It's like this...
I guess I've been extremely busy because it's been a while since I've gotten anything done.
voice acting The primary thing I've done for it between this month and the last is take improv. Which isn't a big thing but does help me work at some weaknesses I've put off addressing for a very long time. I really should have looked into getting the MP3 of my demo on CD as well as gotten some homework done on getting representation. Though the real thing (because sending unsolicited samples has about the same rate of success in every industry, equivalent to a snowball in hell) I should be doing is trying to get work, even if the pay is peanuts. The avenues for that aren't that great, the best is Voice123.com where I need $300 for a subscription to the jobs. (I've checked it out, it's legit.)
theatre there hasn't been a lot of theatre going on for me for a long while and it makes me a little anxious until I remember I haven't the time for any of it. However, we are trying to raise money for the company and I haven't put a whole lot of effort into it. I really need to get to begging. We really need the money and I really need to come through for my company. Hey brother, can you spare $10?
Health If I ignore the parts that annoy me, they'll go away, right? I just haven't been paying attention. I haven't exercised or thought twice about what I'm eating. I do feel it. And I do keep thinking when the have the time to plan ahead and fit in some exercise I'll be more careful & responsible. *sigh*
Other people's health people who are unwell all over the place these days. OB is trying something new down in San Diego and they won't let him leave until early December. It's been nice and quiet around the house. I dread the chaos and irritation he brings. And yet I also fret about him. Other, even bigger concern, is my dad. In October his doctor called wanting some blood tests. his kidneys aren't working right and the current theory is the pain killers for his arthritis are so strong they're pounding his kidneys. Dad tried to go off the pain meds or switch to something less potent but the pain shot up to unmanageable levels. He can barely get out of his pjs, let alone leave the house. Alternative, ease the pain & destroy the kidneys.
Japanese is hard, yo. Really, really pissy about how disorganized the textbook is, and the teacher is too. Which doesn't really help: We're stuck, the material doesn't help and...the teacher can't overcome these to help us. I really need some kind of speaking group or something to practice but a. don't know where to look and b. my time for it is at a premium. And I'm broke. Plus I haven't taken the time to work on a project I'm supposed to have done in a couple of weeks. A whole (short) paper written in Japanese & a presentation on the same subject.
mandatory community service I don't mind lending a hand when I can volunteer it. I like being of service. I hate being forced to drop everything to go do it. I don't like the desultory environment I work in, where the patrons carry hopelessness on their shoulders and the people who work there don't offer much more, the "service" is paltry - way more effort is given to bureaucracy, which is how you know it's city-run - and in the end my focus is just on getting the hours crossed off rather than giving a shit about the job at hand.
social Saw bunches of people in October so I've been fine with keeping to myself in November. Lots of enforced socializing coming up with the holidays. That will be nice. My sister got married. That was supercool. Tonight we go out for my baby brother's birthday (next Monday). I like play with/tutoring my niece. Watching people get socially acceptable things and the cash & prizes that go with those things - making babies, getting married. Must be nice to have people cheer you, give you things, offer you discounts, accept you and praise you for doing your part to uphold traditional institutions and giving way to biological imperatives. Bleh. I wanna have a birthday party.
So, all in all, I'm very tired. And given all my debt and how I'm spinning my wheels because I don't have the money to proceed in a few avenues, I feel like I have less than nothing to show for my exhaustion. My temper comes and goes, but it is getting hard to be patient with things. I have to wait for money to show up before I can proceed to try to make more money. Which I need because I'm broke. FUCK. And I'm not just broke with money, I'm broke with time. How has all of it gone away? I still have so much more I wanted to do by now. Books & videos that are collecting dust on the shelf, personal projects I wanted to get to, investigations to do do, (non-fiction) writing I want to get done.... I'm hopping from thing to thing and hardly getting one little thing done because every task I do requires me to carry the guilt of all the other tasks I'm not doing.
Though I still somehow find the time for the news, much as I try to avoid it. Ok...I don't try very hard. But believe me, I could be reading/following a hell of a lot more. And so that leaves me tired too, but a different kind of tired. Screamed "Shut the fuck up, you shithead!!" at two different people on the radio yesterday (Rep. Spencer Bachus & columnist PJ O'Rourke). Yeah. Wound a little tight these days.
voice acting The primary thing I've done for it between this month and the last is take improv. Which isn't a big thing but does help me work at some weaknesses I've put off addressing for a very long time. I really should have looked into getting the MP3 of my demo on CD as well as gotten some homework done on getting representation. Though the real thing (because sending unsolicited samples has about the same rate of success in every industry, equivalent to a snowball in hell) I should be doing is trying to get work, even if the pay is peanuts. The avenues for that aren't that great, the best is Voice123.com where I need $300 for a subscription to the jobs. (I've checked it out, it's legit.)
theatre there hasn't been a lot of theatre going on for me for a long while and it makes me a little anxious until I remember I haven't the time for any of it. However, we are trying to raise money for the company and I haven't put a whole lot of effort into it. I really need to get to begging. We really need the money and I really need to come through for my company. Hey brother, can you spare $10?
Health If I ignore the parts that annoy me, they'll go away, right? I just haven't been paying attention. I haven't exercised or thought twice about what I'm eating. I do feel it. And I do keep thinking when the have the time to plan ahead and fit in some exercise I'll be more careful & responsible. *sigh*
Other people's health people who are unwell all over the place these days. OB is trying something new down in San Diego and they won't let him leave until early December. It's been nice and quiet around the house. I dread the chaos and irritation he brings. And yet I also fret about him. Other, even bigger concern, is my dad. In October his doctor called wanting some blood tests. his kidneys aren't working right and the current theory is the pain killers for his arthritis are so strong they're pounding his kidneys. Dad tried to go off the pain meds or switch to something less potent but the pain shot up to unmanageable levels. He can barely get out of his pjs, let alone leave the house. Alternative, ease the pain & destroy the kidneys.
Japanese is hard, yo. Really, really pissy about how disorganized the textbook is, and the teacher is too. Which doesn't really help: We're stuck, the material doesn't help and...the teacher can't overcome these to help us. I really need some kind of speaking group or something to practice but a. don't know where to look and b. my time for it is at a premium. And I'm broke. Plus I haven't taken the time to work on a project I'm supposed to have done in a couple of weeks. A whole (short) paper written in Japanese & a presentation on the same subject.
mandatory community service I don't mind lending a hand when I can volunteer it. I like being of service. I hate being forced to drop everything to go do it. I don't like the desultory environment I work in, where the patrons carry hopelessness on their shoulders and the people who work there don't offer much more, the "service" is paltry - way more effort is given to bureaucracy, which is how you know it's city-run - and in the end my focus is just on getting the hours crossed off rather than giving a shit about the job at hand.
social Saw bunches of people in October so I've been fine with keeping to myself in November. Lots of enforced socializing coming up with the holidays. That will be nice. My sister got married. That was supercool. Tonight we go out for my baby brother's birthday (next Monday). I like play with/tutoring my niece. Watching people get socially acceptable things and the cash & prizes that go with those things - making babies, getting married. Must be nice to have people cheer you, give you things, offer you discounts, accept you and praise you for doing your part to uphold traditional institutions and giving way to biological imperatives. Bleh. I wanna have a birthday party.
So, all in all, I'm very tired. And given all my debt and how I'm spinning my wheels because I don't have the money to proceed in a few avenues, I feel like I have less than nothing to show for my exhaustion. My temper comes and goes, but it is getting hard to be patient with things. I have to wait for money to show up before I can proceed to try to make more money. Which I need because I'm broke. FUCK. And I'm not just broke with money, I'm broke with time. How has all of it gone away? I still have so much more I wanted to do by now. Books & videos that are collecting dust on the shelf, personal projects I wanted to get to, investigations to do do, (non-fiction) writing I want to get done.... I'm hopping from thing to thing and hardly getting one little thing done because every task I do requires me to carry the guilt of all the other tasks I'm not doing.
Though I still somehow find the time for the news, much as I try to avoid it. Ok...I don't try very hard. But believe me, I could be reading/following a hell of a lot more. And so that leaves me tired too, but a different kind of tired. Screamed "Shut the fuck up, you shithead!!" at two different people on the radio yesterday (Rep. Spencer Bachus & columnist PJ O'Rourke). Yeah. Wound a little tight these days.