Peter's got his rant on....
Alright everyone can shut the fuck up now puppies aint that interesting.
Seriously, Pete Sweet is taking a beating of late, this office is so much shit, I get ripped for the following;
Being “Gay”.
Right. Ok. I’m shagging my best mate; hilarious- lets move on. Have they even NOTICED who their bosses are shacked up with? No? BESIDES this fact, I have guarantied slept with more girls than they EVER have/will, because I always pull. Always. It’s the keeping a girlfriend for more than a month thing I struggle with.
None the less I dunno why it is ANY concern of theirs, it’s not like I act gay, hit on them (perish the thought), ever talk about me an’ stitch, mention it, or wear a locket wiv his picture an’ go IS MY BOYFRIEND LOOKIT! Every five minutes, it’s just not important for me to do that shit, they wouldn’t even know if they didn’t all read this or listen to me an Dan talk or nowt, they do that stupid over camp impression an’ if it were out of work they’d get a thump, simple as that, no questions asked I’d just straight out have floored one of them by now but fuck it someone’s got to act like a fucking professional around here innit? No one would dare try out this shit wiv Stitch what wiv him being six billion foot tall an’ always looking pissed about somethin’ but naaaah you can do it wiv Pete cause he’s just tiny innhe? What’s he gonna do about it? Fucking land some cunt in the hoppy is what I’ll fuckin’ do about it if it don’t end soon.
Not being in fashion.
Don’t care, fashion is wank, an’ you look like wank, an’ I’d rather shoot myself in the face than wear anything that says “pimp” even if it is meant to be ironic, an’ you are correct I dunno what the fuck you mean by wet-look drainpipe jeans an’ I don’t know who Kira Plastinina is an’ NO I DON’T KNOW IF I PREFER LIQID EYELINER OVER KHOL why the FUCK would I know that? OMG PETE where are your jeans from? Tesco? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA I JUST WET MYSELF, WHAT AN ORIGINAL LINE.
You wanna know where they’re from? Market. PROBABLY stolen. PROBABLY stolen from Tesco, you just don’t GET it do you? I’m on same salary as you, I could fucking afford your wanky labels if I wanted an’ ACTUALLY I’m fucking minted too if I went around wanking off daddy like you lot do, oh look at my PRADA bag, that has PRADA stamped across it SIXTEEN different times even on the zip- Jesus CHRIST have some fuckin pride? Label slaves, the LOT of you, it’s not that I can’t afford to, or I don’t know what shops to go to, it’s not that I’m too much of a fuckin anarak it’s that I don’t WANT to, I LIKE wearing plain t shirts, I LIKE wearing jeans that flare out at the bottom an’ cover me tan Rockport boots at the top an’ I LIKE the laces on my trainers to show, an’ actually, YES, I LIKE wearing me boyfriends oversized jumpers that drown me in them, I always have, an’ it aint gonna change cause some snot nosed kid told me I don’t look cool. I don’t look cool to YOU but where I come from you’d look common as muck and where I hang out you’d get stabbed so fucking get over all your fucking drama. Dicks.
Being in fashion.
WHAT? HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY HAVE A GO AT ME LOOKING LIKE YOU? GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!
The way what I talk like.
I hear one fuckin’ more mockney accent thrown at me I’m stabbing someone. Considering what I talk is fuckin’ mockney, cause I ain’t from Whitechapel, I think that pretty much sums up how fuckin’ awful these guys sound.
And if I did talk properly in my own colloquial then you can almost certainly guarantee that they would find fault with that as well. Because obviously you have to SOUND like them as well as look like them and act like them and think like them.
An’ what they sound like is a bunch of college educated Kensington brats what put on an Essex accent cause they think its cool. It ain’t cool- you’re all from London, an’ Essex ain’t fucking cool neither so shut your face, fuckin’ talk how you want to talk is what I do, mix it up a bit, lets do a Jamaican week, ANYING, just stop makin’ fun of my accent cause I can fuckin’ change it with a click of me fingers but you? Well you’ll always just be a twat.
There’s more, much more pathetic wanky stuff than that as well, like me being short (you know, cause I ain’t heard that every day since I was 16 or nowt, so it’s killer.) or being like a kid or being a chav (I aint a CHAV come on. Townie? Give me that at least cause I ain’t a fuckin’… maybe. Oops.) eating too much, not knowin’ the lyrics to MIKA songs, not knowin’ who people are on America’s next top model, pish like that. But them up there is the really fuckin’… ARGH.
In less angry news Spencer and Lee are coming over in a bit which is good. Nice to hang out wiv people I don’t want to continually throttle.
/rant
P.G