Work update
WOO! I am ALIVE!...Ok so i've had Easter recess for the past 10 days or so, and I kept meaning to post....but I've just been so busy catching up with friends and actually living life...and tomorrow it's back to work, so since Tilmon got me on here with that stunning piccy of Seto-kun, I thought I'd post while I still have time!
So, I can't remember if I told you here or not, but on the 26th of January I finally found a full-time job with a Non-Governmental Agency called Inspire that advocates for the inclusion of everyone. I work with STEP, which provides structured education for kids who have Autism. AKA I'm a tutor teaching kids with autism instead of teaching just English.
So what's it like? Let's start at the beginning!
Well the first 2 weeks...no month....month and a half....erm at first I HATED it. I loved the kids, but I was so overwhelmed with everything. Training was hands-on (not what I'd been told in the interview) so I literally got thrown into the pen with a few other tutors and a bunch of screaming kids. It was just so....overwhelming. And you guys know me, I have total social anxiety, anxiety in general, I'm a perfectionist and hate being at a loss of not knowing my job. SO you can imagine that by the end of the first week I was a sobbing mess. They'd told me i would be exhausted and just want to sleep. I thought they'd meant physically. They probably did. But mentally? Mentally by the end of the 2nd week I couldn't get out of bed and I just wanted to sleep all the time so that by the end of my 5th sleep it would be the weekend again. I went back to living for my weekends, the way I was back in Junior College and University. I hated it. I ahted the feeling of not living, with the parents joking about "welcome to the adult world".....I'd worked before, not these long hours and certianly not full time, but I have worked since I was 18 and waitressing and then teaching were, are, no joke. they're physically and emtionally and mentally demanding jobs.
But this job took the biscuit.
Working with kids is stressful. And I hadn't any experience with kids as young as these! We have early years and then middle years in the afternoons ( I may have explained this) so early years are as young as 3 or 4! And they can have behavioural problems.....I'm remembering telling you about some of the kids now, about getting hugged and how Tilmon told me to remember that when I got mad at the job. Those moments saved me. Honestly, it's not the kids, those I can handle. I wish I had had more training but I've learnt so much, both how to deal with them and about me. I feel competent enough to do my job now, and I have learnt I love it....well aprts of it.
The organisation in there is shit. Shit shit shit. It's shit. There is none. I stressed over that so fucking much until in the end I had to give up stressing or wear myself out. I ended up at my Doctors because I was nauseous all the time, having dizzy spells and exhausted...and he took my blood pressure! I know that's nothing really, esp since it was normal, but for me it was something huge. My health was being affected!! He gave me vitamins to help, but he actually asked me "Are you tired physically or mentally?" and I looked at him and said "both"...I actually told my doctor I was tired mentally, something I have been able to keep hidden since I was around 14. I hid my depression well, managed to beat it down till it was manageable and then this job came along and was destroying it. I turned to some of my co-workers, newbies like myself who understood, and told them the moment he prescribes antidepressants, I'm quitting.
Thankfully, it has gotten better. I am part of a great team, I have a few people in there I consider to be good friends. I ahve 6 clients of my own and I already adore them. I didn't realise I'd get attached, and while it's not a " I can't leave because I love them" attachment, it's a "I believe in these kids and will work hard for them" especially when I feel like they're getting picked on LOL I have actually become protective over them, and want to fight for them. The organisation, I keep my files in order and the newbies help each other out...example with finding paperwork we need but never knew existed until we found a random copy (that's right, you don't get a file with the papers you need in this job. You scavenge lol Same with information, you don't get told, you have to ask about everything....reminds me I need to ask about the case conference I have next month and if I need to prepare anything because they won't tell me)
I've gotten used to it, and the pay is fucking good...around 950euro a month after tax and social insurance has been taken away....that's gooood and means I can pay for my darling Scarlett and her license and insurance that are due next month. It means I can buy my parents random treats, go out for meals with friends or to the cinema. I can buy sushi if I want to without worrying if I can pay for it because I know i can. I've bought clothes, and resources, andhair products and make up....things I've done without for the past few years because I didn't ahve enough....I bought a freaking LAPTOP....so the pay is good :P
But no, I'm getting used to it. the hours are long (9-6), the work is hard and patience is a must, as is going with the flow, but where I wasn't sure I'd last the month, I've lasted 10 weeks (including recess so 9 weeks really lol) and I'm hoping to make it to 6 months, and then hopefully another 6 months.....a few years experience there will be great for my future masters :D
So yeh, it's not 100% amazing, and sometimes i feel like a babysitter, but I no longer Hate it there. I'm content. And for now, that's all I can really ask for :D
Recess has been great tho! I met up with friends, went out to eat, went shopping, aaaaaaaand sang karaoke alone and not with Christine by my side (which usually means if I get nervous I stop singing and her voice carries on like an angel's) but I sang alone and got told I should take lessons because app I have talent and a "natural vibrato" (thanks itialian singer guy) so Christine might be able to help there :P
And I should be starting Salsa lessons on Fridays with Christine and Katia as a relaxing evening out! let's see how this goes!!
Boy wise, nada. I got over the douche who was playing games, crushed on a super nice guy but I know it wouldn't work out due to hugely different values and am actually pretty happy being single...I don't the time at the moment anyway, but if someone does come along, then great. For now, I'm enjoying learning who I am, being my with friends and growing up, living life.
I found an old top I used to wear when I was around 14-16 and it was my fav thing to wear and I remembered the girl I used to be. I could feel all the old emotions and remember her old dreams. The pain, the feeling of being worthless, unwanted, unneeded, a failure in life. The loss she felt about the family and how she wanted to fix things. And then i looked at who I am now. I have a bunch of friends I love and trust. I'ma graduate in psychology, working full time in a job that helps others. My parents are proud, my brother is proud and he's doing great with his promotion to manager and his lovely girlfriend. I'm successful. I'm needed. I'm loved. I'm worthwhile. I'm Alive. Things haven't always worked out the way I wanted them to. I don't speak to my grandad, I don't speak to Chris, and my relationship with my sister isn't all too great. I couldn't fix things, but I've realised that that is ok. I can't control others. I can control my life and who I allow in it, and I control where I go. I understood the old me, forgave myself for doubting myself and thanked her for being strong enough to hold on.
I am in a better place, stronger and I am happy. I still have my low days, especially when the new job started, but I've pushed through. There will be hurdles, but I know I can get through them too.
So overall, life is good. I'm good. And now I'm going to continue watching JIU because Shirota Yu is in it and I just love that man. Work tomorrow, weekend in 2 days and I get to meet with friends soon :D
Ooh have pics from Easter in this new dress I bought and love!
Ciao!!
So, I can't remember if I told you here or not, but on the 26th of January I finally found a full-time job with a Non-Governmental Agency called Inspire that advocates for the inclusion of everyone. I work with STEP, which provides structured education for kids who have Autism. AKA I'm a tutor teaching kids with autism instead of teaching just English.
So what's it like? Let's start at the beginning!
Well the first 2 weeks...no month....month and a half....erm at first I HATED it. I loved the kids, but I was so overwhelmed with everything. Training was hands-on (not what I'd been told in the interview) so I literally got thrown into the pen with a few other tutors and a bunch of screaming kids. It was just so....overwhelming. And you guys know me, I have total social anxiety, anxiety in general, I'm a perfectionist and hate being at a loss of not knowing my job. SO you can imagine that by the end of the first week I was a sobbing mess. They'd told me i would be exhausted and just want to sleep. I thought they'd meant physically. They probably did. But mentally? Mentally by the end of the 2nd week I couldn't get out of bed and I just wanted to sleep all the time so that by the end of my 5th sleep it would be the weekend again. I went back to living for my weekends, the way I was back in Junior College and University. I hated it. I ahted the feeling of not living, with the parents joking about "welcome to the adult world".....I'd worked before, not these long hours and certianly not full time, but I have worked since I was 18 and waitressing and then teaching were, are, no joke. they're physically and emtionally and mentally demanding jobs.
But this job took the biscuit.
Working with kids is stressful. And I hadn't any experience with kids as young as these! We have early years and then middle years in the afternoons ( I may have explained this) so early years are as young as 3 or 4! And they can have behavioural problems.....I'm remembering telling you about some of the kids now, about getting hugged and how Tilmon told me to remember that when I got mad at the job. Those moments saved me. Honestly, it's not the kids, those I can handle. I wish I had had more training but I've learnt so much, both how to deal with them and about me. I feel competent enough to do my job now, and I have learnt I love it....well aprts of it.
The organisation in there is shit. Shit shit shit. It's shit. There is none. I stressed over that so fucking much until in the end I had to give up stressing or wear myself out. I ended up at my Doctors because I was nauseous all the time, having dizzy spells and exhausted...and he took my blood pressure! I know that's nothing really, esp since it was normal, but for me it was something huge. My health was being affected!! He gave me vitamins to help, but he actually asked me "Are you tired physically or mentally?" and I looked at him and said "both"...I actually told my doctor I was tired mentally, something I have been able to keep hidden since I was around 14. I hid my depression well, managed to beat it down till it was manageable and then this job came along and was destroying it. I turned to some of my co-workers, newbies like myself who understood, and told them the moment he prescribes antidepressants, I'm quitting.
Thankfully, it has gotten better. I am part of a great team, I have a few people in there I consider to be good friends. I ahve 6 clients of my own and I already adore them. I didn't realise I'd get attached, and while it's not a " I can't leave because I love them" attachment, it's a "I believe in these kids and will work hard for them" especially when I feel like they're getting picked on LOL I have actually become protective over them, and want to fight for them. The organisation, I keep my files in order and the newbies help each other out...example with finding paperwork we need but never knew existed until we found a random copy (that's right, you don't get a file with the papers you need in this job. You scavenge lol Same with information, you don't get told, you have to ask about everything....reminds me I need to ask about the case conference I have next month and if I need to prepare anything because they won't tell me)
I've gotten used to it, and the pay is fucking good...around 950euro a month after tax and social insurance has been taken away....that's gooood and means I can pay for my darling Scarlett and her license and insurance that are due next month. It means I can buy my parents random treats, go out for meals with friends or to the cinema. I can buy sushi if I want to without worrying if I can pay for it because I know i can. I've bought clothes, and resources, andhair products and make up....things I've done without for the past few years because I didn't ahve enough....I bought a freaking LAPTOP....so the pay is good :P
But no, I'm getting used to it. the hours are long (9-6), the work is hard and patience is a must, as is going with the flow, but where I wasn't sure I'd last the month, I've lasted 10 weeks (including recess so 9 weeks really lol) and I'm hoping to make it to 6 months, and then hopefully another 6 months.....a few years experience there will be great for my future masters :D
So yeh, it's not 100% amazing, and sometimes i feel like a babysitter, but I no longer Hate it there. I'm content. And for now, that's all I can really ask for :D
Recess has been great tho! I met up with friends, went out to eat, went shopping, aaaaaaaand sang karaoke alone and not with Christine by my side (which usually means if I get nervous I stop singing and her voice carries on like an angel's) but I sang alone and got told I should take lessons because app I have talent and a "natural vibrato" (thanks itialian singer guy) so Christine might be able to help there :P
And I should be starting Salsa lessons on Fridays with Christine and Katia as a relaxing evening out! let's see how this goes!!
Boy wise, nada. I got over the douche who was playing games, crushed on a super nice guy but I know it wouldn't work out due to hugely different values and am actually pretty happy being single...I don't the time at the moment anyway, but if someone does come along, then great. For now, I'm enjoying learning who I am, being my with friends and growing up, living life.
I found an old top I used to wear when I was around 14-16 and it was my fav thing to wear and I remembered the girl I used to be. I could feel all the old emotions and remember her old dreams. The pain, the feeling of being worthless, unwanted, unneeded, a failure in life. The loss she felt about the family and how she wanted to fix things. And then i looked at who I am now. I have a bunch of friends I love and trust. I'ma graduate in psychology, working full time in a job that helps others. My parents are proud, my brother is proud and he's doing great with his promotion to manager and his lovely girlfriend. I'm successful. I'm needed. I'm loved. I'm worthwhile. I'm Alive. Things haven't always worked out the way I wanted them to. I don't speak to my grandad, I don't speak to Chris, and my relationship with my sister isn't all too great. I couldn't fix things, but I've realised that that is ok. I can't control others. I can control my life and who I allow in it, and I control where I go. I understood the old me, forgave myself for doubting myself and thanked her for being strong enough to hold on.
I am in a better place, stronger and I am happy. I still have my low days, especially when the new job started, but I've pushed through. There will be hurdles, but I know I can get through them too.
So overall, life is good. I'm good. And now I'm going to continue watching JIU because Shirota Yu is in it and I just love that man. Work tomorrow, weekend in 2 days and I get to meet with friends soon :D
Ooh have pics from Easter in this new dress I bought and love!
Ciao!!