Thoughts on The Great Gatsby
Beautiful though the book is, it can be a bit gloomy. (Okay, make that REALLY gloomy.) I was going to write something deep and detailed about my impression, but all that I came up with was a mini script spoof.
CARRAWAY: I was born privileged, but I'm having to make my way in life through the glitzy 20's Long Island scene.
GATSBY: I wasn't born privileged, did make my way in life, and now I'm a big shot that OWNS the glitzy 20's Long Island scene.
CARRAWAY: And I live right next door to you. Yay.
GATSBY: Doesn't matter, old fellow. I'm still miserable.
CARRAWAY: God, I hate rich people.
GATSBY: But this splendor has a purpose! I'm in love with a rich married woman across the bay. It's all for her. And yet, in spite of all this, she's STILL UNATTAINABLE.
CARRAWAY: Wow, I actually feel sorry for you.
DAISY: *crooning* Everybody loves me, because I'm the most fascinating woman alive.
CARRAWAY: You do have a special magnetism. Even I feel it, and we're cousins.
TOM: I'm married to the most fascinating woman alive--and I still keep a mistress.
FEMALE READERS: *claw air*
JORDAN: Hello, Nick. Feel sympathetic with Gatsby's plight, do you? Wait till you realize I'm unattainable, too.
GATSBY: Daisy loves me, Daisy loves Tom not, Daisy loves me, Daisy loves Tom not, DAISY. LOVES. ME.
TOM: Grr. Only one allowed to sleep with another man's wife here is ME.
GATSBY: Dude, you don't understand. She's not my mistress--SHE IS MY ETERNAL SOULMATE. GET IT?!
DAISY: Um . . . I kinda love you both. In your own ways.
TOM: . . .
GATSBY: . . .
CARRAWAY: All my friends are so awkward.
TOM'S MISTRESS: *dies horrifically*
GATSBY: *dies horrifically*
NOBODY cares but JOHN CARRAWAY and GATSBY'S FATHER.
ALL READERS: *incoherent bawling*
CARRAWAY: I was born privileged, but I'm having to make my way in life through the glitzy 20's Long Island scene.
GATSBY: I wasn't born privileged, did make my way in life, and now I'm a big shot that OWNS the glitzy 20's Long Island scene.
CARRAWAY: And I live right next door to you. Yay.
GATSBY: Doesn't matter, old fellow. I'm still miserable.
CARRAWAY: God, I hate rich people.
GATSBY: But this splendor has a purpose! I'm in love with a rich married woman across the bay. It's all for her. And yet, in spite of all this, she's STILL UNATTAINABLE.
CARRAWAY: Wow, I actually feel sorry for you.
DAISY: *crooning* Everybody loves me, because I'm the most fascinating woman alive.
CARRAWAY: You do have a special magnetism. Even I feel it, and we're cousins.
TOM: I'm married to the most fascinating woman alive--and I still keep a mistress.
FEMALE READERS: *claw air*
JORDAN: Hello, Nick. Feel sympathetic with Gatsby's plight, do you? Wait till you realize I'm unattainable, too.
GATSBY: Daisy loves me, Daisy loves Tom not, Daisy loves me, Daisy loves Tom not, DAISY. LOVES. ME.
TOM: Grr. Only one allowed to sleep with another man's wife here is ME.
GATSBY: Dude, you don't understand. She's not my mistress--SHE IS MY ETERNAL SOULMATE. GET IT?!
DAISY: Um . . . I kinda love you both. In your own ways.
TOM: . . .
GATSBY: . . .
CARRAWAY: All my friends are so awkward.
TOM'S MISTRESS: *dies horrifically*
GATSBY: *dies horrifically*
NOBODY cares but JOHN CARRAWAY and GATSBY'S FATHER.
ALL READERS: *incoherent bawling*