fic: long live the car crash hearts

[gothicduckie6]

Title: Long Live the Car Crash Hearts
Author: gothicduckie6
Pairings: Spencer/Brendon
Genre: bad-fic, sort of pre-slash
Rating: PG
Warnings: cheesy and bad but worth it
Summary: Spencer gets into a car crash. Brendon freaks out. Title taken from the genius Pete Wentz.



It’s four in the morning when he gets the call.

Looking back, it’s terribly cliché too, with it being four in the morning and raining, not to mention it being a Wednesday (scratch that, Thursday). Typically, bad things happened on Monday’s. Which really didn’t make any sense either, but for Brendon, this felt cliché. Probably because it was a Wednesday-Thursday when he went to his parents and told them he couldn’t do it anymore, that he couldn’t live a lie and not be who he wanted to be.
So, really, it was cliché.

His phone was going off like a maniac, teetering off his dresser and onto the floor beside his bed. It kept going too, and as tempted as he was to turn the damn thing off, he was awake enough to have his curiosity turned on, which is why he threw an arm over the bed and grasped it precariously. He got a yawn in before it started going off again, but he didn’t bother looking at the screen before he answered it. It was obviously someone important enough to call too many times in a row this late early.

“’Lo?”

“Brendon? Fuck. Mom, I got him on the phone-“

Wait, that was Spencer’s sister. Well, one of them. He had been around them long enough to tell them apart, and usually could tell their voices apart too, but it was late early and he wasn’t awake enough yet. He could hear the phone being passed over as he rolled over to grab his glasses. Too soon for contacts.

“What’s going on?”

“Brendon?” That time it was Ginger, and she sounded like she’d been crying. His eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion. He jammed his glasses on and sat up, suddenly awake as ever.

“Ginger, what is it?”

She sniffled on the other line. “Spencer was in a car accident.”

That cold feeling, the one Brendon had only had a few times. When he broke his arm at the age of fourteen and was told by the doctors he couldn’t play any instrument for six months. When he moved out and into the crappy run-down apartment, and the first night he spent alone, realizing the band was the only thing he had. The first show ever, and then the first show they played as headliners. Then realizing him and Ryan couldn’t work together anymore, and Spencer coming to him and telling him no matter what, he was with him.

That cold feeling, the one where it takes over everything and makes you feel immobile. It takes all effort to blink, to move, to process the world around you. That feeling, it was tenfold from all the other times.

“Brendon, sweetheart, stay with me…”

Ginger, bless her heart, knew him well enough to know how to calm him down. Not many people did, hell, even his mom was having to relearn again. It took him a moment to overcome it, before he started shaking and grasping his sheets.

“Where?”

“Here in Vegas. He was coming back from visiting his Grandparents one last time before he went back to California.” Ginger paused, and Brendon could hear someone talk in the background. He got up, started scrambling for the first clothing he could find: jeans, one of Spencer’s shirts he’d stolen a few weeks back. Two minutes passed and he was already sitting in his car, about to turn the engine on when he heard his name again.

“What are you doing?”

He forgot the phone he had been clutching to his ear. “I-“

“Call Shane. You’re in no condition to drive.”

Five minutes later he ended the call, having promised to call Shane and arrange things, not leaving until he could actually think. He took him a moment to realize Ginger had never told him how Spencer was doing. He sat with his head against the steering wheel, and tried to focus on breathing. A minute passed, and a few more, before suddenly he jumped at the tapping on his window. He quickly looked over, before he was being pulled out of the car and into Shane’s arms. It took him a moment to react, but eventually his arms wound around Shane, and he let himself relax for a second.

“Regan is grabbing Bogart and taking him back to our place,” Shane told him as he led Brendon to the passenger side of the car. He kept talking, but as he opened the door, Brendon stopped short.

“Wait, no, I have to go see Spencer. He-“

“Bren, I know, that’s what we’re doing. Get in the car.” Shane gestured, before going back to the driver’s side and getting in. Brendon followed, trying to figure out how Shane knew too, but as he opened his mouth, Shane replied, “His mom called me too. She said to come get you, because you probably weren’t going to listen and drive over by yourself anyway.” Brendon closed his mouth, looking out the window as Shane pulled out onto the freeway.

“Does Ryan know?” His voice sounded funny, like he hadn’t used it in hours. Looking down at the clock, it rang funny, because nearly six hours had passed. The sights were getting brighter too, nearing Vegas, they always seemed to. He looked over at Shane, who had his bottom lip caught between teeth.

“I don’t know.” He replied, taking the next exit for the hospital. Brendon looked out the window again, resting his head against the seat.

Not long after that, they pulled into a spot in the hospital parking lot. It took a moment, Brendon finally mimicking Shane’s movement and getting out of the car. His legs felt stiff from sitting so long, just like his entire body was on edge. Shane wrapped an arm around his shoulder, leading him into the entrance of the building. He was on auto-pilot, not realizing the turns they were making until he caught sight of Ginger and James and the twins. Suddenly, he was awake, as he broke free from Shane and ran over, wrapping himself around Ginger and, for the first time since four that morning, letting his emotion out and crying. He didn’t feel the eyes of everyone else on him, but somewhere could feel Jackie and Crystal draping themselves over him, as Ginger’s words and movements worked in an attempt to calm him. He lifted his head slightly, tears hot and wet on his cheeks as he looked at Ginger, whose eyes resembled Spencer’s to a tee. He took a shaky breath, letting it go before he dared to speak.

“Tell me what happened.”

He felt the twins move back, taking a seat next to Shane. Spencer’s dad had still said nothing. Brendon kept his eyes on Ginger, who didn’t break her gaze from him either. “Drunk driver,” she replied her voice as calm and steady as the mom she was. “Crossed over, hit him head on.”
Brendon took another deep breath. “He’s ali-“

“Yes, oh, Brendon, of course he’s alive,” she said, grasping him tighter. Brendon felt a little better. “He just came out of surgery. Apparently, they are going to let us see him soon.”

Brendon nodded, closing his eyes, not bothering to open them, even after he felt a hand wipe the tears away from his cheeks. He waited a moment before excusing himself, letting her have her space. He took a seat slightly away from the group, curling up into himself, almost like he was closing himself off to the world. Sometimes, he did that; it left him alone with his thoughts and just let him be. Ryan and Jon would usually prod him or sit next to him and try to get him to talk. Spencer, and even Shane were usually good enough to wait until he was ready to talk, waiting until he went to go find them. This time, Shane sat next to him, leaving some space between them so he wouldn’t impose. And this time, Brendon didn’t mind. He didn’t have to go far to seek solace when his mind couldn’t handle what was going on.

An hour later, a nurse came out to talk to Spencer’s parents, and not long after a doctor came out too. Brendon kept quiet in his corner, watching what was going on with careful eyes. Ginger beckoned Shane over, who patted Brendon’s knee before joining her. This time, Brendon closed his eyes. Ginger had said Spencer would be okay, but the pessimist inside him wouldn’t believe it until Spencer was actually fine and back home with him. Until then, Brendon would be stricken with worry about one of the only people who mattered in his life anymore. He was lost in thought, jumping slightly when Shane touched his knee again. He met Shane’s eyes, who were filled with worry, which only made Brendon more confused. “His parents and sisters are going in right now to see him. Ginger said she’s going to come out to get you soon.” He sat back down, this time closer to Brendon, who didn’t mind at all.

True to her word, Ginger was back out less than ten minutes later, smiling. “He’s awake!”
Brendon managed a smile, dismantling himself from his half formed ball. His legs felt funny, but the only thing on his mind was seeing Spencer. He followed Ginger down the hall, watching Jackie leave, who had tears in her eyes but a smile on her face. “He’s asking for you,” she told Brendon, who blinked as he watched her walk away.

He inched in closer, looking at everyone in the room before finally looking at Spencer. In all honesty, Spencer looked like he got hit by a bus. Everything he could see looked bruised, but thankfully he still had his beard, which took away from some of it. It looked painful to smile, but Spencer was doing the best he could, eyes trained on Brendon, who didn’t know what to do.
“Come here, you idiot.”

Suddenly, he found his legs moving, not stopping before he reached the unoccupied side of Spencer’s bed. A hand reached for his, and Brendon looked down, clasping his hand with Spencer’s and squeezing slightly. Tears pooled in his eyes, and he looked away for a moment before settling his eyes back on Spencer. “Hey, you don’t need to cry. I-“

“Don’t you dare tell me you’re fine, Spencer Smith, not while you’re laying here in a hospital bed,” Brendon replied, his voice etched with a rasp from not having been used in hours. “Don’t you dare.”

Spencer squeezed his hand again. “Brendon. It’s okay. I was in a car accident. I’m not dead. I’m still here.”

Brendon was finding it hard to breathe. “I know. I know, but I couldn’t help but think about what could have happened. And how alone I would be and how I would have no one to make music with anymore. There would be no one else, and I’d be alone and I can’t live with that possibility, Spencer, I can’t.”

He broke. Tears fell down his face again, but this time, it was different. It felt worse, because now he was realizing what he was thinking during the entire time of waiting, of not knowing how Spencer was or what had happened. He brought his other hand up to his face, hiding what he could. He heard shuffling, and Spencer voice, and more movement, before the door closed. The hand in Spencer’s was pulled again, and he took a breath, letting the hand on his face fall away.

Spencer pointed at the chair beside the bed; the one James had been in not a few seconds before. “Sit.”

Brendon did, wiping his face with his sleeve as he walked around the bed.

“I told you this before, and I swore I was not going to tell you again, but I guess I have to.” Brendon looked up as Spencer grabbed for his hand again. “I am never going to leave you. I didn’t leave when Ryan and Jon left. I didn’t leave when Shane moved out. What part of never don’t you get?”

Brendon brought his legs to his chest, just like he did in the waiting room, and in the car. “Everyone eventually leaves.”

“What?”

“My parents left me, even though they came back. Ryan left. Jon left. Shane left, but I still have him, I suppose. It’s only a matter of time.”

Spencer made a noise. “Bren-“

“I know. I’m childish. I watch Disney movies and try not to think about life until I have to. I drive out everyone close to me eventually, make them get to the point where they can’t stand me-”

“Brendon…”

“-but you’re the only one who has ever stayed. Or when you left, you came back. I’ve always been able to rely on you, even in those dark days when the band was the only thing keeping me alive-“

“Brendon-“

“-and I try not to think about the future where you’re gone and I’m just a washed up singer with a bunch of instruments and animals and a beer belly with nothing going for him, just his dreams of turning back time to relive the glory days-“

“BRENDON!”

He startled, his mouth hanging open slightly as he looked back over to Spencer. His mouth shut as Spencer’s eyes softened.

“Listen to yourself. You’ve let your fear manifest into shock. I told you, I’m never going anywhere. You know that.”

“I know, but-“

Spencer held up a hand. “Let me finish.” Brendon nodded.

“You need to stop worrying and trying to be the brave little toaster all the time. You’re putting too much stress on yourself. You hardly ever sleep, and I have to chase you out of the music room in order to get you to stop working for once. Brendon, you don’t have to impress anyone just because Ryan and Jon left. Everyone, including me, knows how talented you are. You’re turning into something you’re not.”

Brendon sat there in the silence, hand gripped tightly in Spencer’s. “I can’t lose you. I can’t.”

Spencer tugged the hand in his softly, edging the other off his chair and onto the bed beside him. He wrapped an arm around Brendon’s shoulder, rubbing up and down his back in the same manor he’d adopted way back when, when Brendon had come over that first night after leaving his parents house, when they were in Maryland recording the first album and Ryan had thrown too many jabs at him. After every phone class during those first few tours, where he could hear screaming on the other line, and a tense Brendon on his end. When Brendon was distressed, he tried not to show it. It was always evident, his eyes were like books, but the way he acted never owned up to what he was actually feeling inside. Spencer knew this, most people close to Brendon did. “Shhh. You’ll never lose me. Ever.”

Brendon lifted his head off Spencer’s shoulder, looking him in the eye with his teary ones. “You can’t promise that.”

Spencer’s jaw set, and he leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together. “Watch me.”
Brendon let out a puff of air, slumping into Spencer. He let him, holding him close, not caring that he was rubbing against the stitches on his abdomen. They stayed until his mom and Shane came in, features softening when they saw him with Brendon, who had finally passes out. Shane picked him up, following Crystal out the door with a clear intent to let Brendon sleep as long as he could. Spencer looked at his mom, rubbing his eyes softly.

“Tired?”

Spencer nodded. “Yeah. I didn’t even think about Brendon-“

“Spencer James Smith, you were in a car crash, for heaven’s sake. It’s a wonder you had the ability to think at all, let alone call 911.”

He shrugged indifferently. “You saw how broken up he is. I did that. I caused that.”

Ginger sat down next to Spencer’s legs on the bed, reaching for her son’s hand. “The man who hit you with his car caused it. You did nothing wrong, Spencer. Brendon is going to be fine, as are you.”

“But-“

“No, Spencer, I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear anything out of you except the snuffles you make when you’re asleep.”

Spencer made a face. “I do not snuffle in my sleep!”

Ginger patted his head, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Sorry son, but you do. I watched you sleep as a baby. Now I’m watching you sleep at a twenty-two year old. Get some rest.”

He glared, but gently lowered himself under so his was laying down, closing his eyes. He heard movements around, nurses checking his stats, and one time heard a doctor come in to talk to his mom. But, for eight hours, he slept, and when he woke up again, it was to Shane sitting on the chair beside the bed, tapping on his iPhone. He glanced up when Spencer coughed, and smiled. “Finally, I thought you were going to be out forever. Want some water?”

Spencer nodded, taking the glass when Shane offered it, and letting him take it when he was done. “Where’s Brendon?”

“Downstairs eating. You mom made him leave. He woke up when I was carrying him to the car to take him back to your parents’ house, and demanded to stay here. He slept off and on in the waiting room for three hours, then was in here. I just took watch like an hour ago. He’s going to be pissed you woke up when he left.”

“Is he okay?”

Shane’s grinned dropped, just like Spencer’s stomach. “He’s not the peachy Brendon we’re so used to, but he’s getting there. You convinced him to stop worrying, at least. He’s almost comatose right now.” At Spencer’s raised eyebrows, he continued. “He knows you’re not going to die now, so now he’s worried about you not being able to play, or want to play, or not being able to go back to California.”

“Doesn’t he know that I only had surgery to repair something inside?”

Shane shrugged. “Internally, he probably does, but his fear is consuming him right about now. Your mom is working her magic right now, though. I’m sure.” Shane looked down at his phone, before getting up. “It’s Regan; she’s kind of worried too. I’m just going to take this out in the hall.” He pointed at the door, but didn’t leave until Spencer nodded.

Spencer leaned back in his bed, letting out a sigh of frustration. It was like Brendon to retreat into his mind when times were tough, and usually someone was there to make sure it didn’t get to bad. He couldn’t really imagine how bad it was for Brendon right now, and ever though Spencer knew nothing bad was going to happen now, and Brendon did too, there was still lingering doubt. He closed his eyes, only opening them when he heard a shuffle of feet. Looking over, he thought it would be Brendon, but was surprised at who he saw.

“Ryan?”

The other boy shrugged, coming closer to his bed. “So, I heard my best friend landed himself in the hospital.”

Spencer smiled. Under Ryan’s dry tone there was worry. Even though things were a little patchy between them, he could still read Ryan. “Yeah, I heard about that too. Sucks.”

Ryan nodded, resting a hand on one of Spencer’s feet. “You okay?”

Spencer nodded, feeling Ryan’s grip on his foot tighten slightly. “Just some internal damage, scrapes and bruises. The other guy wasn’t going all that fast, even though it was on the highway.”

“I heard he was drunk.”

“You heard right.”

The hand tightened again. Even though Ryan was okay to drink and get drunk now, he still had that underlying fear of becoming his father. His parties were tight: he took everyone’s keys so no one could leave via a car, or get more alcohol. He was strict, but still like to have fun. It made sense.

“I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault.”

“True, but the occasion called for it. Really,” Ryan gave him a look. “Are you okay?”

Spencer nodded again, smiling. “Getting there.”

They shared a look, the one Brendon and Jon called the ‘Secret Mind Melding Twin Super Power From Hell’ look, the one where it looked like they were staring into the depths of their souls. It broke when someone else entered the room, Ryan turning around sharply.

“What are you doing here?”

“Brendon, it’s okay.”

Ryan shook his head. “Nah, I should be going. Just going to visit the sights and head back to California.” He looked back at Spencer, patting his foot one last time before smiling and walking out. Brendon stood away from the door, looking down at the floor as Ryan left, only looking up when he was sure the other was gone. “What did he want?”

“Just to check up.”

“Couldn’t do that on the phone?”

Spencer shrugged. “It’s July. He comes back this time every year to visit his father’s grave.”

Brendon looked up at that, his features clearing. “I didn’t know-“

“Hardly anyone does. Hey, I’m getting out of here tomorrow.”

Brendon grinned, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Home?”

“Home. I hope Bogart hasn’t killed the place.”

“Regan has him. Poor her.”

“Yes indeed. Come here.”

Brendon did without hesitation, climbing beside Spencer. “You okay?”

Brendon contemplated for a moment. “I will be. Once you’re home and safe.”

“I’m safe with you here.”

Brendon lowered himself down, resting their foreheads together again. “Can you promise me that?”

“Always.”