Shakey
Ever get so upset, so scared, and so confused that all your body does is make you feel like your on drugs and you can't stop shaking.... even though you don't feel like you're shaking? Like, as if you're some kind of struggling limp noodle, or, if you're an asthmatic, you huffed too many puff's of your meds and, unlike the usual asthma jitters, you feel like you're convulsing, but at the same time you're not? It's hard to explain, but that's how i'm feeling.
I mean, he's online, and i'm online, but I refuse to IM him. I don't want to. I'm scared. Things, like I, are shakey, and I don't want to tilt the wobbling tower in the wrong direction to where we are uttery destroyed. The knot in my throat continues to remind me that the thought of it is enough to send me into the usual random fit of tears.
As I said before -- I cried because of Chris so many times. Honestly, so many times. He'd say hurtful things, tell me that I do so many things wrong, and constantly tell me he liked me better when we first met. Now, I cry randomly at the thought of Matt being gone forever in my life. I don't want it. Bah. I SO do not want that. Still, what am I supposed to think about? I've been trying to think about everything good. But it's hard.
When I called, he said he needed time, and felt as if he didn't know who I was. He brought up on how happy we were in the beginning, and then how bad it got so quickly. I told him school gets to me and I break down. I get moody and such, and yet.... I don't think about the bad times. Now he does. He told me not to, and what happens? The reversal.
No matter. Life, at the moment, is sending my mind on a rollercoaster. I love rollercoasters, but life's rollercoaster is getting way too many loops now, and I just so totally ate dinner.
I mean, he's online, and i'm online, but I refuse to IM him. I don't want to. I'm scared. Things, like I, are shakey, and I don't want to tilt the wobbling tower in the wrong direction to where we are uttery destroyed. The knot in my throat continues to remind me that the thought of it is enough to send me into the usual random fit of tears.
As I said before -- I cried because of Chris so many times. Honestly, so many times. He'd say hurtful things, tell me that I do so many things wrong, and constantly tell me he liked me better when we first met. Now, I cry randomly at the thought of Matt being gone forever in my life. I don't want it. Bah. I SO do not want that. Still, what am I supposed to think about? I've been trying to think about everything good. But it's hard.
When I called, he said he needed time, and felt as if he didn't know who I was. He brought up on how happy we were in the beginning, and then how bad it got so quickly. I told him school gets to me and I break down. I get moody and such, and yet.... I don't think about the bad times. Now he does. He told me not to, and what happens? The reversal.
No matter. Life, at the moment, is sending my mind on a rollercoaster. I love rollercoasters, but life's rollercoaster is getting way too many loops now, and I just so totally ate dinner.