Behind Closed Doors. [for EVERYONE]
For: EVERYONE ♡
Title: Behind Closed Doors.
Pairing(s)/focus: Jaebum/Youngjae
Rating: R
Word count: 4050
Warnings: Character Death, Mentions of Sex
Author's notes: Your prompts were so amazing, and this was honestly such a joy to write, I had so much muse for this and I really hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.
Summary: Jaebum knew Youngjae was trouble, he knew he was going under.
Jaebum knew from the moment he lay eyes on Choi Youngjae that he was in trouble. He knew from the first time he heard the other's voice that he was done for. He knew he was going to fall in love with this boy. He knew it was wrong but he knew deep down this was the way it was going to play out, and for once Jaebum hated being right.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want to fall in love. He’d read about it in books and it sounded magical. It sounded like something he wished for everyone but that wasn’t possible, not in this world. Physical contact was banned. No one chose who they had kids with, there was a matching ceremony and you were told who you were going to have a kid with. You then lived as a family but all children were conceived in a test tube. No physical contact was required. No one in the family touched or hugged like they had done in the past. Jaebum knew that there were the rare people who fell in love but they were punished if they touched each other. It wasn’t as simple as not touching the person, he’d been told when he was younger that to love someone made you want, or need, to break the physical contact law. Jaebum had managed to get so far into his life, not once being tempted to touch another human. But he knew that if he could he would touch Choi Youngjae. The way one’s body naturally touched another’s when trying to be flirtatious, but again he’d only read about that in books. This felt like more of a pull than the books had described. He walked over to the boy and mumbled a hello. Youngjae looked up at him smiling and introducing himself. Fancy them both meeting in a literature class after Jaebum had spotted him in the library. Jaebum smiled and took a seat next to him.
Over the next few weeks Jaebum learnt a lot about Youngjae, he was younger, he was richer, he was majoring in literature, he loved old love poems, he wanted to be a teacher, his smile lit up the room - well for Jaebum it did and they found themselves becoming friends over time. Jaebum found himself partnered with Youngjae on a project. A project about attraction. Jaebum felt sick to his stomach, why had he chosen romantic literature. He lay on Youngjae’s bed while they both were researching how attraction used to work. How the concept had used to exist but now was just nothing.
“Hey Jaebum” Youngjae said causing Jaebum to get up and walkover to see the other’s computer screen, “back in the day attraction used to happen between men and other men and women and other women as well as the way we’re matched, opposing genders.” Youngjae looked up at the other before quietly so the other could see. Jaebum smiled a little, “Jae do you ever think we still have attraction, even now?” Youngjae shrugged, “to be attracted to someone, now that’s possible. right?”
“Why Youngjae? Are you attracted to someone?”
“Yeah” Youngjae sighed.
“Attraction sucks doesn’t it?”
“You’ve got it too?”
“Yeah… for you.” Jaebum said cooly. He was 23, and Youngjae was 22, that should have been way easier than it was. He sighed looking at the other, he sighed when Youngjae just looked at him before closing the gap between them and giving Jaebum a short chaste kiss. Youngjae pulled back and smiled. “We shouldn’t act on attraction.” Jaebum said, although he leant in for another kiss. Youngjae moved to hold onto Jaebum “We shouldn’t be doing this Jae.” Jaebum said quietly not moving to break out of the others hold. “We can be imprisoned just for those kisses.” Jaebum breathed out, part of him wanted Youngjae to stop, for them to never speak of this again. But then there was that part of him that desperately wanted Youngjae to kiss him again, and that was a dangerous thought. He sighed as Youngjae recoiled. “I better get home, my mom is making kimchi jjigae tonight. Don’t want to be late for that.” Jaebum got up and Youngjae turned back to his computer screen. Jaebum went over and pressed a kiss to the others cheek. “Text me” Jaebum sighed as the other just ignored him. “Youngjae. I’m trying to protect you.” Youngjae just looked at the other, “You know we can’t get caught. If we do we’re going to get arrested.”
“They had a word for people like us.” Youngjae said quietly, “They had many.” Youngjae looked at Jaebum. “People didn’t always accept men together, but eventually they did and then when society became the way it is now, men being with men and women being with women was stopped because of the matching.” Youngjae looked at Jaebum. “This form of attraction, we’re gay.” he mumbled, and Jaebum repeated the word back to him. Youngjae nodded, “It’s natural, normal even, it was back then and it is now. It’s our society that’s unnatural.” Youngjae sighed.
“Loving you, well attraction to you might be ‘natural’ for my body but for society it’s wrong. I shouldn't want to kiss you again. I shouldn’t be gay. I should be like my sister and be matched and never have attraction.”
“Jaebum we can’t help having attraction. That’s how our bodies are programmed”
“We can’t Youngjae, how can we without getting caught?” Jaebum sighed.
“There are ways” Youngjae sighed, “We can do things in private, no one needs to know.” Jaebum avoided eye contact.
“We’re in university Youngjae, we can be called to get matched at any time.” he looked at the other “and we can’t get matched with each other, we’re both men.”
“That’s not the point.” Youngjae sighed, “But do what you want.”
In hindsight, Jaebum shouldn’t have gone round the next day.
When they had sex for the first time - which was months after they had their first kiss - it was all about the intense touches, feeling each other so completely. While they were lying together in the afterglow, Jaebum thought to himself. He could see why physical contact was banned, he was pretty sure he was ready to do anything for the other boy as if his life didn’t belong to himself anymore. He sighed as he looked at Youngjae, he loved the boy. He was sure of it. He knew one of them was going to get matched, but for now this was going to be ok. Well that was what he kept telling himself, he knew they could get caught. And he accepted that getting caught wouldn’t be that bad. At least people would be able to see their mutual feeling. He hated keeping it a secret but he knew he had to. Youngjae looked at him. “Was that ok for you?” he whispered, Jaebum nodded, “really?” he face lit up, “I was worried it wasn’t as good for you as it was for me.” Youngjae smiled.
“It was great Youngjae” Jaebum said with a laugh. “Your dad’s home tonight right?” Youngjae nodded, Jaebum hated that both of them were students and still living in their family homes. Jaebum sighed getting up and pulling his clothes on. “I love you Youngjae.”
“I love you too.” Youngjae replied rolling over in the bed. “You know in the past some’s first time doing this was a special thing. People used to try to keep their first time for the love of their lives.” Jaebum leaned back over to give Youngjae another kiss. “I think you’re the love of my life.”
“I feel the same Youngjae, but your dad is high up in the government, he is in charge of arresting and killing people like us, and if he sees us like this he is going to kill me.” Jaebum gave the boy another kiss. “So can we actually do work so he doesn’t put me in prison for touching you against your will please.”
Although it was short lived Youngjae was told he was going to be matched and so was Jaebum, same ceremony. Youngjae had cried into Jaebum’s arms, he was inconsolable. “Jae, we’ll still meet, we’ll find a way.” Jaebum sighed holding the boy. “True loves always finds a way to happen” Youngjae looked up at Jaebum and sighed, “We’ll just have to be even more careful”
They sat together at the matching ceremony, and when Jaebum got called out the image flashed up of the woman he was going to marry. Youngjae felt sick. He knew they weren’t going to touch, but he should be the person in Jaebum’s family unit, he should be the one who eats every meal with the boy. It was too much, he got up and ran to the bathroom, falling to his knees and trying not to cry. He heard Jaebum’s voice. “Jae, I heard you being sick, are you ok?” Jaebum knocked on the stall door. “Jae let me in, I have a water bottle with me.’
Youngjae got up, flushing and opening the door. He looked at the other and sighed. “It was too much. I don’t know. I felt sick at the thought of losing you.” he washed his mouth out and took a big gulp. He sighed and hugged Jaebum close to him. “I love you” he whispered.
“I knew it” the couple parted to see Youngjae’s father standing there, ominous. “I’ve been thinking you two are like this for a while now, which is why I brought your matching’s forward.” Youngjae glared at his father. “It was that or have you both arrested. Youngjae don’t look at me like that.” Jaebum tensed as Youngjae just continued glaring at his dad. “but this is going to stop now. He has you confused. You aren’t one of them, you don’t have attraction. You are being tricked, he’s not the first in his family to suffer this affliction. So don’t kid yourself Choi Youngjae, you’re not like that, no one in our family is genetically deficient.”
Jaebum stared at Youngjae’s father as Youngjae rolled his eyes. “I made the first move Dad, I told him, I loved him first. He just reciprocated, so if you want to arrest anyone, arrest me.” he sighed, “arrest me.” Youngjae looked at his dad as if daring him to arrest him. He looked at Jaebum and then pulled the boy for a kiss. “I love you.” he whispered as they parted.
Jaebum learnt Youngjae had been arrested, his dad had really arrested his son. Jaebum sat contemplating if he should visit Youngjae. He did, he sat on one side of the glass screen and sighed when Youngjae was brought out, he’d been beaten up. Jaebum just wished he could stroke the other boys face, kiss every bruise, make him feel better. “Why?” Jaebum said looking at Youngjae.
“Why did I do it? Because my father won’t sentence me to death and he would sentence you to die and I love you, I’d rather we were like this than you died.” Youngjae said quietly, “I couldn’t live if you were sentenced to death from what I said that night we were in my room and we told each other how we felt.” Youngjae looked away from Jaebum, “But I wouldn’t go back and change it, loving you is amazing Jaebum, so don’t feel guilty. I just have to love you from here.” With every word it got harder for Jaebum not to stand up, to try to get through the glass to Youngjae.
“Who hurt you, and why?” Jaebum said quietly.
“Other inmates.” Youngjae said looking away, “because they found out that my crime was falling in love and having physical relations with another man.” He looked at Jaebum, “they don’t know it’s natural, they only see the matching’s as natural, they don’t understand how anyone can love anyone. Let alone how I can love another man.” Youngjae shrugged, “it’s not about you, it’s about breaking the physical contact law, when they beat me they say ‘do you still like physical contact now?’ and that sucks, but other than that it’s not bad.” Jaebum was looking down now.
“Its the law you broke that’s the problem?”
“Yeah… a lot of them are in here for the same law, but they didn’t break it for love, they broke it for hate, so aren’t sentenced to death.”
“When do you get sentenced?” Jaebum said quietly.
“two days.’ Youngjae said and then looked down, “I’m scared Jaebum. What if my dad does sentence me to death and I got him wrong?”
“Your dad loves you Youngjae, he doesn’t want to see you dead. I promise.” Jaebum looked at his, well he didn’t know what to call him. “I promise he won’t sentence you to death.”
That night Jaebum went to the Choi residence, he knew this was a bad idea, he knew that he shouldn't. He looked at the man who greeted him. “I came to offer you something.” Jaebum said walking in, Youngjae’s dad followed him. “I will take Youngjae’s place at the hearing, I searched it and you can’t protect him from the death sentence, which you and I both know you don’t want for him. He’s scared and you haven’t visited once to check on him? Because he fell in love? Or because you know he’s about to get the death sentence and there is nothing you can do?” Jaebum sighed, “I want to have my trial before you let him out, as I don’t want him to do anything stupid.” Jaebum looked at Mr. Choi. “But I want to see him one last time if I do get the death sentence. I want to kiss him one final time before you murder me.” Jaebum looked down, “and I want my match to be re-matched and not just left to fend for herself.”
“Did you have sexual relations with my son?” Mr Choi asked, “I need to know before I can change my mind.”
“It changes it doesn’t it?” Jaebum turned around, “You want to know what Youngjae is going to say tomorrow, so you know what sentence you’re bargaining for.” Jaebum nodded, “We’ve had sex. More than one time.” He looked down, “So tomorrow Youngjae is getting the full sentence, because you know as well as I do that he is going to tell the truth about what happened between us, and he at no point is going to say I pressured him - because I didn’t, because he wanted it.” Jaebum shook his head, “I need to be tried instead of him.”
Jaebum looked out at the jury, he never in his life thought he’d be here, sat in front of a jury who were probably going to sentence him to death, just for loving someone. He knew when he’d made his choice not to avoid Youngjae like the plague that his life was in danger. That one of them (or both) was going to end up dead. Jaebum was just glad it was him and not Youngjae, maybe this was why love was so dangerous. He sat as the interrogation started, “Im Jaebum, citizen number 27074940301 you are here being prosecuted under physical contact charges against Choi Youngjae, citizen number 23047960917. How do you plead?”
“Guilty.” Jaebum said, he wasn’t ashamed of what he’d done.
“And what was the nature of the contact.”
“Romantic.” Jaebum answered, he was proud to say he loved Youngjae, he just wished they lived in an easier time where they could have loved freely. “I love him.”
“And you are aware that physical relations are banned regardless of gender?”
“Yes, I knew when I fell in love.” Jaebum said, he knew he was eventually going to be asked about sex, the question that would seal his fate, and he still hadn’t decided how he was going to play it - he knew how he was going to save Youngjae, but for himself - he had no idea.
“You are currently matched, have you engaged with her too?”
“No” Jaebum smiled thinking about how Youngjae told him they were gay. “I’ve never even met her.”
“Did you have sex with Choi Youngjae?”
“Yes.” He just said simply. “But I forced myself on him. He doesn’t have attraction.” it hurt Jaebum to deny they had both loved. But he had to protect the other, he looked over and saw Youngjae’s father. “It was all me.”
“How did Choi Youngjae end up arrested?”
“His father misunderstood.”
“So he didn’t feel attraction but let you stay his friend?”
Jaebum nodded. “I didn’t tell him, of course, well until I forced myself on him.” Jaebum said determined to keep this story up and protect Youngjae. It was the one thing that mattered to him.
“So you forced him to break the law and he didn’t call the police?”
“He was, he is, my best friend, he didn’t want me to be sentenced and he was afraid he would also be punished.” Jaebum had this part pretty much rehearsed. He had tried to be as prepared as possible.
“We were going to call him in for questioning today, but we got word from the prison that he is sick, so we’ll have to go on without his addition and sentence you.”
It took 3 hours for them to decide on the sentence. He’d already pleaded guilty, Youngjae’s dad came over and Jaebum’s mother just glared at him “look what that son of yours has done. He convinced my son to take the blame for something that was both their faults, it wasn’t just Jaebum. But you are all the alike in that… upper class. You believe your lives hold more value than everyone elses.”
“Mom” Jaebum said quietly, it wasn’t as if she really cared, they had a daughter. They didn’t exactly need Jaebum. She was just angry because of the way the other was, she wanted Youngjae to be punished too, she wanted that family to lose their son, she didn’t understand why Jaebum would try to save him.
“Thank you.” Youngjae’s dad said to Jaebum, he wanted the other to know he was really grateful that he saved his son. “What you wanted, it will be arranged. When do you want to see him?”
“I’ll tell you after I’ve been sentenced.” he said quietly, “I want to say goodbye.” Youngjae’s father just nodded and gave him an ok.
When Jaebum got called in he was nervous - although he knew what the sentence was going to be. “Im Jaebum, citizen number 27074940301, you have been sentenced to death, tomorrow at 12pm, you will be given 3 injections which will end your life. This is punishment for breaking the capital rule of this society by engaging in physical contact, including, but not exclusively penetrative sex with another person.” Jaebum nodded, “any objections to your sentence?”
“No. I accept it.” Jaebum said quietly. Jaebum was quickly taken to a holding cell, which would also be where he would die - a little bit morbid. He was told he wasn’t allowed visitors but he knew Youngjae’s dad would pull through.
It was just past midnight when a guard opened his door and Youngjae came in. It was obvious the other had been crying, Jaebum sighed, he had known it was going to be this way, but it still hurt. “Don’t cry. This is how it had to be. You’re going to become a world leader and maybe you can change the laws so people like us can love each other and not suffer for it.” Jaebum pressed a soft kiss to Youngjae’s lips.
“We should have been prosecuted together, died together. I love you and you want me to be ok after you die?” Youngjae tried not to raise his voice at the other.
“Youngjae, you’re going to be fine without me.” Jaebum said quietly, “You’re going to change the world for the better.”
“I love you Jaebum”
“I love you too Youngjae.” Jaebum sighed, “We’re just living in the wrong time and I need to die for our love.” they then sat in silence before lying on the bed together, they were being given the night - their last night together. They just held each other, longing for the sun never to rise. Jaebum pressing soft kisses to the back of Youngjae’s neck. Youngjae was just crying, trying to find someway for him to carry on. He knew Jaebum had a point, he could become part of the government or even just a protester too try to change things for the future. “Youngjae.” Jaebum said quietly. “I’m scared, I really need you to tell me you’re going to be ok and I’m worrying for nothing. That you’re going to do something amazing with your life, because I’m going to die for you, so you can’t give up, you can’t do anything stupid like confess you wanted to sleep with me, because it’s a waste if you die too.”
Youngjae rolled over so he was facing Jaebum. “you don’t have to worry Jaebum, I love you and I’m not going to let you die in vain, I’m going to change the law so no one else has to suffer like us. I’m going to make everything worthwhile. I’m going to make you proud - and I’m going to make everyone remember who you are and what you died for.” Youngjae smiled before kissing the other romantically.
They made Youngjae wait outside, but the execution was quick, they let Youngjae in after to see him. He looked peaceful, calm, there was something soothing about it. He looked happy, the way he looked when he was napping after their first time. It was something that made Youngjae want to smile - Jaebum hadn’t been distressed, he’d been ok, he’d accepted it and gone calmly. But he wept, the only person he loved, who he could say without doubt loved him, had died for him. He cried all the way home, he cried all night, his only reprise was at night he dreamt of Jaebum. The boy in his dreams telling to carry on, to be ok without him.
The crying stopped, his parents wanted him to join society again - and he could fake fully functioning. He saw Jaebum’s family occasionally but they all ignored him, and he couldn’t blame the. He was the reason that the other has lost his life. So he kept his head down, until one day Jaebum’s older sister stopped him “You’re Youngjae right?”, he nodded, she didn’t look like she was going to hit her, not with all these witnesses. “I have something of my brother’s for you.” she held out his family ring. “It was supposed to go to his match, but his official match wasn’t the actual match for him” Youngjae smiled taking the ring, “He would want you to be the one with it.” Youngjae looked at the ring and then held it tightly. Once he got home he put it on a chain, which he put on and then looked in the mirror vowing he would never take it off. His parents did allow him this, this little bit of Jaebum was helping him function normally as if nothing had happened. Youngjae began quietly getting on with his life. He’d decided he was going to change his major from literature to law and that he was going to change the world from the inside, with Jaebum by his side he was going to be ok. Youngjae knew he was never going to fall in love again, he knew that Jaebum was the only person he’d ever love.
Youngjae became a lawyer, he was always looking for a case similar to his and Jaebum’s and he found it when a young man walked in the door. His partner was about to be put on trial for romantic physical contact. The young man sat down and began to speak, he was an American who’d moved from America to Korea a few years ago. Mark Tuan, he had money, he he didn’t have the power to stop his partner being sentenced.
“I knew from the moment I laid eyes on Park Jinyoung that I was in trouble.”
[readers, don't forget to leave a comment! anonymous is on if you're shy.]
Title: Behind Closed Doors.
Pairing(s)/focus: Jaebum/Youngjae
Rating: R
Word count: 4050
Warnings: Character Death, Mentions of Sex
Author's notes: Your prompts were so amazing, and this was honestly such a joy to write, I had so much muse for this and I really hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.
Summary: Jaebum knew Youngjae was trouble, he knew he was going under.
Jaebum knew from the moment he lay eyes on Choi Youngjae that he was in trouble. He knew from the first time he heard the other's voice that he was done for. He knew he was going to fall in love with this boy. He knew it was wrong but he knew deep down this was the way it was going to play out, and for once Jaebum hated being right.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want to fall in love. He’d read about it in books and it sounded magical. It sounded like something he wished for everyone but that wasn’t possible, not in this world. Physical contact was banned. No one chose who they had kids with, there was a matching ceremony and you were told who you were going to have a kid with. You then lived as a family but all children were conceived in a test tube. No physical contact was required. No one in the family touched or hugged like they had done in the past. Jaebum knew that there were the rare people who fell in love but they were punished if they touched each other. It wasn’t as simple as not touching the person, he’d been told when he was younger that to love someone made you want, or need, to break the physical contact law. Jaebum had managed to get so far into his life, not once being tempted to touch another human. But he knew that if he could he would touch Choi Youngjae. The way one’s body naturally touched another’s when trying to be flirtatious, but again he’d only read about that in books. This felt like more of a pull than the books had described. He walked over to the boy and mumbled a hello. Youngjae looked up at him smiling and introducing himself. Fancy them both meeting in a literature class after Jaebum had spotted him in the library. Jaebum smiled and took a seat next to him.
Over the next few weeks Jaebum learnt a lot about Youngjae, he was younger, he was richer, he was majoring in literature, he loved old love poems, he wanted to be a teacher, his smile lit up the room - well for Jaebum it did and they found themselves becoming friends over time. Jaebum found himself partnered with Youngjae on a project. A project about attraction. Jaebum felt sick to his stomach, why had he chosen romantic literature. He lay on Youngjae’s bed while they both were researching how attraction used to work. How the concept had used to exist but now was just nothing.
“Hey Jaebum” Youngjae said causing Jaebum to get up and walkover to see the other’s computer screen, “back in the day attraction used to happen between men and other men and women and other women as well as the way we’re matched, opposing genders.” Youngjae looked up at the other before quietly so the other could see. Jaebum smiled a little, “Jae do you ever think we still have attraction, even now?” Youngjae shrugged, “to be attracted to someone, now that’s possible. right?”
“Why Youngjae? Are you attracted to someone?”
“Yeah” Youngjae sighed.
“Attraction sucks doesn’t it?”
“You’ve got it too?”
“Yeah… for you.” Jaebum said cooly. He was 23, and Youngjae was 22, that should have been way easier than it was. He sighed looking at the other, he sighed when Youngjae just looked at him before closing the gap between them and giving Jaebum a short chaste kiss. Youngjae pulled back and smiled. “We shouldn’t act on attraction.” Jaebum said, although he leant in for another kiss. Youngjae moved to hold onto Jaebum “We shouldn’t be doing this Jae.” Jaebum said quietly not moving to break out of the others hold. “We can be imprisoned just for those kisses.” Jaebum breathed out, part of him wanted Youngjae to stop, for them to never speak of this again. But then there was that part of him that desperately wanted Youngjae to kiss him again, and that was a dangerous thought. He sighed as Youngjae recoiled. “I better get home, my mom is making kimchi jjigae tonight. Don’t want to be late for that.” Jaebum got up and Youngjae turned back to his computer screen. Jaebum went over and pressed a kiss to the others cheek. “Text me” Jaebum sighed as the other just ignored him. “Youngjae. I’m trying to protect you.” Youngjae just looked at the other, “You know we can’t get caught. If we do we’re going to get arrested.”
“They had a word for people like us.” Youngjae said quietly, “They had many.” Youngjae looked at Jaebum. “People didn’t always accept men together, but eventually they did and then when society became the way it is now, men being with men and women being with women was stopped because of the matching.” Youngjae looked at Jaebum. “This form of attraction, we’re gay.” he mumbled, and Jaebum repeated the word back to him. Youngjae nodded, “It’s natural, normal even, it was back then and it is now. It’s our society that’s unnatural.” Youngjae sighed.
“Loving you, well attraction to you might be ‘natural’ for my body but for society it’s wrong. I shouldn't want to kiss you again. I shouldn’t be gay. I should be like my sister and be matched and never have attraction.”
“Jaebum we can’t help having attraction. That’s how our bodies are programmed”
“We can’t Youngjae, how can we without getting caught?” Jaebum sighed.
“There are ways” Youngjae sighed, “We can do things in private, no one needs to know.” Jaebum avoided eye contact.
“We’re in university Youngjae, we can be called to get matched at any time.” he looked at the other “and we can’t get matched with each other, we’re both men.”
“That’s not the point.” Youngjae sighed, “But do what you want.”
In hindsight, Jaebum shouldn’t have gone round the next day.
When they had sex for the first time - which was months after they had their first kiss - it was all about the intense touches, feeling each other so completely. While they were lying together in the afterglow, Jaebum thought to himself. He could see why physical contact was banned, he was pretty sure he was ready to do anything for the other boy as if his life didn’t belong to himself anymore. He sighed as he looked at Youngjae, he loved the boy. He was sure of it. He knew one of them was going to get matched, but for now this was going to be ok. Well that was what he kept telling himself, he knew they could get caught. And he accepted that getting caught wouldn’t be that bad. At least people would be able to see their mutual feeling. He hated keeping it a secret but he knew he had to. Youngjae looked at him. “Was that ok for you?” he whispered, Jaebum nodded, “really?” he face lit up, “I was worried it wasn’t as good for you as it was for me.” Youngjae smiled.
“It was great Youngjae” Jaebum said with a laugh. “Your dad’s home tonight right?” Youngjae nodded, Jaebum hated that both of them were students and still living in their family homes. Jaebum sighed getting up and pulling his clothes on. “I love you Youngjae.”
“I love you too.” Youngjae replied rolling over in the bed. “You know in the past some’s first time doing this was a special thing. People used to try to keep their first time for the love of their lives.” Jaebum leaned back over to give Youngjae another kiss. “I think you’re the love of my life.”
“I feel the same Youngjae, but your dad is high up in the government, he is in charge of arresting and killing people like us, and if he sees us like this he is going to kill me.” Jaebum gave the boy another kiss. “So can we actually do work so he doesn’t put me in prison for touching you against your will please.”
Although it was short lived Youngjae was told he was going to be matched and so was Jaebum, same ceremony. Youngjae had cried into Jaebum’s arms, he was inconsolable. “Jae, we’ll still meet, we’ll find a way.” Jaebum sighed holding the boy. “True loves always finds a way to happen” Youngjae looked up at Jaebum and sighed, “We’ll just have to be even more careful”
They sat together at the matching ceremony, and when Jaebum got called out the image flashed up of the woman he was going to marry. Youngjae felt sick. He knew they weren’t going to touch, but he should be the person in Jaebum’s family unit, he should be the one who eats every meal with the boy. It was too much, he got up and ran to the bathroom, falling to his knees and trying not to cry. He heard Jaebum’s voice. “Jae, I heard you being sick, are you ok?” Jaebum knocked on the stall door. “Jae let me in, I have a water bottle with me.’
Youngjae got up, flushing and opening the door. He looked at the other and sighed. “It was too much. I don’t know. I felt sick at the thought of losing you.” he washed his mouth out and took a big gulp. He sighed and hugged Jaebum close to him. “I love you” he whispered.
“I knew it” the couple parted to see Youngjae’s father standing there, ominous. “I’ve been thinking you two are like this for a while now, which is why I brought your matching’s forward.” Youngjae glared at his father. “It was that or have you both arrested. Youngjae don’t look at me like that.” Jaebum tensed as Youngjae just continued glaring at his dad. “but this is going to stop now. He has you confused. You aren’t one of them, you don’t have attraction. You are being tricked, he’s not the first in his family to suffer this affliction. So don’t kid yourself Choi Youngjae, you’re not like that, no one in our family is genetically deficient.”
Jaebum stared at Youngjae’s father as Youngjae rolled his eyes. “I made the first move Dad, I told him, I loved him first. He just reciprocated, so if you want to arrest anyone, arrest me.” he sighed, “arrest me.” Youngjae looked at his dad as if daring him to arrest him. He looked at Jaebum and then pulled the boy for a kiss. “I love you.” he whispered as they parted.
Jaebum learnt Youngjae had been arrested, his dad had really arrested his son. Jaebum sat contemplating if he should visit Youngjae. He did, he sat on one side of the glass screen and sighed when Youngjae was brought out, he’d been beaten up. Jaebum just wished he could stroke the other boys face, kiss every bruise, make him feel better. “Why?” Jaebum said looking at Youngjae.
“Why did I do it? Because my father won’t sentence me to death and he would sentence you to die and I love you, I’d rather we were like this than you died.” Youngjae said quietly, “I couldn’t live if you were sentenced to death from what I said that night we were in my room and we told each other how we felt.” Youngjae looked away from Jaebum, “But I wouldn’t go back and change it, loving you is amazing Jaebum, so don’t feel guilty. I just have to love you from here.” With every word it got harder for Jaebum not to stand up, to try to get through the glass to Youngjae.
“Who hurt you, and why?” Jaebum said quietly.
“Other inmates.” Youngjae said looking away, “because they found out that my crime was falling in love and having physical relations with another man.” He looked at Jaebum, “they don’t know it’s natural, they only see the matching’s as natural, they don’t understand how anyone can love anyone. Let alone how I can love another man.” Youngjae shrugged, “it’s not about you, it’s about breaking the physical contact law, when they beat me they say ‘do you still like physical contact now?’ and that sucks, but other than that it’s not bad.” Jaebum was looking down now.
“Its the law you broke that’s the problem?”
“Yeah… a lot of them are in here for the same law, but they didn’t break it for love, they broke it for hate, so aren’t sentenced to death.”
“When do you get sentenced?” Jaebum said quietly.
“two days.’ Youngjae said and then looked down, “I’m scared Jaebum. What if my dad does sentence me to death and I got him wrong?”
“Your dad loves you Youngjae, he doesn’t want to see you dead. I promise.” Jaebum looked at his, well he didn’t know what to call him. “I promise he won’t sentence you to death.”
That night Jaebum went to the Choi residence, he knew this was a bad idea, he knew that he shouldn't. He looked at the man who greeted him. “I came to offer you something.” Jaebum said walking in, Youngjae’s dad followed him. “I will take Youngjae’s place at the hearing, I searched it and you can’t protect him from the death sentence, which you and I both know you don’t want for him. He’s scared and you haven’t visited once to check on him? Because he fell in love? Or because you know he’s about to get the death sentence and there is nothing you can do?” Jaebum sighed, “I want to have my trial before you let him out, as I don’t want him to do anything stupid.” Jaebum looked at Mr. Choi. “But I want to see him one last time if I do get the death sentence. I want to kiss him one final time before you murder me.” Jaebum looked down, “and I want my match to be re-matched and not just left to fend for herself.”
“Did you have sexual relations with my son?” Mr Choi asked, “I need to know before I can change my mind.”
“It changes it doesn’t it?” Jaebum turned around, “You want to know what Youngjae is going to say tomorrow, so you know what sentence you’re bargaining for.” Jaebum nodded, “We’ve had sex. More than one time.” He looked down, “So tomorrow Youngjae is getting the full sentence, because you know as well as I do that he is going to tell the truth about what happened between us, and he at no point is going to say I pressured him - because I didn’t, because he wanted it.” Jaebum shook his head, “I need to be tried instead of him.”
Jaebum looked out at the jury, he never in his life thought he’d be here, sat in front of a jury who were probably going to sentence him to death, just for loving someone. He knew when he’d made his choice not to avoid Youngjae like the plague that his life was in danger. That one of them (or both) was going to end up dead. Jaebum was just glad it was him and not Youngjae, maybe this was why love was so dangerous. He sat as the interrogation started, “Im Jaebum, citizen number 27074940301 you are here being prosecuted under physical contact charges against Choi Youngjae, citizen number 23047960917. How do you plead?”
“Guilty.” Jaebum said, he wasn’t ashamed of what he’d done.
“And what was the nature of the contact.”
“Romantic.” Jaebum answered, he was proud to say he loved Youngjae, he just wished they lived in an easier time where they could have loved freely. “I love him.”
“And you are aware that physical relations are banned regardless of gender?”
“Yes, I knew when I fell in love.” Jaebum said, he knew he was eventually going to be asked about sex, the question that would seal his fate, and he still hadn’t decided how he was going to play it - he knew how he was going to save Youngjae, but for himself - he had no idea.
“You are currently matched, have you engaged with her too?”
“No” Jaebum smiled thinking about how Youngjae told him they were gay. “I’ve never even met her.”
“Did you have sex with Choi Youngjae?”
“Yes.” He just said simply. “But I forced myself on him. He doesn’t have attraction.” it hurt Jaebum to deny they had both loved. But he had to protect the other, he looked over and saw Youngjae’s father. “It was all me.”
“How did Choi Youngjae end up arrested?”
“His father misunderstood.”
“So he didn’t feel attraction but let you stay his friend?”
Jaebum nodded. “I didn’t tell him, of course, well until I forced myself on him.” Jaebum said determined to keep this story up and protect Youngjae. It was the one thing that mattered to him.
“So you forced him to break the law and he didn’t call the police?”
“He was, he is, my best friend, he didn’t want me to be sentenced and he was afraid he would also be punished.” Jaebum had this part pretty much rehearsed. He had tried to be as prepared as possible.
“We were going to call him in for questioning today, but we got word from the prison that he is sick, so we’ll have to go on without his addition and sentence you.”
It took 3 hours for them to decide on the sentence. He’d already pleaded guilty, Youngjae’s dad came over and Jaebum’s mother just glared at him “look what that son of yours has done. He convinced my son to take the blame for something that was both their faults, it wasn’t just Jaebum. But you are all the alike in that… upper class. You believe your lives hold more value than everyone elses.”
“Mom” Jaebum said quietly, it wasn’t as if she really cared, they had a daughter. They didn’t exactly need Jaebum. She was just angry because of the way the other was, she wanted Youngjae to be punished too, she wanted that family to lose their son, she didn’t understand why Jaebum would try to save him.
“Thank you.” Youngjae’s dad said to Jaebum, he wanted the other to know he was really grateful that he saved his son. “What you wanted, it will be arranged. When do you want to see him?”
“I’ll tell you after I’ve been sentenced.” he said quietly, “I want to say goodbye.” Youngjae’s father just nodded and gave him an ok.
When Jaebum got called in he was nervous - although he knew what the sentence was going to be. “Im Jaebum, citizen number 27074940301, you have been sentenced to death, tomorrow at 12pm, you will be given 3 injections which will end your life. This is punishment for breaking the capital rule of this society by engaging in physical contact, including, but not exclusively penetrative sex with another person.” Jaebum nodded, “any objections to your sentence?”
“No. I accept it.” Jaebum said quietly. Jaebum was quickly taken to a holding cell, which would also be where he would die - a little bit morbid. He was told he wasn’t allowed visitors but he knew Youngjae’s dad would pull through.
It was just past midnight when a guard opened his door and Youngjae came in. It was obvious the other had been crying, Jaebum sighed, he had known it was going to be this way, but it still hurt. “Don’t cry. This is how it had to be. You’re going to become a world leader and maybe you can change the laws so people like us can love each other and not suffer for it.” Jaebum pressed a soft kiss to Youngjae’s lips.
“We should have been prosecuted together, died together. I love you and you want me to be ok after you die?” Youngjae tried not to raise his voice at the other.
“Youngjae, you’re going to be fine without me.” Jaebum said quietly, “You’re going to change the world for the better.”
“I love you Jaebum”
“I love you too Youngjae.” Jaebum sighed, “We’re just living in the wrong time and I need to die for our love.” they then sat in silence before lying on the bed together, they were being given the night - their last night together. They just held each other, longing for the sun never to rise. Jaebum pressing soft kisses to the back of Youngjae’s neck. Youngjae was just crying, trying to find someway for him to carry on. He knew Jaebum had a point, he could become part of the government or even just a protester too try to change things for the future. “Youngjae.” Jaebum said quietly. “I’m scared, I really need you to tell me you’re going to be ok and I’m worrying for nothing. That you’re going to do something amazing with your life, because I’m going to die for you, so you can’t give up, you can’t do anything stupid like confess you wanted to sleep with me, because it’s a waste if you die too.”
Youngjae rolled over so he was facing Jaebum. “you don’t have to worry Jaebum, I love you and I’m not going to let you die in vain, I’m going to change the law so no one else has to suffer like us. I’m going to make everything worthwhile. I’m going to make you proud - and I’m going to make everyone remember who you are and what you died for.” Youngjae smiled before kissing the other romantically.
They made Youngjae wait outside, but the execution was quick, they let Youngjae in after to see him. He looked peaceful, calm, there was something soothing about it. He looked happy, the way he looked when he was napping after their first time. It was something that made Youngjae want to smile - Jaebum hadn’t been distressed, he’d been ok, he’d accepted it and gone calmly. But he wept, the only person he loved, who he could say without doubt loved him, had died for him. He cried all the way home, he cried all night, his only reprise was at night he dreamt of Jaebum. The boy in his dreams telling to carry on, to be ok without him.
The crying stopped, his parents wanted him to join society again - and he could fake fully functioning. He saw Jaebum’s family occasionally but they all ignored him, and he couldn’t blame the. He was the reason that the other has lost his life. So he kept his head down, until one day Jaebum’s older sister stopped him “You’re Youngjae right?”, he nodded, she didn’t look like she was going to hit her, not with all these witnesses. “I have something of my brother’s for you.” she held out his family ring. “It was supposed to go to his match, but his official match wasn’t the actual match for him” Youngjae smiled taking the ring, “He would want you to be the one with it.” Youngjae looked at the ring and then held it tightly. Once he got home he put it on a chain, which he put on and then looked in the mirror vowing he would never take it off. His parents did allow him this, this little bit of Jaebum was helping him function normally as if nothing had happened. Youngjae began quietly getting on with his life. He’d decided he was going to change his major from literature to law and that he was going to change the world from the inside, with Jaebum by his side he was going to be ok. Youngjae knew he was never going to fall in love again, he knew that Jaebum was the only person he’d ever love.
Youngjae became a lawyer, he was always looking for a case similar to his and Jaebum’s and he found it when a young man walked in the door. His partner was about to be put on trial for romantic physical contact. The young man sat down and began to speak, he was an American who’d moved from America to Korea a few years ago. Mark Tuan, he had money, he he didn’t have the power to stop his partner being sentenced.
“I knew from the moment I laid eyes on Park Jinyoung that I was in trouble.”
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