BRB.

[gothrumefirst]

Leaving in a few hours on a plane to go to Hawaii!

Semi hiatus in that I THINK I'll have internet in the evenings for a few hours before I go to bed but I can't entirely be sure of it or how much energy I'll have for threading. THAT SAID.

ESSAY MEME
I have a long plane flight. I will get bored. Give me things to write about!

I play Emiri, girl

Comments

Part 1 of 2

[count_onme]

OKAY, GOD. I actually... didn't get this written on the plane so now I'm just going to ramble at you.

ALBERT'S FEELINGS about camp ending are ... both remarkably straight forward (as he ... tends to be) and yet retardedly contradictory. He has a lot of conflicting feelings about it, obviously.

His first and most immediate reaction on the matter is "DO NOT WANT ;;" because he's... scared, mostly. For Franz. I think at this point, he's selfishly more scared for himself than he is for Franz. They've had this conversation so many times by now; Albert has on some level managed to come to terms with the fact that Franz wouldn't have wanted it any other way, that he was satisfied with the way he died, and that Franz doesn't want Albert to stay in camp to put his life on hold for him. So... he can't really logically justify to himself staying in camp as something that benefits Franz. It's pretty much all him. He remembers what it was like after Franz died, how lonely and miserable he was, how the letter telling him to go forward with his life didn't do anything to help fill the Franz-shaped hole in his life :(. He really... doesn't want to go back to that, even if he knows it's the right thing to do, to get on with his life instead of selfishly and immaturely trying to stop the inevitable. SO, yeah, as for feelings: he's torn and conflicted and mostly just trying to delay coming to terms with it for as long as possible. Because this is what Albert does /o\. LA LA LA EVERYTHING'S FINE /o\.

As for wants vs woulds. THAT... is a more difficult question (the would, especially) and depends a lot on the situation at the time. As for wants... well, he knows that logically, they can't stay in camp forever. It's nice for a little while but it's no place to spend your life. He really... wants to be selfish, though. For once in his life, he has a really strong sense of what he wants. Unfortunately, he's also Albert and so has a strong sense of duty-- to his friends, to his family, to his country and most of all to himself and to Franz and Eugenie-- to do the right thing. SO when these things clash... WELL, SEE ABOVE. lololo. He's conflicted and trying to avoid thinking situation entirely :x. (But he's been thinking more about this lately and I'mmm probably going to do a post about it when I get back but that's not for like another week so! Anyway, tangent.) But what he really wants to do when camp ends is to just... leave, go to another world, one where he can start a new life over with Eugenie and Franz, where Franz can live and they can all be happy. Maybe he would set up a tool shed and be a mechanic-- be someone different, low profile and suburban.