Things...
Things are going a little better... things almost seem to be clicking into place, sort of, temporarily...
Aside from a pang of feeling entirely alone here and there, I'm mostly recovered from my "ended" relationships (although neither are ended in the true sense, I've lost no one). Likewise, aside from scattered but usually brief bouts of depression, my mood's been pretty ok, and my emotions have been more or less in check.
My work has slowed down a lot (the drop deadline is coming up, so profs are done scaring people), I had 2 exams on Monday but more or less putzed around as far as homework goes all week. I have a big lab report due tomorrow which I did Wednesday, and I have a severely work-in-progress type lab report due Monday that I've been chipping away at every day all week... I have most of my data crunched, although my lab partner was saying something about a flaw in my algebraic manipulations, so I guess the hour or so worth of work I did this afternoon is mostly toast. But, you know, it's kind of ok. I realized the other night, after working on lab reports all day, that I don't mind doing that... it feels good to have eureka moments in the lab and when processing data, those are moments that i just don't feel are prominent in my (currently overemphasized) liberal arts education. I changed my advisor to a prof in the bio department, and I'm feeling more or less on top of my shit in both bio and chem right now, which is really nice... I'm not feeling terrible about my liberal arts classes, but I don't care about them half as much and I feel that they're generally just less fruitful and more asinine.
I've been really interested in self-cultivation and self-awareness in a way that i've never experienced before-- it suddenly seems like (as many of my teachers have said happens) i've reached a place where it's not a choice, I'm driven by necessity, in the words of seiju, "you gotta be real fuckin dedicated or REAL fuckin desperate" to deeply meditate... I'm quickly dipping into the 2nd from a background in the first. More later, but now, sleep.
Aside from a pang of feeling entirely alone here and there, I'm mostly recovered from my "ended" relationships (although neither are ended in the true sense, I've lost no one). Likewise, aside from scattered but usually brief bouts of depression, my mood's been pretty ok, and my emotions have been more or less in check.
My work has slowed down a lot (the drop deadline is coming up, so profs are done scaring people), I had 2 exams on Monday but more or less putzed around as far as homework goes all week. I have a big lab report due tomorrow which I did Wednesday, and I have a severely work-in-progress type lab report due Monday that I've been chipping away at every day all week... I have most of my data crunched, although my lab partner was saying something about a flaw in my algebraic manipulations, so I guess the hour or so worth of work I did this afternoon is mostly toast. But, you know, it's kind of ok. I realized the other night, after working on lab reports all day, that I don't mind doing that... it feels good to have eureka moments in the lab and when processing data, those are moments that i just don't feel are prominent in my (currently overemphasized) liberal arts education. I changed my advisor to a prof in the bio department, and I'm feeling more or less on top of my shit in both bio and chem right now, which is really nice... I'm not feeling terrible about my liberal arts classes, but I don't care about them half as much and I feel that they're generally just less fruitful and more asinine.
I've been really interested in self-cultivation and self-awareness in a way that i've never experienced before-- it suddenly seems like (as many of my teachers have said happens) i've reached a place where it's not a choice, I'm driven by necessity, in the words of seiju, "you gotta be real fuckin dedicated or REAL fuckin desperate" to deeply meditate... I'm quickly dipping into the 2nd from a background in the first. More later, but now, sleep.