Ashes And Wine (Nine)
Title: Ashes And Wine (Nine)
Author: Nat
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2,200
Pairing: Gil/Nick, +Lady Heather
Characters: Gil Grissom, Nick Stokes, (Lady) Heather Kessler and occasional cameos by other cast members.
Warnings: Adults only, please.
Spoilers: Dead Doll
Disclaimer: You know the "I don't own these two" drill, so I won't bore you.
Unbeta-ed: I'm too busy to spell check. I do my best.
Summary: Part Two Of A Series. Follows Love The Way You Lie (which I strongly suggest reading first. This might be a fun read solo, but will make much more sense as a second part.) Following the confusion and angst incurred by all in the First Part of this Series, Gil tries to figure out the best way to dig he and Nick out from under the unusual mess he has created...before it's too late.
A/N 1: Thanks to dear_supervisor for some suggestions AND sobran for the faboo icon.
A/N 2: Hope everyone had a happy holiday and is ready for a fantastic new year! Back from hiatus, but still busy so these posts may slow up a bit for a little while. But here is a little chappie to tie you over! :)
I remember getting the phone call that Sara had been found. Not just been found, but found by Nick. Of all the people on our team, why did it have to be Nick. I had spent the past days agonizing over Natalie Davis. I had made her my focus and not just because I was fascinated by her mind. But her catatonic state forced me, in a way, to face what was really going on. Sara was missing, and I had this horrible feeling inside, and no matter how I tried to ignore it, I was sure that she was dead. And…hidden somewhere in the recesses of my mind even deeper than that…was a sick, nagging voice that was hoping something had happened to her. Not that I wanted her - or anyone - dead. But maybe that the trial of it all would force her to leave the lab. Maybe somehow Natalie Davis had managed to force my hand. Maybe she had given me a way to fix the mistakes I was constantly making. And when I watched Nick move tirelessly throughout the lab - working painstakingly on finding the same friend of his who was unwittingly helping me destroy his life - all I could think was how happy I was to have kept my feelings for Nick secret. Or it would have been his body we were looking for.
Still. When I heard over my radio that Nick had managed to find Sara in the desert, I was awash with competing feelings I could never understand. Guilt, relief, confusion, fear.
And yet, Nick wasn’t.
As Catherine and I sped through the dust, I could see Nick kneeling at Sara’s side. Her lifeless body curled into fetal position as Nick doused her with the contents of his water bottle - moving without thinking to do the things that he had to do to help save her life. There was no hesitation. Nothing inside of Nick thought for even one moment that there was some relief to be found in Sara fighting for her life. He proved, again, that he was a better man than I was.
I ran towards them in what felt like slow motion once the car rolled to a stop, but still I couldn’t do anything but stand there helplessly. What had I done? Silently willing this on her to save myself an uncomfortable discussion. I would never forgive myself for what I had done to her anymore than what I had done to Nick. I let myself steal a glance of him here and there, even as he held her IV bag…aiding the medivac team as I fought to keep my wits about me. And it was the very shame of it that led me into the helicopter with her. The idea that I had done so little to help either of them - instead damning them to a pain that neither of them earned or deserved. As I climbed into the chopper, I took hold of Sara’s hand as Nick handed off the IV bag. I noticed him watching me for the few seconds he managed to stop worrying so intently about Sara. And fuck it all. He was worried about me. I saw the look on his face. His brow furrowed with concern. Wondering if I was alright…unsure of how I would hold up to something happening to the woman he knew I loved enough to not be with him. Fuck it. And fuck me.
I held tight to Sara as we took off, taking a glance out the window where Nick stood, his hand on Catherine’s shoulder as she struggled to compose herself. Taking care of someone else. With no one there to ask him if he was alright.
I’m not sure how long Nick and I had actually been asleep when I woke up, but I was sure that it had been awhile. Regardless of how long it had been, we hadn’t moved much. Nick was still softly nestled into the pillow that rested on my forearm, and I was resting my chin on the top of his head. I heard his phone vibrating in his clothing somewhere, but in the dark room I couldn’t see where. I didn’t want to move from my place beside him, but his phone seemed to ring and ring. And once I remembered that it was probably still the middle of the night, I started to worry. That’s when my phone rang.
I slid my arm from Nick who had managed to sleep though all the ringing and vibrations. I rolled away from him and found my feet, struggling on tired legs towards my ringing phone - sitting on top of the pants I had folded next to the bed. It was Heather. I hobbled down the cold steps from my room before answering, hoping to let Nick sleep though it.
“Heather?” My voice was groggy still as I cleared my throat and answered the phone.
“I’m…I’m sorry to bother you, Gil. I’ve been trying to reach Nick…”
I lifted my head towards the bedroom where I hoped Nick was still sleeping, only to see him turning in the sheets, his feet slipping down over the edge of the bed.
“Is everything alright?” I continued to whisper as I leaned to the side to watch Nick lift himself form bed and stretch. His eyes met mine as he yawned and walked into the doorway. Heather’s voice came quietly into my ear as I watched him.
“I need some help. I just…I’m not feeling well, and I can’t get out of bed. I promised Nick I’d call him…but I can’t reach him.”
My eyes were locked on Nick as she continued, regardless of how worried about her I was. Nick walked slowly towards me, still trying to rouse himself. My mouth was hanging slightly, I sure of it.
“What’s wrong?” Nick spoke quietly but loud enough that I was sure that Heather would have heard that he was there. Her silence confirmed my suspicion.
“I’m…I’m sorry. I didn’t realize…I’m sorry I called.” Heather stammered on before I interrupted her.
“No, it’s alright. We’re on our way.” I hung up the phone before she had a chance to argue with me.
“What’s going on?” The concern in my eyes was enough to wake him up completely.
“It’s Heather.” I answered him, checking the clock on my phone as I closed it. Nick’s face was white with concern as he watched me.
“What is it? What’s wrong?”
“It’s alright Nick. She just needs some help. We’ll go.”
Nick was bounding back up the stairs even as I spoke, slipping easily into his pants as he pulled his phone from his jeans pocket.
“Shit.”
He muttered, and I was sure it was over the realization that he had missed numerous calls from Heather. He was pulling his t-shirt over his head as I reached the bedroom and worked my way towards my clothes, knowing I had to move fast to catch up.
“It’s ok, Grissom. I’ll go.” I stopped briefly and looked up at him, he had barely stopped to talk to me, and was still scrambling into his clothes.
“I can go with you.”
“Nah, you’ve done enough…” Nick still wasn’t stopping to talk to me, just tossing dialogue aside as he dressed. I felt that familiar sting of outsiderdom.
“Nicky. Please.”
My voice dropped slightly and it caught Nick’s attention. He stood still, facing me as I stopped myself. I felt like I could have filled the space with a million different things to say, but I didn’t have to.
“Ok.” Nick answered quietly. We both got dressed and left the house in a quiet rush.
The car ride was equally hurried and equally silent.
I had barely shoved the car into park when Nick hopped out of the passenger seat and made a slight jog for the front door. I was only a few movements behind him. I noticed him fling himself easily through the door and realized Heather must have given him a key. I slowly moved into the house and tried to listen to the voices I could hear lofting from Heather’s room.
Jesus. I heard Nick swear slightly, and moved slightly closer to the door…trying my best to give him his space as hard as it might have been. I was silently thinking of the right thing to do or the right time to go see him when I saw the door work it’s way open. Nick was carrying Heather in his arms. Instinctively I took a step towards them. Nick looked to me.
“She’s alright.”
“I was dizzy. I didn’t want to fall.”
Heather and Nick were both speaking over one another as they offered their explanations. I watched helplessly as Nick carried her to the bathroom. I stepped towards the bedroom and pushed the door open. Heather’s room smelled like vomit and I could see that she must have gotten sick in bed. And within seconds I heard her heaving in the bathroom and was sure that was the case. I walked towards the bathroom, trying to be quiet enough to go unnoticed. Heather was kneeling in front of the toilet getting sick, and there was Nicky…right by her side. Holding her hair back, stroking her forehead, whispering to her. I turned from the bathroom and leaned against the wall. I tried to close my eyes. To remember Nick the way he had been the night before…kissing me…in my arms.
Heather and Nick reappeared in the doorway, his hand on her lower back to steady her.
“I’m sorry.” She whispered. Her face was flushed from her heaving. Nick helped her to her bed, and I stayed firmly planted where I was. I could hear Nick easing her into bed, and I could hear her thanking him. And then the light flicked out and Nick reappeared, pulling the door shut gently as he did. He looked up at me and nodded through a faint smile, as if his tired had caught up with him.
“Everything alright?” I asked quietly as I moved towards him.
“Yeah. I think she just needs someone here with her. You know?”
Nick’s voice was shaky at best and I knew what he was trying to tell me.
“I thought we could stay here tonight. I’m gonna go with her to the doctor on Monday and find out what’s the best thing to do next.”
I watched Nick’s face as he spoke. I was glad that he wanted me to stay with him…and I tried to focus on that and not my unease at the idea of Nick and Heather going to a doctor’s appointment together…without me.
“What are you thinking?” Nick sensed something was on my mind. I shrugged it off at first.
“No, man…what is it?” Nick wouldn’t let it go. He stepped into me and placed his hand on my arm. I wanted to tell him that I was jealous. I wanted to tell him that I couldn’t stand the idea of losing him…even part of him…to Heather. But I knew I didn’t have the right.
“It’s just…..it’s hard, Nick.”
Nick looked at me as if he hadn’t really entertained that idea before. The idea that I was struggling as much as he was.
“I know.” He answered quietly, almost under his breath. “I know.”
I raised my hand and touched the side of Nick’s face as he held my arm. I managed a small smile.
“We could go upstairs and sleep.”
“I’d like that.” I answered his request and turned another hall light off as we made our way up the stairs. I was following Nick down the hallway and I saw him pause in his pace for a moment as he walked past the door to the room where we had first been together. He stopped and looked inside before turning back to me.
“I hope Heather will let me work on this house a little bit. I don’t want her raising my kid in a house with mirrored walls.” Nick smiled familiarly and I chuckled to myself.
“Yeah, it might need some work.” I agreed as I approached him. Nick turned and looked towards the bed and I followed his glance. I smiled cautiously. I could hardly look at the bed without remembering Nick laying on it. Remembering the first time I had been inside of him…the first time I had tasted him. I hardly noticed he was watching me as I reminisced.
“What are you thinking about?” Nick asked, a low tone in his voice that only served to turn me on further. I smiled as I turned to him. But I didn’t answer.
“I guess…we could…sleep here.”
Nick’s face was flushed slightly…and I could sense a slight trace of embarrassment in his voice. I smiled at him as he pushed the door further open and slid into the all too familiar bedroom. He walked to the side of the bed as I stayed in the doorway. He was dimly lit but I could make his body out as he lifted both his jacket and t-shirt over his arms…revealing his sculpted bare chest. I shivered at the sight of him. I hesitated to move, even as I saw him undo his jeans and step out of them.
Author: Nat
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2,200
Pairing: Gil/Nick, +Lady Heather
Characters: Gil Grissom, Nick Stokes, (Lady) Heather Kessler and occasional cameos by other cast members.
Warnings: Adults only, please.
Spoilers: Dead Doll
Disclaimer: You know the "I don't own these two" drill, so I won't bore you.
Unbeta-ed: I'm too busy to spell check. I do my best.
Summary: Part Two Of A Series. Follows Love The Way You Lie (which I strongly suggest reading first. This might be a fun read solo, but will make much more sense as a second part.) Following the confusion and angst incurred by all in the First Part of this Series, Gil tries to figure out the best way to dig he and Nick out from under the unusual mess he has created...before it's too late.
A/N 1: Thanks to dear_supervisor for some suggestions AND sobran for the faboo icon.
A/N 2: Hope everyone had a happy holiday and is ready for a fantastic new year! Back from hiatus, but still busy so these posts may slow up a bit for a little while. But here is a little chappie to tie you over! :)
I remember getting the phone call that Sara had been found. Not just been found, but found by Nick. Of all the people on our team, why did it have to be Nick. I had spent the past days agonizing over Natalie Davis. I had made her my focus and not just because I was fascinated by her mind. But her catatonic state forced me, in a way, to face what was really going on. Sara was missing, and I had this horrible feeling inside, and no matter how I tried to ignore it, I was sure that she was dead. And…hidden somewhere in the recesses of my mind even deeper than that…was a sick, nagging voice that was hoping something had happened to her. Not that I wanted her - or anyone - dead. But maybe that the trial of it all would force her to leave the lab. Maybe somehow Natalie Davis had managed to force my hand. Maybe she had given me a way to fix the mistakes I was constantly making. And when I watched Nick move tirelessly throughout the lab - working painstakingly on finding the same friend of his who was unwittingly helping me destroy his life - all I could think was how happy I was to have kept my feelings for Nick secret. Or it would have been his body we were looking for.
Still. When I heard over my radio that Nick had managed to find Sara in the desert, I was awash with competing feelings I could never understand. Guilt, relief, confusion, fear.
And yet, Nick wasn’t.
As Catherine and I sped through the dust, I could see Nick kneeling at Sara’s side. Her lifeless body curled into fetal position as Nick doused her with the contents of his water bottle - moving without thinking to do the things that he had to do to help save her life. There was no hesitation. Nothing inside of Nick thought for even one moment that there was some relief to be found in Sara fighting for her life. He proved, again, that he was a better man than I was.
I ran towards them in what felt like slow motion once the car rolled to a stop, but still I couldn’t do anything but stand there helplessly. What had I done? Silently willing this on her to save myself an uncomfortable discussion. I would never forgive myself for what I had done to her anymore than what I had done to Nick. I let myself steal a glance of him here and there, even as he held her IV bag…aiding the medivac team as I fought to keep my wits about me. And it was the very shame of it that led me into the helicopter with her. The idea that I had done so little to help either of them - instead damning them to a pain that neither of them earned or deserved. As I climbed into the chopper, I took hold of Sara’s hand as Nick handed off the IV bag. I noticed him watching me for the few seconds he managed to stop worrying so intently about Sara. And fuck it all. He was worried about me. I saw the look on his face. His brow furrowed with concern. Wondering if I was alright…unsure of how I would hold up to something happening to the woman he knew I loved enough to not be with him. Fuck it. And fuck me.
I held tight to Sara as we took off, taking a glance out the window where Nick stood, his hand on Catherine’s shoulder as she struggled to compose herself. Taking care of someone else. With no one there to ask him if he was alright.
I’m not sure how long Nick and I had actually been asleep when I woke up, but I was sure that it had been awhile. Regardless of how long it had been, we hadn’t moved much. Nick was still softly nestled into the pillow that rested on my forearm, and I was resting my chin on the top of his head. I heard his phone vibrating in his clothing somewhere, but in the dark room I couldn’t see where. I didn’t want to move from my place beside him, but his phone seemed to ring and ring. And once I remembered that it was probably still the middle of the night, I started to worry. That’s when my phone rang.
I slid my arm from Nick who had managed to sleep though all the ringing and vibrations. I rolled away from him and found my feet, struggling on tired legs towards my ringing phone - sitting on top of the pants I had folded next to the bed. It was Heather. I hobbled down the cold steps from my room before answering, hoping to let Nick sleep though it.
“Heather?” My voice was groggy still as I cleared my throat and answered the phone.
“I’m…I’m sorry to bother you, Gil. I’ve been trying to reach Nick…”
I lifted my head towards the bedroom where I hoped Nick was still sleeping, only to see him turning in the sheets, his feet slipping down over the edge of the bed.
“Is everything alright?” I continued to whisper as I leaned to the side to watch Nick lift himself form bed and stretch. His eyes met mine as he yawned and walked into the doorway. Heather’s voice came quietly into my ear as I watched him.
“I need some help. I just…I’m not feeling well, and I can’t get out of bed. I promised Nick I’d call him…but I can’t reach him.”
My eyes were locked on Nick as she continued, regardless of how worried about her I was. Nick walked slowly towards me, still trying to rouse himself. My mouth was hanging slightly, I sure of it.
“What’s wrong?” Nick spoke quietly but loud enough that I was sure that Heather would have heard that he was there. Her silence confirmed my suspicion.
“I’m…I’m sorry. I didn’t realize…I’m sorry I called.” Heather stammered on before I interrupted her.
“No, it’s alright. We’re on our way.” I hung up the phone before she had a chance to argue with me.
“What’s going on?” The concern in my eyes was enough to wake him up completely.
“It’s Heather.” I answered him, checking the clock on my phone as I closed it. Nick’s face was white with concern as he watched me.
“What is it? What’s wrong?”
“It’s alright Nick. She just needs some help. We’ll go.”
Nick was bounding back up the stairs even as I spoke, slipping easily into his pants as he pulled his phone from his jeans pocket.
“Shit.”
He muttered, and I was sure it was over the realization that he had missed numerous calls from Heather. He was pulling his t-shirt over his head as I reached the bedroom and worked my way towards my clothes, knowing I had to move fast to catch up.
“It’s ok, Grissom. I’ll go.” I stopped briefly and looked up at him, he had barely stopped to talk to me, and was still scrambling into his clothes.
“I can go with you.”
“Nah, you’ve done enough…” Nick still wasn’t stopping to talk to me, just tossing dialogue aside as he dressed. I felt that familiar sting of outsiderdom.
“Nicky. Please.”
My voice dropped slightly and it caught Nick’s attention. He stood still, facing me as I stopped myself. I felt like I could have filled the space with a million different things to say, but I didn’t have to.
“Ok.” Nick answered quietly. We both got dressed and left the house in a quiet rush.
The car ride was equally hurried and equally silent.
I had barely shoved the car into park when Nick hopped out of the passenger seat and made a slight jog for the front door. I was only a few movements behind him. I noticed him fling himself easily through the door and realized Heather must have given him a key. I slowly moved into the house and tried to listen to the voices I could hear lofting from Heather’s room.
Jesus. I heard Nick swear slightly, and moved slightly closer to the door…trying my best to give him his space as hard as it might have been. I was silently thinking of the right thing to do or the right time to go see him when I saw the door work it’s way open. Nick was carrying Heather in his arms. Instinctively I took a step towards them. Nick looked to me.
“She’s alright.”
“I was dizzy. I didn’t want to fall.”
Heather and Nick were both speaking over one another as they offered their explanations. I watched helplessly as Nick carried her to the bathroom. I stepped towards the bedroom and pushed the door open. Heather’s room smelled like vomit and I could see that she must have gotten sick in bed. And within seconds I heard her heaving in the bathroom and was sure that was the case. I walked towards the bathroom, trying to be quiet enough to go unnoticed. Heather was kneeling in front of the toilet getting sick, and there was Nicky…right by her side. Holding her hair back, stroking her forehead, whispering to her. I turned from the bathroom and leaned against the wall. I tried to close my eyes. To remember Nick the way he had been the night before…kissing me…in my arms.
Heather and Nick reappeared in the doorway, his hand on her lower back to steady her.
“I’m sorry.” She whispered. Her face was flushed from her heaving. Nick helped her to her bed, and I stayed firmly planted where I was. I could hear Nick easing her into bed, and I could hear her thanking him. And then the light flicked out and Nick reappeared, pulling the door shut gently as he did. He looked up at me and nodded through a faint smile, as if his tired had caught up with him.
“Everything alright?” I asked quietly as I moved towards him.
“Yeah. I think she just needs someone here with her. You know?”
Nick’s voice was shaky at best and I knew what he was trying to tell me.
“I thought we could stay here tonight. I’m gonna go with her to the doctor on Monday and find out what’s the best thing to do next.”
I watched Nick’s face as he spoke. I was glad that he wanted me to stay with him…and I tried to focus on that and not my unease at the idea of Nick and Heather going to a doctor’s appointment together…without me.
“What are you thinking?” Nick sensed something was on my mind. I shrugged it off at first.
“No, man…what is it?” Nick wouldn’t let it go. He stepped into me and placed his hand on my arm. I wanted to tell him that I was jealous. I wanted to tell him that I couldn’t stand the idea of losing him…even part of him…to Heather. But I knew I didn’t have the right.
“It’s just…..it’s hard, Nick.”
Nick looked at me as if he hadn’t really entertained that idea before. The idea that I was struggling as much as he was.
“I know.” He answered quietly, almost under his breath. “I know.”
I raised my hand and touched the side of Nick’s face as he held my arm. I managed a small smile.
“We could go upstairs and sleep.”
“I’d like that.” I answered his request and turned another hall light off as we made our way up the stairs. I was following Nick down the hallway and I saw him pause in his pace for a moment as he walked past the door to the room where we had first been together. He stopped and looked inside before turning back to me.
“I hope Heather will let me work on this house a little bit. I don’t want her raising my kid in a house with mirrored walls.” Nick smiled familiarly and I chuckled to myself.
“Yeah, it might need some work.” I agreed as I approached him. Nick turned and looked towards the bed and I followed his glance. I smiled cautiously. I could hardly look at the bed without remembering Nick laying on it. Remembering the first time I had been inside of him…the first time I had tasted him. I hardly noticed he was watching me as I reminisced.
“What are you thinking about?” Nick asked, a low tone in his voice that only served to turn me on further. I smiled as I turned to him. But I didn’t answer.
“I guess…we could…sleep here.”
Nick’s face was flushed slightly…and I could sense a slight trace of embarrassment in his voice. I smiled at him as he pushed the door further open and slid into the all too familiar bedroom. He walked to the side of the bed as I stayed in the doorway. He was dimly lit but I could make his body out as he lifted both his jacket and t-shirt over his arms…revealing his sculpted bare chest. I shivered at the sight of him. I hesitated to move, even as I saw him undo his jeans and step out of them.