy", except I know I have abandonment issues. My dad died pretty much right as I was being born, and my Mom probably had nothing to give to me as a newborn. I apparently spent a couple of months right after I was born with another family (and I know them) who might actually have been preparing to adopt me. My Mom did take me back, but I wonder what that does to a baby, to first go to one family and likely bond with them, then go back to a Mother who was probably very stressed and emotionally distant and likely didn't bond with that baby. Who would I have imprinted on?
It was also strange to be a young child, with tons of siblings who were already adults.
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