(no subject)
I've been so busy, I don't know where to begin. First of all, though, I need to say this. Richard agreed, very reluctantly, to go with me to Solitaire's home for a few days. I said his best friend was going to be there, and for a moment he looked tempted, but he shook his head. Then I assured him that Solitaire would never countenance anything outrageous happening in his own home, and he remembered my friend as the copper on that disastrous night, and agreed. Thank God for Solitaire being so straight-laced! I never thought I'd actually use that argument ever, if only to persuade anyone I don't intend to sleep with them the moment we were under the same roof! Do I appear to be such a maniac I'd go with anything who beckons me to follow them? That argument isn't valid in this case, since Richard would never beckon me ever.
I'm friends again with A, though he's keeping me at a distance. I've been seeing Grantaire socially too, though he's still to figure out which bar A works now. A looks wan under the club lights. I think he hasn't been sleeping easily. I tried to ask around what's wrong with him, if he was seeing anyone, and they all raised an eyebrow and asked if I hadn't been the one he's been seeing on the sly. Me? Is that what they think? But it's been days, and they said A had been excusing himself from any of our gatherings, and their suspicion is he's seeing someone. And of course, they thought it was me, because I haven't been on the scene for a while. They were surprised when they realized I haven't had a clue on what they're talking about. So, speculations that A was seeing someone else abounded in the circle, but we have no idea who. Or rather, I've got a pretty good idea who but the rest didn't.
I met Grantaire the next day, and he tried to deny it, but the tide of colour that suddenly rose from his cheeks betrayed him. I didn't know Grantaire could flush that way. He admitted to it after I told him he was blushing, but he said it was more of sexual need than dating. A had been hesitant to extend the relationship beyond sleeping with each other, at the strangest times and places, he explained, and sometimes he wondered if A was trying to make him develop a disgust so he'll leave. I asked if he was disgusted, and he replied not at all, he simply took all the chances he could to please A. Was A ever pleased? He shrugged, he knows A liked what they've been doing, but after he seems to suffer from a guilt trip and hates himself more for it. Then I asked if he and A ever kissed mouth-to-mouth, and he said yes, the first time they slept together. This came with another blush, and I didn't have to think how the kiss went. But after? He shook his head.
I know A never kisses anyone he slept with. Grantaire doesn't, but I've slept with A, and he never kissed me the way he probably kissed my friend here. I was reluctant to say anything to raise his hopes, but hinted that there just might be hope for the two of them. He smiled and said he felt comforted by the idea, and thanks for the meager comfort. He must've been living for days with that in him, it's a wonder he hasn't tried to make A love him. And it also explains why A has been so quiet these days, probably afraid someone would find out and misconstrue the whole relationship, if you could call it that.
I wonder why A is doing this to the both of them. They're dying inside with each day they play this charade.
I'm friends again with A, though he's keeping me at a distance. I've been seeing Grantaire socially too, though he's still to figure out which bar A works now. A looks wan under the club lights. I think he hasn't been sleeping easily. I tried to ask around what's wrong with him, if he was seeing anyone, and they all raised an eyebrow and asked if I hadn't been the one he's been seeing on the sly. Me? Is that what they think? But it's been days, and they said A had been excusing himself from any of our gatherings, and their suspicion is he's seeing someone. And of course, they thought it was me, because I haven't been on the scene for a while. They were surprised when they realized I haven't had a clue on what they're talking about. So, speculations that A was seeing someone else abounded in the circle, but we have no idea who. Or rather, I've got a pretty good idea who but the rest didn't.
I met Grantaire the next day, and he tried to deny it, but the tide of colour that suddenly rose from his cheeks betrayed him. I didn't know Grantaire could flush that way. He admitted to it after I told him he was blushing, but he said it was more of sexual need than dating. A had been hesitant to extend the relationship beyond sleeping with each other, at the strangest times and places, he explained, and sometimes he wondered if A was trying to make him develop a disgust so he'll leave. I asked if he was disgusted, and he replied not at all, he simply took all the chances he could to please A. Was A ever pleased? He shrugged, he knows A liked what they've been doing, but after he seems to suffer from a guilt trip and hates himself more for it. Then I asked if he and A ever kissed mouth-to-mouth, and he said yes, the first time they slept together. This came with another blush, and I didn't have to think how the kiss went. But after? He shook his head.
I know A never kisses anyone he slept with. Grantaire doesn't, but I've slept with A, and he never kissed me the way he probably kissed my friend here. I was reluctant to say anything to raise his hopes, but hinted that there just might be hope for the two of them. He smiled and said he felt comforted by the idea, and thanks for the meager comfort. He must've been living for days with that in him, it's a wonder he hasn't tried to make A love him. And it also explains why A has been so quiet these days, probably afraid someone would find out and misconstrue the whole relationship, if you could call it that.
I wonder why A is doing this to the both of them. They're dying inside with each day they play this charade.