And I Suppose You Care, Because?
It seems like almost everytime I post in my LJ, it's because I'm depressed or enraged. I guess the reason is because this journal is the only one I feel comfortable with writing my negative feelings in. The people who read this, aren't likely to go out and blab my feelings to the world, or claim I'm a psychotic, anorexic bitch.
Everyday it's, "Amanda (or Rose, depending on the person), help me this", "Amanda, I want to die", or the not so obvious, but said in so many words, "Amanda, the only reason I'm talking to you is because I want a piece of you", "Amanda, I don't really care about you, but I'm pretending I do, so you'll be my friend", or my favorite one, "Amanda, feel sorry for me, because I think my life is shitty, when it really isn't....
P.S. I don't care if you ever have any problems, because I'm too busy stuck in my own to listen".
It grows tiring. Most of the time, people never really want my advice when they ask for it. They just want to hear themselves talk. I usually don't get a word in, even when a question is asked to me. Or, if I give them an answer they don't want to hear, they simply say, "You just don't understand". Maybe I don't understand. Apart of me doesn't want to.
I don't even care if anyone reads this. I probably won't read this after it's written. It will just get me upset allover again. So, don't think I'll care if you don't. Apathy is my only companion at the moment...
My mother found the diet pills I had bought. She thinks I'm anorexic, and my father is assuming I'm bulimic. I did throw up once, and have had urges, but by no means, am I suffering from bulimia or anorexia. I eat and exercise regularily. I sometimes take laxatives to help me lose weight faster, or take diet pills to give me more energy to burn the fat I eat. When my mother was my age, she weighed under 98 lbs, and was taller then me. From what she says, it doesn't sound like she thought she was underweight at all, but for me, I'm not allowed to get below 102. Either way, I'm 18, it doesn't mean they can stop caring, but legally, they can't tell me I'm not allowed to take diet pills, and they can't take something I purchased, and throw it away. Those were $30, and that's not fair of them, at all. I would rather just leave. I can't drive, and my checking account is a joint account with my mother, so that won't work. None of the money in it is hers, but she could terminate it, or take all of my money out, so I can't if she wanted.... I haven't said this in awhile, and it could be hormones talking, but... I feel like... I want to die. My life is replaying over and over. I'll always be controlled by my parents, and everyone I love will become sick of it, and leave me.
I can't even be with the one I love, and tell them [parents] I am. No one else is going to make me happy, and if I end up being with him and only him, so what? Guys here just treat me like shit. I'm either not good enough, or just something to touch and gawk over. I'm told, that they're that way everywhere, and if I find someone who makes me happy, not to let them go. I don't think I'm going to regret not taking the chance at being used, or being single a long time. God, look at me, I'm crying. I'm supposed to be apathetic. Not teary-eyed and full of idiotic emotions.
I seriously am Grotesque.
Everyday it's, "Amanda (or Rose, depending on the person), help me this", "Amanda, I want to die", or the not so obvious, but said in so many words, "Amanda, the only reason I'm talking to you is because I want a piece of you", "Amanda, I don't really care about you, but I'm pretending I do, so you'll be my friend", or my favorite one, "Amanda, feel sorry for me, because I think my life is shitty, when it really isn't....
P.S. I don't care if you ever have any problems, because I'm too busy stuck in my own to listen".
It grows tiring. Most of the time, people never really want my advice when they ask for it. They just want to hear themselves talk. I usually don't get a word in, even when a question is asked to me. Or, if I give them an answer they don't want to hear, they simply say, "You just don't understand". Maybe I don't understand. Apart of me doesn't want to.
I don't even care if anyone reads this. I probably won't read this after it's written. It will just get me upset allover again. So, don't think I'll care if you don't. Apathy is my only companion at the moment...
My mother found the diet pills I had bought. She thinks I'm anorexic, and my father is assuming I'm bulimic. I did throw up once, and have had urges, but by no means, am I suffering from bulimia or anorexia. I eat and exercise regularily. I sometimes take laxatives to help me lose weight faster, or take diet pills to give me more energy to burn the fat I eat. When my mother was my age, she weighed under 98 lbs, and was taller then me. From what she says, it doesn't sound like she thought she was underweight at all, but for me, I'm not allowed to get below 102. Either way, I'm 18, it doesn't mean they can stop caring, but legally, they can't tell me I'm not allowed to take diet pills, and they can't take something I purchased, and throw it away. Those were $30, and that's not fair of them, at all. I would rather just leave. I can't drive, and my checking account is a joint account with my mother, so that won't work. None of the money in it is hers, but she could terminate it, or take all of my money out, so I can't if she wanted.... I haven't said this in awhile, and it could be hormones talking, but... I feel like... I want to die. My life is replaying over and over. I'll always be controlled by my parents, and everyone I love will become sick of it, and leave me.
I can't even be with the one I love, and tell them [parents] I am. No one else is going to make me happy, and if I end up being with him and only him, so what? Guys here just treat me like shit. I'm either not good enough, or just something to touch and gawk over. I'm told, that they're that way everywhere, and if I find someone who makes me happy, not to let them go. I don't think I'm going to regret not taking the chance at being used, or being single a long time. God, look at me, I'm crying. I'm supposed to be apathetic. Not teary-eyed and full of idiotic emotions.
I seriously am Grotesque.