FM March Topic - confession
//locked//
It took us over a week to drive across country to bring Harry his car. Everytime I turned around Marie or John wanted to stop somewhere to look at something and it's getting to the point I can't say no to them. Especially when MJ backs them up, I've noticed an alarming tendency to cave into their demands. Although I have managed to keep them to their training every night. John is a natural when it comes to fighting, he's like one of those annoying dogs who won't stay down when you kick them. Marie is learning meditation so that she can get to know the things in her mind that belong to other people. I know about her nightmares and know that she shares mine. If we find a way to reverse the mutant dampening effect I don't want her to lose being able to touch people. I watch her with John and the look of wonder in her eyes when their skin touches and nothing happens. I won't let her lose that.
I hate being gone from Gotham this long and of course while we were travelling so many things happened with Harry that I can't even begin to understand where he is now and how I'll react when I see him.
It's strange having people around me as a family. It involves opening myself to let them inside my defenses. I am terrified of losing them. Everytime I let someone in I feel like I give a piece of myself away. I don't have a lot of pieces left to lose.
Most of my life I've teetered on the brink of darkness. I do what I have to, to keep me from falling into something worse. Alfred told me once what I do had to be above personal disires or it was just vigilantism. I didn't understand at the time but I do now. I have to do what is right no matter what the cost to me might be because otherwise I will become what I fight. And if I do that the war is lost.
And I confess this is the hardest thing in my life. To have to cut out the feelings in a situation when all I want to do is take the side of the person I love.
It took us over a week to drive across country to bring Harry his car. Everytime I turned around Marie or John wanted to stop somewhere to look at something and it's getting to the point I can't say no to them. Especially when MJ backs them up, I've noticed an alarming tendency to cave into their demands. Although I have managed to keep them to their training every night. John is a natural when it comes to fighting, he's like one of those annoying dogs who won't stay down when you kick them. Marie is learning meditation so that she can get to know the things in her mind that belong to other people. I know about her nightmares and know that she shares mine. If we find a way to reverse the mutant dampening effect I don't want her to lose being able to touch people. I watch her with John and the look of wonder in her eyes when their skin touches and nothing happens. I won't let her lose that.
I hate being gone from Gotham this long and of course while we were travelling so many things happened with Harry that I can't even begin to understand where he is now and how I'll react when I see him.
It's strange having people around me as a family. It involves opening myself to let them inside my defenses. I am terrified of losing them. Everytime I let someone in I feel like I give a piece of myself away. I don't have a lot of pieces left to lose.
Most of my life I've teetered on the brink of darkness. I do what I have to, to keep me from falling into something worse. Alfred told me once what I do had to be above personal disires or it was just vigilantism. I didn't understand at the time but I do now. I have to do what is right no matter what the cost to me might be because otherwise I will become what I fight. And if I do that the war is lost.
And I confess this is the hardest thing in my life. To have to cut out the feelings in a situation when all I want to do is take the side of the person I love.