Borderline Personality Disorder?
"DSM-IV-TR criteria
The latest version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR), the widely-used American Psychiatric Association guide for clinicians seeking to diagnose mental illness, defines Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) as: "a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, as well as marked impulsivity, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts."[3] BPD is classed on "Axis II", as an underlying pervasive or personality condition, rather than "Axis I" for more circumscribed mental disorders. A DSM diagnosis of BPD requires any five out of nine listed criteria to be present for a significant period of time. There are thus 256 different combinations of symptoms that could result in a diagnosis, of which 136 have been found in practice in one study. The criteria are:
1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. [Not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5] - Absolutely not frantic efforts. Yeah, it tears me up, but no, I make no efforts.
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. - Very true, definitely describes my behavior.
3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. - Possibly resonates with me a bit. I'm not sold on this one. Lately.
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, [[eating disorders]], [[binge eating]], substance abuse, reckless driving). [Again, not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5] - Eating disorders and binge eating not so much, but it's worthwhile to say that my eating patterns are not normal and neither is my perception of food.
5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-mutilating behavior. - Not so much, these days. Vaguely grim thoughts, which sometimes become suicidal - yes. But it's never behavior these days. And I don't make threats. It rarely "comes out," so to speak.
6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). - Also, believe it or not, Geoff, no longer true to my behavior.
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness, worthlessness. - Not the way I used to, no. Not "chronic," not notably regularly.
8. Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights). - No. I get frustrated. It very rarely escapes the boundary of my head... when it does, only ever verbally, and usually not to anyone.
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms - Yes, but I've actually grown comfortable with all of that. Which I think makes me officially "disturbed," by most standards. Yes, I dissociate on a regular basis. Yes, I have persistent totally irrational fears (i.e. - Men dressed up in cat costumes climbing in through windows with the impending feeling that they'll then rape and brutally murder me). But I don't really react to it these days. I get scared, but I know it's not real. Anymore. So, what's the problem?
I think all I'm suffering from is Fucked-Up-Kid Disorder.
The latest version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR), the widely-used American Psychiatric Association guide for clinicians seeking to diagnose mental illness, defines Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) as: "a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, as well as marked impulsivity, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts."[3] BPD is classed on "Axis II", as an underlying pervasive or personality condition, rather than "Axis I" for more circumscribed mental disorders. A DSM diagnosis of BPD requires any five out of nine listed criteria to be present for a significant period of time. There are thus 256 different combinations of symptoms that could result in a diagnosis, of which 136 have been found in practice in one study. The criteria are:
1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. [Not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5] - Absolutely not frantic efforts. Yeah, it tears me up, but no, I make no efforts.
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. - Very true, definitely describes my behavior.
3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. - Possibly resonates with me a bit. I'm not sold on this one. Lately.
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, [[eating disorders]], [[binge eating]], substance abuse, reckless driving). [Again, not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5] - Eating disorders and binge eating not so much, but it's worthwhile to say that my eating patterns are not normal and neither is my perception of food.
5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-mutilating behavior. - Not so much, these days. Vaguely grim thoughts, which sometimes become suicidal - yes. But it's never behavior these days. And I don't make threats. It rarely "comes out," so to speak.
6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). - Also, believe it or not, Geoff, no longer true to my behavior.
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness, worthlessness. - Not the way I used to, no. Not "chronic," not notably regularly.
8. Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights). - No. I get frustrated. It very rarely escapes the boundary of my head... when it does, only ever verbally, and usually not to anyone.
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms - Yes, but I've actually grown comfortable with all of that. Which I think makes me officially "disturbed," by most standards. Yes, I dissociate on a regular basis. Yes, I have persistent totally irrational fears (i.e. - Men dressed up in cat costumes climbing in through windows with the impending feeling that they'll then rape and brutally murder me). But I don't really react to it these days. I get scared, but I know it's not real. Anymore. So, what's the problem?
I think all I'm suffering from is Fucked-Up-Kid Disorder.