Hmmm.
You know the reason why i don't post here, other than feeling annoyingly like a slave to the computer?
because... i don't want to give up all my inner thoughts. they're stuck there. i owe a couple of ppl heart to hearts but honestly, as much as i've tried to explain myself to some people, i just can't get it out. and i won't.
it's not 2 years ago, when i might have been able to do that, but not anymore. too many people are gone, they have too much distance. i learned, or i think i have learned, that almost everyone i cared more about than they about me. (i know that's gramatically incorrect.)
and i let go.
and now i'm admitting that.
i have tried to facilitate some more friendliness with a couple of old friends but i'm not trying that anymore, either. i tried letting people come to me. fail. i tried reaching out a little, even among the major life changes and funky mindset that comes with it. fail.
done trying.
i guess admitting all this would be more brave if anyone i was actually referring to was around to read it. so the one person that i'm pretty sure might-- this it telling you that i don't think i'm talking about you, but we do need to talk. in person. soon. i need some kind of support from someone who is not in my immediate family.
curtain down
because... i don't want to give up all my inner thoughts. they're stuck there. i owe a couple of ppl heart to hearts but honestly, as much as i've tried to explain myself to some people, i just can't get it out. and i won't.
it's not 2 years ago, when i might have been able to do that, but not anymore. too many people are gone, they have too much distance. i learned, or i think i have learned, that almost everyone i cared more about than they about me. (i know that's gramatically incorrect.)
and i let go.
and now i'm admitting that.
i have tried to facilitate some more friendliness with a couple of old friends but i'm not trying that anymore, either. i tried letting people come to me. fail. i tried reaching out a little, even among the major life changes and funky mindset that comes with it. fail.
done trying.
i guess admitting all this would be more brave if anyone i was actually referring to was around to read it. so the one person that i'm pretty sure might-- this it telling you that i don't think i'm talking about you, but we do need to talk. in person. soon. i need some kind of support from someone who is not in my immediate family.
curtain down