It's a cruel, cruel summer
Perfect Summer
August 1985
Geared up for adventure...
It's summer in Sweet Valley, and the Wakefield twins and their friends are taking a bike trip up the beautiful California coast. What could be more exciting than four weeks of glorious sunshine, sandy beaches, and endless fun at every stop?
But the dream of a perfect vacation soon fades. Elizabeth Wakefield is about to break up with her boyfriend Todd, over another girl. Her twin, Jessica, chases after sexy Robbie October, who ignores her. Bruce Patman is mean to his cousin Roger, Lila Fowler holds a grudge against Ms. Dalton, and Ms. Dalton is barely speaking to Mr. Collins. Can this feuding group unite when an unexpected disaster threatens their lives?
Join the Sweet Valley gang as they find love and adventure on the road. In Perfect Summer... the biggest, most special Sweet Valley High book ever!
I'll be honest, I'm not one of those girls who loved-loved-LOVED the Super Editions. Oh, I loved the Thrillers, and the Magnas, and all sorts of other specials, but the actual Super Editions, all white and pristine and a bit silly, were a grab bag of fun. I can accept that they fuck up what little continuity the series has going for it, as I consider them sort of a parallel universe thing, but they tend to ooze sugar and stupidity, and my tolerance levels are only so high. Warning out of the way, let's descend.
Judging by the way SV Diaries has 'em listed, I'm going to guess this is the next actual book in the series. Todd is still around, and they accelerate plans to ship him off during Too Much In Love, so this has got to be the only place it fits, aside from my alternate reality theory. Problem with this is that Perfect Summer takes place in, well, summer. Sigh.
Who wouldn't want to bike up the California coast for a month? Oh, wait... anyone sane. But this is prior to spending your summer attached to the good video games, or online, so I guess they had to do something. Still, I don't see how they managed to convince Lila or Bruce to come along, but they did. Come on, super rich kids on bikes doing manual labor? Since when?
So the gang assembles. We have: Jessica & Elizabeth, Roger & Bruce, Olivia, Todd, Annie, Charlie Markus [some friend of Bruce's from the tennis team], Lila, Barry Cooper [Chrome Dome's nephew from Ohio], Mr. Collins, and Ms. Dalton. Fun filled and random, eh? A little back story on the drama before we shove our characters off on the road.
Ms. Dalton is back with George Fowler, and Mr. C ain't thrilled about this. Then again, neither is Lila. Bruce is back to being a bastard, no mention of Regina whatsoever, and is a complete dick towards Roger at every given opportunity. That is, when he's not making fun of poor pudgy Barry Cooper. Obviously Chrome Dome hates his nephew, as he's shoving the fat kid on the bike trip filled with three of the school's biggest bitches: Bruce, Lila, and Jessica. Oi. Annie and Ricky have broken up, although we don't know why or when.
I think that about covers it. So, onward!
At first the trip begins nicely. Everyone pitches in and does their part with minimal bitching, rich bitches included. Sure Barry's being teased, but what's a little fat kid humiliation to the rest of the perfectly proportioned students? Nothing! Luckily, the good times can't last, so they quickly make their way to L.A. to stay with a friend of the Patman family. The Thomases are extremely wealthy and have offered to let the SV bike group stay for three days. Thing is, day one, Courtney, the daughter, is a real bitch. She rides off into the sunset on the back of her boyfriend's motorcycle, clad in nothing more than a skimpy bikini, and it only gets better from there.
Mr. Thomas, we learn, is at wit's end. Courtney's gone crazy for this Nolan Ruggers fellow and will not listen to reason. Nolan's no good, as we know from his mohawk [I know!] and from the fact that the only reason he's not in jail right this very minute is that he somehow managed to slither out of his robbery charges on a technicality. That's right, he's so badass, bitch robbed a grocery store. Ass.
Why, oh why is Mr. Thomas telling this to the very uncomfortable Mr. C and Ms. D? Because he wants them to allow Court to join their little bike trip. Mr. C is fairly certain that had Mr. Thomas ever thought of disciplining his super skank daughter, none of this would be a problem, but Ms. D agrees all too quickly to letting Court join in on the fun. IDIOT.
Previously, just before we headed off to L.A., Liz doomed the entire trip by writing to Enid and telling her that whatever the trip through her way, she was more than ready for.
Trust me, honey, you were so not ready for Courtney Thomas.
Their final day in LA, Court begins to make nice. She offers up muffins she had made just for them, and is all sweetness and light, and no one seems to remember a certain someone by the name of Suzy Devlin who tried this crap earlier in the year. One by one, they all fall for Court's nicety-nice act, leaving us with only three smart people: Jess, Lila, and Liz. Jess and Lila both know their own kind, bitchy, when they meet 'em, so they aren't about to be fooled by her about face. Plus, Lila ain't happy that Court is upstaging her in the rich girl category. Tsk, tsk. Liz, usually the first to cheer on someone as they obviously attempt to change their lives for the better, is wary because it seems Court is a little too interested in Todd for some reason.
Court spins some tale about how her father wants her to toughen up so that's why he's decided she should join their little trip, and the others seem to buy it, and for a little while things seem okay.
Of course, with our little hellion in our midst, we must quickly dissolve into drama. There's Charlie who likes Annie, but Annie won't give him the time of day because Bruce keeps going on and on about what a tramp Annie is, so Annie's afraid that's the only thing Charlie wants, and Annie don't play that game anymore. You gotta pay, mister. Naturally Charlie actually likes her, so Saint Liz talks to Annie and Annie and Charlie get together, slowly.
Poor Saint Liz can't handle the fact that her boyfriend is an idiot. Todd sees nothing wrong with always being the person to jump when Courtney calls, and being the one she seeks out most often. What he does have a problem with, however, is that Liz isn't helping the poor little rich girl out, too. He's got a point. Usually Liz is the first person to help save someone, and he's a little confused as to why she's not this time. Liz, on the other hand, keeps trying to point out that Court only wants TODD's help, and that she really wouldn't care if Liz fell off the planet. Todd's all shocked and we're all stunned at how dense the boy is. Todd is a jealous guy and when he tries to play it off that he'd be cool if he woke up in the middle of the night to find Ken and Liz holding hands as they slept, I hope you all scream "Bullshit!" as loud as I did. But he tries to convince her that sure, if Ken were as unhappy as Court is, then yeah, he'd be okay with it, except it would never happen, what with Ken being popular and all, and having real friends and ohgod, he lost me back there with the he'd be okay with it bull. Really.
You see, Court has upped the ante in her attempt to snag herself a Todd Wilkins. She's telling him that her father is a raging alcoholic and that's why he's sent her away; this way he can drink himself into oblivion. Todd buys this, along with a lovely green statue in NY, and Liz is confused. If Court's telling the truth, it means Todd is right. She is turning into her jealous, bitchy twin. If Liz is right [and you know she is], then Court is a bit of a monster and Todd is as dumb as a box of rocks. She doesn't know what to believe, but she tells Olivia the story anyway. Lila overhears and feels bad about their plot.
Which I haven't told you yet, because I was busy turning circles around Todd's stupidity. Woe!
Jessica and Lila decide they can't handle Courtney on the trip, what with her more expensive things, inability to cook [seriously, whomever decided Lila and Court should share dinner duties on the same night deserved to eat the burned crap they ended up with before they called for pizza], and fawning all over Todd which is making Liz miserable and if Liz ain't happy, Jess ain't happy... You get the idea. So they decide to make Court so miserable that she'll tell her father and he'll let her come home and hallelujah, they'll be free! We don't really get much on this front as their first prank backfires, what with Lila putting the lime jello in the wrong sleeping bag [Ms. Dalton did give a loverly scream of horror though] and their second plot unraveling when Lila refused to prank the newly minted daughter of an alcoholic. Jess is miffed because she needed something to take her mind off her current romantic problem.
That's right, Jess has found a man. Sort of. She's fallen for the supremely cute but foolishly named Robbie October, who is also biking up the coast. Only he's too badass/good for a group trip, so he and his brother are going it alone. Of course, he's an ass to Jessica when they do meet up, but that only makes her like him more. Sigh.
Anyway, word is out that Courtney really is a sweet little thing in need of love, but only the twins aren't buying this crap. Jess because she's stubborn, and a little loyal to Liz, and Liz because it just doesn't ring true. Because it isn't. By now we know that Courtney's plan is to win Todd over completely, call Daddy, convince him that she's turned over a new leaf, showing Todd off as proof of this, and while Todd takes up space in LA [...is he moving to LA to stay with you, Court, or do you just expect him to commute?], Court and Nolan will do whatever it is that Courts and Nolans do. Aww, brilliant!
By now everyone is fighting. Lila and Jess aren't getting along because Li is tired of getting blamed for Jessica's plots when they go wrong, Annie overheard Charlie agreeing with Bruce on Annie's trampiness, Todd and Liz have broken up due to Courtney's cunning ways, and Ms. D and Mr. C are dancing around their feelings for one another.
We do have one little bright spot of cheer, though. While at one of the various youth hostels [anyone else having visions of gore right about now?] Lila learns that Ms. Dalton isn't who she says she is. She's really Beth Curtis, a French teacher from Arizona, who left town mysteriously a year and a half ago after her husband killed himself. Lila sees a chance for blackmail and takes it. That's our girl!
The gang fights over whether or not to ride all night to Big Sur or camp out and head out in the morning, and somehow the adults decide to let everyone who is dead tired fucking suffer because majority ruled and said "Big Sur!" Seriously, what if someone was so exhausted they, I dunno, crashed or something? Doesn't matter as the only people who seem to really want to wait are the fat kid and the tramp, right?
The next day Jess runs into Robbie and makes plans to meet him that night around midnight. Jess makes nice with Lila and then sneaks out to meet her new boy toy. Come the next morning, Jess hasn't come back. Li's tired of getting shit for all of Jessica's schemes, so she rolls over and goes back to sleep, sure that Jess'll show up sooner or later. When she's still not back after everyone else has woken up, Lila comes clean. People freak out and Li is miffed again that she's back in trouble when Jess is the one who took off in the middle of the night to meet a guy. Unfair!
Todd says that he knows where the waterfall Jess mentioned is, so he and Liz head off to look for the missing twin. Thing is, Court invites herself along, and Liz has to bite her tongue to keep from seeming selfish as well as crazy. When Court runs into a snake, she pretty much demands to go back to camp, content to let the professionals look for Jessica. Todd is torn between helping Liz and going with Courtney, whom he still can't see for the annoying pain in the ass that she is. Siiiiiiiiiigh. He's saved from actually having to choose which girl to leave by herself when the second group meets up with them. Todd and Court go back to camp while Liz and company head out in search of Jessica.
Jess and Robbie ended up lost because neither one thought to bring a flashlight or much of anything. Robbie points out that he pretty much figured Jess just wanted to make out, and really, who needs a flashlight for that. Jess might just kick his ass for this if not for the massive black bear they've managed to piss off by trying to snooze near her cubs. Oops!
Jess screams for help when she hears the others calling for her, which pisses Mama bear off. Robbie cries like a girl, and Charlie's willing to throw rocks at mama bear [like that'll end well] when Barry points out that mama bear is just protecting her young and she shouldn't be harmed for this. He saunters up, taps Mama on the rump, and runs for his life. Jess and Robbie escape the cave and just before Barry is about to be eaten, one of the baby bears cries for mama. Mama lumbers off to cuddle her little ones and Mr. C picks Barry up and carries him off. Dude, either Mr. C is seriously buff, or Barry isn't as fat as we've been lead to believe. I guess the third option is that Mr. C is riding high on some serious adrenaline.
A little while later we end up in Santa Cruz, Barry now a hero, Annie and Charlie have made up, and all seems right with the world, except the other two couples are still fighting. Courtney waits until Liz has gone to bed and then she sneaks over to Todd's tent. She wakes Roger and Todd appears as Courtney throws her cigarette away. Court convinces him to go home with her, she's ever so worried about her dear old dad, and Todd finally agrees. Woo! Back to bed they go, only to be woken a little bit later by Liz [it's always Liz!] screaming "Fire!"
Naturally they, not the professionals, stop the fire, and everyone is okay. Liz is sure that she didn't properly extinguish the fire and as such will have to go back to SV early. She talks to Mr. Collins who's just finished telling Ms. Dalton that her husband was an ass, and it wasn't her fault he died.
Rewind.
Beth Curtis/Nora Dalton, foolishly married a man she'd obviously only known for a few months, considering she points out that he would go for long stretches of normal, only to slide into serious depression which would lead him to do horrible things. When he hits her, Nora/Beth leaves for good. John calls and begs her to come back, but she's no fool and refuses. He kills himself, his family blames her and begins a smear campaign that keeps Nora out of town for good. She changed her name and ran off to SV but continued to blame herself for his suicide. Mr. C points out that it's not her fault and that she shouldn't be blackmailed by the Fowlers, especially since Lila knows and wants the exact opposite of what her father does. [Mr. Fowler knows the Curtises and seems to have sort of, but not really, imposed himself back into Nora's life after everyone thought their relationship was through. Lila seems to have plans for straight up blackmail to keep Nora from her father... as well as doing dishes, carrying the pots on Lila's turn, you get the idea.] Nora agrees and goes to tell the rest of the bike group her horrible, horrible past. Not that it matters since she's Nora Dalton for the rest of the series and this is NEVER mentioned again!
Liz finds out that Todd is leaving and is terribly distraught, remember? Mr. C tells her that Court is a skanky liar and that the whole reason she was on the trip was because her father just can't deal with her anymore, not because he's a raging alcoholic, but because she's a spoiled brat. Liz heads off to share her news with the group. She points out that Courtney's been lying this whole time, and when Court fires back, "Yeah? Well, you're just jealous about Todd!" Liz says she has to leave as the fire was her fault. Todd snaps out of his rich bitch funk and says the single most classic line in the history of ever:
"But, Courtney," protested Todd, "I saw you flip your butt into those bushes..."
Yes, everyone latches onto it, but for good reason! Courtney is sent off to her Aunt's a little early and every thing is right with the world. There's a little scene with Enid and Liz landing in the pool that's cute, and the book ends. Ah, good times.
Trivial Pursuit:
Quote-ables:
Jessica liked to joke that even Elizabeth's shopping list had to be a masterpiece. - I don't think any of us doubts this, p 20
"Hey, Jess?"
"Yeah?"
"Why lime?"
"Why not?" - Cuz lime is the ickiest Jello to most people, Liz! p87
"is that any way to talk to your blood kin?" - Roger, proving why he spends most of this book not saying a damn thing. G'ah! p98
"What do you people do on the servants' night off, anyway?"
Lila looked Jessica straight in the eye. "Cold lobster and caviar," she said earnestly. - *giggle* p119
"No way! We're not going to risk more than one Patman at a time!" - Bruce thaws and provides the line he's best known for, when not being a jackass. p224
This is one of those books I liked a lot more when I was younger. Now it kind of grates on my nerves. So we'll just ponder.
Who exactly is teasing Barry? We're told time and time again that Barry is being mocked, but there are only three, maybe four people on this trip, aside from Courtney, who would make him miserable... There's Bruce, who can and does, Jessica, also noted for being mean, Lila... and possibly Charlie. I imagine Annie giggles at the jokes, but I can't really see her making any herself. *muse* Are Roger and Liv too into one another to befriend the poor guy?
Also, what is it with Todd and Courtneys? He falls for their evil tricks each and every time. FOOL.
Why is the Ms. Dalton thing never brought up again? Also, is her maiden name Dalton and she just returned to that, and Nora's like a middle name or something? Did the 80's require teachers to get certified in the actual state they meant to teach in, cuz I swear I thought they did, and wouldn't she have to get certified in California? Maybe this is why it's never brought up again...
August 1985
Geared up for adventure...
It's summer in Sweet Valley, and the Wakefield twins and their friends are taking a bike trip up the beautiful California coast. What could be more exciting than four weeks of glorious sunshine, sandy beaches, and endless fun at every stop?
But the dream of a perfect vacation soon fades. Elizabeth Wakefield is about to break up with her boyfriend Todd, over another girl. Her twin, Jessica, chases after sexy Robbie October, who ignores her. Bruce Patman is mean to his cousin Roger, Lila Fowler holds a grudge against Ms. Dalton, and Ms. Dalton is barely speaking to Mr. Collins. Can this feuding group unite when an unexpected disaster threatens their lives?
Join the Sweet Valley gang as they find love and adventure on the road. In Perfect Summer... the biggest, most special Sweet Valley High book ever!
I'll be honest, I'm not one of those girls who loved-loved-LOVED the Super Editions. Oh, I loved the Thrillers, and the Magnas, and all sorts of other specials, but the actual Super Editions, all white and pristine and a bit silly, were a grab bag of fun. I can accept that they fuck up what little continuity the series has going for it, as I consider them sort of a parallel universe thing, but they tend to ooze sugar and stupidity, and my tolerance levels are only so high. Warning out of the way, let's descend.
Judging by the way SV Diaries has 'em listed, I'm going to guess this is the next actual book in the series. Todd is still around, and they accelerate plans to ship him off during Too Much In Love, so this has got to be the only place it fits, aside from my alternate reality theory. Problem with this is that Perfect Summer takes place in, well, summer. Sigh.
Who wouldn't want to bike up the California coast for a month? Oh, wait... anyone sane. But this is prior to spending your summer attached to the good video games, or online, so I guess they had to do something. Still, I don't see how they managed to convince Lila or Bruce to come along, but they did. Come on, super rich kids on bikes doing manual labor? Since when?
So the gang assembles. We have: Jessica & Elizabeth, Roger & Bruce, Olivia, Todd, Annie, Charlie Markus [some friend of Bruce's from the tennis team], Lila, Barry Cooper [Chrome Dome's nephew from Ohio], Mr. Collins, and Ms. Dalton. Fun filled and random, eh? A little back story on the drama before we shove our characters off on the road.
Ms. Dalton is back with George Fowler, and Mr. C ain't thrilled about this. Then again, neither is Lila. Bruce is back to being a bastard, no mention of Regina whatsoever, and is a complete dick towards Roger at every given opportunity. That is, when he's not making fun of poor pudgy Barry Cooper. Obviously Chrome Dome hates his nephew, as he's shoving the fat kid on the bike trip filled with three of the school's biggest bitches: Bruce, Lila, and Jessica. Oi. Annie and Ricky have broken up, although we don't know why or when.
I think that about covers it. So, onward!
At first the trip begins nicely. Everyone pitches in and does their part with minimal bitching, rich bitches included. Sure Barry's being teased, but what's a little fat kid humiliation to the rest of the perfectly proportioned students? Nothing! Luckily, the good times can't last, so they quickly make their way to L.A. to stay with a friend of the Patman family. The Thomases are extremely wealthy and have offered to let the SV bike group stay for three days. Thing is, day one, Courtney, the daughter, is a real bitch. She rides off into the sunset on the back of her boyfriend's motorcycle, clad in nothing more than a skimpy bikini, and it only gets better from there.
Mr. Thomas, we learn, is at wit's end. Courtney's gone crazy for this Nolan Ruggers fellow and will not listen to reason. Nolan's no good, as we know from his mohawk [I know!] and from the fact that the only reason he's not in jail right this very minute is that he somehow managed to slither out of his robbery charges on a technicality. That's right, he's so badass, bitch robbed a grocery store. Ass.
Why, oh why is Mr. Thomas telling this to the very uncomfortable Mr. C and Ms. D? Because he wants them to allow Court to join their little bike trip. Mr. C is fairly certain that had Mr. Thomas ever thought of disciplining his super skank daughter, none of this would be a problem, but Ms. D agrees all too quickly to letting Court join in on the fun. IDIOT.
Previously, just before we headed off to L.A., Liz doomed the entire trip by writing to Enid and telling her that whatever the trip through her way, she was more than ready for.
Trust me, honey, you were so not ready for Courtney Thomas.
Their final day in LA, Court begins to make nice. She offers up muffins she had made just for them, and is all sweetness and light, and no one seems to remember a certain someone by the name of Suzy Devlin who tried this crap earlier in the year. One by one, they all fall for Court's nicety-nice act, leaving us with only three smart people: Jess, Lila, and Liz. Jess and Lila both know their own kind, bitchy, when they meet 'em, so they aren't about to be fooled by her about face. Plus, Lila ain't happy that Court is upstaging her in the rich girl category. Tsk, tsk. Liz, usually the first to cheer on someone as they obviously attempt to change their lives for the better, is wary because it seems Court is a little too interested in Todd for some reason.
Court spins some tale about how her father wants her to toughen up so that's why he's decided she should join their little trip, and the others seem to buy it, and for a little while things seem okay.
Of course, with our little hellion in our midst, we must quickly dissolve into drama. There's Charlie who likes Annie, but Annie won't give him the time of day because Bruce keeps going on and on about what a tramp Annie is, so Annie's afraid that's the only thing Charlie wants, and Annie don't play that game anymore. You gotta pay, mister. Naturally Charlie actually likes her, so Saint Liz talks to Annie and Annie and Charlie get together, slowly.
Poor Saint Liz can't handle the fact that her boyfriend is an idiot. Todd sees nothing wrong with always being the person to jump when Courtney calls, and being the one she seeks out most often. What he does have a problem with, however, is that Liz isn't helping the poor little rich girl out, too. He's got a point. Usually Liz is the first person to help save someone, and he's a little confused as to why she's not this time. Liz, on the other hand, keeps trying to point out that Court only wants TODD's help, and that she really wouldn't care if Liz fell off the planet. Todd's all shocked and we're all stunned at how dense the boy is. Todd is a jealous guy and when he tries to play it off that he'd be cool if he woke up in the middle of the night to find Ken and Liz holding hands as they slept, I hope you all scream "Bullshit!" as loud as I did. But he tries to convince her that sure, if Ken were as unhappy as Court is, then yeah, he'd be okay with it, except it would never happen, what with Ken being popular and all, and having real friends and ohgod, he lost me back there with the he'd be okay with it bull. Really.
You see, Court has upped the ante in her attempt to snag herself a Todd Wilkins. She's telling him that her father is a raging alcoholic and that's why he's sent her away; this way he can drink himself into oblivion. Todd buys this, along with a lovely green statue in NY, and Liz is confused. If Court's telling the truth, it means Todd is right. She is turning into her jealous, bitchy twin. If Liz is right [and you know she is], then Court is a bit of a monster and Todd is as dumb as a box of rocks. She doesn't know what to believe, but she tells Olivia the story anyway. Lila overhears and feels bad about their plot.
Which I haven't told you yet, because I was busy turning circles around Todd's stupidity. Woe!
Jessica and Lila decide they can't handle Courtney on the trip, what with her more expensive things, inability to cook [seriously, whomever decided Lila and Court should share dinner duties on the same night deserved to eat the burned crap they ended up with before they called for pizza], and fawning all over Todd which is making Liz miserable and if Liz ain't happy, Jess ain't happy... You get the idea. So they decide to make Court so miserable that she'll tell her father and he'll let her come home and hallelujah, they'll be free! We don't really get much on this front as their first prank backfires, what with Lila putting the lime jello in the wrong sleeping bag [Ms. Dalton did give a loverly scream of horror though] and their second plot unraveling when Lila refused to prank the newly minted daughter of an alcoholic. Jess is miffed because she needed something to take her mind off her current romantic problem.
That's right, Jess has found a man. Sort of. She's fallen for the supremely cute but foolishly named Robbie October, who is also biking up the coast. Only he's too badass/good for a group trip, so he and his brother are going it alone. Of course, he's an ass to Jessica when they do meet up, but that only makes her like him more. Sigh.
Anyway, word is out that Courtney really is a sweet little thing in need of love, but only the twins aren't buying this crap. Jess because she's stubborn, and a little loyal to Liz, and Liz because it just doesn't ring true. Because it isn't. By now we know that Courtney's plan is to win Todd over completely, call Daddy, convince him that she's turned over a new leaf, showing Todd off as proof of this, and while Todd takes up space in LA [...is he moving to LA to stay with you, Court, or do you just expect him to commute?], Court and Nolan will do whatever it is that Courts and Nolans do. Aww, brilliant!
By now everyone is fighting. Lila and Jess aren't getting along because Li is tired of getting blamed for Jessica's plots when they go wrong, Annie overheard Charlie agreeing with Bruce on Annie's trampiness, Todd and Liz have broken up due to Courtney's cunning ways, and Ms. D and Mr. C are dancing around their feelings for one another.
We do have one little bright spot of cheer, though. While at one of the various youth hostels [anyone else having visions of gore right about now?] Lila learns that Ms. Dalton isn't who she says she is. She's really Beth Curtis, a French teacher from Arizona, who left town mysteriously a year and a half ago after her husband killed himself. Lila sees a chance for blackmail and takes it. That's our girl!
The gang fights over whether or not to ride all night to Big Sur or camp out and head out in the morning, and somehow the adults decide to let everyone who is dead tired fucking suffer because majority ruled and said "Big Sur!" Seriously, what if someone was so exhausted they, I dunno, crashed or something? Doesn't matter as the only people who seem to really want to wait are the fat kid and the tramp, right?
The next day Jess runs into Robbie and makes plans to meet him that night around midnight. Jess makes nice with Lila and then sneaks out to meet her new boy toy. Come the next morning, Jess hasn't come back. Li's tired of getting shit for all of Jessica's schemes, so she rolls over and goes back to sleep, sure that Jess'll show up sooner or later. When she's still not back after everyone else has woken up, Lila comes clean. People freak out and Li is miffed again that she's back in trouble when Jess is the one who took off in the middle of the night to meet a guy. Unfair!
Todd says that he knows where the waterfall Jess mentioned is, so he and Liz head off to look for the missing twin. Thing is, Court invites herself along, and Liz has to bite her tongue to keep from seeming selfish as well as crazy. When Court runs into a snake, she pretty much demands to go back to camp, content to let the professionals look for Jessica. Todd is torn between helping Liz and going with Courtney, whom he still can't see for the annoying pain in the ass that she is. Siiiiiiiiiigh. He's saved from actually having to choose which girl to leave by herself when the second group meets up with them. Todd and Court go back to camp while Liz and company head out in search of Jessica.
Jess and Robbie ended up lost because neither one thought to bring a flashlight or much of anything. Robbie points out that he pretty much figured Jess just wanted to make out, and really, who needs a flashlight for that. Jess might just kick his ass for this if not for the massive black bear they've managed to piss off by trying to snooze near her cubs. Oops!
Jess screams for help when she hears the others calling for her, which pisses Mama bear off. Robbie cries like a girl, and Charlie's willing to throw rocks at mama bear [like that'll end well] when Barry points out that mama bear is just protecting her young and she shouldn't be harmed for this. He saunters up, taps Mama on the rump, and runs for his life. Jess and Robbie escape the cave and just before Barry is about to be eaten, one of the baby bears cries for mama. Mama lumbers off to cuddle her little ones and Mr. C picks Barry up and carries him off. Dude, either Mr. C is seriously buff, or Barry isn't as fat as we've been lead to believe. I guess the third option is that Mr. C is riding high on some serious adrenaline.
A little while later we end up in Santa Cruz, Barry now a hero, Annie and Charlie have made up, and all seems right with the world, except the other two couples are still fighting. Courtney waits until Liz has gone to bed and then she sneaks over to Todd's tent. She wakes Roger and Todd appears as Courtney throws her cigarette away. Court convinces him to go home with her, she's ever so worried about her dear old dad, and Todd finally agrees. Woo! Back to bed they go, only to be woken a little bit later by Liz [it's always Liz!] screaming "Fire!"
Naturally they, not the professionals, stop the fire, and everyone is okay. Liz is sure that she didn't properly extinguish the fire and as such will have to go back to SV early. She talks to Mr. Collins who's just finished telling Ms. Dalton that her husband was an ass, and it wasn't her fault he died.
Rewind.
Beth Curtis/Nora Dalton, foolishly married a man she'd obviously only known for a few months, considering she points out that he would go for long stretches of normal, only to slide into serious depression which would lead him to do horrible things. When he hits her, Nora/Beth leaves for good. John calls and begs her to come back, but she's no fool and refuses. He kills himself, his family blames her and begins a smear campaign that keeps Nora out of town for good. She changed her name and ran off to SV but continued to blame herself for his suicide. Mr. C points out that it's not her fault and that she shouldn't be blackmailed by the Fowlers, especially since Lila knows and wants the exact opposite of what her father does. [Mr. Fowler knows the Curtises and seems to have sort of, but not really, imposed himself back into Nora's life after everyone thought their relationship was through. Lila seems to have plans for straight up blackmail to keep Nora from her father... as well as doing dishes, carrying the pots on Lila's turn, you get the idea.] Nora agrees and goes to tell the rest of the bike group her horrible, horrible past. Not that it matters since she's Nora Dalton for the rest of the series and this is NEVER mentioned again!
Liz finds out that Todd is leaving and is terribly distraught, remember? Mr. C tells her that Court is a skanky liar and that the whole reason she was on the trip was because her father just can't deal with her anymore, not because he's a raging alcoholic, but because she's a spoiled brat. Liz heads off to share her news with the group. She points out that Courtney's been lying this whole time, and when Court fires back, "Yeah? Well, you're just jealous about Todd!" Liz says she has to leave as the fire was her fault. Todd snaps out of his rich bitch funk and says the single most classic line in the history of ever:
"But, Courtney," protested Todd, "I saw you flip your butt into those bushes..."
Yes, everyone latches onto it, but for good reason! Courtney is sent off to her Aunt's a little early and every thing is right with the world. There's a little scene with Enid and Liz landing in the pool that's cute, and the book ends. Ah, good times.
Trivial Pursuit:
- The group's first stop is at the campgrounds on Newport Bay.
- Liv/Liz make chicken parmigiana cutlets for everyone, which is a royal bitch, so they vow to make easier fare next time around.
- Li starts the fire, Jess puts it out, Bruce did the dishes, and that's all we know on the chores.
- Only Liv and Roger appear to have actually ridden their bikes laden down with crap prior to the trip, though Bruce can fake it, so long as you ignore the fact that he sounds like he's going to die.
- During their trip, they went to an 18th century mission built by the Spaniards when the West was first being settled. Fab?
- Steve Thomas is a big shot Hollywood agent.
- Courtney is tanned, raven haired, and a big pain in my ass.
- Charlie Markus is blond, tanned, and tennis prone. He's also able to stand up to Bruce Patman, which means we'll never hear from him again.
- When trying to sweet talk Mr. C and Ms. D into taking his hell spawn, Steve Thomas gives Ms. D chilled champagne and Mr. C gets Perrier with lime. Uh, okay...
- Day three in LA is spent at Disneyland.
- Charlie and Bruce managed to burn canned beef stew. Ew!
- Li likes Bandanna Boy Tom from Colorado.
- Jess references a nerd named Theo in her letter to Cara. Apparently he was a math genius with a love for plaid pants. Still dunno if Theo is meant to be in their junior or sophomore math class, as she just says "last year." But which year?
- Cara's a junior counselor at a camp in Oregon for the summer.
- Their first phantom stop is in Lompac, which Liz suggested. This is the infamous wake up to find your boyfriend asleep holding another girl's hand moment. Greenhouse, mocking Annie and Liz for thinking they could bale hay. Good stuff.
- Mr. Collins went to Columbia University.
- He and his friends drove cross country to Cali in a white Rambler they called the White Stallion. It broke down somewhere in Iowa and they slept in a barn in return for baling hay and other fun stuff.
- Charlie is the sort of guy who reads the last page of a book first.
- Mr. Collin's former roommate Tom is a big TV exec.
- The greenhouse the group stayed in was owned by Nettie Ames.
- While in Pismo Beach, the group went clamming and a had a clambake on the beach. Despite loathing clams, I'm a little jealous of this.
- Mr. Collins won a dune buggy race and his reward was a fish feast for the entire group.
- When they went to William Randolph Hearst's estate, Liz wanted to share the library with Todd. Romantic! Too bad they'd broken up by this point.
- Those in favor of riding to Big Sur: Lila, Ms. Dalton [Lila said so], Charlie, Todd.
- Against: Liz, Barry, Annie, Jess.
- I'm wondering how the others voted, since Ms. Dalton was the tie-breaker.
- There's a stingray incident in Big Sur and I remember thinking she was freaking out over an awful lot and I couldn't figure out if she was facing towards shore, how did Mr. C avoid the stingray? Of course, this was way before the Croc Hunter went out in a similar way, so this part might actually inspire more fear these days. Go figure, they were ahead of the curve.
- Courtney smokes Marlboro reds in the box. None of this wussy lights crap for her, no sir.
- Lila freaks out at the fire, which is kind of endearing and kind of annoying. Considering fire will be back to mock her later in the series, yay!
- Liv and Todd ride off in search of rangers to help with the fire.
- Enid found a summer love in the form of Hank, a guy so shy that it took him three days to ask Enid out. Hank's from Boston and was in SV visiting his grandparents. Yay for Enid!
- Pat is the guy who spills the news on Beth Curtis to Lila. Pat.
Quote-ables:
Jessica liked to joke that even Elizabeth's shopping list had to be a masterpiece. - I don't think any of us doubts this, p 20
"Hey, Jess?"
"Yeah?"
"Why lime?"
"Why not?" - Cuz lime is the ickiest Jello to most people, Liz! p87
"is that any way to talk to your blood kin?" - Roger, proving why he spends most of this book not saying a damn thing. G'ah! p98
"What do you people do on the servants' night off, anyway?"
Lila looked Jessica straight in the eye. "Cold lobster and caviar," she said earnestly. - *giggle* p119
"No way! We're not going to risk more than one Patman at a time!" - Bruce thaws and provides the line he's best known for, when not being a jackass. p224
This is one of those books I liked a lot more when I was younger. Now it kind of grates on my nerves. So we'll just ponder.
Who exactly is teasing Barry? We're told time and time again that Barry is being mocked, but there are only three, maybe four people on this trip, aside from Courtney, who would make him miserable... There's Bruce, who can and does, Jessica, also noted for being mean, Lila... and possibly Charlie. I imagine Annie giggles at the jokes, but I can't really see her making any herself. *muse* Are Roger and Liv too into one another to befriend the poor guy?
Also, what is it with Todd and Courtneys? He falls for their evil tricks each and every time. FOOL.
Why is the Ms. Dalton thing never brought up again? Also, is her maiden name Dalton and she just returned to that, and Nora's like a middle name or something? Did the 80's require teachers to get certified in the actual state they meant to teach in, cuz I swear I thought they did, and wouldn't she have to get certified in California? Maybe this is why it's never brought up again...