To Laurel
Dear Laurel,
It's me, and I know for a fact that you will never ever see this which is what makes it possible to be written. If you do, well then here's another piece of our puzzle. The biggest thing I ever want to say to you is that I miss you. I miss you every fucking day. Anytime a Harry Potter related thing happens I think of you, the last movie is coming out and people have asked me to dress as Voldemort, but I can't; the last time, the last book, it was with you and it makes me think of you. I have no more hard feelings toward you, granted I do not condone the way you act nor many of your decisions in the past few years; but those are just milestones on the collapse of our friendship. I miss drunk, forgotten conversations while sitting at Ryan's table ignoring the rest of the party. I miss driving around with you. I miss our water balloon fights we used to have at the beach house. I just miss you.
The saddest part is that the part of you that meant so much to me is long gone. I feel like that keeps happening with people; the same thing happened to Taylor. I hope it hasn't happened to me, although I must admit I am a lot less sympathetic and much more straightforward and blunt. I certainly hope these new found strengths for me are not seen by others in the negative way I view your life changes.
I just wish you would get out of Daytona. Do you have any idea what you're missing? I feel like you're settling down into a lifestyle that you don't even want. Remember when we said we'd go to Europe together? The UK and France, everywhere. I went to France, and I intend on going to the Netherlands and Germany as well as France for my 22nd, our 22nd. Where are you? Granted, yes, I did tell you to get the fuck out of my life. I needed you out, you create dramatic scenarios because they keep things interesting. You're manipulative, and you're damn good at it. I hate that. I'm much better off without you at this point, but I believe you were a major person in my life. Hell, you're the person that told me to take French in high school so we could talk together; at the time we had no idea that would change the entire course of my life. I'm obsessed with the French language, I love the country and its opened me up to more languages and so many new experiences with different cultures and people. It's your fault; and I won't ever forget that. It was such simple reasoning too. I still have a bag I carry my charcoal in for art, on the outside it says "The boy who born" because I asked if you knew how to say "The boy who lived" in French, but you responded, "No, but I can say the boy who born!" Every time I use them I remember that shit.
Did I effect you like you did me? Maybe I'm easily influenced; and maybe that's why I had to get away from you, because eventually your influences became opposite of what I needed.
Ryan's 21st is coming up next month. I told him I'll be there for it fully knowing that you will probably be there, as well as Taylor and his girlfriend; I do not want to see any of you. In fact I very much wish I could avoid it, but it is obvious I can't and I would do anything for Ryan. I am dreading this more than I would like to admit. It has been almost a year and a half since we have been on speaking terms. I've started exercising like crazy because when I see you I want to look good. I want you to know how fucking awesome my life is. I want everyone to know I am living my fucking dreams; I just hope you are too. No matter how mad I get at you, and no matter how much you've hurt me, I still can't help but care about you. It's my greatest attribute and fault. I'll always love a part of you Laurel, the part that laughs at incredibly dumb things and runs on the beach with me at sunrise after Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire because we never went to bed before classes.
Where did that part of you go? I feel it got lost somewhere in the year 2008. Either way, I don't know if you found it again; but if you have or if you do, let me know. I would love to have one more laugh with you. I can't imagine how awkward our meeting will be in May... I don't know if I'll even be able to look you in the face. Will you be willing to face me? I called you out and I am the only one with the balls to take action; I can't help but wonder how you reacted to that. Ryan has told me that you react with much animosity towards our other previous friends, such as Natalie; but he said you've never spoken that way about me. Is it true? And if so why not? I mean from my point of view you would hardly have a right to, but not like that stops anyone haha.
I'm just curious how your life is. I genuinely hope it's well and everything you hoped it would be up to this point.
I love you and I miss you,
Kayla Mae
It's me, and I know for a fact that you will never ever see this which is what makes it possible to be written. If you do, well then here's another piece of our puzzle. The biggest thing I ever want to say to you is that I miss you. I miss you every fucking day. Anytime a Harry Potter related thing happens I think of you, the last movie is coming out and people have asked me to dress as Voldemort, but I can't; the last time, the last book, it was with you and it makes me think of you. I have no more hard feelings toward you, granted I do not condone the way you act nor many of your decisions in the past few years; but those are just milestones on the collapse of our friendship. I miss drunk, forgotten conversations while sitting at Ryan's table ignoring the rest of the party. I miss driving around with you. I miss our water balloon fights we used to have at the beach house. I just miss you.
The saddest part is that the part of you that meant so much to me is long gone. I feel like that keeps happening with people; the same thing happened to Taylor. I hope it hasn't happened to me, although I must admit I am a lot less sympathetic and much more straightforward and blunt. I certainly hope these new found strengths for me are not seen by others in the negative way I view your life changes.
I just wish you would get out of Daytona. Do you have any idea what you're missing? I feel like you're settling down into a lifestyle that you don't even want. Remember when we said we'd go to Europe together? The UK and France, everywhere. I went to France, and I intend on going to the Netherlands and Germany as well as France for my 22nd, our 22nd. Where are you? Granted, yes, I did tell you to get the fuck out of my life. I needed you out, you create dramatic scenarios because they keep things interesting. You're manipulative, and you're damn good at it. I hate that. I'm much better off without you at this point, but I believe you were a major person in my life. Hell, you're the person that told me to take French in high school so we could talk together; at the time we had no idea that would change the entire course of my life. I'm obsessed with the French language, I love the country and its opened me up to more languages and so many new experiences with different cultures and people. It's your fault; and I won't ever forget that. It was such simple reasoning too. I still have a bag I carry my charcoal in for art, on the outside it says "The boy who born" because I asked if you knew how to say "The boy who lived" in French, but you responded, "No, but I can say the boy who born!" Every time I use them I remember that shit.
Did I effect you like you did me? Maybe I'm easily influenced; and maybe that's why I had to get away from you, because eventually your influences became opposite of what I needed.
Ryan's 21st is coming up next month. I told him I'll be there for it fully knowing that you will probably be there, as well as Taylor and his girlfriend; I do not want to see any of you. In fact I very much wish I could avoid it, but it is obvious I can't and I would do anything for Ryan. I am dreading this more than I would like to admit. It has been almost a year and a half since we have been on speaking terms. I've started exercising like crazy because when I see you I want to look good. I want you to know how fucking awesome my life is. I want everyone to know I am living my fucking dreams; I just hope you are too. No matter how mad I get at you, and no matter how much you've hurt me, I still can't help but care about you. It's my greatest attribute and fault. I'll always love a part of you Laurel, the part that laughs at incredibly dumb things and runs on the beach with me at sunrise after Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire because we never went to bed before classes.
Where did that part of you go? I feel it got lost somewhere in the year 2008. Either way, I don't know if you found it again; but if you have or if you do, let me know. I would love to have one more laugh with you. I can't imagine how awkward our meeting will be in May... I don't know if I'll even be able to look you in the face. Will you be willing to face me? I called you out and I am the only one with the balls to take action; I can't help but wonder how you reacted to that. Ryan has told me that you react with much animosity towards our other previous friends, such as Natalie; but he said you've never spoken that way about me. Is it true? And if so why not? I mean from my point of view you would hardly have a right to, but not like that stops anyone haha.
I'm just curious how your life is. I genuinely hope it's well and everything you hoped it would be up to this point.
I love you and I miss you,
Kayla Mae