(no subject)
If y'all haven't read pants_of_doom's National Coming Out Week wish list, go do so now. It's good stuff. On a similar note, here's a link to the discussion that ensued when I posted grumbling about President Bush's announcement that federal government lawyers are working to legally define marriage as a union between a man and a woman (because apparently it's not enough that states keep passing laws that say the same thing, and the Defense of Marriage Act says it's okay for states to disregard each other's laws concerning same-sex marriage --- this has to be a federal issue, too... but I digress). It was a good discussion, I thought, but it made clear to me that a lot of people don't know very much about the legal issues surrounding marriage and domestic partnership and such. Since this is kind of a hot-button issue for me, I'm full of fun facts about it, and I figured hey, why not share? To start off, here's something I wrote to someone who thought I was common-law married because Peter and I are registered as domestic partners with his grad student union, so I can get cheaper health insurance.
Ok, so first off, no. I'm not married, common-law or otherwise. I'm happily living in sin, with no plans to invite the government into my relationship. On the other hand, Peter and I are registered as domestic partners with his grad student union, because it means I can get health insurance for way cheaper than I can as an individual, which is all eligible for at the moment since neither of my jobs (one is part-time, one is independent contractor-style) provides health coverage. What's great about this arrangement is that it gets me cheap healthcare without having to register with anyone beyond Peter's union and the health insurance company, and it's not legally binding in any other way. Finally, any couple can do it, regardless of whether they're married or are even legally allowed to get married, so that's good and nondiscriminatory (ok, you can't do it if you're married to someone besides the person you're calling your partner, but that's the only limitation). So that's my legal status. On to the common-law marriage issue.
I know entirely too much about common-law marriage because I did a bunch of research two years ago to make sure I couldn't get married by accident. Turns out that's not possible. Common-law marriage is a legal convenience for people in very remote areas who would have a hard time getting a marriage license: couples can declare themselves married without getting the paperwork done, and as long as they hold themselves out as married to their community that's enough. Some places require that the couple use the same last name, or live together for a certain time, but there's no way to end up common-law married by accident; you have to show that you intend to get married, maybe even that you probably would've gotten married the regular way if you didn't live out in the middle of nowhere. Common-law marriage is just as binding as the regular kind; if you split up, you have to get divorced just like a regular marriage. However, since there are very few places left that are so remote that getting a formal marriage is really difficult, there's very few states where common-law marriages are still allowed (Alaska is one of them, but there's maybe ten in all, if it's even that many; I don't remember off the top of my head). Oregon does not have common-law marriage, nor does California, so I'm off the hook, and so are your dorm-mates [the person I'm replying to was wondering if it would be possible to get some of his dorm-mates common-law married]. Your aunt and her partner are probably off the hook just because it sounds like they don't want to get married [he was curious also whether his aunt might be common-law married to someone she'd lived with for a long time without getting married].
Marriage laws vary a bunch from state to state, I think mostly just on the requirements for getting married and/or divorced (common-law marriage being the slackest requirements, even if there's no such thing as common-law divorce). Domestic partner laws are even weirder: they only exist at the state level in a few places, but California is one of them. I think the deal is that there's some paperwork that same-sex couples and opposite-sex couples above a certain age can do to get some legal rights, although not quite the full rights and benefits that come with marriage. The reason only some opposite-sex couples are allowed to sign up is because old people who get Social Security or other benefits from a deceased spouse can lose those benefits if they remarry, so domestic partnership is a way for them to have a legally recognized relationship without losing those benefits. Mostly, though, domestic partner stuff is a mess, varying from state to state, city to city, employer to employer, and so on. Some places recognize only same-sex domestic partners, and other places recognize all couples who want to be considered domestic partners. And that's my quick summary of the issue, and probably way more than you ever wanted to know, but hey, it might be useful to you someday.
By the way, October 11 is National Coming Out Day, and this year the Human Rights Campaign is encouraging people to come out in favor of same-sex civil marriage rights (as distinct from religious marriage/commitment ceremonies, which are available to everyone, though not from all religious denominations, and either way don't confer legal benefits). I think this is a good idea, although it sort of misses the point that marriage as an institution has other problems besides the fact that it discriminates against same-sex couples. I'll post about that later, but for now this post is long enough.
Update, 18:36: Ok, it was long enough, but I want to remind myself that I also want to write about the Bush Administration's Marriage Protection Week bullshit (timed to coincide with National Coming Out Week, no less), and maybe post links to resources like the Alternatives to Marriage Project (probably my primary source of information on this issue), so anybody interested in learning more can do so. Am I forgetting anything important? If so, please leave a comment. coldtortuga, I remember you were curious about my personal views on marriage; these posts should help make them clearer but I could write something to address that point in particular...