out of order
insomnia experience learned me long ago that if you're still awake when the sun comes up it's best to dig in your heels and stay that way til the sun goes down again.
i haven't slept since 3pm yesterday. been trying a lot of different things to keep me occupied and upright. i'm running out of stuff to do, so I thought I"d recount what happened to me this morning when I took a jog to ward off sleep.
11:00am
almost got hit by some lady who looked like meryl streep if meryl streep had orange hair and a shitty car.
11:15am
tripped over a tuxedo cat that leaped at me from the bushes.
even so, i went back to make sure he was ok.
pet him for a second, then thought "this cat might have parasites"
11:27am
encountered two homeless guys blocking the sidewalk.
i tried to squeeze by. one of them stopped me and asked where the rite-aid was
i told him back that way.
he said are you sure?
i said truly.
the other guy moved to my other side.
first guy said disparagingly "oh, look at him" and pointed to his friend, who had produced a sock and was trying to shove it in first guy's backpack
I asked first guy "what's wrong with your friend"
he said "nothing, he's just trying to get me to carry everything"
i said "well, you two will figure it out"
11:35am
turned to leave. found my way still blocked by the pushy friend with the sock.
i did not expect him to be that close.
his smell hit me for the first time. it was bad, worse than first guy's, so i backed up
11:40am
i heard first guy say "do you want to hug me?:
obviously a rhetorical question.
my hands had been on his chest, mid-shove, so the bear hug pinned them between us.
my hands served as a small but much appreciated barrier.
I thought, "ok. i might have to knee this guy in the balls, at which point i'm left with the friend. how crazy is the friend..."
before i could get too scared, first guy puts his head on my shoulder and lets out this little sigh.
it reminded me of this time i was shopping in the mall before christmas looking for something for my brother and my friend goes, "hey, there's a pet shop! he wanted a puppy, didn't he?" we go in and they put me in a holding area and then a teeny door across the room lifts up to reveal the sleepiest, wobbliest boston terrier ever. he stumbles over to me, makes eye contact, and then with the very same "first guy hug" sigh, passes out on the floor with his head on my knee.
first guy was that sad little puppy!
i looked over to see pushy friend's face in a tug of war with the expressions "man, he needed that" and "wonder if i could get one."
then first guy started rubbing my back and all sympathy was lost.
I said "ok, i have to go," gave a little push and I was on my way again.
I heard over my shoulder, "did you like huggin me? i sure liked huggin you!"
11:55am
scrawny hipster kid who'd seen the whole thing popped out from behind a car.
he said, "were they harassing people?"
i said "yeah, me. i got hugged."
he said "aw, man. that's rough. look out for that shit"
too right, mr. vegan Vice subscriber. too right.
i haven't slept since 3pm yesterday. been trying a lot of different things to keep me occupied and upright. i'm running out of stuff to do, so I thought I"d recount what happened to me this morning when I took a jog to ward off sleep.
11:00am
almost got hit by some lady who looked like meryl streep if meryl streep had orange hair and a shitty car.
11:15am
tripped over a tuxedo cat that leaped at me from the bushes.
even so, i went back to make sure he was ok.
pet him for a second, then thought "this cat might have parasites"
11:27am
encountered two homeless guys blocking the sidewalk.
i tried to squeeze by. one of them stopped me and asked where the rite-aid was
i told him back that way.
he said are you sure?
i said truly.
the other guy moved to my other side.
first guy said disparagingly "oh, look at him" and pointed to his friend, who had produced a sock and was trying to shove it in first guy's backpack
I asked first guy "what's wrong with your friend"
he said "nothing, he's just trying to get me to carry everything"
i said "well, you two will figure it out"
11:35am
turned to leave. found my way still blocked by the pushy friend with the sock.
i did not expect him to be that close.
his smell hit me for the first time. it was bad, worse than first guy's, so i backed up
11:40am
i heard first guy say "do you want to hug me?:
obviously a rhetorical question.
my hands had been on his chest, mid-shove, so the bear hug pinned them between us.
my hands served as a small but much appreciated barrier.
I thought, "ok. i might have to knee this guy in the balls, at which point i'm left with the friend. how crazy is the friend..."
before i could get too scared, first guy puts his head on my shoulder and lets out this little sigh.
it reminded me of this time i was shopping in the mall before christmas looking for something for my brother and my friend goes, "hey, there's a pet shop! he wanted a puppy, didn't he?" we go in and they put me in a holding area and then a teeny door across the room lifts up to reveal the sleepiest, wobbliest boston terrier ever. he stumbles over to me, makes eye contact, and then with the very same "first guy hug" sigh, passes out on the floor with his head on my knee.
first guy was that sad little puppy!
i looked over to see pushy friend's face in a tug of war with the expressions "man, he needed that" and "wonder if i could get one."
then first guy started rubbing my back and all sympathy was lost.
I said "ok, i have to go," gave a little push and I was on my way again.
I heard over my shoulder, "did you like huggin me? i sure liked huggin you!"
11:55am
scrawny hipster kid who'd seen the whole thing popped out from behind a car.
he said, "were they harassing people?"
i said "yeah, me. i got hugged."
he said "aw, man. that's rough. look out for that shit"
too right, mr. vegan Vice subscriber. too right.