[He actually jerks, off-balance, as she pulls the door open--had he been leaning on it that heavily?--and catches himself on the jamb. He hesitates only a moment as he looks at her standing in the doorway, and then he takes her shoulders, his grip almost anxious.]
Roxas was here when you went to bed last night, right? [He doesn't even acknowledge her questions--forget what happened to him, where's Roxas?] Have you seen him? Is he still here? [He glances over his shoulder at the closed door across the hall, but can't bring himself to approach it. Maybe it's not real if he doesn't look--maybe Roxas is actually still here. Shcroedinger's Nobody...]
[He holds her shoulders a moment longer, then releases her and leans heavily against the doorjamb again. Closing his eyes, he shakes his head.]
His name dropped off the list. I checked it twice, it's... gone. [A beat of silence, and then he shoves himself out of the doorway and stumbles across the hall. His movements are clumsy, ungraceful--he's so damn tired, but if he's too scared to open that door then what good is he? His hand lingers on the doorknob for just a second, and then he twists it sharply, wrenching the door open.
[It's empty. The bed is empty. The room looks almost eerily untouched, as if...]
It's... like he was never even... [Like he was never even here. He grits his teeth and slams the side of his fist into the doorjamb, then rests his head against his hand.] Dammit. Dammit! I shouldn't have-- Shit!
[Xion's a little afraid to look for herself, but she manages a few steps forward, actually looking into the room. She gasps, covering her mouth with a hand as her shoulders start to shake, almost violently.
Not again.
And just...just...so suddenly.
He'd been there, and then he was suddenly gone again. She'd said goodnight to him, and now it was like he'd never even been there.]
Axel... [Her voice barely makes it past her throat, but she tries to swallow down whatever is boiling in her belly, clenching in her chest...] G-go sit down. [Her knees are knocking so badly that she looks close to falling, but Axel's actually injured, and he should be laying down and resting, and she probably needs to Cure that leg because it isn't looking good and it probably hurts, and he already looks like he's going to fall over, so he should really sit down or just get off his feet, and maybe drink some water, and -- Roxas is gone.]
I shouldn't have left last night. [Right, because being here would have changed anything. The words tumble gracelessly from his lips, like they're having as much difficulty standing upright as he is, and he just shakes his head, drawing up his knees where he's now sitting in the doorway. Bracing his elbows on his knees, he rakes his hands into his hair and is just quiet for a moment.]
I am sitting down.
[His voice is thin, almost emotionless. It's funny: he's spent years convincing himself he has no heart and can't feel emotions, but it's when he's sure he's feeling things most acutely that he can't bring himself to even consider that it's possible. No heart, no feelings, no emotions, nothing to hurt, nothing to break
( ... )
We never get to say goodbye. [She mumbles it, and she can't stay standing anymore, just practically collapsing next to Axel on the floor.
She'd...gotten to say goodnight, but that was different. That had come with the assurance that she could see him in the morning, that there would be another greeting to go along with the farewell.]
He'll...be back, won't he? [But this felt different -- worse.]
[He feels her sink to the floor beside him, but doesn't move. How could this have happened? Hadn't he tried hard enough? Wasn't this supposed to be his second chance? 'See you in the next life,' that's what they'd said, right? So what had he done wrong?
[He lifts his head at Xion's question, staring blankly ahead at the other side of the doorjamb in front of him, then glances at her beside him.]
I... I dunno. He ah... he came back before, so who's to say he won't again, right?
[But would he still be Roxas? Or would he have no memory of having been here? There never seemed to be any rhyme or reason to it. He and Xion had disappeared for a month and come back with their memories intact save for the missing month, but Riku had come back with no recollection of having been here at all. What if Roxas came back and the last thing he remembered was being betrayed
( ... )
[Xion looks up when she feels that arm slide around her shoulders, a little surprised by the contact. She didn't know why Axel was usually to reluctant for physical contact, but she wasn't going to question it -- especially not now.
She shifts just slightly closer, hiding her face against his ribs, her shoulders trembling slightly under the weight of his arm.]
He...he better come back. [She doesn't want to think about the possibility that he would be gone for good.
Or that...he'd forget Vatheon. He might be different; people came back different sometimes, she remembers being told that.]
H-he better... [There's something wet on her cheeks, but she barely even notices.]
[He's not sure how long the two of them just sit there, silent, more unsure than unable to really understand what they're... feeling. If this hurts this much without a heart, Axel can say he almost certainly doesn't want to know what it feels like when you can feel it, instead of just remembering what it feels like. He can't even be arsed to spare Lea a thought at the moment--everything that happened earlier feels like it was a lifetime ago, nothing else really matters right now. And maybe that's selfish, but he doesn't really give a damn right now.
[After a while, Axel lifts his eyes, gazing tiredly out at the light filtering through the main room. Glancing back down at Xion, he nudges his shoulder lightly against her.]
Hey, did... did you fall back asleep? [He kind of hates that he had to wake her so early to break such terrible news. Shifting a little, he pulls his arm back, unthreading it from around her and sitting on his knees a moment, just looking at her.] Come on, it's... You might as well go back to bed; staying
( ... )
[She gives a small sound when he moves, and she finally sits up, rubbing her fists over her eyes. She frowns when they come away damp, and she wipes quickly at her cheeks, almost sniffling.]
I can't sleep now. [She's exhausted, but how is she supposed to sleep, with Roxas gone?]
It's fine, don't waste your energy, I did it to myself. [Explanation, what's that?
[He carefully gets to his feet, a hand on the crown of his head--it's still throbbing, but it's a dull, grainy ache now instead of that sharp stinging pain. Taking a slow, deep breath, he reaches down and offers a hand to pull Xion up.
[Glancing back into Roxas' empty room, he sort of stops short, the pan in his head and the exhaustion behind his eyes forgotten for a moment.]
There's something... [Once Xion's standing, he releases her hand and steps into the room. It's so still, so untouched, it's like walking into a tomb, and it sends gooseflesh up and down Axel's still-clammy skin beneath his wet sleeves. Moving to the bedside, his breath catches in his throat and he reaches out.]
Xion...
[He holds up his hand, two popsicle sticks caught in his fingers. They both say 'Winner' on them, and Axel has to sink to sit on the bed before his knees give out. There's no envelope this time, but... did Roxas somehow know he was going to be taken away
( ... )
[Xion mumbles a 'thank you' when he helps her up, and her eyes follow him as he walks into Roxas's room.]
What're you--
[And then she sees what he's holding up. She almost can't make herself walk into that room, but she manages to walk forward, and reaches out to take the popsicle sticks from Axel.]
He...How would... [Had he known he was going to disappear? If...if he had, why hadn't he told Xion? She'd seen him only hours before, just before she went to bed, so...why hadn't he told her? How could he know he was going to leave and just keep them in the dark? Let them feel (feel? She doesn't have the brain power to thing about that right now.) like this?
Her fingers close around the sticks, and she has to to sit down again, staring at the little wooden things in her palm.]
He couldn't have--there's no way he would have left without saying something if he'd known. [Sure, if he'd been pissed off at him he could have seen it, but they hadn't had a fight, and he couldn't imagine Roxas just up and leaving Xion without saying goodbye.]
I can't explain it, but he wouldn't have done that. Not... not to you.
[He smears a hand down his face--Light he wishes his head would stop pounding--and then braces his palms on his knees, squeezing his eyes closed. He's quiet for a moment, then shakes his head and gets shakily to his feet.]
I gotta... I can't stay in here. [The room practically feels haunted. Heading for the door, he pauses to wait for her, pressing his fingertips against his temple.] Coming? I... I need to... Jeez, I feel like my head's gonna explode...
[He doesn't argue when she tells him to go sit down. He starts to protest the glass of water, then decides against it--he just really doesn't have the energy or presence of mind to bicker about it. Sinking onto the couch, he makes a noise of disgust--right, the coat's still wet, and it's gone from being somewhat uncomfortable to just cold and wet and really unpleasant--and quickly gets back up, rubbing his arms.]
I gotta go put on some dry clothes; I'm freezing. I... [He sighs, frowning at her and exasperatedly flapping his arms at his sides.] It was a lousy night. [Understatement much?]
[What is that awful noise at such an awful hour? Grumbling, she briefly buries her head under a pillow, trying to make the noises go away.
But another persistent knock later, and she reluctantly drags herself out of bed, going to the door and pulling it open.]
Axel? [She yawns, rubbing at her sleepy eyes and blinking up at him.
...and then she actually gets a look at him.]
A-Axel, what happened? You're-- all wet, and... [Is that a cut on his leg?] Are you bleeding?
[Xion is, to say the least, confused.]
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Roxas was here when you went to bed last night, right? [He doesn't even acknowledge her questions--forget what happened to him, where's Roxas?] Have you seen him? Is he still here? [He glances over his shoulder at the closed door across the hall, but can't bring himself to approach it. Maybe it's not real if he doesn't look--maybe Roxas is actually still here. Shcroedinger's Nobody...]
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Yes? I said goodnight to him... [She follows his gaze to the other door, turning a bit pale.] He's...he's still here, isn't he?
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His name dropped off the list. I checked it twice, it's... gone. [A beat of silence, and then he shoves himself out of the doorway and stumbles across the hall. His movements are clumsy, ungraceful--he's so damn tired, but if he's too scared to open that door then what good is he? His hand lingers on the doorknob for just a second, and then he twists it sharply, wrenching the door open.
[It's empty. The bed is empty. The room looks almost eerily untouched, as if...]
It's... like he was never even... [Like he was never even here. He grits his teeth and slams the side of his fist into the doorjamb, then rests his head against his hand.] Dammit. Dammit! I shouldn't have-- Shit!
[And he sort of sags against the doorway.]
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Not again.
And just...just...so suddenly.
He'd been there, and then he was suddenly gone again. She'd said goodnight to him, and now it was like he'd never even been there.]
Axel... [Her voice barely makes it past her throat, but she tries to swallow down whatever is boiling in her belly, clenching in her chest...] G-go sit down. [Her knees are knocking so badly that she looks close to falling, but Axel's actually injured, and he should be laying down and resting, and she probably needs to Cure that leg because it isn't looking good and it probably hurts, and he already looks like he's going to fall over, so he should really sit down or just get off his feet, and maybe drink some water, and -- Roxas is gone.]
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I am sitting down.
[His voice is thin, almost emotionless. It's funny: he's spent years convincing himself he has no heart and can't feel emotions, but it's when he's sure he's feeling things most acutely that he can't bring himself to even consider that it's possible. No heart, no feelings, no emotions, nothing to hurt, nothing to break ( ... )
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She'd...gotten to say goodnight, but that was different. That had come with the assurance that she could see him in the morning, that there would be another greeting to go along with the farewell.]
He'll...be back, won't he? [But this felt different -- worse.]
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[He lifts his head at Xion's question, staring blankly ahead at the other side of the doorjamb in front of him, then glances at her beside him.]
I... I dunno. He ah... he came back before, so who's to say he won't again, right?
[But would he still be Roxas? Or would he have no memory of having been here? There never seemed to be any rhyme or reason to it. He and Xion had disappeared for a month and come back with their memories intact save for the missing month, but Riku had come back with no recollection of having been here at all. What if Roxas came back and the last thing he remembered was being betrayed ( ... )
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She shifts just slightly closer, hiding her face against his ribs, her shoulders trembling slightly under the weight of his arm.]
He...he better come back. [She doesn't want to think about the possibility that he would be gone for good.
Or that...he'd forget Vatheon. He might be different; people came back different sometimes, she remembers being told that.]
H-he better... [There's something wet on her cheeks, but she barely even notices.]
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[After a while, Axel lifts his eyes, gazing tiredly out at the light filtering through the main room. Glancing back down at Xion, he nudges his shoulder lightly against her.]
Hey, did... did you fall back asleep? [He kind of hates that he had to wake her so early to break such terrible news. Shifting a little, he pulls his arm back, unthreading it from around her and sitting on his knees a moment, just looking at her.] Come on, it's... You might as well go back to bed; staying ( ... )
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I can't sleep now. [She's exhausted, but how is she supposed to sleep, with Roxas gone?]
Y-your leg needs to be healed.
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[He carefully gets to his feet, a hand on the crown of his head--it's still throbbing, but it's a dull, grainy ache now instead of that sharp stinging pain. Taking a slow, deep breath, he reaches down and offers a hand to pull Xion up.
[Glancing back into Roxas' empty room, he sort of stops short, the pan in his head and the exhaustion behind his eyes forgotten for a moment.]
There's something... [Once Xion's standing, he releases her hand and steps into the room. It's so still, so untouched, it's like walking into a tomb, and it sends gooseflesh up and down Axel's still-clammy skin beneath his wet sleeves. Moving to the bedside, his breath catches in his throat and he reaches out.]
Xion...
[He holds up his hand, two popsicle sticks caught in his fingers. They both say 'Winner' on them, and Axel has to sink to sit on the bed before his knees give out. There's no envelope this time, but... did Roxas somehow know he was going to be taken away ( ... )
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What're you--
[And then she sees what he's holding up. She almost can't make herself walk into that room, but she manages to walk forward, and reaches out to take the popsicle sticks from Axel.]
He...How would... [Had he known he was going to disappear? If...if he had, why hadn't he told Xion? She'd seen him only hours before, just before she went to bed, so...why hadn't he told her? How could he know he was going to leave and just keep them in the dark? Let them feel (feel? She doesn't have the brain power to thing about that right now.) like this?
Her fingers close around the sticks, and she has to to sit down again, staring at the little wooden things in her palm.]
He just...Did he know, Axel?
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He couldn't have--there's no way he would have left without saying something if he'd known. [Sure, if he'd been pissed off at him he could have seen it, but they hadn't had a fight, and he couldn't imagine Roxas just up and leaving Xion without saying goodbye.]
I can't explain it, but he wouldn't have done that. Not... not to you.
[He smears a hand down his face--Light he wishes his head would stop pounding--and then braces his palms on his knees, squeezing his eyes closed. He's quiet for a moment, then shakes his head and gets shakily to his feet.]
I gotta... I can't stay in here. [The room practically feels haunted. Heading for the door, he pauses to wait for her, pressing his fingertips against his temple.] Coming? I... I need to... Jeez, I feel like my head's gonna explode...
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Right.
He wouldn't.
She watches him get to his feet, and when he pauses at the door, she nods, getting up to follow him.]
Go...sit on the couch or something. [She presses the popsicle sticks into his other hand.]
I'll get you some water. [If she can just...keep herself slightly busy, she can't focus on the tightness in her chest.]
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I gotta go put on some dry clothes; I'm freezing. I... [He sighs, frowning at her and exasperatedly flapping his arms at his sides.] It was a lousy night. [Understatement much?]
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