Mar 01, 2009 13:26
So I’m being a big brave boy and going to the parentals
Only its not big or brave cause I’m asking for money and I’m dressed like a fuckin toff- cause fuck it guys, that’s what I am, and I’m never ever ever going to get away from where I come from am I? Even if I run with the dockers, or work at a stand, or change my voice or dress how I want, do what I want see who I want at the end of the day when things get really shit I can go running off to mummy and daddy and they make it all better with all of the lovely paper money and credit cards that will one day all be mine providing I’m married by thirty and go become the fucking doctor or lawyer or WHATEVER it was they want me to be that isn’t ME. Only it fucking IS.
ARGH.
So yeah, you know, sorry to be such a huge disappointment to fuckin EVERYBODY. Cause I know I will be, my parents hate that I live like I do, the people I’m living with hate me cause I wasn’t born like one of them, I FUCKING HATE ME cause I don’t fit in with any one. I’m not like the Millie boys cause I hate the violence an yeah, ok, I like to read an I like to draw an learn stuff an I just get RIDICULED for it, cause I know an use bigger words than them an for GODS SAKE don’t show you might have a little INTELLIGENCE about you cause that clearly means you’re a big raging homo.
BUT WAIT, the plot thickens, cause now I am one, aint I, cause of Aidan “Am I gonna need Stitches?” Evans, an I’m so fuckin ANGRY that he’s ran off an left me to deal with this myself, like I knew he would, and I’m so fuckin ANGRY with myself for understanding why. I wish I could just be selfish an hate him for the mess he’s made of all of this, I wish I could just find a mate an just bitch about him, or soemthin, I dunno but I CAN’T cause its not his fault.
I should have been smart, I should have pushed him away, made a joke. Kept it friendly. Cause I’ve lost him, my best mate, what ever he decides I’ve lost my Stitches. It’s all changed.
I’m not like you guys either, I’m not brave like you, I don’t just let people take me at face value, I don’t give of the message “this is who I am, like it of go fuck yourself” I care SO MUCH about what other people think of me, so much… if someone doesn’t like me it makes me doubt myself for fuckin months, even though I know not everyone you meet is gonna like you. I’m pathetic. I’m a fuckin pathetic little BRAT.
At least I think I am, like I said I could be someone completely different, cause I clearly don’t have a FUCKING CLUE what I’m about.
I wish I did.
That’s what I’m trying to find out. So far I’ve found out I’m not cut out to be a footie casual, an’ I’m a hundred percent too fucking dependant on my best mate. And I swear a lot more when I’m agitated.
My head… is a horrid place to be.
I’m going now, to Notting Hill, I’m wearing a jumper. Life is pain.
Hahahaha Oh GOD one day, one day I will stop with the teenage wank, yeah? I’m a month away from being 25 for fucks sake…
I’m sorry, yeah? Fully expectation the email to be flooded with messages of “dude just be yourself”, Ok, will do. Can you tell me who that is?
AH hahaha! WHUT?
I should write emo songs I really should, I’d be wicked at it
You say just be yourself and I
I can see the tears in your eyes
Black tears like the black of my heart
Spilling over like so many lies
And I
Just want to
do as you say-
But I don’t know who I am
And this exquisite pain
it wont go away, no.
See? Simple. Though it does make me feel dirty. I can also do hip hop and britpop.
Always end on a Joke…
Thank you and goodnight.
Exit stage right.
i sense make,
sad,
wtf,
stitch,
shut up pete,
break my heart i'll break your face,
overthinking,
m&d,
fuck off