Thoughts
Hey there,
I know that i have not written in a long time. I bet you are all wondering what is going on...
well first off me and daniel are ok. he never knew that i was emailing him. we talked and everything and things are a little better. he did drop a bomb on me. he told me that he had cheated on me with two other people. he did not have sex with them, but he did kiss them and one of the girls was he ex girlfrind destiny. he was engaged to her and then things went bad and he called it off. i know that she wants him back, and i dont know what to do. in december when i had just got together with him he did this with her and then he did it again now after he told me that he was not going to do anything. i am so scared that i am losing him, but what can i do from phx when he is in mesa. i wish that i had moved in when i had the chance then maybe none of this would have happened. i cant be mad at him, the reason is because he is in mesa all alone and i caused that. he was not the one that ran away...that was me. i know that i cant change what happened, but i wish that i can change my future. i just wish that everything is going to be ok,but i have no way of telling that. i went to New Orleans on the 10th and i returned on the 16th and when got back it seemed like everything had gone wrong at work. i felt like it was going to take me a whole year to catch up. all i have been doing this whole week is playing catch up. i am so tired as well, but i cant sleep at night because all i ever think about is when i am going to see Daniel again. it has been almost 4 months since we last saw each other(march was the last time). i know that i was the one that caused this but why does it have to hurt so bad. i feel so depressed all the time and i really believe that i am going back to manic depressent. the way that i use to be...
i write to Daniel everyday though and i knew that was not going to stop. i am already half way or more threw the notebook that i have been writting to him it. i got a 5 subject so that it would last me longer and it is going to last me till sometime in august. then i am going to have to get a new one and start all over again. maybe by then i will be living with him and i wont have to write to him if i dont want to. i would just be able to talk to him when ever i wanted to and no worries about not being able to unles i was in school or at work or something to that effect. he told me that he wants me to wait to move in and start school at westwind and then he wanted us to get our own Apt. but i need to be able to save money for that and it seems like everytime i turn around my parents need help and so i of couse tell them to use some of mine...or my father wants to go out to dinner for his b-day,father's day, valentines day ect. and we spend almost 5 hundred and something there. i mean holly freaking cow!!!! that is a lot of money. and me and my brother are the ones that are paying thoes bills. also i am some how getting a huge debt with Gwen and so i am going to have to pay that off and i am going to have to work my ass off this summer to be able to do that. i mean i owe her almost $2,000!!!! but i am hopeing that i can get the paid back and then me and daniel can move out and in together. i just am not sure if i want to wait that long. i feel like the more i wait the more i wont go through with it and i will end up moving back east like everyone else wants me to. well i am going to go i will write more tomorrow when i have more time. love all of you.
love
teddybear