PTSD
I have, today, come to the realization that there is a very good chance that I have been dealing with PTSD. It has been very difficult for me to accept this. This has been to a fixed belief that I had of what PTSD might actually be.
This fixed belief was that PTSD would have to be caused by some major traumatic event. Yes, I did to two deployments in Iraq. Yes, I did find my best friend dead by his own hand. But I did not have any major traumatic event happen to me. I did not get shot at. I did not get blown up. I did not witness the death of a person.
Since my return, I have been unable to have a regular good nights sleep. I have been unable to foster a good relationship with others. I have been irritable, and short tempered. I have been unable to find enjoyment in things I had found enjoyment in the past. Even spending time with Sarah and Jacob was difficult, sometimes painful, to me. My drinking has increased, and I have started smoking. If I don't have a routine, I am lost, bored, and tense.
I had a conversation today with my EX. We talk often, she has a great insight into me. That happens when you share 10 years of your life with someone. She assisted me into seeing that this might be what I am dealing with.
So tomorrow, I will be calling the VA to see about making an appointment. I do not care for medications. I took myself off my anti-depression meds many years ago because I did not care for the side-effects. So I will see what they have to offer. I would like to ask of my friends and acquaintances that you have patience with me. Tell me when I am being difficult, but do not let me slide, if I am being an ass. I cannot tolerate rudeness and would be displeased if others ignored mine.
Thank you.
This fixed belief was that PTSD would have to be caused by some major traumatic event. Yes, I did to two deployments in Iraq. Yes, I did find my best friend dead by his own hand. But I did not have any major traumatic event happen to me. I did not get shot at. I did not get blown up. I did not witness the death of a person.
Since my return, I have been unable to have a regular good nights sleep. I have been unable to foster a good relationship with others. I have been irritable, and short tempered. I have been unable to find enjoyment in things I had found enjoyment in the past. Even spending time with Sarah and Jacob was difficult, sometimes painful, to me. My drinking has increased, and I have started smoking. If I don't have a routine, I am lost, bored, and tense.
I had a conversation today with my EX. We talk often, she has a great insight into me. That happens when you share 10 years of your life with someone. She assisted me into seeing that this might be what I am dealing with.
So tomorrow, I will be calling the VA to see about making an appointment. I do not care for medications. I took myself off my anti-depression meds many years ago because I did not care for the side-effects. So I will see what they have to offer. I would like to ask of my friends and acquaintances that you have patience with me. Tell me when I am being difficult, but do not let me slide, if I am being an ass. I cannot tolerate rudeness and would be displeased if others ignored mine.
Thank you.