Leave him alone?
Okay. Having seriously disturbing thoughts right now:
With Ben having a girlfriend, it's affected the way I think about him. Like, my favourite past time of dreaming about him is intruded by her so, scrap that now. It's kinda making me distressed aswell. It's as if I'm a kid locked in a room with a very tempting cookie jar. It's also like perving on a married man which isn't right.
Also, for some strange reason. I just feel like I don't know him anymore. Which is wierd, like he still makes me laugh and all, but I fully don't feel as if we're best friends. It's wierdness. Like, I don't know what to really say to him anymore incase it's inappropriate.
I don't want to wreck his relationship either. It doesn't really look good to a girlfriend if your boyrfriend's best mate is a chick he used to date. I'm worried that maybe Soph would say something to her like 'Didn't you know they still talk all the time? You know, the chick that he kept on boning after they went out' Knowing things like that change your opinion of people sometimes...blah...I'm also scared that I'll say something bad. I tend to speak my mind, I don't really bottle up my feelings when I talk to him so it's hard. I'm being selfish I know, it so only looks like I'm caring for myself. But I really just want the best for him.
Perhaps I should just leave him alone? I'm getting all stressed out and blabbing about stupid things to him that make him angry. And I don't mean to, I'm just a loser who dribbles shit all the time. So, my fault.
Also, even though I was laughing about my Mum. I was still feeling hurt. I wanted to cry to someone, but now, I don't even think it's appropriate to do that to Ben. Like I don't know what to do, because before the only solution was to talk to him because he made me feel soo much better. But it feels all wrong now. Or maybe I'm just imagining things and thinking too hard with my mind.
What do you guys think? Please comment
EDITS: First it was my mother and now my father is being unfucking believable:
I've been like awake all day, I'm sick so I've decided to go to sleep now but Angie was screaming because my brother wouldn't leave her alone. So I went out and said "James leave her alone I'm going to sleep now" and dad yelled at me and said "this house operates from 6am to 9pm and if you dont like it, then get out, laws are laws" and made me cry.
I hate this. Can someone adopt me? Or at least kill me?
For you, my heart. Ripped from my chest. Eviscerated, I am.
In addition to my heart, there are some small organs I want to give you: glands, sweetbreads, variety meats.
I'm offering these gifts.
Rare gifts.
I know that they don't amount to much in the face of what you've given me. I've heard these organs can't survive outside the body for more than a few hours. But I'll try to get there as soon as I can.
Whatever happens, it will be on me.
On my heart
With Ben having a girlfriend, it's affected the way I think about him. Like, my favourite past time of dreaming about him is intruded by her so, scrap that now. It's kinda making me distressed aswell. It's as if I'm a kid locked in a room with a very tempting cookie jar. It's also like perving on a married man which isn't right.
Also, for some strange reason. I just feel like I don't know him anymore. Which is wierd, like he still makes me laugh and all, but I fully don't feel as if we're best friends. It's wierdness. Like, I don't know what to really say to him anymore incase it's inappropriate.
I don't want to wreck his relationship either. It doesn't really look good to a girlfriend if your boyrfriend's best mate is a chick he used to date. I'm worried that maybe Soph would say something to her like 'Didn't you know they still talk all the time? You know, the chick that he kept on boning after they went out' Knowing things like that change your opinion of people sometimes...blah...I'm also scared that I'll say something bad. I tend to speak my mind, I don't really bottle up my feelings when I talk to him so it's hard. I'm being selfish I know, it so only looks like I'm caring for myself. But I really just want the best for him.
Perhaps I should just leave him alone? I'm getting all stressed out and blabbing about stupid things to him that make him angry. And I don't mean to, I'm just a loser who dribbles shit all the time. So, my fault.
Also, even though I was laughing about my Mum. I was still feeling hurt. I wanted to cry to someone, but now, I don't even think it's appropriate to do that to Ben. Like I don't know what to do, because before the only solution was to talk to him because he made me feel soo much better. But it feels all wrong now. Or maybe I'm just imagining things and thinking too hard with my mind.
What do you guys think? Please comment
EDITS: First it was my mother and now my father is being unfucking believable:
I've been like awake all day, I'm sick so I've decided to go to sleep now but Angie was screaming because my brother wouldn't leave her alone. So I went out and said "James leave her alone I'm going to sleep now" and dad yelled at me and said "this house operates from 6am to 9pm and if you dont like it, then get out, laws are laws" and made me cry.
I hate this. Can someone adopt me? Or at least kill me?
For you, my heart. Ripped from my chest. Eviscerated, I am.
In addition to my heart, there are some small organs I want to give you: glands, sweetbreads, variety meats.
I'm offering these gifts.
Rare gifts.
I know that they don't amount to much in the face of what you've given me. I've heard these organs can't survive outside the body for more than a few hours. But I'll try to get there as soon as I can.
Whatever happens, it will be on me.
On my heart