Four letters, one dream.
Well, i don't know why i'm so sleepy but I just am. I woke up and within moments Kyle was online saying he had just woken up as well. It was so amazing yet so little, but I loved it. We spoke for a while, i played wow for a while. We're both working on each of our ends to get everything done and set for me to move there without any kind if a doubt.
i've got a lot to take care of over here before I turn eighteen as well as when I do turn eighteen. I need to finish up some doctor appointments to check on things like my asthma and etc.. ask them about what type of things might happen with the climate change to my breathing. I've gone through my clothes but i've still got to go through my room. I've got to go through everything thoroughly but i'm so tired. I may be over stressing myself out or just that i've been so active after doing nothing for so long.
Sometimes I just feel like packing everything i'm taking and just setting it aside just to know i'm packed and ready to go but that's impossible at this point since it's just a little under two months, maybe more depending on situations here and there. This is all I really talk about, think about, dream about. Kyle and moving, moving and Kyle. How did he and I end up in a situation where we both know that we belong to the other yet still can't have them. We know the love is there, the devotion but we can't grab a hand, touch a face, fix a strand of hair. We picture it and roll it over in our minds a thousand times of what that day will be like when I land in Los Angeles.
Sometimes I take a step out at look at the whole situation as unbiased as I can. I often wonder if we're just kidding ourselves about the realism of me going there. Is this just a dream we both hold tightly to, wishing and wishing for it to happen but deep down we know that this infatuation will pass? I quickly take myself back into the situation and remember all the things we've talked about, how much we're putting in to this.
Before Kyle, I wanted to get away. I wanted to get up and do something with my life. Go somewhere and live, get away from Delaware. Still, i'd tell myself it would come in time and i'd continue the dreaming. Then, with Kyle, i'm suddenly working as best I can to figure everything out and have it all work out so I will be in San Dimas with him as soon as we possibly can.
I've got lists of things that need to be done, things i've yet to do that i've put off, and everything I possibly could think of to make it all a reality and I honestly believe Kyle is, too. I put my entire being into telling my father on New Years Eve, "Daddy, I want to move to California when I turn 18. I'd honestly do it no matter what, but I'd really like your support on this decision". Out of all the hatred and pain and problems he and I have had for the passed five years, he said yes.
Kyle, on his side, is progressing with things he needs to get done, too. Car like he's needed, his liscense, he said his father may help him with an apartment and rent for a while making it extremely less stressful for when I get there to get situated. People here know i'm intending to go there to him and I think people around him have a vague idea but it's different in that position. I need to inform people that i'm intending to leave whereas trying to explain to people around you that you're flying in this girl from the other wide of the continent to live with you is just a little more awkward. He will, at some point soon, have to tell them and I hope they don't find him to insane...
I have such vivid day dreams. I sit there and imagine moments with him, us, living together. My energetic self prancing around and he just laughing at me for the random things I do. I can imagine conversations, what we'd be wearing, what we'd be doing. Flying back over to visit for Christmas. Me dying my first summer there from it being so hot, he almost dying his first time over on the east coast with me visiting people during winter.
It's going to be hard, though. It's a huge step for the both of us. We're both leaving home and putting a lot on the line to do this. When i'm finally there, it's going to be a strain on us both for me to get settled in and things to start cycling through with a job and with schooling.
It all comes down to the thought of, is this all worth it? I say yes, and strongly believe that Kyle does, too.
Soon.
i've got a lot to take care of over here before I turn eighteen as well as when I do turn eighteen. I need to finish up some doctor appointments to check on things like my asthma and etc.. ask them about what type of things might happen with the climate change to my breathing. I've gone through my clothes but i've still got to go through my room. I've got to go through everything thoroughly but i'm so tired. I may be over stressing myself out or just that i've been so active after doing nothing for so long.
Sometimes I just feel like packing everything i'm taking and just setting it aside just to know i'm packed and ready to go but that's impossible at this point since it's just a little under two months, maybe more depending on situations here and there. This is all I really talk about, think about, dream about. Kyle and moving, moving and Kyle. How did he and I end up in a situation where we both know that we belong to the other yet still can't have them. We know the love is there, the devotion but we can't grab a hand, touch a face, fix a strand of hair. We picture it and roll it over in our minds a thousand times of what that day will be like when I land in Los Angeles.
Sometimes I take a step out at look at the whole situation as unbiased as I can. I often wonder if we're just kidding ourselves about the realism of me going there. Is this just a dream we both hold tightly to, wishing and wishing for it to happen but deep down we know that this infatuation will pass? I quickly take myself back into the situation and remember all the things we've talked about, how much we're putting in to this.
Before Kyle, I wanted to get away. I wanted to get up and do something with my life. Go somewhere and live, get away from Delaware. Still, i'd tell myself it would come in time and i'd continue the dreaming. Then, with Kyle, i'm suddenly working as best I can to figure everything out and have it all work out so I will be in San Dimas with him as soon as we possibly can.
I've got lists of things that need to be done, things i've yet to do that i've put off, and everything I possibly could think of to make it all a reality and I honestly believe Kyle is, too. I put my entire being into telling my father on New Years Eve, "Daddy, I want to move to California when I turn 18. I'd honestly do it no matter what, but I'd really like your support on this decision". Out of all the hatred and pain and problems he and I have had for the passed five years, he said yes.
Kyle, on his side, is progressing with things he needs to get done, too. Car like he's needed, his liscense, he said his father may help him with an apartment and rent for a while making it extremely less stressful for when I get there to get situated. People here know i'm intending to go there to him and I think people around him have a vague idea but it's different in that position. I need to inform people that i'm intending to leave whereas trying to explain to people around you that you're flying in this girl from the other wide of the continent to live with you is just a little more awkward. He will, at some point soon, have to tell them and I hope they don't find him to insane...
I have such vivid day dreams. I sit there and imagine moments with him, us, living together. My energetic self prancing around and he just laughing at me for the random things I do. I can imagine conversations, what we'd be wearing, what we'd be doing. Flying back over to visit for Christmas. Me dying my first summer there from it being so hot, he almost dying his first time over on the east coast with me visiting people during winter.
It's going to be hard, though. It's a huge step for the both of us. We're both leaving home and putting a lot on the line to do this. When i'm finally there, it's going to be a strain on us both for me to get settled in and things to start cycling through with a job and with schooling.
It all comes down to the thought of, is this all worth it? I say yes, and strongly believe that Kyle does, too.
Soon.