it never fades
I am so sick of this. I'm all happy one moment and depressed the next. Do I really still love him? Is it possible to love him after all this time and all the things that have gone on? If he dates her I'm going to die. I don't think I can handle seeing them together. I hate this so much. And things with me. My problem that I'm trying to get over is doing what I thought it would. I try and get over it and the other problem started. I don't know what to do. I see my body and all I see is fat. Everyone tells me otherwise but my vision is distorted. I see every thing wrong with me and multiply it by like a million. At least I know I have a problem and I'm trying to get over it. I just don't want to feel this way anymore. I'm always tired, I am starting to look really sick, and I have no energy without a bunch of Mt. Dew. I need the energy for color guard but I feel if I don't eat then I can lose more weight during practice and get skinner. I was told how skinny I look last night but I don't see it. I really can't see what everyone else swears is true. I'm sorry for this, but all I see in the mirror is fat. And being around certain people who are so skinny makes me want to be skinnier. I hate this. I don't want to be sad. If I were happy then maybe I would see what others see. I need something in my life, I feel like part of me is missing. I know what it is but I need to get over it and find something else because that part of me doesn't want to come back.