A Horse Riding Saga
Week 1 (of the saga):
Right. So today, Penny put me on a very difficult horse. She knew she was doing this, which meant she trusted me to handle it. Which is a hell of a compliment, really.
And GAH I WAS SO CHALLENGED. Rocky is a thoroughbred who'd had all winter off and was kinda very out of control. We never did manage a controlled trot. But we DID, eventually, after a lot of work, manage a fair amount of controlled walking, which was a SUPER accomplishment. And I always managed to ride it out and not yank on his mouth any time he spooked and got bouncy. Which was a lot of times. Especially at the end, when one of the jumpers started clonking the jumps.
*clonk*
*spook*
*calm down*
*clonk*
*spook*
*calm down*
I'm trying to remember how impressed I am when other people are dealing with difficult horses, and reminding myself that I can view myself the same way. I was put on a very difficult horse, and I DID IT. I DID OK. I DIDN'T FALL OFF. WE GOT UNDER CONTROL.
Then I had to stop because he kept spooking and I was losing control of my nerves.
Still, good ride. In a "hey I did something difficult!" way.
Week 2: Turns out the previous ride had REALLY wrecked my nerves. I was scared to get on a horse again. According to Penny, that's normal when people first start trying to deal with a horse just getting back under a saddle. I rode, but it was hard, and I didn't do much. Because, well, I was scared.
Week 3: I was tacking up Lucy and went and had a panic attack. That was not good. It was, in fact, quite awful. Penny (who was very nice about it because she knows that anxiety happens) sent me home and said I should try again on Sunday.
Week 3.5: I got put back on Allura - at this point I can outride her pretty easily and she is not generally challenging, but she is a good one if I've lost my nerve because I know her. I also took an ativan beforehand to make sure my nerves stayed calm. And it worked! By the end of the lesson I was cantering laps again, which is GREAT!
Week 4: VICTORY! We trotted, we cantered, and then Penny said "hey, I'll put this down to cross rails and you can go over that" and I started jumping again! And it went well! And not only did my nerves cooperate (ok, I had taken an ativan again, but even so, my nerves were better than they were week 3.5), but my posture and balance are really improving. I successfully refrained from even lightly bumping into her mouth (except once, and that one time was very light, and I was getting tired). On multiple occasions Allura landed on the wrong lead, and I NOTICED right away and was able to prompt her to change her lead. Oh, and the first time we went towards a jump I felt her kinda saying "Ok, I see where you're pointing me, but is this actually what you're asking me to do?" and I wrapped my legs around her to say "yep, we're doing this!" and she replied "Awesome! Let's go!" which is a conversation I haven't always really known how to do.
So next week I'm going to NOT take an ativan and hope things continue to go well. I believe I have repaired my nerve, and I still have that sense of accomplishment from dealing with Rocky, even though it did take a while to recover.
Right. So today, Penny put me on a very difficult horse. She knew she was doing this, which meant she trusted me to handle it. Which is a hell of a compliment, really.
And GAH I WAS SO CHALLENGED. Rocky is a thoroughbred who'd had all winter off and was kinda very out of control. We never did manage a controlled trot. But we DID, eventually, after a lot of work, manage a fair amount of controlled walking, which was a SUPER accomplishment. And I always managed to ride it out and not yank on his mouth any time he spooked and got bouncy. Which was a lot of times. Especially at the end, when one of the jumpers started clonking the jumps.
*clonk*
*spook*
*calm down*
*clonk*
*spook*
*calm down*
I'm trying to remember how impressed I am when other people are dealing with difficult horses, and reminding myself that I can view myself the same way. I was put on a very difficult horse, and I DID IT. I DID OK. I DIDN'T FALL OFF. WE GOT UNDER CONTROL.
Then I had to stop because he kept spooking and I was losing control of my nerves.
Still, good ride. In a "hey I did something difficult!" way.
Week 2: Turns out the previous ride had REALLY wrecked my nerves. I was scared to get on a horse again. According to Penny, that's normal when people first start trying to deal with a horse just getting back under a saddle. I rode, but it was hard, and I didn't do much. Because, well, I was scared.
Week 3: I was tacking up Lucy and went and had a panic attack. That was not good. It was, in fact, quite awful. Penny (who was very nice about it because she knows that anxiety happens) sent me home and said I should try again on Sunday.
Week 3.5: I got put back on Allura - at this point I can outride her pretty easily and she is not generally challenging, but she is a good one if I've lost my nerve because I know her. I also took an ativan beforehand to make sure my nerves stayed calm. And it worked! By the end of the lesson I was cantering laps again, which is GREAT!
Week 4: VICTORY! We trotted, we cantered, and then Penny said "hey, I'll put this down to cross rails and you can go over that" and I started jumping again! And it went well! And not only did my nerves cooperate (ok, I had taken an ativan again, but even so, my nerves were better than they were week 3.5), but my posture and balance are really improving. I successfully refrained from even lightly bumping into her mouth (except once, and that one time was very light, and I was getting tired). On multiple occasions Allura landed on the wrong lead, and I NOTICED right away and was able to prompt her to change her lead. Oh, and the first time we went towards a jump I felt her kinda saying "Ok, I see where you're pointing me, but is this actually what you're asking me to do?" and I wrapped my legs around her to say "yep, we're doing this!" and she replied "Awesome! Let's go!" which is a conversation I haven't always really known how to do.
So next week I'm going to NOT take an ativan and hope things continue to go well. I believe I have repaired my nerve, and I still have that sense of accomplishment from dealing with Rocky, even though it did take a while to recover.